Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Alex Alexander
  • 4.9 (59)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Tired of hearing “just put yourself out there” when it comes to friendship or community? Same. Friendship IRL is the podcast that skips the fluff and gets real about what it takes to build meaningful adult friendships and lasting support systems. Whether you're struggling to make new friends, maintain old ones, or just want people in your life who really show up, you're in the right place. Each week, host Alex Alexander brings you honest conversations and tangible strategies to help you connect—for real. You’ll hear stories from everyday people (plus the occasional expert), learn what’s working in modern friendships—and what definitely isn’t—and walk away with ideas, scripts, and action steps you can actually use. Think of it like a coffee date with your wisest, most encouraging friend—the one who tells the truth and hands you the playbook. 🎧 New episodes drop every Thursday. 💬 Want to share your friendship win or struggle? Leave Alex a voice message at AlexAlex.chat. Follow along on Instagram or TikTok @itsalexalexander and join the movement to rethink how we build connection, community, and friendships in real life.

  1. 20h ago

    5 Ways to Shake Up a Stale Friendship

    Have you ever realized that every time you hang out with certain friends, you do the exact same thing? That happened to me recently with a group of friends. We were all sitting around my living room when one friend named what I think a lot of us had been feeling: the hangout was still good, but it had started to feel stale. In today’s episode, I’m talking about what it can mean when a friendship starts to feel like it is maintaining instead of growing. Because I think there is a big difference between a friendship that is dying and a friendship that needs a refresh. Sometimes you just need to ask different questions, change the container, or grow a few new roots in a friendship that has been relying on the same old ones for a while. If you have a friendship that still matters to you, but the routine has started to feel a little too routine, this episode is for you. In this episode you’ll hear about: How Alex’s friend group created a shared list of museum nights, supper clubs, rugby games, and weekend trip ideasWhy a stale friendship might be one where you are watering the plant, but not seeing any new leavesHow trying something you used to love together can bring back an earlier version of your friendship for one nightThe importance of changing one small variable, like the time of day, group size, location, or formatResources & Links Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  2. Sep 3

    How to Help Your Teen With Friendship Drama with Sheri Gazitt

    Today’s episode is for the parents who have messaged me over and over again asking, “How do I help my teen daughter through friendship drama?” But it’s also for the adults who are realizing that some of their current friendship patterns may have started in those very formative years. Sheri Gazitt, founder of Teen Wise, helps teen girls and their parents understand what is really happening underneath their friendship struggles. We talk about why “girl drama” is not usually random, why labels like “mean girl” or “toxic friend” can stick in harmful ways, and why friendship is a skill teens need to be taught, not something they should be expected to magically know how to do. We also discuss the role parents play, including what to do when our first instinct is to dismiss, dramatize, or fix, and how to guide teens without taking over their friendships completely. In this episode you’ll hear about: Why teen friendship drama starts with insecurity, fear of being replaced, or not having the skills to handle conflict How labels like “mean girl” and “toxic friend” can become identities teens carry into future friendshipsThe 4 pillars Sheri uses with teen girls: identity, beliefs, emotional resilience, and interpersonal skillsWhy some girls feel safer in 1:1 friendships, and how bigger friend groups can create “floater friends” How teens and adults can avoid taking sides when conflict spreads throughout a groupResources & Links Learn more about Sheri’s company, Teen Wise.Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship RootsEpisode 15: Staying Curious & Managing Differences Within FriendshipsEpisode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support SystemEpisode 134: All About “Fringe Friends”Dive into the Wheel of Connection GuideWANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  3. Aug 27

    Disappointment is the Cost of Friendship

    Last week’s guest said something that really stuck with me: “The cost of community is disappointment.” We feel disappointed when a friend cancels at the last minute, when someone doesn’t show up the way we hoped they would, when we feel left out, and when the birthday or baby shower or hard season does not look the way we imagined it would.  And most of us do not really want to admit how much disappointment exists inside our friendships, because we want friendship to feel like joy, ease, fun, support, and belonging. In today’s episode, I’m talking about the many ways disappointment appears in friendship, why the opposite of disappointment might be apathy, and how I try to sit with it when it stings. In this episode you’ll hear about: How canceled plans, missed milestones, and feeling left out can all become different versions of the same feelingWhy I encourage my friends to hang out without me, and still sometimes feel sad when they doWhat slow-burn disappointments can do to a friendshipHow to tell the difference between a disappointment worth reflecting on and a repeated patternResources & Links Episode 146: Moving Past Inconvenience and Into the Joy of Helping Episode 191: How To Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  4. Aug 20

