The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

Danielle Black
  • 4.7 (3)
  • Education
  • Updated Semiweekly

The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast Hosted by Danielle Black A no-fluff, evidence-based podcast for parents navigating post-separation abuse, family violence, coercive control, and high-conflict separation and divorce - with a relentless focus on protecting children in a system that too often fails them. Hosted by Danielle Black, Australia’s leading specialist in child-focused post-separation parenting, this podcast is not about "amicable co-parenting at all costs", outdated ideologies, or adult notions of fairness. It is about understanding how abuse frequently continues through parenting arrangements after separation - and what genuinely child-centred decision-making looks like when risk, fear, or power imbalance is present. Each episode challenges the myths that place children in harm’s way, including Australia’s dangerous obsession with 50/50 shared care, the misapplication of "friendly parent" ideals, and the expectation that protective parents should endlessly compromise to keep the peace. Drawing on developmental science, research-based evidence, trauma-informed practice, and lived experience, Danielle breaks down: How post-separation abuse actually operatesWhy many standard parenting frameworks fail children in high-conflict casesWhat evidence-based, defensible, child-focused parenting really requiresHow to move from confusion and self-doubt to clarity and confidence This podcast is for parents who are done minimising risk, done being gaslit by systems and professionals, and done prioritising adult comfort over children’s safety and development. Expect direct language, research-backed insight, practical guidance and a few cuss words here and there - not platitudes, false balance, or pressure to accept arrangements that don’t sit right - because children’s wellbeing matters more than adult fairness. Always. To go deeper, explore The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™, Danielle’s flagship program supporting parents to make informed, protective decisions after separation. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Keywords: post-separation abuse, family violence, coercive control, high-conflict parenting, separation, divorce, family court, Australian family law.

  1. 6d ago

    113. The good girl contract - part one: Where boundaries begin (or don't)

    When your childhood taught you that having needs was dangerous - that being pleasing, useful, and indispensable was the difference between love and its withdrawal - the reason boundaries are so hard as an adult is not that you are weak. It is that your nervous system learned exactly what it needed to learn to survive the environment you were in. Part 1 of The Good Girl Contract is the foundational episode of a new series. In this episode, Danielle speaks about childhood abuse. Physical and emotional abuse. Punishment for having emotions. Punishment for having needs. Punishment for answering back. The 1980s Australian cultural context in which corporal punishment of children was widespread and culturally sanctioned.  From there, the episode widens into the frameworks that make the personal story into a universal one:  • Stephen Porges' concept of neuroception - the body's continuous, unconscious scanning of the environment for cues of safety or threat - and what it does to a developing child in an environment where the source of care is also the source of danger.  • The reframe that what the wellness and spiritual industries calls empathic sensitivity (or being an "empath")  is, for a specific subset of women, more accurately understood as trained hypervigilance in a nervous system that learned very young that reading other people accurately was the difference between safety and danger.  • Harriet Lerner's framework on overfunctioning in relationships and underfunctioning in self-advocacy. The distinction between cultural conditioning, which produced most women's struggle with boundaries, and violently enforced conditioning, which produced a more acute version. The episode lands on the naming of The Contract itself. A set of terms you did not consent to, do not remember signing, and have been operating under, in every relationship you have entered, ever since. "What was made can be remade. Because the same nervous system that learned the terms is capable of learning something else. Because the same brain that was shaped by danger can be reshaped by safety. Because the story is not over." This series is a departure from Working As Intended - from the structural argument about the family law system, to the personal architecture underneath the woman navigating it.  A content note: this episode contains references to childhood experiences of physical and emotional abuse. No graphic detail. Some listeners may prefer to return to this episode when they have space for the material. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves to interrupt the Contract in themselves, so their own children inherit something different.  AI Danielle is available any time, any hour.  Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  2. Jul 10

