Divorce Happens

Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.

  1. 4h ago

    A Divorce Coach's 5-Step Framework for Staying Grounded When Everything Feels Urgent

    Divorce doesn't arrive with a checklist — it arrives like an avalanche. Your finances, your custody schedule, your identity, your future, all crashing down at once, and somehow you're still expected to answer emails before dinner. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Kristina St. Cyr, a CDC® Certified Divorce Coach and Moving On Method® Certified Coach based in Massachusetts, who spent nearly a decade and a half leading teams through high-stakes public health crises before discovering that no amount of professional composure could prepare her for the emotional and logistical chaos of her own divorce. That experience became her calling. Today, Kristina works with career-driven, professional women navigating divorce, helping them do the one thing that sounds simple but rarely is: keep moving forward, one manageable step at a time. What makes this conversation so useful is how practical it gets, without ever losing sight of the emotional reality underneath. Kristina walks Olivia through five field-tested strategies for staying grounded when divorce feels like too much at once — starting with the idea that emotional processing and logistical tasks are two entirely different kinds of work, and trying to do them in the same breath is often what makes divorce feel paralyzing. She talks about the power of asking a smaller question — not “how will I get through this entire divorce,” but “what are the next three steps I can take this week” — and introduces the concept of a weekly “divorce CEO hour,” one contained block of time to handle correspondence, paperwork, and decisions so the rest of the week doesn't have to be spent in reactive mode. She also makes the case for gathering information before making big, permanent-feeling decisions, and for regulating your nervous system before you even open that email from your attorney. As Kristina puts it, divorce isn't just about leaving something behind — it's about learning how to move toward something else. For anyone in the thick of a divorce right now, wondering how they're supposed to hold down a job, parent their kids, and manage an attorney relationship without falling apart, this episode offers something rare: a clear, doable framework instead of vague reassurance. Kristina's background gives her a unique lens on this — someone who has led teams through crisis for a living, and who also knows what it feels like to be the one who needs steadying. Listeners will walk away with two immediate, actionable shifts: separate your emotional processing time from your logistical tasks, and stop trying to solve the whole divorce today — just find your next three steps. It's a conversation about permission as much as strategy: permission to slow down, to take this one piece at a time, and to trust that steady, small steps are still forward motion. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  2. 5h ago

    You Got Out. Your Kids Didn't. How to Survive the Guilt of Co-Parenting After Divorce

    You did the hardest thing you've ever done — you left. And somehow, that's not where the guilt ends; for so many divorced moms, it's where a whole new kind of guilt begins. If you've ever lain awake wondering how you can call yourself a good mother when your kids are still living, at least part-time, inside the very dynamic you found the strength to walk away from, this episode of Divorce Happens is for you. Olivia sits down with Lyerly Spongberg, a Certified ADR Divorce Coach, Pre-Mediation Coach, and Co-Parenting Specialist and founder of Step Up With Lyerly, for an honest, nuanced conversation about one of the most under-discussed emotional realities of co-parenting after divorce: the guilt of getting out when your children didn't. Spongberg brings more than professional training to this conversation — she brings twenty-plus years of lived experience, having divorced in her thirties and later rebuilt a blended family of six children as a stepmother to four. That dual perspective, expert and survivor, shapes everything she offers here, starting with a distinction she says changes the way divorced parents talk to themselves: guilt is “I did something bad,” while shame is “I am bad.” Divorce guilt and co-parenting shame, she explains, are not the same weight to carry, and untangling them is often the first real step toward healing. From there, the conversation moves into concrete territory — how to steady yourself and your children during the disorienting transition between homes, why building a small ritual (even something as simple as always baking cookies when the kids come home) can anchor a child through change, and why resisting the urge to defend yourself against a co-parent's bad-mouthing is, paradoxically, one of the most powerful things you can do for your credibility in your children's eyes. What makes this episode so reassuring is its honesty about time. Olivia shares her own story — her children were three and five when she divorced, and it wasn't until they were thirteen and ten that she noticed she'd stopped bracing every time her ex reached out. Spongberg echoes that truth for listeners in the thick of it now: the triggering feeling does soften, high-conflict co-parenting doesn't stay high-conflict forever, and children are far more resilient — and far more attuned to who you really are — than guilt convinces you they are. Listeners walk away with two grounding takeaways: give yourself permission to protect your own peace during your parenting time off, because a regulated parent is a safer parent to come home to; and remember, in Spongberg's own closing words, that grief is not the same thing as failure. If you're carrying guilt about a decision you know, deep down, was the right one, this conversation offers both the clinical language and the human permission to finally put some of that guilt down. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

