Anger Management

Alastair Duhs
  • 3.3 (29)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

The Anger Management Podcast is your weekly guide to mastering your anger and creating the calm, happy and loving relationships you’ve always wanted. Join anger expert Alastair Duhs as he shares practical tips, proven techniques and game-changing strategies to help you control your anger, master your emotions and transform your relationships into sources of calm, happiness and respect. This podcast is for anyone who’s ready to break free from anger’s grip and create a life filled with peace and connection. If you're ready to take the next step toward a calmer, more fulfilling life, tune in each week and start your journey to true anger mastery. Want to learn more? Visit AngerSecrets.com.

  1. 3D AGO

    81 - He Thought He Didn't Have an Anger Problem. His Marriage Told a Different Story.

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs sits down with Matthew, a 32-year-old husband, stepfather and small business owner who came to the program eight weeks ago stuck in a cycle of explosive arguments with his wife. Whether you bring frustration home from a long day and take it out on the people closest to you, or you know your anger needs to change but have not quite found the words for it yet, this conversation will feel familiar. Rather than talking about anger in abstract terms, Matthew shares what actually shifted for him, from recognising where he sits on the tension scale before things escalate, to seeing his wife as a teammate rather than an opponent. And the good news is, eight weeks was enough to start rebuilding the trust that anger had been quietly eroding. Key Takeaways: Anger does not always look the way people expect. Matthew saw himself as a good husband and father. But frustration was building beneath the surface, and the people closest to him were bearing the brunt of it.When everything else is getting to you, it is easy to make your partner the enemy. Matthew's shift came when he stopped seeing his wife as the opponent and started seeing them as a team facing a common challenge together.Your thoughts do not have to become your actions. Matthew learned that having a difficult thought is not the problem. What matters is whether you act on it. Slowing down between the thought and the response is where real change begins.The Tension Scale is a practical tool, not a theory. Asking yourself where you are on the scale in the moment gives you a window to make a different choice before things escalate. Matthew uses it daily, including in Auckland traffic.Writing things down makes the work stick. Matthew keeps a journal of his notes and progress. Seeing the changes on paper reinforces that the work is real, not just something that feels good in the moment.Short sessions throughout the day work better than one long sit-down. Matthew fits the course around a busy life in small pockets of time. That consistency, he says, is what keeps the tools fresh and usable when they are actually needed.Role modelling matters more than most fathers realise. Matthew is more open with his stepson about his own vulnerabilities than his father was with him. He wants his son to grow up knowing it is okay to feel things, and to have somewhere to take those feelings. Resources & Next Steps: If Matthew's story sounds familiar and you are ready to break the pattern: Book a FREE 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"Learn more about The Complete Anger Management System

    18 min

  2. MAY 10

    80 - The STOP Method: How to Control Anger Before It Controls You

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces the STOP model: a simple, four-step tool you can use anywhere, anytime, the moment you feel anger starting to rise. Whether it's your partner, a driver cutting you off or your kid doing that thing again, the window between feeling angry and acting on it is smaller than most people think. This episode is about how to use that window. Rather than offering advice that only works when you're calm, Alastair walks through a practical tool designed specifically for the heat of the moment, and explains exactly why it works on a physiological level, not just a psychological one. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: The moment between feeling angry and acting on it is where everything happens. Without a deliberate pause, you don't have a choice, you just react. The STOP model is how you create that pause.Slow, deep breathing isn't just calming advice, it's physiology. It activates your body's natural calming system and directly counteracts the stress response that anger triggers.Practicing deep breathing in low-stakes moments means the habit is already there when the pressure is really on. Don't wait until you're angry to try it for the first time.Observing your anger rather than acting on it creates distance between you and the feeling. You're no longer inside it. You're watching it. And that shift changes everything.The right question before you respond is: what is the most useful way to handle this right now? Reacting with anger is almost never the answer, even when you're right.A physical reminder: a sticky note, a card in your wallet, sounds almost too simple. But a visual cue in the right place at the right time can interrupt the automatic pattern before it starts. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  3. MAY 3

    79 - Why Your Partner Stops Talking to You (And How to Fix It)