    112. Working as intended (Postscript): Do I even need a lawyer? An honest conversation on self-representation

    If you have been listening to our Working As Intended series, and you have been quietly wondering "if lawyers were never trained in what my children need, and I have to bring all of that myself, do I even need a lawyer at all?" - this episode is the rest of the answer. Danielle opens with information that she hasn't shared on the podcast before - the fact that when she was dragged into the court system all those years ago, there was not a lot of money for lawyers. Her stepfather (the person who, in any other circumstances, would have been the ally every self-representing parent hopes to have) was a family law specialist for his entire forty-year career, but could not help her because he was living with an illness that was taking him rapidly from the family.  This episode is what she has learned from being on both sides of the self-representation conversation ever since. The episode walks honestly through who actually self-represents in Australian family court, and why access to legal representation in this country is distributed by wealth in a way that should be a source of national shame. It names the category error at the heart of the entire current market - that understanding the legal process is not the same as understanding what to seek within it, and that what to seek is not a legal question at all.  It walks through the four capacities self-representation actually requires - time, emotional, nervous system, and educational - most of which are invisible to the products currently being marketed and sold to people navigating separation and divorce. It names the specific trap of guns blazing self-representation, where the absence of a lawyer's tempering influence becomes exposure rather than freedom. And it lands the strategic middle position that most protective parents actually need to be in: "I have a lawyer, and I know how to use them - because I also have a coach." This is also the episode where Danielle positions the Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint directly. Not as a legal-navigation product. Rather, as the knowledge, capacity and advocacy layers that answer the questions that no legal-education product can answer - because it is not a legal question. And it is where she owns, clearly and unapologetically, why not being a lawyer is a strength of her work rather than a stumbling block. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves with the substance the legal profession was never required to have.  AI Danielle is available any time, any hour.  Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  3. Jul 2

    111. Working as intended - Part 4: How to use your lawyer

    If you've been with Danielle across this series, you now know how the family law system in Australia was built, what its practitioners were and were not trained to know, and how to test whether anyone in the post-separation space is genuinely child-focused.  This final episode of Working As Intended brings the arc to ground. You still need a lawyer. You still have to work with these professionals. You can't opt out of the system entirely. So what do you actually do with everything you now know? Part 4 answers that question. Specifically: how to use a lawyer for the things they're genuinely expert in, without deferring to them on the questions they were never trained to answer. The episode names something Danielle has observed and experienced across almost two decades of navigating the system and the post-separation space: many clients of hers who have sought sole parental responsibility - informed, prepared, and willing to hold firm - have been successful. This episode explains why the gap between "my lawyer told me it's very hard to get" and "my clients get it" is not a gap in the law, especially now that the 2024 amendments have actually moved the law in favour of genuinely child-focused reasoning. It is a gap in what the lawyer does not know how to do, and a gap in what the parent brings to the process. Both are closable. One is only closable by you. Danielle also names the feedback loop that keeps the system stuck - the way lawyers' outcome predictions become self-fulfilling when clients defer to them, and the way individual informed parents holding firm slowly reshape what lawyers tell the next parent who sits across from them. Your case is not just your case. When you hold firm, when you bring the knowledge, when you achieve the outcome the developmental science supports and the lawyer said was hard to get, you become a data point. A small, specific contribution to the evidence base that eventually shifts what lawyers tell the next parent. The system was not built to see your children. You were. And in a system that has never been required to prioritise what children need, a parent who arrives knowing exactly what their children need, and why, and how to demonstrate it, is a genuinely powerful force. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work. Module 17 covers coercive control. Module 19 covers parental alienation. Module 16 is the capacity work. The whole of the Blueprint is built for exactly what this series has been describing - equipping protective parents to bring into the room the knowledge the system never required its practitioners to have. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  4. Jun 24