    You Got Out. Your Kids Didn't. How to Survive the Guilt of Co-Parenting After Divorce
  3. 7h ago

    Hey Olivia, Why Do I Keep Having Sex Dreams About the Husband I'm Divorcing?

    A listener wrote to me this week with a confession she was mortified to even type out: her marriage is over, she's made her decision, she doesn't even like the man her husband has become — and she keeps having sex dreams about him that leave her waking up ashamed. In this solo episode of Divorce Happens, I tell her, and every one of you sitting with the same quiet secret, exactly what I wish someone had told me: nothing is wrong with you. Attraction and respect run on two completely different systems, and being finished with a marriage doesn't mean your body got the memo on the same timeline as your mind. What follows is a close, compassionate look at why the nervous system doesn't operate on decisions — it operates on repetition. Years of a specific voice, a specific smell, the rhythm of someone next to you at night get wired in far below the part of the brain that files paperwork and calls it done. I share my own experience of feeling disgusted with myself for a night my body “missed” my ex, and how I eventually understood I wasn't grieving him, I was grieving familiarity — a distinction that changes everything about how you treat yourself during divorce recovery. This episode reframes a common but rarely discussed part of starting over after divorce: wanting a body you don't want a life with, and realizing that contradiction is human, not broken. This episode is ultimately about self-compassion and timeline. I offer two concrete tools: naming the feeling out loud as fact rather than confession (“my body remembers him, that doesn't mean I want him back”), and choosing real distance over white-knuckled discipline, since distance gives the nervous system room to actually recalibrate. For anyone deep in divorce recovery who feels ashamed of grieving someone they're relieved to be leaving, this episode offers both scientific clarity and real permission — and a reminder that healing after divorce was never going to move in a straight line. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

  4. 11h ago

    Managing Triggering Communications & Reclaiming Your Power During Divorce with Family Mediator & Parenting Coordinator Laura Lorber

    You know the feeling before you’ve even read the words. The phone buzzes, you see who it’s from, and your whole body braces — shoulders up, stomach tight, heart already pounding. A text from your co-parent. An email from your attorney dropped into the middle of an ordinary Tuesday. And just like that, the day you were having is gone. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Fresh Starts expert Laura Lorber, J.D. — a family mediator and parenting coordinator who has built her entire practice around these exact moments. Laura mediates parenting plans for the Los Angeles courts, is trained in mindfulness and conflict resolution, and is the rare professional who is genuinely comfortable working at the edges of the hardest cases: high-conflict co-parenting, substance use, and past domestic violence. As Olivia puts it, divorce is “ninety-nine percent triggering conversations” — and this is the episode about how to actually survive them. What makes the conversation so disarming is that it is both deeply practical and rooted in real neuroscience. Laura walks through her “seventy-two-hour rule”: a single triggering message floods your system with cortisol, and it can take up to three days before your thinking brain comes fully back online. So why, she asks, would you fire off a reply when the logical part of your brain has literally left the building? Her permission-giving reframe lands like a key turning in a lock — you can respond, “I received your communication and will get back to you by this day, at this time,” fulfill the court order, and set the message down. From there she teaches the tools she gives her own clients for emotional regulation after divorce: siloing every divorce communication into one dedicated email or co-parenting app with notifications off, belly breathing you can practice at a red light, and the “name it to tame it” exercise that moves you from raw feeling (“I’m angry”) to real clarity (“I feel disempowered — so what do I actually need?”). She even shares Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain, the unforgettable image of “flipping your lid” the moment conflict hijacks you. Underneath every tip is one quiet, powerful mindset shift: you are the one who chooses when to engage — it is not the other way around. That single reframe is what turns a triggering text from an ambush into something you can hold, name, and answer on your own terms. And the beauty of these tools is that they travel: they work with a high-conflict ex, a combative attorney, a difficult boss, anyone who knows how to push your buttons. For the days when the conflict feels too tangled to untangle alone, Laura also pulls back the curtain on what mediators and parenting coordinators actually do — how they step in when communication breaks down, when a parenting plan stops working, or when a case has simply become too high-conflict to move forward. Whether you are newly separated or years into co-parenting, this episode is a hug and a toolkit at once: real, grounded support for anyone learning to communicate calmly, protect their peace, and reclaim their power in life after divorce. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

