Coaching Your Family Relationships

Tina Gosney

Is your relationship with your adult child strained, distant, or heading toward estrangement? Do you replay conversations, walk on eggshells, or wonder what you did wrong?Are you dealing with family conflict, difficult adult children, or toxic in-laws — and feeling powerless to fix it?You’re not alone.I’m Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach and Family Life Educator. I help parents move from anxiety, overfunctioning, and emotional reactivity to calm, confident connection — even when their adult child won’t change.Grounded in Bowen Family Systems theory and nervous system science, this podcast will help you:1. Understand why stress spreads through a family system2. Recognize patterns like overfunctioning, fixing, triangles, and emotional cutoff3. Stop walking on eggshells4. Navigate adult child conflict without losing yourself5. Repair strained relationships with your adult child in a healthy wayAt the heart of this work is the Differentiated Connection Map — balancing two core needs in every family:• Closeness and belonging• Individuality and autonomyThrough my HEAL framework, you’ll learn how to:Hold onto yourselfEngage with calm clarityAllow space for differenceLead with grounded loveYou cannot control your adult child.But you can change your position in the system.And when one parent becomes steadier, the entire family shifts.If you’re searching for how to repair your relationship with your adult child and reduce family conflict without losing yourself — you’re in the right place.

  1. 14h ago

    What Does It Mean When Your Adult Child Says You Don’t Respect Their Boundaries?

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 225: What Does It Mean When Your Adult Child Says You Don’t Respect Their Boundaries? Has your adult child ever told you that you crossed a boundary or that you do not respect their boundaries and left you feeling confused, hurt, or defensive? Many parents hear the word “boundary” as an accusation. You may wonder how your questions, advice, concern, or attempts to stay involved could be interpreted as disrespectful. You love your child and want a close relationship, so being told that your behavior is creating distance can feel deeply painful. In this episode of Coaching Your Family Relationships, Tina explains what adult children may actually mean when they talk about boundaries. She explores the difference between boundaries, preferences, ultimatums, trust issues, and attempts to control another person. She also explains why therapy language can sometimes be used inaccurately while still pointing to a real relationship concern. You will learn how to respond when your adult child says you crossed a boundary without immediately defending yourself, arguing about their wording, or shutting down the conversation. Tina offers practical communication tools to help parents become more curious, listen for the need underneath the accusation, and rebuild trust through consistent changes. This episode is especially important for parents navigating conflict, emotional distance, family estrangement, or difficult communication with an adult son or daughter. Respecting boundaries does not mean agreeing with everything your child says. It means learning how to take their experience seriously while staying grounded in your own values and emotional maturity. In this episode, you’ll learn: What boundaries with adult children really are and how they differ from preferences, rules, ultimatums, and control.Why your adult child may experience repeated advice, personal questions, unannounced visits, or comments about their choices as boundary violations.How to manage defensiveness and regulate your nervous system before responding to a painful accusation.What to say when your adult child tells you that they do not feel heard, respected, accepted, or emotionally safe.How small, consistent behavior changes can rebuild trust and strengthen the parent and adult child relationship over time.The goal is not to become a perfect parent or accept every interpretation your adult child offers. The goal is to slow down, become curious, and understand what your child may be trying to communicate about the relationship. A conversation about boundaries does not always mean your adult child is rejecting you. It may be an invitation to create a healthier adult relationship built on mutual respect, clearer communication, emotional safety, and trust. Share this episode with a parent who feels confused or hurt by conversations about boundaries with their adult child.  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  2. Jul 7

    Why Adult Children Go No Contact: Understanding Family Estrangement, with Dr. Rin Reczek