    110. Working as intended - Part 3: The standard - How to tell who actually knows what your children need

    "Child-focused."  Two words that appear on the website of virtually every practitioner in the post-separation space.  Every lawyer.  Every mediator.  Every divorce coach.  Every family therapist.  Every family report writer.  The language is everywhere - and in part 3 of Working As Intended, Danielle walks you through how to tell, in thirty seconds, whether the person using those two words actually has the knowledge they're claiming. This episode widens the lens beyond the legal profession to the entire industry that has built itself around post-separation parenting. It opens on a family doctor advising a mother with serious safety concerns about her ex's capacity to care for their two-year-old to "give him a chance, how else is he going to learn." From there, the episode walks profession by profession - coaching, mediation, post-separation parenting programs, parenting orders programs, family therapy, the professional development circuit - naming what the credential actually requires and what it does not. The episode also introduces an argument Danielle hasn't made publicly before: that family report writers are the load-bearing role for the entire family law system's claim to be child-focused. Every other professional in the system who has not been required to study child development has, in effect, outsourced that requirement to the report writer.  If the report writer doesn't have the knowledge either - and there is no uniform requirement that they do - the system has no foundation under any of its claims about children's best interests. A specific anonymised case example - a play therapist identifying a trauma response, a family report writer reading the same presentation as grief - lands the cost in concrete terms. The episode closes with the one question to ask every practitioner in this space, the test that takes thirty seconds and tells you almost everything you need to know about whether you are going to trust them with your children's story. A dedicated standalone episode on family report writers will follow the conclusion of the Working As Intended series. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents bringing the knowledge the system never required its practitioners to have.  AI Danielle is available any time, any hour.  Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  5. Jun 17

    109. Working as intended - Part 2: What an Independent Children's Lawyer (ICL) actually is

    Nine hundred and fifty dollars. An online module and a one-day workshop. That's the specialist training that qualifies a family lawyer to represent your child's best interests in court - and that's the starting point for part 2 of Working As Intended. In this episode, Danielle walks through the structural reality of Independent Children's Lawyer accreditation in Australia, including the Australian Institute of Family Studies finding that there are no uniform professional development requirements for ICLs across jurisdictions.  From there, the episode pivots into an argument you won't hear in most family law commentary - that the pre-1975 system, however sexist in its assumptions, was accidentally more aligned with what attachment science would later confirm than the reformed system that replaced it. And what the 2006 transactional lens cost children. If you've ever wondered why the person appointed to represent your children's "best interests" appears unfamiliar with what those best interests actually require - this is the longer answer. The episode opens with a brief clarification refining two specific points from part 1. The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint is the structured way through this work - built for protective parents equipping themselves to advocate for their children with the knowledge the system never required its practitioners to have. AI Danielle is available any time, any hour. Both at danielleblackcoaching.com.au. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  6. Jun 10

    108. Working as intended - Part 1: What your lawyer was taught (and what they weren't)

    What your family lawyer was taught - and what they weren't.  The first of four episodes on the architecture of the Australian family law system.  Eleven mandatory areas of study to be admitted as a lawyer in Australia. Family law isn't one of them. The system isn't rigged. It isn't broken. It's working exactly as it was designed to - and the problem is what it was designed for. This is the first of a four-part series on the architecture of the Australian family law system. The system was built to adjudicate disputes between adult parties - to resolve property, allocate parenting time, and produce court orders. It was not built, in its foundations, to see children.  And when we ask that architecture to do something it was never built to do, it produces, predictably, the outcomes we often see - children ordered into arrangements that are at best inappropriate, and at worst doing serious and lasting harm that could be prevented. In this first episode, I look at one of those foundations: how the lawyers inside the system were trained.  There are eleven mandatory areas of study required to be admitted as a lawyer in Australia - known as the Priestley 11. None of them is family law. None of them is coercive control. None of them is child development. None of them is trauma. None of them is post-separation abuse. A specialisation that, for most family lawyers, rests on a single elective subject - if it was taken at all - and on whatever they "pick up on the job". This is the foundation. And it is producing, predictably, what foundations like this produce. In this episode: The focus: the system is working as designed; the problem is what it was designed forThe Priestley 11 - the eleven mandatory areas of study to become an Australian lawyer, none of which is family lawWhy this is a structural argument, not an attack on individual family lawyersAnd, in the closing minutes - what practising family lawyers themselves say about the training gap, in their own wordsFor protective parents navigating this system, the work I do in the Blueprint is built for exactly this - becoming the expert in your own situation, because, as this episode shows, the people advising you may not be. It's there if and when you want to go deeper. Coming next: what an Independent Children's Lawyer (ICL) actually is, and what an ICL was actually trained to do. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  7. Jun 4