    Managing Triggering Communications & Reclaiming Your Power During Divorce with Family Mediator & Parenting Coordinator Laura Lorber
  5. 2d ago

    Preparing Your Nervous System for Divorce: What No One Tells You Before You Walk Into That Room

    Most people think divorce begins with paperwork. Leslie Mathews will tell you it actually begins in your nervous system. In this candid, deeply practical episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Leslie Mathews, JD, MSW, a former attorney turned therapist, mindfulness coach, and founder of The LooM Life and LooM Life Therapy. Leslie brings a rare combination of expertise to the conversation: a law degree, a master's in social work, and her own lived experience of divorce, which she says taught her exactly what was missing from her process, and exactly what she now builds into every program she offers women navigating separation and starting over after divorce. At the heart of Leslie's work is a truth most divorcing people never hear until it's too late: high-stakes conversations about money, custody, and separation can trigger the nervous system into freeze, and freeze can mean walking out of a meeting with no memory of what you just agreed to. Leslie has watched clients make life-altering decisions in a room full of people and retain nothing about it, and she now teaches nervous system regulation and dissociation awareness as the foundation of divorce preparation, before a single conversation about alimony or custody even happens. From there, the work moves into attachment styles and trauma bonds, naming the disorienting experience of craving a spouse you can't stand, and into grief work for the parts of life divorce quietly takes with it: the extended family, the favorite restaurants, the whole ecosystem you didn't realize you'd lose. She even makes space for reclaiming pleasure and libido post-divorce, treating self-connection as both healing and protective against reconnecting with an ex out of loneliness. What makes this episode so hopeful is Leslie's own hard-won clarity: divorce may be one of the worst things you go through, but she promises that life on the other side gets shockingly good, and that the self-awareness built during the process isn't wasted, it's the foundation for everything that comes next. Listeners walk away with two concrete takeaways: first, that preparing your nervous system before high-conflict meetings is just as important as preparing your case, and second, that noticing your reactions with curiosity, rather than shame, is what actually changes the outcome. Whether you're weighing whether to leave, mid-process, or newly divorced and trying to figure out who you are now, this conversation offers real tools for healing after divorce and rebuilding identity on the other side. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

    Preparing Your Nervous System for Divorce: What No One Tells You Before You Walk Into That Room
  6. 4d ago

    Co-Parenting Coaching After Divorce: Building the System That Keeps Your Kids Steady

