The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Renee Swanson, Bleav
  • 4.8 (695)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

  1. 3d ago

    Covert Narcissism: Why Your Fight/Flight Response Turned into Fawning

    Covert narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt you — it rewires you. In this episode, Renee breaks down why your fight/flight response gradually turned into fawning, and why that isn't a character flaw — it's survival. You'll learn why fight, flight, freeze, and fawn aren't random reactions. They're a hierarchy based on how much self-advocacy you feel you have. And in a covert narcissistic relationship, that self-advocacy gets quietly, systematically dismantled — until fawning becomes your automatic default. In this episode: Why the four trauma responses are actually a hierarchy of self-advocacy How covert narcissists punish fight, flight, and freeze — and reward fawning Why so many survivors grew up already partway down this hierarchy How a controlling or narcissistic parent trained you for this dynamic long before you met your partner Why religious upbringings can add a powerful layer of conditioning — and why this topic is getting its own full episode Why you keep ending up in narcissistic relationships — and why it has nothing to do with bad luck Why healthy relationships can actually feel uncomfortable to a nervous system wired for chaos This is episode one of a three-part series. Episode two will look at what this hierarchy looks like in your day-to-day life. Episode three will explore what it actually means to start rebuilding your self-advocacy. If you've ever asked yourself "why do I keep ending up here?" — this episode is for you. Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    23 min

  2. 6d ago

    Narcissistic Abuse Through the Lens of Taylor Swift's Dear John

    Have you ever felt like you were in a relationship that slowly burned you out — and you couldn't quite explain why? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson breaks down Taylor Swift's "Dear John" through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse — and the patterns it reveals are ones you may know all too well. We're talking about the moving goalposts. The walking on eggshells. The version of someone you keep trying to get back to. The moment you finally stopped picking up the phone. And the long list of "traitors" that tells you everything you need to know. This isn't a music review. It's a roadmap. If you've ever felt gaslit, depleted, or like you couldn't trust your own instincts in a relationship — this episode will help you see it clearly, maybe for the first time. Topics covered in this episode: Why smart, self-aware people get caught in narcissistic relationships The intermittent reinforcement cycle — give love, take it away Walking on eggshells and hypervigilance in relationships Gaslighting and why the people around you could see it when you couldn't The "tired, lifeless eyes" effect — what getting run dry really looks like How to recognize a covert narcissist before the fire catches you What clarity after the relationship finally feels like — and what to do with it If you're ready to stop just understanding what happened and start actually moving through it, visit covertnarcissism.com to learn more about working with Renee one-on-one. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    32 min

  3. May 24

    Covert Narcissist’s Emotional Dysregulation: How It Affects Your Marriage and Your Kids

    If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know something feels deeply wrong — but you may not have the words for it yet. One of the most destructive and least talked-about patterns in narcissistic abuse is emotional dysregulation. And when a covert narcissist can’t manage their own emotions, the entire family pays the price.   In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we break down exactly how a covert narcissist’s emotional dysregulation affects your marriage and your kids — and why the damage runs so much deeper than most people realize.   We talk about what emotional dysregulation really looks like in a covert narcissist — because it’s rarely what you’d expect. We dig into the toll it takes on you as a spouse: the hypervigilance, the walking on eggshells, the self-doubt, and the relentless mental exhaustion that comes from a mind that is never allowed to rest. We also talk about what happens to your children when they grow up inside this family dynamic — and the quiet, lasting ways narcissistic abuse shapes the way they see themselves and the world.   If you’ve been running on empty and can’t figure out why, this episode will help you understand exactly where your energy is going — and why narcissistic abuse recovery requires more than just awareness.   Topics covered: What covert narcissist emotional dysregulation actually looks like How narcissistic abuse creates hypervigilance in the spouse Why you’ve lost your autopilot — and what that costs you every day The overthinking drain: why your brain never stops and never resolves How children of narcissists silently adapt in unhealthy ways Why the whole family system reorganizes around one person’s emotional fragility Why narcissistic abuse recovery requires support, not just information Ready to stop surviving and start healing? Visit covertnarcissism.com to learn about coaching with Renee. The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used for diagnosis and should not be considered a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your situation. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her own personal experiences as well as from those she has spoken with over the years. Nothing in this material claims that any specific person has narcissism, and it should not be used to refer to any specific individual as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material in order to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Doing so would be an unauthorized misuse of the information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    20 min