    107. When 'parental alienation' is actually coercive control

    "Parental alienation" is one of the most weaponised terms in family law. In this episode, Danielle Black takes the term apart, puts something more precise in its place - and explains why the protective parents on the receiving end of those accusations are almost never the ones doing the harm. Your child loves you. They may simply not feel safe to love you. This is the reframe I want every protective parent who has watched their child pull away to carry, because it changes everything. "Parental alienation" is one of the most weaponised terms in family law. It is invoked, again and again, by parents accused of abuse to discredit the parent who has tried to protect their children from them. It is also gestured at to name a phenomenon that is genuinely real: one parent deliberately damaging a child's relationship with the other. The same term carries two very different things, and that ambiguity is precisely what makes it so easy to weaponise. In this episode I take the term apart, and put something more precise in its place - drawing on the work of Dr Emma Katz, the current Australian legal framework, and what I have learned from years of working with protective parents through exactly this. I address gender carefully, because the statistical pattern matters, and it is not the whole picture. And I offer two things to anyone living through any version of this: a framework for staying in your own lane when you are the one being accused, and a way of thinking about recovery and connection if your relationship with your child has been damaged. This episode follows episode 105. Coercive Control: What It Is, and What It Isn't. If you haven't heard that one, I'd recommend listening to it first as it sets the foundation this conversation builds on. In this episode: Why "parental alienation" survives despite being scientifically discredited - and how it functions as a coercive control tactic in its own right Dr Emma Katz's reframe: parent-child relationship sabotage, and Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS)A note on gender and direction - most often, but not onlyWhat the current Australian family law landscape (post-2023) actually says, and how it differs sharply from the United StatesStaying in your own lane: a framework for responding to accusations from a grounded, protective placeRecovery and connection when your relationship with your child has been damaged: presence over pressure, autonomy over fixingIf what I've described is your life - whether you're facing these allegations or living through the sabotage itself - the full version of everything I've worked through here lives in the Blueprint: Module 19 for this, and Module 17 for the coercive control underneath it. It's there if and when you want to go deeper. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7. In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

