The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Renee Swanson, Bleav
  • 4.8 (700)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

  1. 3d ago

    Covert Narcissist Relationships: When You Can't Live the Lie Anymore

    There comes a point in a covert narcissistic relationship when you can no longer live the lie. Not a dramatic breaking point necessarily — sometimes it's a slow erosion that leaves you mentally exhausted, emotionally numb, and physically depleted. Sometimes it's a single moment of devastating clarity you can never unsee. In this episode, Renee Swanson shares her own story of hitting the wall in her marriage to a covert narcissist — the slow erosion that wore away her mental bandwidth, her emotional capacity, and her physical health, alongside the quiet moment of clarity that changed everything. She breaks down the two distinct paths to reaching your breaking point, what happens internally when you finally decide to speak your truth, and what to realistically expect when you confront a covert narcissist — including DARVO, minimizing, and emotional manipulation designed to knock you off balance. If you've been walking on eggshells, doubting your own perception, or wondering if you're the only one who feels this exhausted in your relationship, this episode will help you recognize what's happening and find the words to finally name your reality out loud. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    24 min

  2. 6d ago

    Covert Abuse, Restricted Autonomy, and the AI Tool Aimee Says

    Have you ever struggled to explain what's happening in your relationship — where nothing looks "bad enough" to point to, but something feels wrong every single day? In this episode, I'm joined by Anne Wintemute, co-founder and CEO of Aimee Says, an AI companion built specifically for survivors of covert abuse, coercive control, and narcissistic partners. Anne spent years working directly with survivors navigating the family court system before she and her co-founder Steven asked a powerful question: could AI help survivors document, understand, and ultimately heal from what they'd been through? Today, Aimee Says has helped over 70,000 users do exactly that. We dig into how Aimee Says detects patterns like restricted autonomy, gaslighting, and coercive control — even when there's no single moment you can point to. You'll hear how it turns lived experience into visual data: bubble charts that reveal the shape of a relationship, timelines that show escalation, and "binders" that prepare survivors for mediation, court, or even just their next therapy session. We also cover how this is fundamentally different from a tool like ChatGPT, how privacy and legal protections work, and where Anne sees this technology heading in the next five years. If you've ever felt like you didn't have the language for what happened to you, or like no one would believe you without "proof" — this episode is for you. Find Aimee Says here. Use code RENEE for your first month free. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    47 min

  3. Jun 14

    Overthinking in a Covert Narcissistic Relationship: Why Your Mind Never Stops

    Overthinking in a covert narcissistic relationship isn't a character flaw — it's what your brain does when it has learned, through real experience, that it cannot afford to relax. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know this feeling: lying awake at 2 a.m. replaying conversations, re-drafting texts, rehearsing arguments before they happen, scanning for a pattern that keeps shifting the moment you think you've found it. In this episode, Renee Swanson of the Covert Narcissism Podcast breaks down why the overthinking mind develops in narcissistic relationships, how covert narcissists deliberately create confusion to keep you uncertain, compliant, and focused on them, and why your brain stopped chasing clarity and started chasing relief instead. Renee also explores what changes when your children begin showing the same hypervigilant patterns, and — most importantly — what it actually feels like when a mind shaped by narcissistic abuse finally lands somewhere safe. If you have been told you are too sensitive, too reactive, or that you think too much, this episode is for you. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    30 min

  4. Jun 11

    Setting Boundaries After Narcissistic Abuse: What It Really Feels Like

    Setting boundaries in a narcissistic relationship isn't just hard — it can feel impossible. In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by 2 ladies from the CNG community for an honest conversation about what boundaries really looked like in their relationships with covert narcissists. They talk about growing up without healthy boundary models, what happened when they tried to voice even the most basic needs, and how guilt, fear, and exhaustion became part of their everyday lives. Miranda shares what it felt like to finally set a boundary and have it met with encouragement instead of punishment. Nicole opens up about the years she spent scripting conversations perfectly — only to have them blow up anyway — and the moment she stopped taking the bait. If you've ever felt like your needs were too much, been guilt-tripped for asking for basic respect, or wondered why something so simple felt so terrifying, this episode will help you feel seen. Topics covered: Why boundaries were absent or unmodeled in childhood What happens when you set a boundary with a narcissist The guilt that comes even when you know the boundary is right The exhaustion of over-explaining and people pleasing What it feels like the first time a boundary is actually respected How to start setting boundaries when you're scared The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    41 min

  5. Jun 7

    Covert Narcissism and High Control Religion: When Church and Marriage Follow the Same Rules

