You Are Not Crazy

Jessica Knight
  • 4.5 (115)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

You know something is wrong. You just can’t always explain what it is. Why do you keep apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong? Why can one nice interaction make you question months of mistreatment? Why do you rehearse conversations before you have them? Why are you still trying to make someone understand you when explaining yourself has never worked? Why does every individual incident sound small when the pattern has changed your entire life? You Are Not Crazy is a podcast about making sense of the relationship experiences that don’t make sense. I’m Jessica Knight, an emotional abuse coach and survivor. I take the confusing, contradictory, often ordinary-looking moments inside emotional abuse, coercive control, trauma bonds, narcissistic relationships, and high-conflict separation and slow them down so we can understand what is actually happening. We look beyond labels and individual incidents to the patterns underneath them: what a behavior does, what it gets you to do in response, what happens when you resist it, and what you eventually learn to believe about yourself. Because emotional abuse doesn’t only hurt. It can change the way you communicate, make decisions, respond to conflict, interpret other people’s behavior, and trust your own perception. Here, we talk about gaslighting, manipulation, trauma bonding, intermittent reinforcement, coercive control, high-conflict divorce, post-separation abuse, difficult co-parenting dynamics, and the process of rebuilding self-trust after a relationship that taught you to doubt yourself. But this isn’t a podcast about diagnosing every difficult person or telling you that every conflict is abuse. It’s about understanding the pattern. What happened? What did it make you do? Why did your response make sense at the time? And what changes once you can finally see the mechanism underneath it? You are not crazy. There is an explanation. Let’s find it. Learn more about Jessica’s work and resources at emotionalabusecoach.com.

  1. 2d ago

    He Never Hit Her: What Maid Reveals About Emotional Abuse

    Every October during Domestic Violence Awareness Month I come back to Maid, and in this episode I look closely at Sean and why he is one of the most accurate portraits of coercive control I have seen on screen. Almost nothing he does would hold up as evidence on its own, so I talk about how control builds in the space between what happens and what anyone else can prove. I also get into why his remorse after Alex leaves feels so real to her.  Near the end, I share the one place I think the final episode gets it wrong. You can read more about the language of control here: https://jessicaknightcoaching.substack.com/t/the-grammar-of-control Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  2. 4d ago

    I Kept Trying to Leave a Relationship Built to Pull Me Back

    In this episode, I talk about why leaving a relationship built on coercive control almost never happens the way people expect it to, in one clean break that sticks the first time. I get into the departures nobody counts: the afternoons spent sitting in a parked car working up the nerve to call a lawyer or a coach, the conversations that started with "I can't do this anymore" and somehow ended with me apologizing while he sat there in tears.  I share my own experience with a partner who could turn any attempt to end things into a referendum on his feelings, and I explain why the good stretches in a relationship like this tell you what someone is capable of performing rather than what they've actually changed. I also unpack why confusion, more than fear or sadness, is often the clearest sign that something is wrong. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  3. Oct 21

    Why People With Personality Disorders Rarely See Their Own Harm

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon In this episode, I break down something that confuses almost everyone who has loved a person with personality pathology. We assume that if someone caused real harm, some part of them would know it. I explain why that assumption is usually wrong, and what impaired self-awareness actually looks like from the inside of a disordered mind. I walk through the defense mechanisms that protect a person from ever feeling the shame that would normally lead to change, including denial, minimization, and projection. I also talk about why explaining yourself or providing evidence rarely works, even when your reasoning is airtight. If you've ever wondered how someone could cause so much pain and still seem to feel fine, this episode will help you understand the psychology behind it. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  4. Oct 16

    The Cost of Being Someone Else's Nervous System

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon I'm sharing a pattern from my own past relationship with a partner who had borderline traits, the slow erosion of any separate identity, where a walk to pick up my daughter became a negotiation and a boundary became proof I didn't love him. I break down why explaining yourself never works in this dynamic, what I call the "fake repair" cycle, and why mapping the pattern on paper changed everything for me. I also talk about why healing sometimes means accepting you'll be the villain in someone else's story. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  5. Oct 14

    Knowing Your Pattern Isn't the Same as Changing It, with Stefanos Sifandos

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon I've been listening to Stefanos Sifandos for years, long before this podcast existed. I first came across him through Mark Groves during the stretch of my life when I was busy diagnosing everyone around me, and something he said pushed me to flip the question from why this person does what they do to why I keep attracting people like them. I still have the notebook where I wrote it down. When I told him about it, he added a second question that landed even harder: why do I stick around? In this episode we talk about the ideas in his book, Tuned In and Turned On (Hay House). Stefanos explains what he calls the delusion of awareness, which is the belief that being able to recite your pattern and trace it back to your childhood means you've done something about it. We get into how he defines a trauma bond and why intense sexual chemistry so often keeps those relationships going, including the fight-and-make-up cycle that feels like repair but never actually produces any. He also explains why wounds that formed in relationship have to be worked through in relationship, and what a small first step looks like for someone who is using work to avoid an unhappy home. I asked him how he works with a couple when only one person is willing to look at themselves. His answer was "with great difficulty," and I was honestly relieved to hear it, because it matches what I've seen. You can find his book at tunedinandturnedonbook.com and apply to coach with him at coachwithstef.com. He and his wife, Christine Hassler, run Be The Queen, a three-and-a-half-month program for single women that begins in late October, with a free webinar series beforehand.  Be The Queen Program: https://to102.isrefer.com/go/lm/a295/?utm_source=partner&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=a295 Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  6. Oct 7