    How to Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear with Molly Menning

    Making new mom friends sounds simple enough until you’re actually in the thick of it, and that’s where Molly Menning found herself after becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom of two.  Many of her mom friends had gone back to work or had kids in different stages, and the daytime hours at home started to feel really isolating. So she decided to try something simple: a weekly, drop-in playgroup at her house for local moms – and it worked! In this episode, Molly talks about how she started the playgroup, the vulnerability of hosting, what happens when everyone cancels, and why the price of community might sometimes be disappointment. If you’ve been waiting for someone else to create the thing you wish existed, this might be your nudge to go first. In this episode you’ll hear about: Why loneliness hit Molly differently when she became a full-time stay-at-home momHow a Canva invite turned into a weekly “come as you are” drop-in playgroup with coffee and kid snacksWhy two moms showing up is not a failure, and how small gatherings can become the beginning of real communityThe reframe we all need when people cancel, plans shift, or the turnout is smaller than we hopedWhy hosting does not have to mean cleaning your house, throwing a party, or doing everything yourselfResources & Links Episode 6: The Secret to Hosting a Gathering (Hint: You’re Probably Doing Too Much) Episode 155: How to Host on Any Budget (and Not Fall Into the Martha Stewart Trap) Episode 171: Why (and How) You Should Start Initiating Recurring Social Gatherings Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  5. Aug 13

    The Urge to Tell Your Life Story on the First Friend Date (And What to Do Instead)

    Have you ever come home from hanging out with a new friend and you spiral, wondering if you shared too much or scared them off? I call this a new friend hangover. And in today’s episode, I want to talk about what happens when we rush into new friendships, especially when we are really, really hungry for connection.  So much of adult friendship advice tells us to open up, be vulnerable, share more, and let people in. I don’t think that advice is wrong, exactly. I just think it’s incomplete. The coffee dates, the shared activities, the silly moments, the tiny details you notice about each other are all part of your friendship origin story, which is where a lot of roots start to grow. In this episode you’ll hear about: How being hungry for connection can make us try to fast-forward a friendship before it has rootsWhy anxious “new friend hangovers” can show up after a hangout you were excited aboutWhy taking pottery classes and sharing recipes can create small intimacies How to think about sharing from a scar instead of a wound when a friendship is still newResources & Links Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots Episode 74: The Power of Vulnerability In Small Doses Episode 100: How To Use the Wheel of Connection to Strengthen Your Support System Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  6. Aug 6

    What to Say When Someone You Love Is Grieving with Shelby Forsythia

    This episode will completely change how you show up for the people in your life when they are grieving or going through something. Most of us have heard the advice about what to do when someone is grieving: bring the meal, send the gift card, walk the dog, take the kids, run the errand. And those things matter, but knowing what to say is where a lot of us panic. Today I’m talking to Shelby Forsythia, a grief coach, author, and podcast host whose book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now, gives us actual words to say when we don’t know what to say. After years of working with grievers, Shelby started noticing that people were often telling themselves three stories: I’m crazy, I’m alone, and my life is going to feel like this forever. So she built three phrases to meet those stories. In this episode, we talk about why hurtful words can fracture relationships after loss, why disappearing can be just as painful, and how the right words can help someone feel seen, believed, and less alone inside what they are carrying. In this episode you’ll hear about: Why Shelby believes words are one of the most accessible grief support tools we haveThe 3 phrases that don’t “fix”, bright-side, or rush someone through griefHow someone can be physically present in a friendship but still emotionally vanish from the part of someone that is grievingThe importance of sitting with someone in their “grief house” without trying to drag them into hopeResources & Links Learn more about Shelby on her website, and check out her book, Of Course, I’m Here Right Now. Shelby also references the book, There Is No Good Card For This by Kelsey Crowe and Emily McDowell. Episode 172: Unmuted Rooms and Judgment-Free Listening with Erin Snow Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  7. Jul 30

    Are Birthdays Doing Too Much Work In Our Friendships?

