The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger & Johnny Dzubak
  • 4.7 (10K)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Biweekly

Explore social skills like charisma, confidence, body language and conversation. On The Art of Charm, co-founders AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down the science of human behavior into practical skills, from owning a room and reading people to making a first impression and building real connection. Short Social Intelligence Briefings focus on one skill in about 15 minutes, and long-form interviews go deep with experts such as Joe Navarro, Chris Voss and Vanessa Van Edwards on body language, persuasion, influence and relationships. The Art of Charm has been on the air since 2007.

  1. 1d ago

    Working Harder Makes You Less Productive | Dr. Christian Poensgen

    What if your obsession with productivity is actually making you less productive—and damaging the relationships that matter most? Working longer hours, answering every message, and sacrificing rest might feel like the path to success, but chronic stress and burnout can quietly undermine your performance, emotional health, and personal life. AJ sits down with Dr. Christian Poensgen, co-author of Ultra Productive, to explore why hustle culture fails and how to achieve peak performance without sacrificing your well-being. Christian shares how his own startup experience nearly led to burnout and strained his relationship, why getting eight hours of sleep doesn't necessarily mean you're well-rested, and how to distinguish healthy acute stress from harmful chronic stress. They also unpack the hidden costs of constant notifications, fragmented attention, and "time confetti"—and why real social connection is essential to sustainable success. You'll learn practical strategies to improve sleep quality, manage stress, prevent burnout, and increase productivity without working longer hours. Discover how to use deep work and time blocking to protect your focus, simple breathing exercises and walking breaks to reset your nervous system, and digital boundaries to improve work-life balance. Whether you're an entrepreneur, leader, or high achiever, this conversation will help you build a healthier relationship with work, become more present with loved ones, and achieve more without constantly doing more. Episode Resources: https://www.amazon.com/Ultraproductive-90-Minute-Method-Optimize-Stress/dp/B0GHXM6HMV/ Stop replaying conversations in your head. Reach out without overthinking every word, turn acquaintances into a few deep friendships, and feel like someone people want around. https:// UnlockYourXFactor.com Chapters 00:00 – Why hustle culture damages your relationships03:26 – How chasing productivity can lead to burnout06:16 – Why eight hours of sleep isn't always enough08:05 – Deep sleep vs. REM sleep: What matters for recovery11:34 – Why your sleep tracker score can be misleading17:01 – Simple ways to improve sleep quality naturally20:40 – What does being ultra productive actually mean?23:39 – Why rest makes you more productive26:40 – Acute stress vs. chronic stress: How to prevent burnout30:36 – Why social media isn't a substitute for real connection33:37 – How to manage stress with walking and breathing exercises39:04 – Train your nervous system for better stress recovery41:30 – Time confetti: How distractions steal your free time44:01 – How leaders can protect deep work and avoid constant interruptions47:32 – The best times of day for focused, productive work52:21 – Create digital boundaries for better work-life balance54:01 – Digital intermittent fasting: Break the phone habit58:54 – Where to find Ultra Productive and Christian's work A Word From Our Sponsors: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code CHARM and get up to $300 off ANY of their select AirDoctor models, plus you will get a 3-year warranty,absolutely FREE!  To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/charm. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code charm at oneskin.co/charm Search for The Personal Finance Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Your wallet will thank you later. Go to Fitnexa.com and use promo code Art of Charm at checkout to get $10 off SomniPods 3 Keywords productivity, how to be more productive, burnout prevention, chronic stress, stress management, work life balance, peak performance, hustle culture, deep work, time management, sleep quality, deep sleep, REM sleep, sleep hygiene, emotional regulation, nervous system regulation, productivity tips, digital detox, phone addiction, time confetti, focus and concentration, leadership productivity, healthy habits, stress recovery, social connection Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  2. 3d ago

