The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Renee Swanson, Bleav
  • 4.8 (709)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

  1. 8h ago

    Covert Narcissism and AI: Why Context Changes Everything, Part 1 | Anne Wintemute

    Covert narcissism survivors are turning to AI for support, but what happens when it gets your story wrong? In this episode, Renee welcomes back Anne Wintemute, founder of Aimee Says, an AI tool built specifically for people who are in, or recovering from, controlling, manipulative, and abusive relationships. Anne explains why AI can only be as accurate as the context you give it, and why a missing detail can lead it to a conclusion that feels deeply invalidating to someone in narcissistic abuse recovery. She and Renee talk about the real benefits and pitfalls of AI, why you can't hand over your judgment, and what "AI readability" means for the co-parenting messages you send today. They also cover one of the most painful mistakes an AI can make: confusing which person is the high-conflict one. As Anne puts it, the clearest sign of coercive control is which person feels it isn't safe to disagree. If you'd like to give Aimee Says a try, here is the link. Use the discount code RENEE for $20 off. Right now, that's the equivalent of your first month free. If this episode resonates with you and you're ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee's coaching program is a place to start. Learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And so you don't miss part two of this conversation, make sure you're subscribed to the show. The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  2. 4d ago

    Covert Narcissism's Fake Apology: Gifts, Guilt, and the Reset Button

    Covert narcissism rarely says sorry out loud. Instead, it hands you a gift, plans a nice dinner, or turns on a sudden burst of affection — and calls it even. Renee Swanson breaks down why these gestures work like a reset button, closing the incident without ever offering the three things a real apology requires: accountability, humility, and vulnerability. She reads a personal story from her upcoming book, This Is Not Okay, about watching her own son learn to accept a Sonic slushie in place of an apology from his father — and traces that pattern all the way back to how children are taught, from the playground on, to say "it's okay" when something wasn't. If you've ever mistaken flowers for an apology, walked on eggshells waiting to see which version of them came home, or found yourself gaslit into gratitude after being hurt, this episode gives you language for what's actually happening in your narcissistic abuse recovery — and a better way to respond, both in your relationships and with the kids in your life. Ready to go deeper in your healing? Join Renee's coaching community at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated, subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you never miss what's next. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  3. Sep 17

    Covert Narcissism Recovery: Healing From the Echo Complex, Part 2, with Amy Lewis Bear

    Covert narcissism recovery isn't just about understanding what happened to you — it's about finding your way back to yourself. In part two of this conversation, Renee continues talking with psychotherapist and author Amy Lewis Bear, picking up right at the emotional core of this discussion: vulnerability, and why it's often the very thing survivors of narcissistic abuse recovery are most afraid to offer again. Amy shares two powerful stories from her own therapy practice — clients who spent years walking on eggshells and shrinking themselves inside relationships marked by trauma bonding and emotional dysregulation, and who eventually found the strength to reclaim their voice. She and Renee also talk candidly about why people often carry old defense mechanisms into new relationships, why healing takes real time before trusting again feels safe, and why so many survivors feel guilty just for being happy. You can learn more about Amy and her work at: http://www.amylewisbear.com/ www.linkedin.com/in/abearcounselor/  http://www.youtube.com/@therapywhenlovefeelshard If you're on your own healing journey and want more support, Renee's coaching program is a great next step — learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this conversation moved you, make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode. The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  4. Sep 13

    Covert Narcissism and Circular Conversations: Why You Always End Up Fighting Something You Never Said

    Covert narcissism doesn't always look like yelling or control — sometimes it's a completely ordinary conversation that somehow ends with you defending yourself against something you never said. This is what I call a circular conversation: every word you say gets fed through a filter that isn't listening to you, it's listening for a reason to feel attacked, or a reason to be right. Using real, everyday examples — a comment about milk, a text about being home around 6 — I walk through exactly how neutral statements get twisted into accusations, why doing this to your spouse, the person who's supposed to be your safest relationship, is the opposite of benefit of the doubt, and why clarifying never actually resolves it. If you've ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling like you did something wrong but can't name what it was, this episode will finally give you language for it. Ready to stop feeling crazy in your own relationship? Learn more about coaching at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode helped you feel less alone, subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  5. Sep 10

    Covert Narcissism and the Echo Complex: Losing Yourself in a Relationship, Part 1, with Amy Lewis Bear

