Reclaiming Me: Heal Your Childhood Attachment Wounds, People Pleasing, and Complex PTSD for Women

Cindy Payne
  • 5.0 (9)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

  1. 12h ago

    E125: The Return Is the Practice: How to Stop Shaming Yourself for Drifting from the Middle Path

    You noticed you drifted — again. And before you could find your footing, the voice showed up: of course I'm here again. I can't get this right. What if that self-criticism is itself the extreme you're trying to escape? In this midweek reframe, Cindy zooms in on the part of the middle path most of us get stuck on — not the drifting, but what we do to ourselves when we notice it. Recording from a hotel room after day one of her son's college orientation, she gets honest about what returning to the middle actually looks like in a hard season, drawing from Dan Siegel's river of integration and DBT's concept of participating without self-consciousness. The return is the practice. Not the arrival, not the staying — the return, again and again, without making the drift mean something terrible about you. That's the whole thing. And it's available to you right now, exactly where you are. 🎙️ Listen to the full Monday episode first — this reframe lands even deeper after you do 💬 Submit your CPTSD question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything — DM @cindypaynerooted or email via show notes 🔔 Carry this into your week: Where have I drifted this week, and what is one way I can return without shaming myself for having left? Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, people pleasing, attachment, shame, nervous system healing, DBT middle path, somatic healing Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    13 min

  2. 2d ago

    E124: The Middle Path: How Trauma Survivors Can Heal Without Pushing Through or Falling Apart

    If you've been living with complex trauma, you probably know these two extremes all too well — white-knuckling your way through hard seasons in hyperdrive, or sinking so deep into the emotion that getting back up feels impossible. What if neither of those is where healing actually lives? In this episode, Cindy gets personal about her own season of significant transition — a move to California, closing her in-person practice, shifting to fully virtual work, and the quiet grief of an empty nest — and how all of it has pulled her toward the extremes she knows so well. Drawing from DBT's middle path framework, Dr. Dan Siegel's river of integration metaphor, and her own lived experience as a CPTSD survivor, Cindy unpacks why trauma wires us for all-or-nothing thinking, and why the path back to ourselves runs right through the tension between the two. You'll learn: Why people pleasing, overfunctioning, and emotional shutdown are trauma adaptations — not character flawsHow early attachment wounds teach us that calm is dangerous and the middle isn't safeWhat DBT's three core middle path skills actually look like in everyday lifeHow to begin returning to your own river of integration — especially when you're in a season of grief, change, or uncertainty This episode isn't about getting it together or finally arriving somewhere. It's about giving yourself permission to hold two true things at once — that something can be chosen and still carry grief, that you can be healing and still be struggling, that the middle path isn't a compromise, it's a return. And that return is available to you, again and again, no matter how far you've drifted. Listen now and notice: which extreme do you tend toward when things get hard — pusher through or sinker? 📖 Read Cindy's companion blog post at cindypayne.com/blog 📩 Submit your question for the upcoming Ask Me Anything: CPTSD Edition — email or DM Cindy directly (links in show notes below) 🔔 Don't miss the midweek reframe — a shorter follow-up with one practical question to carry into your week Keywords: trauma, CPTSD, people pleasing, attachment, DBT middle path, nervous system healing, emotional regulation, complex trauma recovery Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    32 min

  3. Jun 10

    E123: How to Make Therapy Actually Stick: The Bridge Most People Miss

    If therapy hasn't felt like it's working — or hasn't stuck the way you hoped — it might not be the therapy. It might be the bridge. In this Midweek Reframe, therapist and CPTSD survivor Cindy Payne follows up on Episode 122 with Rudy Betzold (why people pull away from therapy and what staying in the process actually looks like) with one practical question worth carrying into your whole week: Where did I apply a lesson from therapy this week? Not: did I have a breakthrough? Not: am I fixed? Just — where did something show up, and where did the work actually land? Because the therapy room is where you get the insight. Life is where you practice it. And that translation — from "this is interesting in here" to "this is actually changing something out there" — is a bridge you can build, one ordinary moment at a time. Cindy also gets personal about her own work: learning to sit with resentment instead of repelling it, and what it keeps teaching her about unspoken boundaries, overfunctioning, and the cost of self-righteousness on the relationships she loves most. If you've tried therapy before and it didn't stick, this episode might be exactly what was missing. 📩 Have a CPTSD question? Cindy is collecting questions for an upcoming Ask Me Anything episode — send yours via email or Instagram DM (links below). Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    16 min