  4. May 24

    I Thought I Was Losing Him: Hope for Parents Raising Kids Through Narcissistic Abuse"

    Today my older son moved out. He is 26 years old. And as I watched him go, the last 26 years played through my mind — the good, the bad, and everything in between. If you are a parent in a narcissistic relationship, you know the fear I am talking about. The one that sits in your chest and doesn't announce itself. The one that whispers — will my child be okay? I lived with that fear for years. I watched my son go through depression, isolation, and seasons so dark I genuinely wondered if I was losing him. In January of 2019, my worst fear almost came true. In this episode, I am sharing what I learned from the hardest years of my life — the mistake I was making without realizing it, the conversation with a dear friend that changed everything, and two recent conversations with my son that I will carry with me forever. If you are parenting through narcissistic abuse and wondering if any of it is getting through — this episode is for you. What we cover: — The impact of narcissistic abuse on children and what they carry — The mistake well-meaning parents make that buries their child's pain deeper — Why safety, love, and time are the most powerful things you can give — What is actually possible on the other side — from a mom who has lived it. If any of these topics resonate with you, this episode was made for you: narcissistic abuse, parenting through narcissism, children of narcissists, co-parenting with a narcissist, raising kids in a narcissistic home, covert narcissism, emotional abuse, hope and healing, narcissistic relationship recovery. Links mentioned in this episode: "A Plea to Parents" blog post: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/blog-home/a-plea-to-parents "You Want to See My Bruises? Look at My Kids" episode: https://bleav.com/shows/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/episodes/you-wanna-see-my-bruises-look-at-my-kids/ The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not intended for diagnosis or as a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This episode discusses narcissism in general and does not claim that any specific person has narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    25 min

  5. May 21

    Stop Shrinking Yourself: Real Women on Losing Their Identity to Covert Narcissistic Abuse and Getting It Back

    Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized the person staring back at you? If you've been in a relationship with a covert narcissist, chances are you know exactly what that feels like. In this CNG Community Chat, I sit down with three women who each experienced the slow, painful erosion of identity that comes with covert narcissistic abuse. We talk about the moment they realized they had been making themselves smaller, the specific turning points that opened their eyes, and what the journey back to themselves has actually looked like. From walking on eggshells and reactive abuse, to physical symptoms like panic attacks, chronic pain, and autoimmune flares — these women share the full picture of what narcissistic abuse really does to a person. More importantly, they share what life looks like on the other side. Whether you are still in the relationship, just finding your way out, or deep in your recovery journey, this conversation will remind you that you are not crazy, you are not too sensitive, and you were never the problem. Topics covered in this episode: How covert narcissistic relationships slowly erase your identity The physical toll of narcissistic abuse on your nervous system and body Recognizing reactive abuse and the moment of clarity that changes everything People pleasing, boundaries, and the pushback you get when you finally set them What taking up space looks like in real life after narcissistic abuse Advice for anyone who is afraid to stop shrinking themselves The content on this podcast reflects the personal experiences and opinions of the host and guests and is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing shared here constitutes professional mental health, medical, or legal advice, and should not be treated as such. The experiences shared are individual and may not reflect every situation involving narcissistic abuse or toxic relationships. If you believe you are in an abusive relationship or are struggling with your mental health, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a licensed mental health professional who is trained in trauma and abuse. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services. Results and experiences discussed on this podcast are not guaranteed and will vary from person to person. Some names and identifying details may have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    56 min

  6. May 17

    Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist | Narcissistic Abuse & Relationship Patterns