    What if the single biggest predictor of how your kids come through your divorce has almost nothing to do with the divorce itself? That's the question at the heart of this episode of Divorce Happens, where Olivia sits down with Maria Natapov, a BeH2O® Certified Co-Parenting Coach, Rapid Resolution Therapy® Facilitator, and founder of Synergistic Stepparenting. Maria has spent years helping divorcing and divorced parents move from reacting to responding, and she brings something rare to this conversation: the lived experience of a child of divorce and a stepparent, paired with the clinical grounding of a family systems coach who has watched, up close, what actually determines whether kids come out of co-parenting resilient or overwhelmed. Maria's central insight reframes everything: it isn't separation itself that shapes a child's long-term wellbeing, it's their ongoing exposure to parental conflict — the frequency, duration, and intensity of it. Through her signature BeH2O® framework, Maria helps parents build an internal operating system for co-parenting after divorce, likening the process to building muscle at the gym rather than waiting for a court date or a milestone to magically deliver peace. She's also candid about the limits of simply "being nice." Many of the parents she works with are seasoned over-functioners running on an internal pressure cooker — anticipating everyone's needs, absorbing everyone's emotions, and quietly burning out, until the pressure finds its way out anyway, often at the expense of the very kids they're trying to protect. Where this episode offers real hope is in what Maria says comes next: parents who commit to the work report they stop replaying conversations late at night, stop feeling responsible for managing everyone else's emotions, and start setting boundaries without guilt — changes that ripple directly into how safe and steady their kids feel. Listeners walk away with two clear, actionable shifts: first, that co-parenting peace is built through consistent, repeatable patterns rather than a single finish line, and second, Maria's simple reframe for high-conflict moments — what kind of parent do you want your child to remember, and what would it take to be that person today? For anyone navigating co-parenting after divorce, blended family stress, or single parenting on the other side of separation, this conversation offers a genuinely usable place to start. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

    Co-Parenting Coaching After Divorce: Building the System That Keeps Your Kids Steady
  7. 5d ago

    Divorce, Co-Parenting & the Cost of College: What Every Divorced Parent Needs to Know

    You survived the divorce. Then your kid turns thirteen, and a new bill you never quite planned for starts looming on the horizon: college. In this practical, reassuring episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia sits down with Vicki Vollweiler, MBA, CDC, the founder and CEO of College Financial Prep and author of College Planning for Divorced and Widowed Parents. Vicki built her practice specifically around separated, divorced, remarried, and widowed families after years of working as a certified divorce coach, when clients kept asking her the same question: how am I possibly going to afford college as a divorced parent? As a divorced mom herself, currently guiding her own daughter through the college search, Vicki brings both firsthand experience and deep technical expertise to a topic most divorced families don't realize they need to plan for years in advance. The heart of this episode is a financial aid distinction most parents have never heard of, and one that can cost or save a family tens of thousands of dollars: the difference between the FAFSA, which typically considers one household's finances, and the CSS Profile, used by many selective schools, which often wants information from both biological parents and their new spouses, meaning a blended family could suddenly be reporting four incomes instead of one. Vicki walks through the hidden costs that catch divorced families off guard, from test fees and application fees to campus visits and tutoring, and the fee waivers available to offset them. She's equally candid about the emotional layer underneath the spreadsheets: co-parents often carry different values and different definitions of "the best school for my child," and neither is wrong, but those differences need to be named and discussed long before decision letters arrive. What makes this episode so hopeful is Vicki's reminder that this process doesn't have to be adversarial or lonely. Listeners walk away with two clear, actionable takeaways: first, to check whether college is even addressed in their divorce agreement, and if it isn't, to start that conversation with their co-parent now, ideally years before senior year, since tax returns from tenth and eleventh grade can shape a family's first financial aid award; and second, to loop in the wider support system, whether that's grandparents, aunts, uncles, or family friends, to help make campus visits and the college search feel like a gift instead of a burden. For any divorced or divorcing parent staring down the cost of college, this conversation offers real clarity, real savings strategies, and genuine reassurance that this milestone can still be joyful. 🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry: The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/ 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/ 📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry 🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/ 📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/ 💛 The Divorce Happens Community: https://divorcehappens.substack.com/

    Divorce, Co-Parenting & the Cost of College: What Every Divorced Parent Needs to Know

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About

Welcome to Divorce Happens, the podcast where we inspire, educate, and support you through divorce and beyond so that you can start fresh on the next phase of your journey. Produced by Fresh Starts Registry, the only divorce registry platform for everything you need to begin again, including home items, hype team, and everything in between. Remember, divorce happens...and then, we start fresh. We're here to support you before, during, and after divorce. Hosted by Olivia Dreizen Howell, the co-founder and CEO of Fresh Starts Registry.

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