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 224 - Why Adult Children Go No Contact: Understanding Family Estrangement, with Dr. Rin Reczek Are you wondering why your adult child went no contact, pulled away, or says they need space from the family? This episode will help you understand family estrangement without getting stuck in blame, shame, or panic. Family estrangement is one of the most painful and misunderstood experiences in parent-adult child relationships. Whether your adult child has stopped responding, set firm boundaries, gone low contact, or completely cut off communication, the grief can feel overwhelming. Parents are often left asking, “What happened?” “What did I miss?” and “Is repair still possible?” In this episode, I talk with sociologist Dr. Rin Reczek about their book, Families We Lose: A New Explanation for Family Estrangement. Dr. Reczek offers a new way to understand why adult children go no contact and why family relationships come apart. Instead of looking only at blame, bad behavior, or one painful event, Dr. Reczek explains family estrangement as part of a larger shift in how people understand family, obligation, safety, accountability, boundaries, and connection. This episode is important because so many parents and adult children are struggling with family cutoff, emotional distance, low contact, or no contact, but they often do not have the language to talk about what is really happening. Parents may feel rejected, confused, heartbroken, or blindsided. Adult children may feel dismissed, pressured, controlled, or unsafe. When parents and adult children are operating from different expectations of what family should be, the relationship can become even more painful. This conversation will help you step out of blame and into curiosity. It will help you better understand the deeper family patterns underneath estrangement, and it may give you a new way to think about reconnecting with adult children, repairing family relationships, respecting boundaries, and creating healthier adult family relationships. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why adult children go no contact, and why family estrangement is not always about one argument, one event, or one person being “wrong.”What Dr. Reczek means by “compulsory kinship,” or the belief that family should stay together no matter what.How “democratized kinship” shifts the focus toward accountability, mutual respect, emotional safety, and meaningful connection.Why parents and adult children may experience the same family relationship in very different ways.How no contact, low contact, and family cutoff can create grief, confusion, and ambiguous loss for parents, adult children, siblings, and grandparents.Why repairing the relationship with your adult child usually requires more than love, good intentions, or a desire to get back to how things used to be.How understanding the deeper culture clash around family can help you respond with more maturity, compassion, and clarity.Family estrangement is tender, complicated, and often heartbreaking. But understanding why families become estranged gives us more choices in how we respond, how we grieve, and how we approach the possibility of repair. If this episode helped you, or if you know someone who is struggling with an estranged adult child, family distance, no contact, or painful family conflict, please share it with them. This may be exactly what they need to hear today. The Families We Lose: A New Explanation for Family Estrangement, by Rin Reczek  Click here to buy your copy on Amazon   Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  3. Jun 30

    When Someone You Love Hurts You: How to Regain Emotional Stability

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 223: When Someone You Love Hurts You: How to Regain Emotional Stability Have you ever been doing something completely ordinary—loading the dishwasher, making dinner, driving home—and then one text, one comment, one moment of distance hits you so hard it feels like the air leaves your body? That’s the “emotional gut punch.” And if you’re in one of those moments right now, this episode is here to help you steady yourself—without minimizing your pain and without turning it into a story that ruins you. In this episode, Tina covers: When someone you love hurts you, there’s the pain of what happened… and then there’s the suffering we accidentally add on top of it. Tina breaks down the difference between the first arrow and the second arrow—the moment that hurts vs. the meaning we attach to it afterward. You’ll hear real-life examples (like seeing an adult child post about “toxic family members” or being told not to come for a visit) and how quickly our brains can turn heartbreak into shame, fear, and isolation. 5 takeaways you’ll get from listening You’ll understand why it hurts so much. The pain is real—but suffering often comes from the story your mind builds around the pain (the spiraling “what does this mean about me?” thoughts).You’ll learn “the second arrow” and how to stop driving it in deeper. The first arrow is the event; the second arrow is the self-judgment and fear that piles on instantly—often without you noticing.You’ll be able to tell the difference between clean pain and dirty pain. Clean pain is honest grief and disappointment. Dirty pain is the added shame/blame story (“This is my fault. I’m not enough.”) that keeps you stuck.You’ll get a simple, grounding 3-step reset for the moment the gut punch hits. Tina walks you through: Name it → Notice the story → Let the clean pain move (so you can breathe again and come back to yourself).You’ll be reminded not to isolate—because isolation is where the suffering grows. These moments make us want to withdraw, but they’re often the moments we most need safe support and steady presence.Resources mentioned Free resource: Heal the Heart: Five Steps to Reconnect with Your Adult ChildWant deeper support? Tina invites you to reach out and set up a connection call.If you’re in the middle of a gut punch moment, take a breath. This pain doesn’t mean you’re broken—and it doesn’t get to define your future. You can learn to stay with what’s true without turning it into a story that destroys your sense of worth.  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  4. Jun 23

    When Love Feels Like Pressure: The Hidden Conflict in Helping Too Much

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 222:  When Love Feels Like Pressure: The Hidden Conflict in Helping Too Much  What if the very thing you are doing to keep the relationship close is the thing creating more distance? As parents, we often help because we love. We give advice, offer solutions, send resources, ask questions, check in, and try to prevent our adult children from making painful mistakes. But in parent and adult child relationships, helping too much can start to feel like pressure, control, or a lack of trust. In this episode, Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach and Family Life Educator, continues the conversation on hidden conflict by looking at the kind of conflict that does not look like conflict at all. It looks like love. It looks like concern. It looks like “I’m just trying to help.” But underneath, it may be creating tension, emotional distance, resentment, or shutdown. Listen to this episode if you have ever thought: “I’m only trying to help.”  “I can see what they can’t see.”  “Why do they push me away when I care so much?”  “I feel anxious when they don’t text back.”  “I don’t know how to stop fixing, overthinking, or shutting down.” In this episode, you’ll learn: How helping too much can create hidden conflict in your relationship with your adult child, even when your intentions are loving. Why unsolicited advice can feel like pressure and cause your adult child to pull away or become defensive. How emotional dependence shows up in family relationships, especially when your peace depends on your child’s mood, choices, or response. Why shutting down feels protective but creates more disconnection over time. How to pause before fixing, avoiding, overthinking, or reacting so you can choose how you want to show up. If you feel stuck between wanting to stay close and not knowing how to stop pushing, fixing, or worrying, this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly. You cannot force connection, control your adult child, or eliminate discomfort from the relationship. But you can learn to stay grounded inside the discomfort, and that is where real change begins.   Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  5. Jun 16