  8. May 27

    106. Coercive control - What it is, and what it isn't

    "Coercive control" has entered the mainstream - and started to lose its precision. This episode brings it back: what coercive control actually is, what it isn't, and why the difference matters for everyone. "I felt trapped in my own life."  It's a phrase I hear again and again from clients, it's how I felt all those years ago,  and it captures something the technical definitions can't quite reach. In recent years, "coercive control" has moved from the margins into legislation, headlines, and dinner-table conversation. That shift is profound and overdue. But as the term has become more widely used, it has also become more loosely used - and when everything is called coercive control, the word begins to lose the meaning that the people who have genuinely lived it depend on.  If everything is coercive control, then nothing is. In this episode I bring the precision back. I walk through what coercive control actually is - a deliberate, sustained pattern of behaviour designed to dominate another person and strip away their autonomy, producing fear and compliance - and some of the tactics that make it up.  Then I draw the harder lines: how being "controlling" is not the same as coercive control, and how to think clearly about the trickier middle ground, including withholding contact with children, post-separation behaviour, and reactive behaviours. I also address who perpetrates coercive control: a framework that is gender-neutral in principle, alongside a statistical reality that is anything but - held in a way that erases neither women's overwhelmingly documented experience nor male victims. This is a measured conversation, on purpose. The precision I'm arguing for is exactly what the people whose lives were shaped by coercive control deserve. In this episode: What coercive control actually is - pattern, intent, domination, fear, compliance and loss of autonomyThe tactics that constitute itWhy "controlling" behaviour is not the same as coercive controlThe trickier middle ground: withholding contact, post-separation behaviour, and reactive abuseWho perpetrates coercive control - the framework, and the statisticsThree questions to ask yourself if you're unsureWhere to find support, and where to understand this in depthIf this episode gives you language for something you have been living, the work continues in the Blueprint - Module 17 in particular is the extended treatment of coercive control, the foundation the rest of it is built on. Support: If you are in Australia and need to talk to someone, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is available 24/7.   In an emergency, call 000. Explore the supports offered by Danielle Black Coaching The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™ 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/the-post-separation-parenting-blueprint-1 AI Danielle - Your 24/7 Digital Coach 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/meet-ai-danielle 1:1 Coaching 👉 https://www.danielleblackcoaching.com.au/1-1-coaching The music you hear in this outro is 'Calm is Credible' - an original track created exclusively for the Post-Separation Abuse Podcast and Danielle Black Coaching.  You can listen to this song, or download free, by visiting danielleblackcoaching.com.au About Danielle Black Coaching: Danielle Black is a respected authority in child-focused post-separation parenting in Australia. With over twenty years’ experience across education, counselling and coaching - alongside her own lived experience navigating a complex separation and family court journey - she supports parents to think strategically, build capacity, and protect their children’s safety and wellbeing within complex legal and relational systems. Through Danielle Black Coaching, she leads a growing team of specialist coaches and a structured support ecosystem designed to provide professionally held, evidence-informed guidance for parents navigating high-conflict separation and family court processes. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au This podcast is for educational purposes only and not legal advice. Please seek independent legal, medical, financial, or mental health advice for your situation.

See All (115)

Trailer

Ratings & Reviews

4.7
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast Hosted by Danielle Black A no-fluff, evidence-based podcast for parents navigating post-separation abuse, family violence, coercive control, and high-conflict separation and divorce - with a relentless focus on protecting children in a system that too often fails them. Hosted by Danielle Black, Australia’s leading specialist in child-focused post-separation parenting, this podcast is not about "amicable co-parenting at all costs", outdated ideologies, or adult notions of fairness. It is about understanding how abuse frequently continues through parenting arrangements after separation - and what genuinely child-centred decision-making looks like when risk, fear, or power imbalance is present. Each episode challenges the myths that place children in harm’s way, including Australia’s dangerous obsession with 50/50 shared care, the misapplication of "friendly parent" ideals, and the expectation that protective parents should endlessly compromise to keep the peace. Drawing on developmental science, research-based evidence, trauma-informed practice, and lived experience, Danielle breaks down: How post-separation abuse actually operatesWhy many standard parenting frameworks fail children in high-conflict casesWhat evidence-based, defensible, child-focused parenting really requiresHow to move from confusion and self-doubt to clarity and confidence This podcast is for parents who are done minimising risk, done being gaslit by systems and professionals, and done prioritising adult comfort over children’s safety and development. Expect direct language, research-backed insight, practical guidance and a few cuss words here and there - not platitudes, false balance, or pressure to accept arrangements that don’t sit right - because children’s wellbeing matters more than adult fairness. Always. To go deeper, explore The Post-Separation Parenting Blueprint™, Danielle’s flagship program supporting parents to make informed, protective decisions after separation. Learn more at danielleblackcoaching.com.au Keywords: post-separation abuse, family violence, coercive control, high-conflict parenting, separation, divorce, family court, Australian family law.

Information

  • Creator
    Danielle Black
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    115
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast
  • Show Website
    The Post-Separation Abuse Podcast

You Might Also Like