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares three concrete steps for communicating more effectively with your partner, especially when things get heated. Whether you're the one who shuts down in an argument or the one who keeps pushing to be heard, the problem is rarely what's being said. It's how people are listening, and how they express themselves when the stakes feel high. Rather than offering vague advice about being a better communicator, Alastair walks through three practical tools you can use in your next difficult conversation. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: Most people think they're good listeners. Most people are wrong. In a tense conversation, the majority are just waiting for their turn to talk. Your partner can feel the difference.Active listening means being fully present. Not fixing, not advising, not preparing your response. Your only job is to understand what your partner is actually saying and feeling.Asking questions like "How did you feel about that?" or "Can you tell me more?" shifts a conversation from confrontational to collaborative. When people feel heard, the defensiveness drops.The DESC model gives you a four-part structure for expressing yourself without aggression: Describe the situation, Explain your feelings, Suggest what you'd like and give the positive Consequences of that solution.How you say something matters as much as what you say. The same concern delivered differently can either start a fight or start a real conversation.Effective negotiation means both people feel heard before any solution is proposed. A solution you've both shaped together is one you'll both actually follow through on. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support communicating more effectively and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  4. APR 26

    78 - Why You Keep Getting Triggered

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores one of the most important questions in anger management: Why does that specific thing set you off? Whether it's a tone of voice, a passing comment or something so small you couldn't even explain it afterwards, your anger triggers are personal, patterned and almost always connected to something deeper than the moment itself. Rather than offering generic advice about staying calm, Alastair walks through the most common triggers he's seen across 30 years of working with clients, and gives you four practical tools to start understanding and managing your own. And the good news is that once you can see your patterns clearly, you have something you didn't have before: Choice. Key Takeaways: An anger trigger is like a button. When it gets pressed, the anger response fires almost automatically. But the button is yours, and you can learn to understand it.Anger triggers are deeply personal. What sends one person over the edge barely registers for someone else. The most common ones include feeling disrespected, experiencing injustice, having boundaries crossed, and feeling criticised or judged.Most triggers aren't really about what's happening in the moment. They're connected to something older: past experiences, deeper fears, wounds that never fully healed. That's why a small comment can land like a much bigger attack.Keeping an Anger Diary is one of the most powerful tools for understanding your patterns. Writing down what happened, who was involved and what you felt physically helps you see that it's not everything that triggers you: it's specific situations and specific feelings.Your anger doesn't arrive fully formed. There are always early warning signs: physical, emotional, mental. Learning to catch them early gives you a window to intervene before things escalate.Cognitive reframing means questioning the thoughts that are fueling your anger. Choosing a more balanced interpretation can dramatically reduce the intensity of what you feel. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support understanding your anger triggers and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  5. APR 19

    77 - What Healthy Anger Actually Looks Like

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs challenges the idea that anger is always the problem. Whether you've spent years trying to suppress your anger or you're someone who's watched it destroy the things that matter to you, this episode reframes what anger actually is, and what it can be when it's handled well. Rather than treating anger as something to be eliminated, Alastair draws a clear line between healthy anger and unmanaged anger, and explains why that distinction changes everything. The goal isn't to feel less. It's to choose what you do with what you feel. Key Takeaways: Anger isn't the enemy. Unmanaged anger is. Every emotion exists for a reason, and anger is no different. The question was never whether you'll feel it. It's what you do with it.Healthy anger is not suppression. Swallowing it down and pretending everything is fine isn't health. It's avoidance. Real healthy anger means expressing what you feel assertively, not aggressively.The pause before you respond is everything. Asking yourself "what is really bothering me here?" shifts you from reacting to choosing, and that shift changes the outcome entirely.Using "I statements" instead of accusations opens conversations rather than starting fights. "I felt hurt when my idea wasn't acknowledged" lands completely differently than "you stole my idea."Healthy anger is solution-focused, not victory-focused. The goal is to move forward together, not to prove you were right.Forgiveness isn't forgetting. It's refusing to let old anger live rent free in your head. Holding onto it almost always hurts you more than anyone else. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support managing your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  6. APR 12

