Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Cindy Payne
  • 5.0 (13)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

  1. 3d ago

    E162: Why Rituals Heal Where Routines Don't: A Trauma-Informed Way to Restore Energy

    What if the problem isn't that you can't stick to a routine, but that routines were never designed for a healing nervous system? Following up on this week's episode, Daily Habits That Restore Energy, I explore the difference between routines and rituals, and why that difference matters so much for complex trauma survivors, people pleasers, and perfectionists. I share research on how rituals ease anxiety, a few of the small rituals I've built in my new home, and a simple three-part way to turn something you already do into a ritual. In this minisode: Why routines can turn into one more performance for perfectionistsWhat makes a ritual different, and why it supports the nervous systemResearch on rituals and anxietyA three-part ritual you can build today, anchored by the question "How can I reconnect with my body today?" You don't need a better routine. You need a few small moments each day that feel like coming home to yourself. Choose one thing you already do every day and turn it into a ritual this week. If you missed the full episode, go back and give it a listen, and share this minisode with someone who's tired of failing at routines. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  2. 5d ago

    E161: How to Restore Your Energy After Trauma: Daily Habits for a Tired Nervous System

    You've read the morning routine articles. You've tried the 5 a.m. wake-ups and the color-coded habit trackers. And somehow, it all turned into one more thing to be perfect at. In this episode, I talk about daily habits that actually restore energy for complex trauma survivors, and why they look different from typical productivity advice. We explore why predictability is regulating for a nervous system shaped by chaos, how habits can become another form of people pleasing, and what I've learned rebuilding my own daily rhythms after relocating across the country, becoming an empty nester, and moving through perimenopause. In this episode, we cover: Why consistency matters more than intensity for a dysregulated nervous systemFive daily anchors that support energy: morning, nourishment, movement, transitions, and eveningHow to tell when a healthy habit has turned into a perfectionism projectGlimmers, co-regulation, and why connection is an energy habit too Habits don't have to be one more way to prove yourself. They can be small, steady ways to tell your body: you're safe now, and I'm taking care of you. Join me midweek for the minisode on trading routines for rituals. And if this episode helped, leave a rating and review so more survivors can find the show. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  3. Oct 28

    E160: From "I Must Do It All" to "I Choose What Restores Me": People Pleasing & Trauma Recovery

    "If I don't do it, nobody will." If that sentence lives in your body, this minisode is for you. Following up on this week's episode, Is It Rest or Collapse?, I unpack where the belief "I must do it all" comes from for complex trauma survivors, from early caretaking roles to the fawn response and hyper-independence. Then we practice a reframe: "I choose what restores me." In this minisode: Why "I must do it all" is a survival belief, not a personality traitHow choice brings agency back to a nervous system that learned it had noneAn energy inventory to sort what drains you from what restores youA short somatic practice to help your body take in the new belief You don't have to earn rest by finishing everything first. You get to choose what fills you back up. Try the energy inventory this week and notice what you choose. Catch the full episode if you missed it, and share this minisode with someone who's carrying too much. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  4. Oct 26

    E159: Is It Rest or Collapse? Trauma, Shutdown & the People Pleasing Crash

    You spent the whole weekend on the couch. You didn't do a single thing. So why do you feel worse on Monday than you did on Friday? Maybe it wasn't rest at all. In this episode, I explore something most burnout conversations miss: the difference between true rest and nervous system collapse. For complex trauma survivors, what looks like rest from the outside, the scrolling, the fog, the hours that disappear, can actually be a protective shutdown. I share how I mistook collapse for rest after an out-of-state move, becoming an empty nester, and moving through perimenopause, and what helped me tell the difference. In this episode, we cover: What collapse and functional freeze look like, and why they're so often mistaken for restThe fawn-to-crash cycle: people pleasing all week and shutting down on the weekendFive questions to tell rest from collapseWhy the way out of collapse isn't more stillness, and gentle ways to come back online You're not lazy, and you're not failing at rest. Your body may be protecting you the only way it knows how. Once you can tell the difference, you can start giving it what it actually needs. Join me midweek for a practice on replacing "I must do it all" with "I choose what restores me." If this episode named something for you, share it with someone who's stuck in the crash, and leave a rating and review so more survivors can find the show. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  5. Oct 21

    E158: Religious Trauma & People Pleasing: Learning to Trust Yourself Again

    You were taught what to believe before you were old enough to choose. Now you're wondering how much of it is really yours. What if you could start sorting it out gently, without having to decide everything at once? This minisode follows my full length conversation on Monday with Brea's Kafentzis on religious trauma, faith, family, and identity. In this episode, I talk about: What religious trauma is, what it isn't, and why it can be part of a complex trauma storyHow attachment and the need to stay connected shape what we believe as childrenHow shame, hypervigilance, people pleasing, and difficulty trusting yourself can show up after growing up in high-control or high-expectation faith environmentsA simple three-column skill called Sorting What's Yours: still true for me, handed to me, and not sure or not safe to look at yetQuestions to ask yourself when you're ready to explore one belief at a timeHow to meet the guilt and fear that come with questioning, and why every relationship to faith is welcome here Imagine being able to look at your beliefs with curiosity instead of fear. You'll leave with a gentle, paced way to begin, permission to keep what nourishes you and set down what harmed you, and more compassion for the child who learned to comply in order to stay safe. Press play, then try the three-column exercise this week. Pick just one item from the "handed to me" column and ask yourself one question about it. Share this episode with someone who may be wrestling with the same things, and listen to my full conversation with Brea's if you haven't yet. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  6. Oct 19

