When your child shares that they’re questioning their gender identity or beginning a gender transition, it can open up an entirely new journey for a parent, too, one that may bring love and support alongside surprise, confusion, fear, grief, and a lot of learning. And when someone you care about is that parent, you may wonder: How do I show up? What should I say? What shouldn’t I ask? How can I support both my friend and their child? In this episode of Surfing the Quicksand, Kathy talks with Wendy Williams, owner of Weave Wellbeing, a Mayo-trained and board-certified health and wellness coach who helps people navigate major life transitions. Wendy also facilitates support groups for parents of transgender and gender-diverse children, work informed by her own experience after her adult child came out as nonbinary. Wendy shares what parents may experience as their child transitions, from adjusting long-held expectations and navigating names and pronouns to managing family dynamics and making space for their own emotions while continuing to support their child. Kathy and Wendy also explore the role friends and family can play: listening without trying to solve, respecting privacy, avoiding intrusive questions, following the transitioning person’s lead, and sometimes simply asking, “Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?” It’s a compassionate conversation about supporting someone through a transition you may not fully understand, without needing to have all the answers. KEY TAKEAWAYS A child’s transition is also a family transition. The transitioning person remains at the center, but parents, siblings and extended family are adapting too. Complicated feelings can coexist with love and support. Surprise, confusion, fear, grief and a sense of loss can all be part of a parent's experience. Good friends don't need to be experts; they need to be safe people. Listen, ask what your friend needs, respect privacy and don't rush to solutions. Wendy offers a helpful filter: “Do I need this information to do my job as a good friend?” Don't get too far ahead of the family. While friends may be thinking about holidays, grandparents, school or legal changes, the family may still be dealing with tomorrow morning. Stay present and take things one step at a time. RESOURCES AND LINKS Wendy’s Website: https://www.weavewellbeing.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendy-williams-mm-nbc-hwc-2145671b6/ Wendy’s journal: https://www.weavewellbeing.com/journal Families in transition: https://www.weavewellbeing.com/gender-transitions TransFamily Support Services: https://transfamilysos.org TransFamilies: https://transfamilies.org/ Human Rights Campaign — Supporting Transgender, Non-binary, and Gender-Expansive Children: https://www.hrc.org/resources/supporting-trans-non-binary-gender-expansive-children Recommended Books Gender: Your Guide, 2nd Edition, The Gender-Friendly Primer on What to Know, What to Say, and What to Do in the New Gender Culture, Lee Airton, PhD It's About You Too, Tracy Whitmore Raising Trans Kids, Rebecca Minor The Conscious Parent's Guide to Gender Identity, Darlene Tando, LCSW ABOUT WENDY WILLIAMS Wendy Williams is a Mayo-trained, board-certified health and wellness coach and owner of Weave Wellbeing. She helps individuals, couples and groups navigate major life transitions, with a special focus on supporting parents of children going through gender transitions. She is also a trained facilitator with Transforming Families MN, helping lead support groups for parents of transgender children of all ages.
