Tapping Q & A - Getting the most out of tapping and EFT

Gene Monterastelli
  • 4.8 (96)
  • Alternative Health
  • Updated Biweekly

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping is a powerful tool for reducing pain, physical trauma, and eliminating limiting beliefs. Each week tapping expert, Gene Monterastelli, and his amazing guests answer the most common (and uncommon) questions on how to get the most out of EFT. If you want to maximize your success with tapping, this is an indispensable resource. The host of the Tapping Q & A Podcast, Gene Monterastelli, works one-on-one with small business owners and entrepreneurs to help them eliminate self-sabotage so that they can take the actions they need to take to be successful, starting with the most important tasks first. Past guests of the show have included Mary Ayers, Dr. Peta Stapleton, Julie Schiffman, Brad Yates, Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Mark Wolynn, Rick Wilkes, Carol Look, Steve Wells, and Jessica Ortner.

  1. 5d ago

    3 words that make clearing limiting beliefs easier

    One of the most frustrating moments in tapping is when you know a belief is holding you back, you tap on it again and again, and it simply won't budge. That's because your subconscious mind doesn't see a limiting belief as limiting. It sees it as the truth about the world and the very thing that keeps you safe. Some of those beliefs are genuinely useful. My belief that tigers are not kind and cuddly keeps me on the right side of the fence at the zoo. The trouble comes when a belief is disproportionate and misinformed. Last week, in episode 726 of the podcast, I shared the four-part formula I use in almost every round of tapping. At its heart, that formula is a negotiation with the subconscious mind. Even in the middle of that negotiation, though, the subconscious can dig in its heels, because it doesn't trust what you'll do once the resistance comes down. Over time I have found three words that change that conversation. When I bring them into a round of tapping, I can feel my system decompress almost immediately. This week in the podcast, I share those three words, why they speak the language of the subconscious mind, and a short round of tapping you can follow along with so you can feel the difference for yourself. Once you hear them, you'll want to use them in almost every round of tapping you do. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube   Transcript: Are you tired of fighting your subconscious mind when you're trying to clear a limiting belief with tapping? Today, I'm going to share with you the three words that make clearing limiting beliefs so much easier and that should be used in almost every round of tapping. When we're tapping to create transformation and healing, and we're trying to clear a limiting belief, our subconscious mind doesn't want us to clear that limiting belief. That's because the subconscious mind doesn't see it as a limiting belief. Instead, the subconscious mind sees it as how we stay safe. So if the limiting belief is "I can't be successful at this," what's really happening is the subconscious mind is saying, "If we try this, we're probably going to fail, which is going to be painful, which is going to be embarrassing, which is going to cause all sorts of issues. So what I'm going to do is make success so scary that you don't take action." So it's a tool. It's trying to keep us safe. And it's great that we have limiting beliefs that keep us safe. I have a limiting belief about whether or not tigers are kind and cuddly, so that when I'm at the zoo, I don't climb over the cage and try to cuddle one. It's trying to keep me safe. When I'm driving and all of a sudden it starts raining and gets dark, I immediately start slowing down. That limiting belief is a form of resistance that acts as a governor to keep me safe. So limiting beliefs are not the problem. The problem is when we have a limiting belief that is disproportionate and misinformed. That's why tapping on and transforming limiting beliefs is so difficult. Our subconscious mind does not want to let go of this thing, because to it, it's not a belief. It's the truth about the world. And so it becomes really difficult for us to tap on that particular issue. Last week on the podcast, in episode 726 (link in the show notes), we talked about the four-part structure I use whenever I sit down to tap. That structure exists so that as I'm working through an issue, I'm getting my subconscious mind on board. If you think back to