    Hidden Conflict: Why Your Family Feels Tense Even When No One Is Fighting

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 221 - Hidden Conflict: Why Your Family Feels Tense Even When No One is Fighting What if your family relationship feels tense, distant, or uncomfortable, but you can’t point to one big argument or obvious conflict? Many parents assume that conflict means yelling, fighting, blow-ups, or harsh words. But some of the most painful parent and adult child relationships are not loud at all. They are quiet. They look polite on the outside, but underneath there is avoidance, walking on eggshells, resentment, emotional distance, and the sense that something is not quite right. In this episode, Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach and Family Life Educator, explains how hidden conflict can slowly erode family relationships, even when no one is openly fighting. You’ll learn why “keeping the peace” is not always the same as real peace, and why avoiding hard conversations can create more disconnection over time. Listen to this episode if you have ever thought: “I have to be careful what I say.” “We just don’t talk about that anymore.” “Everything seems fine, but it doesn’t feel fine.” “I miss how close we used to be.” “I don’t know how to repair the distance with my adult child.” In this episode, you’ll learn: Why conflict is not just fighting and how quiet conflict can show up as distance, tension, avoidance, or emotional disconnection.How “keeping things light” can become a form of avoidance in parent and adult child relationships.Why walking on eggshells is not the same as connection, even when it helps prevent an argument in the moment.How unresolved family conflict creates emotional static, making conversations feel harder, less honest, and less connected.The first step toward repairing hidden conflict without forcing a hard conversation before you are ready. If your relationship with your adult child feels strained, confusing, or distant, this episode will help you begin to name what is happening beneath the surface. Awareness is the first step toward creating a calmer, more honest, and more connected family relationship.   Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  6. Jun 9

    Grandfatherhood and Legacy: How to Be Involved Without Interfering

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 220: Grandfatherhood and Legacy: How to Be Involved Without Interfering What kind of presence do you bring into your family? When you walk into a room, do people relax, or do they brace? Do your adult children feel supported by you, or do they feel like they have to manage your reactions? Do your grandchildren experience you as a steady, loving presence, or are they sometimes pulled into tension that really belongs between the adults? In this Father’s Day episode of Coaching Your Family Relationships, we’re continuing our two-part series on fathers in the second half of life. This episode focuses on grandfathers, family legacy, and the powerful role a grandfather can play in the emotional health of the family system. Grandfathers matter deeply. Your relationship with your grandchildren can shape their emotional wellbeing, their sense of family identity, and the patterns they carry forward. But grandfatherhood also comes with a delicate balance. How do you stay close without overstepping? How do you support your adult children without interfering in their parenting? How do you become involved in a way that strengthens the family instead of creating more tension? Using a family systems lens, we’ll talk about the grandfather’s role in the three-generation family system. We’ll look at triangulation, emotional patterns, estrangement, repair, and what it means to leave a legacy of connection instead of control. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why grandfathers have a powerful influence on the emotional wellbeing of grandchildren and the larger family systemHow to be an involved grandfather without interfering, undermining parents, or creating family conflictWhat triangulation looks like in real life, especially when grandchildren or in-laws get pulled into adult tensionWhy repairing the direct relationship with your adult child matters more than trying to access the family through the grandchildrenHow to think about your third-act legacy and the emotional patterns you want to stop passing forwardThis episode is for grandfathers who want to matter in the lives of their children and grandchildren, but who also want to show up with more wisdom, humility, and emotional maturity. It is also for adult children, spouses, and family members who are trying to understand the complex role grandfathers play in family relationships. Your legacy is not only what you provide, what you teach, or what you leave behind. Your legacy is also the emotional climate you create. It is the way people feel in your presence. It is the patterns you choose to keep and the patterns you finally decide to set down. You do not have to be a perfect father or grandfather to make a difference. You can begin by becoming more grounded, more honest, and more willing to work on the direct relationships in front of you. Because when a grandfather becomes more emotionally present, less reactive, and more connected, that change does not stop with him. It echoes through the generations that come after him.  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  7. Jun 2

    Fatherhood After Your Kids Grow Up: Who Are You to Them Now?