    Why Good Conversations Go Nowhere | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Ever walk away from a conversation wondering why you struggle to make meaningful connections—even though you're friendly, ask questions, and listen? The problem might not be your social skills. It might be that you're having conversations where nobody gets to know the real you. AJ and Johnny break down why small talk often fails to build deeper relationships and how to turn everyday conversations into genuine connections. They explore the difference between asking surface-level questions and showing curiosity about what actually matters to someone. Through a simple before-and-after conversation exercise, they demonstrate how one thoughtful follow-up question—and a little authentic self-disclosure—can make you more memorable without forcing vulnerability or trying to impress anyone. You'll learn how to move beyond small talk, ask better questions, improve your active listening skills, and share more about yourself without dominating the conversation. You'll also discover how to use an if-then plan to practice these communication skills in real life, stop overanalyzing social interactions, and build stronger friendships, workplace relationships, and personal connections—one conversation at a time. Episode Resources: Stop replaying conversations in your head. Reach out without overthinking every word, turn acquaintances into a few deep friendships, and feel like someone people want around. https:// UnlockYourXFactor.com Chapters 00:00 – Why being friendly doesn't guarantee meaningful connections00:54 – Why small talk rarely leads to deeper relationships01:26 – Stop searching for your own story and start listening02:03 – Ask better questions to understand what matters03:04 – The small talk mistake that keeps conversations superficial04:17 – How to turn small talk into a meaningful conversation05:56 – Active listening and authentic self-disclosure06:44 – The psychology of building better social habits08:00 – Use if-then planning to improve conversation skills08:37 – A simple exercise to build stronger connections09:08 – Stop overthinking what people think of you09:52 – How to practice social skills and build confidence10:24 – Let people get to know the real you A Word From Our Sponsors: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code CHARM and get up to $300 off ANY of their select AirDoctor models, plus you will get a 3-year warranty,absolutely FREE!  To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/charm. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code charm at oneskin.co/charm Search for The Personal Finance Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Your wallet will thank you later. Go to Fitnexa.com and use promo code Art of Charm at checkout to get $10 off SomniPods 3 Keywords how to make meaningful connections, how to have better conversations, how to get past small talk, conversation skills, social skills, communication skills, how to connect with people, building deeper relationships, active listening, how to ask better questions, making friends, authentic connection, emotional connection, self disclosure, interpersonal communication, social confidence, social anxiety, relationship building, networking skills, how to be more interesting, conversation starters, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  3. Oct 12

    The FBI’s Secret to Influencing Anyone | Kyle Vowinkel

    When pressure rises, your instinct may be to take control, push harder, and force a decision. But the harder you push, the more resistance you can create. AJ sits down with former FBI hostage negotiator and Hostage Rescue Team operator Kyle to explore how to stay calm, think clearly, and influence people in high-stakes situations. Drawing on his role negotiating the surrender of the Boston Marathon bomber and helping resolve a seven-day child hostage crisis, Kyle explains why controlling your ego and emotions matters as much as preparing the facts—and how empathy, patience, and listening can succeed when force fails. You'll learn how to regulate yourself before difficult conversations, frame your opening words to reduce defensiveness, and use focused curiosity to understand what matters to the other person. Kyle also shares how to give people meaningful choices, prepare for best-case, worst-case, and most-likely outcomes, and establish decision triggers before emotions take over. Whether you're negotiating a raise, leading a team, or navigating conflict, the goal is to stop reacting to chaos and start shaping the conditions for a better outcome. Episode Resources: https://www.kylevowinkel.com/founder Chapters 00:00 – How rejection nearly ended an FBI career 04:47 – Why force and influence require different skills 08:03 – Control your ego and emotions before negotiating 10:10 – How to stay calm under extreme pressure 14:29 – The first words that shape a difficult conversation 16:01 – Why empathy doesn't mean agreement 17:58 – How connection helped end the Boston standoff 23:56 – Why taking a pause can change the outcome 26:54 – Force creates compliance, choice creates commitment 29:57 – How overconfidence can destroy your credibility 33:43 – Use positive self-talk to improve performance 36:54 – Stop delaying difficult decisions 39:46 – Plan for three possible outcomes in a crisis 43:49 – Set decision triggers before emotions take over 47:58 – How to prepare for uncertainty 49:51 – Frame a raise negotiation with focused curiosity 53:56 – Build accountability on underperforming teams 56:56 – What elite performers understand about failure 59:49 – A simple reset for stressful moments A Word From Our Sponsors Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For a quieter and more comfortable nighttime environment, visit  ⁠https://go.fitnexa.com/Rl9TwI⁠ and use promo code Art of Charm at checkout to get $10 off SomniPods 3 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Keywords FBI hostage negotiation, crisis negotiation, emotional regulation, leadership, influence, persuasion, high pressure situations, conflict resolution, negotiation skills, self control, emotional intelligence, crisis management, decision making, empathy, active listening, difficult conversations, stress management, self talk, confidence, leadership under pressure, hostage rescue, team performance, resilience, communication skills, negotiation tactics Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  4. Oct 12