that process, we're acknowledging what's going on, we're naming what the subconscious is doing and what its motivation is, and then we're explaining to the subconscious mind why the way it's acting is actually getting in the way. We're having a negotiation with the subconscious mind. Now remember, since the subconscious mind doesn't think it's a limiting belief but a truth about the world, even when we're in a place of negotiation, it's going to be hard for us to let a limiting belief go. I'm negotiating with the subconscious mind and its efforts to keep me safe, and I'm saying I want to act in a new way, but the subconscious mind does not trust me. So I found three words that are super powerful to introduce in that moment in my tapping, which allow my subconscious mind to get on board with that change. Those words are thoughtless, reckless, and careless. That's what the subconscious mind thinks is going to happen. It thinks if we take this obstacle down, if we take this resistance down, I'm going to go crazy. If I go from being afraid that I'm going to be judged to not being afraid that I'm going to be judged, I'm going to go out there and do 87 million things. I'm going to try all of the things, and I'm going to do lots of stupid things. My subconscious mind does not trust me, and that's the reason the resistance is in place. So when I'm going to change a subconscious belief, I use those three words. Let's say I'm afraid of putting myself out there because I'm afraid I'm going to be judged. Here's how the tapping looks when we introduce those three words. Tap on the side of the hand and take a nice big deep breath to settle in, then tap along with me and move from point to point. I recognize that my subconscious mind is preventing me from taking action because it's afraid that if I take this action, I am going to be judged. That's why it's holding me back. But I recognize that by not taking action, I'm actually staying stuck, and that is more dangerous. Taking action is how I grow. So even though this part of me wants me to be safe and healthy, I give myself permission to know it is possible for me to take action and put myself out there without being thoughtless. I can put myself out there without being reckless. I can put myself out there without being careless. Simply taking more action doesn't mean I'm taking all the action. I'm doing it in a thoughtful and deliberate way. Nice, easy breath. That was super quick, and we weren't tuning into anything specific. But even in that little demonstration, with words I use all the time, as I tapped on not being thoughtless, not being reckless, and not being careless, I immediately felt my system decompress. My system went from "No, we can't do this" to "Okay, I trust you a little bit. Take your time. Step out there." With this, I'm not trying to flip a switch. I'm not trying to force my subconscious mind to believe something new. Consciously, I know I can believe something new. But this is super important, and I want you to remember it: the words we say when we're tapping are not about what we need to hear consciously. The words we say when we're tapping are about what we need to hear subconsciously, so the subconscious comes along. I'm regularly saying things when I'm tapping that I don't believe intellectually, because I'm gently pulling the subconscious along. Saying I'm going to be easy, saying I'm going to be gentle, saying I'm going to do this in a slow, deliberate way is just about getting that part to relax. Typically what happens is it then allows me to move faster than I would have before. It allows me to try in a way that creates deeper understanding and change. When that part relaxes just a little bit, we then take some action that is not thoughtless, reckless, or careless. We're giving the subconscious mind proof that we can do this and still be safe. The limiting belief feels like it's trying to stop us, but it's not. It's trying to keep us safe. So we work with that part by saying, "I'm going to take more action in a thoughtful and deliberate way, which is safe." Thoughtless, careless, reckless: unsafe. Thoughtful, deliberate: safe. What we're doing is speaking the language of the subconscious mind. So the next time you're tapping to clear a limiting belief, it's super simple. As you act in a new way, introduce this: "I'm not going to do it thoughtlessly. I'm not going to do it recklessly. I'm not going to do it carelessly." Those three words will unlock the subconscious mind and make it easier for you to take action.