    Have you ever caught yourself on your birthday paying a little too much attention to your phone? Noticing who texted, who posted, who sent a voice memo? What about who just “liked” your Instagram story but didn’t actually say anything? Who remembered, who didn’t, and what all of that might mean about how much they care about you. For most of us, birthdays are one of the only times we explicitly tell our friends how much they mean to us. It’s the one day when all the evidence gets collected: did they remember, did they make an effort, did they show up in the way I hoped they would? And if there aren’t many other moments throughout the year where we are saying these things out loud, then of course the birthday starts to feel loaded. So in today’s episode, I’m talking about how we can build a culture inside our friendships where affirmation, appreciation, and “you matter to me” moments are not saved for one day a year. Your birthday can still be special, but it probably shouldn’t have to carry the full weight of proving where you stand in someone’s life. In this episode you’ll hear about: Why birthdays can start to feel like a friendship test, even when nobody wants them to be oneWhy a birthday text, card, party, or forgotten message can feel so loaded when there is not enough “you matter to me” evidence What story roots have to do with birthday expectations, and why our brains write loud stories about itHow voice memos, shared notes, and friendship check-ins can help build a culture of affirmation beyond birthdaysResources & Links Episode 12: Digging Into the 3 Types of Friendship Roots Episode 37: You Don’t Need to Understand People to Accept Them Episode 70: Separating Our Own Friendship Beliefs from Our Children’s with Pam Howard Episode 179: What Is Friendship Culture? (And How to Shift it Without Blowing Everything Up) Like what you hear? Visit my website, leave me a voicemail, and follow me on Instagram and TikTok! Want to take this conversation a step further? Send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting and use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out! WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

  8. Jul 23

    Loneliness, Vitality, and the Six Domains of Health with Dr. Alan Rozanski

    It’s impossible to talk about friendship or community without the topic of loneliness.  What is loneliness doing inside the body? How is it affecting our hearts, our brains, our stress hormones, and our actual day-to-day health? That’s exactly what we’re going to explore today with Dr. Alan Rozanski, a cardiologist who has spent decades studying this question: what allows people to truly flourish?  Dr. Rozanski breaks down his six domains of health: physical health, mental vitality, emotional mastery, purposeful living, stress management, and social connectivity. And, of course, social connectivity is what I was most excited to talk about! This conversation gave me a lot to sit with, and I think it might do the same for you. In this episode you’ll hear about: Why the effects of social media can be both a lifeline and the “fast food” version of connectionHow to think about “minimum standards” for friendship, movement, purpose, and emotional well-beingDr. Rozanski’s six domains of health, and the vicious cycle that comes from just one low-ranking areaHow loneliness can become a cue we ignore or try to satisfy in the wrong place (plus, the stat that doesn’t tell the whole story)Vitality, and why it can give us a “North Pole” for understanding what our health needsResources & Links Learn more about Dr. Alan Rozanski on his website. Episode 58: You’re Not Doing It Wrong: Why Friendship Looks Different for Everyone Episode 62: Finding Your Purpose Through Friendship with Mark Delaney of The Purpose Mastermind Episode 125: Super Psyched: The 4 Types of Connection We All Need WANT MORE? My book, Are We Friends Yet? is here. Order your copy today! Dive into The Connection Reset. A 10-day private podcast to help you see the abundance of connection that already exists in your day-to-day (Yes. Really. I promise you have more than you realize). Start today.

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Tired of hearing “just put yourself out there” when it comes to friendship or community? Same. Friendship IRL is the podcast that skips the fluff and gets real about what it takes to build meaningful adult friendships and lasting support systems. Whether you're struggling to make new friends, maintain old ones, or just want people in your life who really show up, you're in the right place. Each week, host Alex Alexander brings you honest conversations and tangible strategies to help you connect—for real. You’ll hear stories from everyday people (plus the occasional expert), learn what’s working in modern friendships—and what definitely isn’t—and walk away with ideas, scripts, and action steps you can actually use. Think of it like a coffee date with your wisest, most encouraging friend—the one who tells the truth and hands you the playbook. 🎧 New episodes drop every Thursday. 💬 Want to share your friendship win or struggle? Leave Alex a voice message at AlexAlex.chat. Follow along on Instagram or TikTok @itsalexalexander and join the movement to rethink how we build connection, community, and friendships in real life.

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