    How to be Taken Seriously at Work | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Doing great work isn't enough to get promoted if nobody understands the value you're bringing to the table. AJ and Johnny break down why talented professionals often struggle to make their contributions visible without feeling like they're bragging or taking credit from their team. Through the story of a financial professional who wanted to advance his career, they explore how waiting to be noticed, downplaying your role, and backing down under pressure can keep your expertise hidden from the people making decisions. You'll learn how to communicate your contributions without overshadowing coworkers, make clear recommendations that demonstrate your judgment, and handle pushback without becoming defensive. You'll also discover how simple if-then plans can help you speak up in important meetings, navigate competing priorities, and build the professional visibility that creates opportunities for advancement. Episode Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5 Chapters 00:00 – How to take credit without stealing the spotlight01:13 – Why waiting to be noticed keeps you invisible02:03 – Three questions to prepare for important meetings02:59 – How to communicate your value without bragging04:16 – Handle pushback without losing confidence05:39 – The science of if-then planning07:10 – Practice defending your recommendations08:42 – How to communicate boundaries and priorities09:33 – How visibility can lead to career advancement10:25 – Turn every meeting into a learning opportunity11:17 – Your challenge for the next meeting Keywords career advancement, professional visibility, executive presence, workplace communication, self advocacy, career growth, promotions, leadership, confidence, communication skills, workplace influence, strategic thinking, handling pushback, professional development, self promotion, decision making, workplace confidence, meeting skills, assertiveness, career success Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  5. Oct 5

    What Your Shame Is Trying to Tell You | Frank Spinelli

    Shame doesn’t tell you that you did something bad. It tells you that you are bad—and that distinction can quietly shape your relationships, choices, and sense of self. AJ sits down with physician and author Dr. Frank Spinelli to explore why shame is so difficult to outrun. Frank explains how shame differs from guilt, the ways it can show up through people pleasing, perfectionism, avoidance, substances, and relationship sabotage, and why suppressing it often makes the cycle stronger. Instead of treating shame as something to eliminate, he offers a different approach: learn to recognize what it’s trying to tell you. You’ll learn Frank’s four Ps for responding when shame gets triggered, how to recognize shame in your body before it takes over, and the COMPASS framework for building shame resilience. Frank also explains how core values, self-compassion, boundaries, community, and honest disclosure can help you stop isolating and build deeper relationships without expecting someone else to fix or validate your past. Episode Resources: https://www.amazon.com/Shame-Compass-Radical-Framework-Self-Acceptance/dp/B0H34JGBSC/ Chapters 00:00 – The critical difference between shame and guilt 03:45 – Five signs shame may be running your life 05:46 – How trauma turns into self-blame 07:58 – Where shame shows up in your body 09:35 – Stop running from the past and address the present 11:06 – The four Ps for responding to shame 14:22 – Why suppressing difficult emotions backfires 18:22 – Start treating shame as information 20:23 – The COMPASS framework for shame resilience 24:01 – Why community is an antidote to isolation 27:07 – Separate your identity from your shame 29:20 – Use your core values to interrupt shame 32:20 – You don’t need to hit rock bottom to change 34:38 – How to support someone struggling with shame 37:19 – What to do when shame takes over in the moment 40:56 – Journaling and body mapping your shame 47:14 – Stop worrying about what other people think 49:22 – How shame creates distance in relationships 53:18 – How to share your shame with someone you love A Word From Our Sponsors Get $250 off select AirDoctor air purifiers by using promo code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠AirDoctorPro.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Shopify is where you go to start your business, and everything you need to sell is already there from day one. Start your free trial by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SHOPIFY.COM/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Connect with top talent ready to help your business grow by going to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠UPWORK.COM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ For a quieter and more comfortable nighttime environment, visit  https://go.fitnexa.com/Rl9TwI and use promo code Art of Charm at checkout to get $10 off SomniPods 3 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Keywords shame, guilt, shame resilience, trauma, self compassion, emotional healing, people pleasing, shame spiral, emotional regulation, mental health, self awareness, trauma recovery, relationships, addiction recovery, body awareness, boundaries, core values, self esteem, personal growth, emotional triggers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  6. Oct 2

    You Were Trained to Be Invisible | Social Intelligence Briefing

    The habits that helped you succeed early in your career can become the same habits that keep you invisible later. AJ and John break down how approval seeking evolves from a useful behavior into an identity. Working hard, following the rules, proving yourself, and waiting for recognition may be rewarded early on—but as your career advances, those same patterns can leave you out of important conversations and opportunities. The longer the pattern runs, the easier it becomes to confuse “what I do” with “who I am.” You’ll learn why simply deciding to communicate differently often falls apart under pressure, how approval-seeking patterns can become automatic over time, and why lasting change requires repeated practice rather than willpower alone. The key is recognizing the pattern early, practicing new responses until they become natural, and changing how you operate before the costs compound. Episode Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5 Chapters 00:00 – The approval-seeking pattern you stopped noticing01:00 – When a behavior becomes part of your identity01:39 – Why working hard eventually stops working02:25 – How high performers become invisible03:15 – When competence becomes an identity trap03:41 – The compounding cost of approval seeking05:35 – Why knowing what to do isn’t enough06:02 – Why old patterns return under pressure06:48 – Practice until the new response becomes automatic07:43 – Why waiting makes change harder08:51 – Rewiring patterns built over decades Keywords approval seeking, career growth, workplace visibility, identity, behavior change, career advancement, executive presence, workplace communication, high performers, professional development, self awareness, people pleasing, workplace confidence, communication skills, career strategy, habit change, professional growth, workplace psychology, leadership, personal development Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  7. Sep 28