  4. Jun 8

    E122: Why Do We Quit Therapy? Trauma, Attachment & People Pleasing Unpacked

    Have you ever walked into a therapy room ready to do the work — only to find yourself people pleasing your way through every session? Or worse, quitting right when things start getting real? If trauma and attachment wounds are part of your story, you are not alone — and there's a reason this keeps happening. In this episode, licensed therapist and CPTSD specialist Cindy Payne, MS, LPC-S, NCC sits down with therapist and podcast host Rudi Betzold of The Hidden Way for an honest, therapist-to-therapist conversation about: Why trauma and attachment patterns make it so hard to stick with therapyHow people pleasing shows up in the therapy room — and why we don't even realize it's happeningThe perfectionism trap that makes us feel like we're failing when we're actually healingWhat green flags to look for in a therapist when you've been hurt beforeWhy successful therapy isn't about "fixing" yourself — and what it actually looks like Whether you're considering therapy for the first time, have had painful experiences with it before, or are somewhere in the middle of your healing journey — this conversation will leave you feeling seen, understood, and hopeful. Cindy and Rudi bring warmth, humor, and deep clinical wisdom to one of the most important conversations you can have about your mental health. "I've been waiting for this my whole life — this is what I've been looking for." That's what healing can feel like when you find the right fit. You deserve that. Listen now and share this episode with someone who needs permission to keep going. Follow Rudi's podcast The Hidden Way — https://open.spotify.com/show/5oRPAiXnSNO5XrRSXLXL0L?si=eb12363491a54078 Read Rudi's Substack After Eden — https://rudibetzold.substack.com/ Follow Rudi on Instagram — @rudibetzold Resources mentioned: Dan Siegel — River of Well-BeingPrentice Hempel — Perfectionism & ShameThe Enneagram — Type 1 & Type 9 Keywords: trauma, attachment, people pleasing, CPTSD, therapy, perfectionism, healing, safety planning, therapeutic relationship, mental health, women's mental health Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    51 min

  5. Jun 3

    E121: Good Boundaries, Not Perfect Boundaries: A CPTSD Recovery Conversation

    Have you ever tried to set a boundary… only to spend the next several hours replaying the conversation in your head? Maybe your voice shook. Maybe you stumbled over your words. Maybe the guilt and shame came rushing in so fast that you started questioning whether you should have spoken up at all. In this Midweek Reframe, Cindy Payne explores why boundary setting feels so emotionally overwhelming for trauma survivors — and why healing is not about creating perfect boundaries, but honest ones. Building on Monday’s conversation about the architecture of boundaries, Cindy takes a deeper look at the exhausting cycle many trauma survivors experience between: Porous boundaries → people pleasing, overexplaining, self-abandonmentRigid boundaries → emotional shutdown, defensiveness, isolation She explains how complex trauma conditions the nervous system to fear relational discomfort, making even healthy boundaries feel unsafe in the body. In this episode, Cindy explores: Why trauma survivors overthink boundariesHow perfectionism sabotages healingThe nervous system response behind guilt and shameWhy resentment often appears after boundary settingHow attachment trauma impacts emotional safetyWhy “messy boundaries” are still healthy boundaries You’ll also hear a powerful reminder that discomfort does not mean you’re doing boundary work wrong. If you’ve spent years people pleasing, avoiding conflict, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode offers both compassion and relief. Cindy reframes boundary work through a trauma-informed lens, reminding listeners that: You do not need to sound perfectly confident to set a healthy boundaryFear in the body is often an old trauma memory — not proof you’re unsafeA shaky “no” is still self-protectionHealing requires practice, not perfection One of the core messages of this episode: “A good boundary is allowed to be messy.”Listeners struggling with CPTSD, attachment wounds, perfectionism, emotional burnout, or chronic guilt will especially resonate with this conversation. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    10 min

  6. Jun 1

    E120: Rigid or Porous? How Complex Trauma Shapes Your Boundaries

    Last week, we explored why complex trauma survivors struggle with boundaries. But understanding the emotional roots of people pleasing and self-abandonment is only the first step. What happens when you actually start changing the way you show up in relationships? In this episode of Reclaiming Me, Cindy Payne dives into the real-life mechanics of trauma-informed boundary setting — including why boundaries can feel terrifying, why difficult people push back, and how attachment wounds shape the way we protect ourselves. Building on last week’s conversation about the emotional consequences of poor boundaries, Cindy introduces the concept of “boundary architecture” through the lens of CPTSD and nervous system healing. You’ll learn: The difference between porous boundaries and rigid boundariesWhy people pleasing is often rooted in survival responsesHow resentment can signal leaking boundariesWhat “calm neutrality” actually feels like in the bodyWhy overexplaining is a trauma responseHow attachment trauma impacts emotional capacity and self-trustWhat to expect when family systems resist your healing Cindy also explains why healthy boundaries are not about controlling others — they are about creating a structure that protects your peace while still allowing authentic connection. If you’ve ever: Felt guilty for saying noOverfunctioned to keep the peaceStruggled with resentment and emotional burnoutShut people out after feeling overwhelmedFeared conflict or disappointing others …this episode will help you understand the nervous system patterns underneath those experiences. Cindy offers compassionate, practical guidance for learning how to hold boundaries without perfectionism, shame, or self-abandonment. She also shares personal insight into healing trauma-related voice suppression and learning to speak up — even when your voice shakes. 🎧 Listen now to learn how to: Set trauma-informed boundariesNavigate difficult or defensive peopleStop overexplaining your needsHeal attachment wounds connected to people pleasingBuild emotional safety without isolation Connect with Cindy:Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    27 min