    Covert narcissism doesn't always look like screaming matches or dramatic blowups — sometimes it looks like a slow, quiet erosion of who you are. In this episode, Renee sits down with psychotherapist and author Amy Lewis Bear, who has spent nearly twenty years helping people through narcissistic abuse recovery and emotionally abusive relationships, and who has lived through this pattern herself. Amy is the author of From Charm to Harm: The Guide to Spotting, Naming, and Stopping Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships, where she identified more than fifty subtle tactics — including gaslighting — used to keep a partner off balance. In her brand-new book, When Loving You Means Losing Me: How to Escape the Echo Complex and Reclaim Your Sense of Self, she names a condition so many survivors feel but have never had words for: the gradual loss of identity that comes from constantly walking on eggshells around someone who cannot tolerate emotional intimacy. In this first half of their conversation, Amy shares her own story of losing herself in her first marriage, traces the origins of the term Echo Complex back to Greek mythology, and explains the crucial difference between having narcissistic traits and receiving an actual narcissism diagnosis — and why that distinction never erases the very real damage of trauma bonding and emotional dysregulation in these relationships. You can learn more about Amy and her work at: http://www.amylewisbear.com/ www.linkedin.com/in/abearcounselor/  http://www.youtube.com/@therapywhenlovefeelshard If this episode resonates with you and you're ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee's coaching program is a place to start — learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if you don't want to miss part two of this conversation, make sure you're subscribed to the show. The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  6. Sep 6

    How to Spot Passive-Aggressive Behavior and What to Actually Do About It

    Last week, we asked whether passive-aggressive behavior is always narcissistic. The answer was no — but that still left a big question: how do you actually tell the difference in real time, and what do you do once you know? This episode gives you both. We go deeper into fear-based and care-based passive aggression — the kind that comes from being afraid of conflict, or from truly not wanting to hurt someone's feelings — and we talk honestly about how this pattern can show up even in survivors of covert narcissistic abuse themselves. Then we get practical. You'll learn how to actually identify passive-aggressive behavior in the moment, starting with that gut feeling when someone's words and their energy don't match. We walk through how to gently call it out without turning it into a fight, and how to read the response you get back — because the response, not the original behavior, is what actually tells you whether you're dealing with fear, care, or control. Finally, we get into what to actually do about it — in romantic relationships, with family, with friends, and at work — depending on what you find. What you'll learn: how to spot the internal signal that something's off, tools for identifying passive-aggressive behavior in real time, exactly what "gently calling it out" sounds like in real conversations, how to read someone's response to tell fear from control, and practical next steps for every relationship in your life. P.S. — I'm opening two new coaching groups: Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse and High-Conflict Divorce. And my book, This Is Not Okay, releases next month. Head to covertnarcissism.com to learn more about both. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  7. Sep 3

    Guilt-Free Living: Reclaiming Joy After a Covert Narcissist

    Did they make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson reads through real responses from her Covert Narcissism Group — the private Facebook community she started in 2018 — after asking members one question: what do you do now, just because you enjoy it? From napping and puzzles to solo walks, quiet mornings, and leaving the dishes in the sink, this episode explores how survivors of covert narcissistic abuse are reclaiming the small joys that were once used against them. Renee breaks down why covert narcissists sabotage self-care and autonomy, why "he doesn't say anything" can still be a form of control, and the real difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt — and how to finally tell toxic guilt to take a hike. If you've ever felt guilty for taking a bath, going to a yoga class, or just sitting still and doing nothing, this episode is for you. Learn how to recognize toxic guilt, reclaim your right to rest, and start rebuilding the autonomy that covert narcissistic relationships take away. Looking for support? Join Renee's free, closed Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group, to connect with others healing from narcissistic abuse. Ready for the next step? Learn more about Renee's coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  8. Aug 30

    Passive-Aggressive Isn't Always Narcissistic — But It's Never Harmless

    Ever asked someone "are you okay?" and gotten a four-syllable "I'm fine" that clearly meant the opposite? That's passive-aggressive behavior — and it's one of the sneakiest patterns to name out loud, because it's built to be deniable. In this episode, we break down the real signs of passive-aggressive behavior across relationships, family, friendships, and work — with specific examples you'll recognize immediately. Then we tackle the question listeners ask constantly: is all passive-aggressive behavior narcissistic? The honest answer is no. Some people are passive-aggressive because they're genuinely afraid of conflict, not because they're trying to manipulate you. But fear-based or not, passive aggression still blocks the thing every real relationship needs — open, honest conversation. We'll walk through how to tell a scared communicator from a controlling one, and what to do either way. What you'll learn: how to spot passive-aggressive behavior in real time, the difference between fear-based and narcissistic passive aggression, and why "they're not a narcissist" doesn't mean you have to live with the silent treatment. If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. There's a point where understanding is not enough, and you need support in actually moving through it. If you're there, I invite you to work with me. Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. I am here and ready to help. And don't forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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