  2. Sep 18

    Tap for any issue with these 4 steps

    Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube Just because we know the power of tapping doesn't mean we know exactly the best way to tap. Today I'm going to share the simple four-part formula I use for almost every single tapping script I write for my clients, for the videos I make, and when I'm tapping on my own. Where This Formula Came From Recently I was talking with one of my clients, and she wanted to do some tapping around being able to create some YouTube videos. She wasn't looking to create videos for the general public. Instead, she wanted to create videos just to share with her family, so they could tap a little more and make tapping easier for them, since they know so little about it. After we did some work on the insecurity of being on camera and producing something good, we started talking about how I actually create tapping scripts. It's not just me talking. There's a very specific formula, and it came out of years of working with thousands of clients and doing tens of thousands of rounds of tapping. Some of that recognition came from paying attention to what was happening in the moment, and a lot of it came from going back and re-listening to those sessions. What I found is that there are four parts that show up in every single one of my rounds of tapping. If you go look at any of the videos I've produced over the last three or four years where you see tapping scripts, you'll see this formula over and over again. The four-part formula works for any issue at all. It could be a limiting belief, a physical sensation, a struggle to take action, whatever it is. It doesn't matter what the issue is. These four steps work every time as a jumping-off point and as a framework. Step One: State What's Going On and How You Feel About It The first step is no different than sitting down with a friend and talking about what's going on in your life. Let's say it's a limiting belief that's holding you back from taking action. It might sound something like, "I really want to create these videos, but I just can't get myself to sit down and do it. I'm disappointed, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed." All you're doing is saying what's going on and how you feel about it. There might be multiple details and multiple feelings, and that's fine. Give yourself permission to roll through it, chapter and verse. This is what's going on. This is how I feel about it. You can even say what you don't know: I'm not exactly sure what's going on, or I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's just honest reporting. The first part is simply providing witness to what's going on in your life. Say what you know, say how you feel about it. Say what you don't know, say how you feel about that too. Step Two: Recognize and Appreciate the System's Intent The second step is recognizing that our system is trying to keep us safe and healthy. There's a difference between our system wanting to keep us healthy and actually keeping us healthy, but that's what it's trying to do. For example, resistance to taking action is trying to keep me safe because my system is afraid of that action. So the second part of this formula is pointing out what the resistance is trying to do. My system is resisting this task right now because it's afraid I'm going to get in trouble, or afraid I'm going to get judged. Once we've acknowledged what it's trying to do, we appreciate that intention. I appreciate the fact that my resistance is trying to keep me safe. Here's something key to notice. We are not saying, "I appreciate the fact that I am resisting taking action." Instead, we're appreciating the intention to keep us safe. That means we're no longer fighting with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief. We're appreciating that it's our body trying to communicate something with us and trying to keep us safe. There's a real difference between affirming something's intention and affirming what it's doing. If I'm just saying "stop this, stop this, stop this," I'm battling with myself. Think about working with someone in your life who's acting from good intention but causing problems. It's much easier to get them to act in a new way if you start by saying, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, I appreciate that you're trying to be helpful." That gets them on your side. We're doing the exact same thing with the stories we carry in our subconscious mind and the resistance we're feeling. Step Three: Let It Know How It's Getting in the Way This is where the reframe starts to happen. Now we share with the resistance, the physical sensation, or the limiting belief how it is getting in the way. I appreciate the fact that this part wants me to be safe, but if I don't take action, I'm not going to grow my business. If I don't take action, I'm going to miss out on opportunities. Even though it's trying to keep me safe, it's actually putting me in danger. Step Four: Let It Know What You Want Instead The fourth step is letting the system know what we want instead. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to keep me safe, and I want to be safe as I'm taking action. As the fear diminishes, that doesn't mean I'm going to be thoughtless or reckless or careless. We're not trying to get rid of the fear, we're trying to turn the fear down. We're not trying to get rid of the resistance, we're trying to make it proportionate and well-informed. We're not trying to eliminate the pain, we're trying to let the system know we hear the pain and we're taking appropriate action, so it no longer needs to sound the alarm. Putting It Together To recap the four steps: State what's going on and how you feel about it. Appreciate the fact that your system is trying to keep you healthy. Let your system know how it's getting in the way. Tell your system what you'd like instead. When I create thirty days of tapping topics, for example, I take each topic and think about my own experience where I'm struggling with it, then I just move through these four steps in my mind. I don't hold all four at once. It's simply: what's step one? What's going on, and how do I feel? When that feels like it's extinguished and worked its way out, I move to step two: this is what my system is trying to tell me. Then step three: this is how it's getting in the way. Then step four: this is what I want my system to know instead. It's not about a specific number of words, phrases, or taps. You're working through the idea until you've worked through the idea. After a round of tapping, take a deep breath, tune back in, and work through the process again. What do I notice and how do I feel now? What is my system trying to tell me now? How is this still getting in the way? What information do I need to reinforce or introduce as new? When In Doubt, Just Do Step One If you're in the moment and feeling really emotionally charged, it's often enough to just do step one. Months ago, I was working with a client who was really struggling with an anger issue. I told her that between now and our next session, the tapping I'd like her to do is simply: "I'm really angry because. I'm really angry because. I'm really angry because." She asked what to do next, and I told her nothing, that's it. When we engage that way, fully articulated emotions tend to be short-lived. So if we're tapping and going through that process, it can make a huge difference. It really is that simple. Those are the four steps I use every single time I create a tapping script: state what's going on, appreciate the fact that my system's trying to keep me healthy, let my system know how it's getting in the way, and tell the system what I'd like instead. Work through those four things and you'll be surprised how easy it becomes.