  7. May 27

    E119: Over-Apologizing Is a Trauma Response | CPTSD & Boundaries

    How often do you apologize for being tired, needing space, changing plans, or simply saying no? For many survivors of CPTSD and relational trauma, over-apologizing becomes second nature. It feels safer to minimize ourselves before someone else can reject, criticize, or become upset with us. In this grounding midweek reframe, Cindy Payne explores why chronic apologizing is often a trauma response rooted in people-pleasing and emotional survival — and how to begin replacing guilt with self-trust. This episode breaks down: why over-apologizing is connected to the fawn responsehow trauma conditions us to manage other people’s emotionsthe hidden nervous system cost of apologizing for our needswhy boundaries do not require permission or consensushow chronic guilt reinforces emotional exhaustion and shamethe connection between CPTSD, emotional sobriety, and self-worth Cindy also revisits the metaphor from Monday’s episode of “living in a house without doors” and explains how dropping unnecessary apologies is part of putting those doors back on their hinges. If you: feel guilty saying noconstantly explain yourselfapologize for resting or needing spacefear disappointing othersstruggle to believe your needs matter …this episode will help you understand that over-apologizing is not weakness. It is a learned survival strategy. More importantly, it offers a new internal anchor to help regulate your nervous system when guilt and fear begin to rise: “My boundaries are valid.”This short but powerful reframe will help you move from defensiveness and self-abandonment into grounded self-respect. Listen now and practice noticing where apologies automatically appear in your daily life. Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    12 min

  8. May 25

    E118: Why Complex Trauma Survivors Struggle with Boundaries

    What happens when you stop numbing, stop people-pleasing, and finally face the reality of your emotional world? For many survivors of CPTSD, it can feel like standing in a house with no doors — exposed, exhausted, and overwhelmed by everyone else’s emotions, expectations, and chaos. In this personal episode, Cindy Payne explores why boundaries are not selfish walls, but essential acts of survival, healing, and self-love. You'll discover: Why boundary struggles are rooted in survival, not weaknessHow CPTSD rewires the nervous system around safety and belongingThe hidden emotional cost of people-pleasing and overfunctioningWhy resentment is often a signal — not a character flawThe difference between controlling others and protecting your peaceHow emotional sobriety requires healthy relational boundaries Cindy also shares vulnerable stories from her own healing journey and reflects on the transformative work of Prentis Hemphill, whose perspective on boundaries reshapes the entire conversation around trauma recovery. If you’ve ever: felt guilty for saying nofeared abandonment when setting limitsstruggled to identify your own needscarried resentment you couldn’t explainexhausted yourself trying to keep the peace …this episode will help you understand why. More importantly, it offers a compassionate framework for reclaiming your space without losing your softness, your relationships, or yourself in the process. One of the episode’s most powerful reminders: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Listen now and begin redefining boundaries not as rejection, but as protection. More on Prentis Hemphill's work: https://prentishemphill.com/ Connect with Cindy: Ready for deeper support? Take the free people-pleasing quiz, explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Instagram: @cindypaynerooted email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast supports women healing trauma, attachment wounds, codependency, anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking, and rebuilding self-worth, self-trust, boundaries, and confidence through trauma-informed guidance. Through honest, grounded conversations, it explores the real human experience of growth and leadership, the tension between purpose and rest, boundaries and connection, and how choosing awareness and compassion creates a more aligned and authentic life.

    27 min
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5
out of 5
9 Ratings

About

Are you a woman who has done years of healing work on your attachment trauma, yet still feel unable to let go of people-pleasing and perfectionism? This trauma-informed podcast helps women with complex PTSD heal the lasting impact of childhood attachment wounds from parents and caregivers so you can finally release survival patterns, rebuild self-trust, and create relationships rooted in authenticity, confidence, and emotional safety. Listen each week to learn how to: • Understand how trauma, attachment patterns, and overthinking fuel anxiety, stress, and burnout. • Release perfectionism, people-pleasing, and outdated identities that keep you playing small. • Build healthy boundaries, embodied self-trust, and a grounded sense of purpose and worth. **Ready to begin your healing? Start with the rebrand episode of Reclaiming Me: E66: Why You Can’t Heal Your Attachment Style Without Trauma Work (The Truth Behind the Rebrand of Reclaiming Me). ** I'm your host, Cindy Payne—a licensed professional counselor, certified yoga teacher, and C-PTSD survivor—offers a new episode each Monday, and a Wednesday Midweek Reframe teaching a practical skill or concept, so you can reduce the impact of C-PTSD symptoms and improve relationships. Work With Me: Ready for deeper support? Explore therapy or book a consultation here: cindypayne.com Connect With Me: Send me a message directly on Instagram: @cindypaynerooted or via email: cindy@cindypaynelpc.com This podcast explores the real, human side of growth — from navigating anxiety, imposter syndrome, and codependency to rediscovering presence, confidence, and authenticity. Through honest conversations about vulnerability, leadership, and letting go, we dive into the balance between purpose and rest, mindfulness and action, boundaries and connection. Together, we unpack the layers of trauma, stress, and exhaustion that keep us from fulfillment, and explore how healing begins when we choose awareness, compassion, and alignment over overwhelm.

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