    E157: Religious Trauma, Attachment & People Pleasing: Growing Up a Preacher’s Kid with Brea Kafentzis, MA, LMHC, LPC, NCC

    What happens when your parents aren’t just your parents, but are treated as synonymous with God? In this episode, I sit down with Brea Kafentzis, a licensed therapist who was once an LPC Associate under my supervision and now specializes in religious trauma. Brea is a PK, a preacher’s kid, and she knows this territory from the inside as well as from the therapy chair. Brea opens up about growing up in the spotlight of an evangelical megachurch, where belonging depended on performance and the real self had to stay hidden. Together we explore where religious trauma and complex trauma overlap, from shame and hypervigilance to black and white thinking, people pleasing, and perfectionism. We talk about purity culture, fear-based messages given to children, and why so many of us learned early not to trust our own thoughts, feelings, or body. In this episode, we cover: What being a preacher’s kid demands of a child, both spoken and unspokenHow faith, family, and identity get fused together, and why role shifts feel so earth-shatteringWhy religious trauma is complex trauma, and how it shows up as shame, people pleasing, and perfectionismThe somatic side of healing and learning to listen to your body’s signalsLosing an attachment figure through deconstruction, and the grief that followsSetting boundaries with family and faith communitiesFinding a therapist who can truly hold space without judgment Whether you’ve left your faith, stayed, or are somewhere in between, this conversation honors every relationship to faith. It isn’t about what to believe. It’s about reclaiming the right to ask questions, trust your inner voice, and let the parts of you that were hidden finally have a place. If this episode helped you put a name to something, share it with someone who might need it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. If you’re in Texas or Washington and looking for support with religious trauma, connect with Brea below. Content note: This episode includes discussion of religious trauma, family dynamics, purity culture, and shame. Please take care of yourself while listening. Connect with Brea Kafentzis Counseling: https://www.kafentziscounseling.com/ Email: brea@kafentziscounseling.com Licensed in Texas and Washington, telehealth only Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  7. Oct 14

    E156: Stop Rescuing, Start Healing: People Pleasing After Parentification

    Your chest tightens, your attention snaps to someone else's mood, and you're already planning how to fix it. What if that rush to rescue isn't a flaw, but a reflex you learned as a kid, and one you can learn to pause? This minisode follows our full episode on parentification and CPTSD with a practical skill. In this episode, I talk about: How to recognize the body signature of the caretaker reflexThe "Whose Is This?" check: whose problem it is, what you're being asked to do versus what you're about to do, and what you needThe difference between being responsible to someone and responsible for someoneLanguage you can borrow for supporting someone without taking over, buying time, saying no, and talking to yourselfWhy guilt shows up when you do something new, and how to start with small, low-stakes practiceA small experiment in receiving Imagine having a pause button for the moment you'd normally leap in to rescue, and words ready when you need them. You'll leave with a simple three-question check, a handful of phrases that sound like a person and not a script, and permission to care without carrying. Press play, and this week, practice catching the reflex. Notice where it shows up in your body, and try one question from the Whose Is This check. Then share the episode with someone who's always the strong one, and listen to the full episode on parentification if you haven't yet. If this was helpful, leave a rating or review so more survivors can find this community. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

  8. Oct 12

    E155: Parentification and CPTSD: When You Were the Parent in Your Own Childhood

    You're the one everyone leans on, the first to notice when someone's upset, and the last to ask for help. Nobody hurt you, you were just "so mature." What if that role wasn't a personality trait at all, but something you learned to survive? A listener asked me to unpack parentification, a term we hear a lot in the therapy world but don't always fully understand. In this episode, I talk about: What parentification actually is, the difference between practical and emotional versions, and how it differs from kids helping outHow culture and context shape the picture, and why it can be a source of both pride and painWhy it happens, and how intent and impact can both be trueHow parentification connects to complex trauma, attachment, hypervigilance, the fawn response, and self-abandonmentCommon ways it shows up in adulthood, from over-functioning and burnout to people pleasing and trouble receivingThe grief and guilt that can come with naming it, and why guilt is often loyaltySeven gentle steps toward healing, including learning the difference between being responsible to someone and responsible for someone Imagine having language for the pattern you've lived in your whole life, without shame or blame. You'll leave this episode with a clearer way to recognize parentification in yourself, a lot more compassion for the child who took on the role, and a sense of where to begin when you're ready to set some of it down. Press play, and then try one small experiment this week. A few times a day, ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" and see what comes up, even if it's just a glass of water. Then share this episode with someone who has always been the strong one, and tune in midweek for the minisode on recognizing the caretaker reflex and the language to use. If this resonated, leave a rating or review so more survivors can find this community. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

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About

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

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