    Covert narcissism and high control religion follow the same rulebook — and if you grew up in one before entering the other, this episode will explain why it all felt so familiar. In this deeply personal episode, Renee Swanson shares her own experience navigating both a high control religious upbringing and a covert narcissistic marriage — and the moment in a counseling office when she realized the two were running on the exact same operating system. The same rules. The same tools. The same results. This episode is not about turning anyone away from faith or church. Many people find genuine healing, community, and support through their faith — and that experience varies from person to person and congregation to congregation. This conversation is specifically about high control religious environments and the impact they can have on a vulnerable nervous system. In this episode: How high control religious environments train the fawn response into you before you ever enter a relationship The specific rules of a high control church — and how each one mirrors the rules of a covert narcissistic relationship How negative emotions get labeled as spiritual failure — and what that does to your ability to trust your own feelings Why the covert narcissistic relationship felt familiar rather than alarming How fawning stops being a response and becomes a reflex Speaking directly to both those still inside a religious CN relationship and those who have already left Whether you are still inside or have already left — this episode was made for you. Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    24 min

  6. Jun 4

    Covert Narcissism and Chronic Illness: Setting Boundaries When Someone's Pain Is Real

    When someone you love is in real, chronic pain — how do you set a boundary without feeling like a monster? This episode tackles one of the most complex and underaddressed dynamics in narcissistic abuse recovery: what happens when covert narcissism and chronic illness exist in the same relationship. Prompted by a heartfelt question from a listener in a long-term marriage, this episode explores how legitimate vulnerability — illness, mental health struggles, financial hardship — can become a tool for guilt and obligation in the hands of a covert narcissist. We walk through the caretaker trap, how caring people get conditioned into carrying everything, and the crucial difference between supporting someone and being responsible for them. You'll also learn what it looks like to set boundaries with empathy — not harshly, not meanly, but firmly and with care — even when the person on the other side is genuinely suffering. If you've ever felt guilty for having limits, this episode is for you. Topics include: The caretaker trap Legitimate vulnerabilities used as leverage Difference between support and responsibility How a narcissist responds when you try to step back Wetting boundaries with empathy in chronic illness situations. Ready to stop navigating this alone? Learn about coaching at covertnarcissism.com The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    27 min

  7. May 31

    Covert Narcissism: Why Your Fight/Flight Response Turned into Fawning

    Covert narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt you — it rewires you. In this episode, Renee breaks down why your fight/flight response gradually turned into fawning, and why that isn't a character flaw — it's survival. You'll learn why fight, flight, freeze, and fawn aren't random reactions. They're a hierarchy based on how much self-advocacy you feel you have. And in a covert narcissistic relationship, that self-advocacy gets quietly, systematically dismantled — until fawning becomes your automatic default. In this episode: Why the four trauma responses are actually a hierarchy of self-advocacy How covert narcissists punish fight, flight, and freeze — and reward fawning Why so many survivors grew up already partway down this hierarchy How a controlling or narcissistic parent trained you for this dynamic long before you met your partner Why religious upbringings can add a powerful layer of conditioning — and why this topic is getting its own full episode Why you keep ending up in narcissistic relationships — and why it has nothing to do with bad luck Why healthy relationships can actually feel uncomfortable to a nervous system wired for chaos This is episode one of a three-part series. Episode two will look at what this hierarchy looks like in your day-to-day life. Episode three will explore what it actually means to start rebuilding your self-advocacy. If you've ever asked yourself "why do I keep ending up here?" — this episode is for you. Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    23 min

  8. May 28

    Narcissistic Abuse Through the Lens of Taylor Swift's Dear John

    Have you ever felt like you were in a relationship that slowly burned you out — and you couldn't quite explain why? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson breaks down Taylor Swift's "Dear John" through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse — and the patterns it reveals are ones you may know all too well. We're talking about the moving goalposts. The walking on eggshells. The version of someone you keep trying to get back to. The moment you finally stopped picking up the phone. And the long list of "traitors" that tells you everything you need to know. This isn't a music review. It's a roadmap. If you've ever felt gaslit, depleted, or like you couldn't trust your own instincts in a relationship — this episode will help you see it clearly, maybe for the first time. Topics covered in this episode: Why smart, self-aware people get caught in narcissistic relationships The intermittent reinforcement cycle — give love, take it away Walking on eggshells and hypervigilance in relationships Gaslighting and why the people around you could see it when you couldn't The "tired, lifeless eyes" effect — what getting run dry really looks like How to recognize a covert narcissist before the fire catches you What clarity after the relationship finally feels like — and what to do with it If you're ready to stop just understanding what happened and start actually moving through it, visit covertnarcissism.com to learn more about working with Renee one-on-one. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    32 min
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4.8
out of 5
700 Ratings

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Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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