    Tiny Habits That Change Your Life | Eli Susman

    You don’t need an hour-long morning routine to improve your well-being. Sometimes twenty seconds is enough—if you actually keep doing it. AJ sits down with researcher Eli to explore micro-practices: well-being practices designed to add no more than thirty seconds to your day. They challenge the belief that meditation and mindfulness require long sessions, perfect environments, or expensive retreats, and explore why consistency may matter more than duration when it comes to building habits that actually stick. You’ll learn how to weave mindfulness into things you already do, use movement, touch, breath, and flow to regulate yourself in stressful moments, and practice self-compassionate touch when you need support. Eli also shares strategies for turning tiny practices into lasting habits—including why giving yourself permission to skip can actually make you more consistent. Episode Resource https://amzn.to/4d4eJ9p Chapters 00:00 – Why three breaths can be enough02:38 – The science behind twenty-second practices06:17 – Stop treating mindfulness like something you escape to do09:22 – Turn everyday moments into practice12:00 – Why consistency matters more than duration17:24 – Bring mindfulness into your actual life25:48 – A micro-practice for social media envy35:01 – Move, touch, breathe, and flow42:41 – Try twenty seconds of self-compassionate touch45:25 – How touch can help during stressful moments48:11 – Turn micro-practices into automatic habits51:33 – Why skip days can make you more consistent56:01 – Treat self-improvement as self-friendship Keywords micro practices, mindfulness, meditation, habit formation, self compassion, stress reduction, emotional wellbeing, self compassionate touch, mindfulness practice, healthy habits, consistency, behavior change, breathwork, emotional regulation, self improvement, meditation practice, social media envy, habit building, mental health, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  8. Sep 24

    Why Being Liked Isn't Getting You Respected | Social Intelligence Briefing

    Doing great work doesn’t guarantee you’ll get credit for it. In fact, staying humble and helpful can sometimes make your best work invisible. AJ and Johnny break down the difference between approval and respect—and why high-performing analytical professionals often get trapped chasing the wrong one. They explore how avoiding conflict, waiting to be asked, saying yes to everything, and refusing to claim your wins can feel like integrity while quietly limiting your influence and career growth. You’ll learn why being liked and being respected are separate judgments, how to make your expertise visible without becoming aggressive or inauthentic, and why claiming your outcomes doesn’t mean abandoning humility. The shift is simple: stop assuming your work will speak for itself and start communicating the value, impact, and direction of what you contribute. Episode Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://elitehumandynamics.com/theos?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=show-notes&utm_campaign=sib-episode-frame-5 Chapters 00:00 – Why your work doesn’t speak for itself00:59 – The behaviors keeping analytical people invisible01:51 – Being liked and being respected are different03:02 – Respect doesn’t require dominance03:41 – How approval seeking becomes a career trap04:25 – When humility becomes part of your identity05:42 – How to earn respect without losing your integrity06:17 – Stop letting other people take credit for your work07:00 – From invisible to indispensable08:28 – Become the person who belongs in the room Keywords approval seeking, respect, career growth, workplace visibility, executive presence, self promotion, career advancement, workplace communication, professional development, leadership, influence, confidence, claiming credit, workplace boundaries, analytical professionals, high performers, career strategy, professional visibility, workplace dynamics, authenticity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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4.7
out of 5
10,464 Ratings

About

Explore social skills like charisma, confidence, body language and conversation. On The Art of Charm, co-founders AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down the science of human behavior into practical skills, from owning a room and reading people to making a first impression and building real connection. Short Social Intelligence Briefings focus on one skill in about 15 minutes, and long-form interviews go deep with experts such as Joe Navarro, Chris Voss and Vanessa Van Edwards on body language, persuasion, influence and relationships. The Art of Charm has been on the air since 2007.

Information

  • Creator
    AJ Harbinger & Johnny Dzubak
  • Years Active
    2007 - 2026
  • Episodes
    1.2K
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Art of Charm
  • Show Website
    The Art of Charm

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