    Here are the fully SEO-optimized versions: TITLE: Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist | Narcissistic Abuse & Relationship Patterns PODCAST DESCRIPTION: Are you in a relationship that's hard to explain but impossible to ignore? You may be experiencing narcissistic abuse — and not even know it yet. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down the Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist. Unlike overt narcissism, covert narcissistic abuse is subtle, confusing, and incredibly difficult to identify — which is exactly what makes it so damaging. If you've been walking on eggshells, questioning your own reality, or feeling alone in your relationship, this episode was made for you. We cover: Backhanded compliments and subtle put-downs Gaslighting in relationships and how it makes you doubt yourself The silent treatment as emotional abuse DARVO — the manipulation tactic used to flip the script Trauma bonding and why it's so hard to leave Selective empathy and the public vs. private performance Narcissistic abuse recovery and how to start finding yourself again Whether you're just beginning to recognize the signs of narcissism or you're deep in narcissistic abuse recovery, this episode will help you make sense of what you've been experiencing — and remind you that you are not alone. Ready to take the next step? Visit covertnarcissism.com to learn about coaching and begin your healing journey today. Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast for new episodes on narcissistic abuse, covert narcissism, emotional abuse recovery, and relationship healing every week. The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used for diagnosis and is not a substitute for professional clinical care. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider for guidance specific to your situation. The content discussed in this podcast reflects general patterns of narcissism and is based on Renee Swanson's personal experiences as well as stories shared with her over many years. Nothing in this content claims that any specific person has narcissism, and it should not be used to refer to or identify any specific individual as a narcissist. Linking to or reposting this material to support such a claim is an unauthorized misuse of this content. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    25 min

  7. May 14

    The Cult of Two: How Covert Narcissists Use Mind Control in Relationships with Rachel Bernstein LMFT

    What if the most controlling relationship you've ever heard of isn't happening in a compound somewhere, but behind closed doors in an ordinary home? In this episode, Renee sits down with Rachel Bernstein, one of the country's leading cult interventionists and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience. Together they unpack one of the most eye-opening parallels in psychology: the stunning overlap between cult tactics and covert narcissistic relationships. If you've ever felt like you needed permission to exist in your own relationship — this episode will explain why. In this conversation, you'll discover: - Why a marriage or partnership can function as a "cult of two" - How covert narcissists use the same mind control techniques as cult leaders - Why intermittent gratification is just as addictive as gambling — and keeps you trapped - Why leaving feels like abandonment — and why that feeling is by design - How to start trusting your own inner voice again after years of gaslighting Rachel has worked with the Department of Justice, appeared in the Starz documentary Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult and Netflix series Unwell and How to Become a Cult Leader, and has likely spoken with more cult survivors than anyone in the history of her field. This is one of those conversations that makes everything suddenly make sense. Find Rachel at RachelBernsteinTherapy.com and on her podcast, IndoctriNation. Ready to take the next step in your healing? Visit www.covertnarcissism.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING, AS WELL AS ANY GUEST CONTRIBUTORS INCLUDING RACHEL BERNSTEIN LMFT, IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM AND CULTIC CONTROL IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    50 min

  8. May 10

    What If They Aren't a Covert Narcissist — Now What

    One of the most paralyzing questions I hear from people in these relationships is not "how do I leave?" It is this: What if I'm wrong? What if they aren't actually a covert narcissist? What if you walk away from someone who genuinely loves you — and you were misreading everything all along? In this episode, we sit with that question honestly. Because you deserve more than just reassurance. You deserve to actually think this through. We talk about: Why the "what if I'm wrong" fear has so much power over you — and why that is not a coincidence Why you do not need a diagnosis to validate your pain or to make a decision about your life How good people can still be bad partners — and what that actually looks like in real relationships The four questions to ask yourself when you are stuck in self-doubt Why losing the ability to trust yourself is one of the deepest wounds of covert narcissistic abuse The most important question you may have never asked yourself: What if I'm right? If you have spent months or years wondering whether what you are experiencing is real — this episode is for you. Connect with Renee: Coaching services and resources: www.covertnarcissism.com Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    27 min
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Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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