    76 - The One Thing Happy Couples Do That Others Don't

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs explores the single most important factor in whether a relationship will thrive or fall apart: And it's not chemistry, compatibility or even love. Drawing on research from relationship psychology, Alastair explains why friendship is the foundation everything else is built on, and how it shapes the way couples handle conflict, criticism and the small friction of everyday life. Rather than offering generic relationship advice, Alastair introduces two powerful concepts: Positive and Negative Sentiment Override. These explain why the exact same argument can feel like nothing in one relationship and everything in another. And the good news is, friendship is something you can choose to rebuild, starting today. Key Takeaways: Research shows that only three out of ten couples who marry go on to have a genuinely happy, long-term relationship. The single factor that predicts success more than any other is whether each person sees their partner as their best friend.Positive Sentiment Override acts as a buffer. When the friendship is strong, small irritations don't land as attacks. You assume good intent and give your partner the benefit of the doubt.Negative Sentiment Override flips that entirely. When the overall feeling in a relationship has turned negative, even a two-minute phone call can start a fight. It's not the event. It's the lens you're seeing it through.Letting your partner influence you is one of the most important friendship habits in a relationship. Making decisions that affect both of you without genuine, fair negotiation slowly erodes trust and connection.Expressing appreciation frequently matters more than most people realise. Negative interactions hit harder than positive ones, so the ratio needs to stay high: around five positive interactions for every one negative.Turning towards your partner in small everyday moments, laughing at their jokes, acknowledging what they say, validating their view, is what keeps friendship alive between the big conversations. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support building a calmer, stronger, more connected relationship: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  7. APR 5

    75 - How to Rebuild Your Relationship After Separation

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs walks through five practical steps for rebuilding a relationship after a separation caused by anger. Whether you're the one who's just watched your partner walk out, or you're months into a separation and wondering if there's any way back, this episode gives you a clear, honest roadmap for what comes next. Rather than offering empty reassurances or quick fixes, Alastair is direct about what real reconciliation actually requires, from both people. And the good news is that when the work is done properly, what comes out the other side is often something stronger than what existed before. Key Takeaways: Dealing with your anger has to come first. If anger isn't genuinely addressed, nothing else in the relationship can be repaired. Your partner knows it, and deep down, you probably do too.Accepting responsibility means understanding the full impact of your behavior on the people you love. Most people with anger issues don't realise how deep that impact goes until they stop and truly look.Letting your partner take the lead on when to reestablish contact is essential. Rushing this step often does more damage. Some couples wait months, and that's okay.Words alone won't rebuild trust. Your partner needs to see real evidence of change, consistently, in small unplanned moments over time — not just when things are easy.The goal isn't to go back to the relationship you had. It's to build something new, something that couldn't exist before because the work hadn't been done yet. Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support rebuilding your relationship and managing your anger for good: Visit AngerSecrets.comBook a free 30-minute phone callAccess the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"

    10 min

  8. MAR 29

    74 - Why Anger Keeps Destroying Your Relationship (And How to Stop It)

    For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Anger in a relationship doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. But without the right tools, the same arguments keep happening, the same damage keeps building — and eventually, something breaks. In this episode of The Anger Secrets Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs shares four practical things you can start doing this week to change the way anger shows up in your relationship. In this solo episode, Alastair walks you through four key areas, from understanding your triggers to remembering you and your partner are on the same team, giving you a clear, actionable roadmap for lasting change. Key Takeaways: Understanding your anger triggers is the foundation. But without knowing what sets you off, those triggers run the show without youTalking openly about issues before they build is the difference between a conversation and an explosion. A weekly relationship check-in is a simple tool that makes this possibleStress and anger are directly linked. Managing your stress levels outside the relationship directly reduces conflict inside itMost arguments feel like battles because we're trying to win. Shifting from "convince" to "understand" is where real resolution livesBoth people in a conflict have valid perspectives. Seeking to understand your partner's view almost always leads them to seek yours in return. If anger has been damaging your relationship, this episode gives you four clear places to start, and the perspective to make them stick. Links referenced in this episode: angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking the Anger Cycle angersecrets.com/course — Enrol in The Complete Anger Management System

    10 min
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3.3
out of 5
29 Ratings

About

The Anger Management Podcast is your weekly guide to mastering your anger and creating the calm, happy and loving relationships you’ve always wanted. Join anger expert Alastair Duhs as he shares practical tips, proven techniques and game-changing strategies to help you control your anger, master your emotions and transform your relationships into sources of calm, happiness and respect. This podcast is for anyone who’s ready to break free from anger’s grip and create a life filled with peace and connection. If you're ready to take the next step toward a calmer, more fulfilling life, tune in each week and start your journey to true anger mastery. Want to learn more? Visit AngerSecrets.com.

Information

  • Creator
    Alastair Duhs
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    80
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2026 Alastair Duhs
  • Show Website
    Anger Management

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