    Why Confusion Is the Real Damage in Coercive Control

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon In this episode I look at why confusion, not fear, is often the clearest sign that a relationship is built on coercive control. I walk through four patterns that show up again and again: the gap between how someone behaves in private versus in public, the shift from talking about impact to litigating intent, direct distortion of what a person saw or heard, and boundaries that get reframed as emotional injuries against the other person. I explain why confusion works in favor of the person causing harm, since it lets them keep control of the relationship while still looking reasonable to everyone outside it. I also talk about what happens when this pattern follows someone into separation and custody proceedings, where there is rarely a clean incident to point to, and why that absence does not mean nothing happened. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  7. Sep 30

    Are They Trauma Bonded to You Too?

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon In this episode, I'm answering a question I get asked constantly: are they trauma bonded to me too? People ask this when the person who hurt them starts falling apart after a breakup or after being told no. The panic, the pleading, the sudden self-awareness. It can look like proof that the relationship was mutual, that maybe both people were caught in the same storm. I will work through what is happening and how it looks the same as attachment, dependency, or the panic that comes from losing access to someone who regulates you. I'll get into what abusive people are actually bonded to, why their distress doesn't cancel out what they did, and why the question isn't whether they're hurting. It's what they do with that hurt. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

  8. Sep 23

    The Lying Isn't an Accident: A Conversation with Anne Blythe from BTR.org

    Sponsored recommendation: Sacred Grit on Amazon This week I'm joined by Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.org (Betrayal Trauma Recovery), an organization that has supported over 9,000 women navigating a partner's lying, gaslighting, infidelity, and manipulation. Anne shares her own story of spending seven years and seven therapists trying to understand what was happening in her marriage, and what finally helped her see the truth. We talk about why couples therapy so often fails women dealing with a partner who lies, why the search for a diagnosis (narcissist, sex addict, and so on) can actually delay a woman from trusting her own reality, and why "he's confused" is one of the most common and most dangerous excuses offered to victims. Anne also shares the framework behind her workshop, which helps women determine, with real clarity, whether their partner is telling the truth. If you've ever been told you're too sensitive, too reactive, or too quick to see abuse where it isn't, or if you've sat through couples counseling with someone who is actively lying to you, this episode is for you. Connect with Anne Blythe: btr.org btr.org/podcast Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com Instagram: @emotionalabusecoach Email: jessica@jessicaknightcoaching.com {Substack} Blog About Recovering from Abuse {E-Book} How to Break Up with a Narcissist {Course} Identify Signs of Abuse and Begin to Heal {Free Resource} Canned Responses for Engaging with an Abusive Partner

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Hosts & Guests

4.5
out of 5
115 Ratings

About

You know something is wrong. You just can’t always explain what it is. Why do you keep apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong? Why can one nice interaction make you question months of mistreatment? Why do you rehearse conversations before you have them? Why are you still trying to make someone understand you when explaining yourself has never worked? Why does every individual incident sound small when the pattern has changed your entire life? You Are Not Crazy is a podcast about making sense of the relationship experiences that don’t make sense. I’m Jessica Knight, an emotional abuse coach and survivor. I take the confusing, contradictory, often ordinary-looking moments inside emotional abuse, coercive control, trauma bonds, narcissistic relationships, and high-conflict separation and slow them down so we can understand what is actually happening. We look beyond labels and individual incidents to the patterns underneath them: what a behavior does, what it gets you to do in response, what happens when you resist it, and what you eventually learn to believe about yourself. Because emotional abuse doesn’t only hurt. It can change the way you communicate, make decisions, respond to conflict, interpret other people’s behavior, and trust your own perception. Here, we talk about gaslighting, manipulation, trauma bonding, intermittent reinforcement, coercive control, high-conflict divorce, post-separation abuse, difficult co-parenting dynamics, and the process of rebuilding self-trust after a relationship that taught you to doubt yourself. But this isn’t a podcast about diagnosing every difficult person or telling you that every conflict is abuse. It’s about understanding the pattern. What happened? What did it make you do? Why did your response make sense at the time? And what changes once you can finally see the mechanism underneath it? You are not crazy. There is an explanation. Let’s find it. Learn more about Jessica’s work and resources at emotionalabusecoach.com.

Information

  • Creator
    Jessica Knight
  • Years Active
    2022 - 2026
  • Episodes
    278
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 You Are Not Crazy
  • Show Website
    You Are Not Crazy

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