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 219: Fatherhood After Your Kids Grow Up: Who Are You to Them Now? What happens to fatherhood after your children grow up? When your adult child has a hard day, who do they call? Do they call you, or do they turn to their mom, a friend, a sibling, or someone else? If the honest answer hurts a little, this episode is for you. In this Father’s Day episode of Coaching Your Family Relationships, we’re talking about the second half of fatherhood. When your kids are young, your role is clearer. You protect, provide, teach, correct, and guide. But when your children become adults, the old fatherhood rulebook stops working. Your adult child does not need you in the same way anymore, but that does not mean they do not need you at all. This episode is for fathers of adult children who want a stronger relationship, but are not always sure how to show up now. We’ll talk about emotional distance between fathers and adult children, why some dads keep trying to fix and advise, why others quietly step back, and how a father can become more emotionally present without becoming intrusive. Using a family systems lens, we’ll explore how fathers can build connection with adult children by becoming more grounded, differentiated, and emotionally available. This is not about blaming fathers or asking men to become someone they are not. It is about helping fathers understand their role in the family system now, so they can create more trust, more openness, and more real connection. In this episode, you’ll learn: ·         Why fatherhood changes when your children become adults, and why many dads feel unsure about where they fit ·         How the “old rulebook” of parenting can create distance when adult children need respect, autonomy, and connection ·         What differentiation means in real life, and how a father can stay grounded when his adult child makes choices he does not understand or agree with ·         How emotional patterns get passed from one generation to the next, and why it is never too late to change what you are passing forward ·         Three practical ways fathers can begin rebuilding connection with adult children this week without forcing a big conversation The second half of fatherhood asks something different from you than the first half did. It asks for less fixing and more presence. Less control and more curiosity. Less emotional distance and more willingness to be known as a real person, not just as “Dad.” If you are a father of adult children, or if you love a father who wants to build a better relationship with his grown kids, this episode will help you think differently about connection, legacy, and what it means to keep showing up. You do not have to do this perfectly. You just have to be willing to become more aware, more grounded, and more present. Because when one person in a family becomes more steady, the whole relationship system can begin to shift.  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

  8. May 25

    How to Focus on What You Can Control When Family Relationships Are Hard

    Ask a question, send us a message, or let us know how you like the podcast Episode 218: How to Focus on What You Can Control When Family Relationships Are Hard When a relationship is strained, it’s so tempting to think: If I say it the right way… if I do enough… if I stay kind enough… then they’ll finally respond the way I need them to. But the truth is, you can’t control what someone else thinks, feels, or does. What you can control is how you show up, and that’s where change begins. In this episode, you’ll learn: How Stephen R. Covey’s “Circles” framework helps you sort what you’re worried about (concern) from what you can impact (influence) and what you can actually choose (control).The difference between control and influence and why confusing the two often leads to frustration, resentment, and burnout.Why blame, of yourself or others, quietly steals your power and what to do instead when you feel stuck.What “your inputs” really are in a struggling relationship and how to check whether you’re expecting something different than what you’re planting.A simple journaling question to help you reclaim steadiness and integrity: “Who am I being in the relationship, and how is that in my control?”When you focus on your circle of control, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and relational inputs, you stop chasing the impossible job of managing someone else’s inner world. You may not be able to control outcomes, but you can keep planting what aligns with who you want to be. Over time, that steadiness changes you, and it often shifts the relationship more than force ever could.  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you want support putting what you’re learning into practice, come join The Connection Community in Bridge to Connection. You’ll get step-by-step relationship lessons, practical tools to calm anxiety and reduce conflict, and live monthly coaching calls to help you stay steady and build real connection with your child—especially when things feel tense. Learn more and join at https://www.courageous-connections.com/bridge-to-connection3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.  Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.

5
out of 5
32 Ratings

About

Is your relationship with your adult child strained, distant, or heading toward estrangement? Do you replay conversations, walk on eggshells, or wonder what you did wrong?Are you dealing with family conflict, difficult adult children, or toxic in-laws — and feeling powerless to fix it?You’re not alone.I’m Tina Gosney, Family Conflict Coach and Family Life Educator. I help parents move from anxiety, overfunctioning, and emotional reactivity to calm, confident connection — even when their adult child won’t change.Grounded in Bowen Family Systems theory and nervous system science, this podcast will help you:1. Understand why stress spreads through a family system2. Recognize patterns like overfunctioning, fixing, triangles, and emotional cutoff3. Stop walking on eggshells4. Navigate adult child conflict without losing yourself5. Repair strained relationships with your adult child in a healthy wayAt the heart of this work is the Differentiated Connection Map — balancing two core needs in every family:• Closeness and belonging• Individuality and autonomyThrough my HEAL framework, you’ll learn how to:Hold onto yourselfEngage with calm clarityAllow space for differenceLead with grounded loveYou cannot control your adult child.But you can change your position in the system.And when one parent becomes steadier, the entire family shifts.If you’re searching for how to repair your relationship with your adult child and reduce family conflict without losing yourself — you’re in the right place.

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