  3. Sep 11

    Tapping for anxiety without having to get into the details

    Over the last week I have heard from a number of clients who have reported feeling a general sense of anxiety and grief around the 25th anniversary of the terrorist attacks of September 11th in New York City and Washington, DC.  Feeling bad about painful anniversaries and global events is not unusual. A common concern when tapping for this sort of anxiety is that working with the details will only worsen how we feel.  This week in the podcast, I share a simple tool to tap for that anxiety and general sense of dread. I have also provided a printout of the tapping process, which only makes sense after you listen to the podcast.  Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support [player] Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube

  4. Aug 27

    A new way to tap with affirmations

    One of the most frequent questions that I receive in the Tapping Q&A inbox is about whether we should be tapping on positive or negative phrases. People are often concerned that if you tap on a negative phrase, you will tap a negative belief into your subconscious mind. The good news is that you can't tap negative thoughts in. Even so, it can feel heavy and even discouraging to be tapping constantly on feeling bad or on what is going wrong in your life. Preferring to tap on positive phrases makes perfect sense. The problem is, tapping on a positive phrase that feels emotionally untrue is difficult.  This issue comes up with even the most basic recipe for the EFT set-up phrase. It can be hard to say "Even though I have this issue, I deeply and completely accept myself" with any kind of conviction.  (I tackled this exact struggle in depth in episode 721 of the podcast.) When a tapping phrase feels like a lie, you are less likely to engage with the tapping AND you are more likely to end the round of tapping sooner.   Recently, I was my interviewing my friend (and all-around amazing tapper) Jackie Viramontez for this year's version of the Integrated Tapping Summit and she shared a new way of thinking about tapping with affirmations. The moment she said it, I knew it was something that I needed to try. Not only was it powerful, it was more powerful than I could have imagined.  In this week's podcast I am sharing Jackie's idea, plus the ways I have adapted it to my personal tapping style. This is an approach that every tapper should have in their transformational tool box. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube

  5. Aug 21

    A new level of self-forgiveness with tapping

    When we are tapping to clear limiting beliefs, we often encounter the moment in time we picked up a particular belief. As a practitioner, I especially love this type of work because it means we get the chance to heal the inner child. For my money, this is some of the most profound and meaningful work we can do when tapping. I am currently in the midst of doing the interviews for the 2026 version of the Integrated Tapping Summit. This year, an entire section is dedicated to clearing limiting beliefs with tapping. When I was interviewing Sarah Tobin a few days ago about limiting beliefs, she shared an insight that had never occurred to me.  She was talking about a certain type of forgiveness work that can support inner child healing. The moment she said it, it resonated deeply with my experience of healing.  My first thought was, "Why didn't I notice this before?!" It is a simple, powerful approach to healing. This week in the podcast, I share exactly how I started using the idea and how, after just a few days, it has already unlocked healing I didn't know I even needed. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support [player] Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube Watch a video version on YouTube

  6. Aug 17

    Tapping for Limiting Beliefs – A 5-Step Process That Works in Under 3 Minutes

    Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube Limiting beliefs are one of the most common obstacles I hear about from people in the tapping community, and they are also one of the things tapping is best equipped to address. In nearly two decades of working with clients and students, tapping for limiting beliefs has become one of my favorite applications of EFT, because the results are direct, fast, and felt immediately in daily life. TL;DR / Key Takeaways A limiting belief is a subconscious affirmation about how the world works that exists to keep you safe, not to hold you back. It only becomes a problem when it is disproportionate to actual risk or based on inaccurate information. Intellectual understanding alone cannot clear a limiting belief. Transformation requires working at the subconscious level, which is exactly where EFT tapping operates through a process called memory reconsolidation. The five-step tapping process for limiting beliefs takes under three minutes and can be used immediately on any belief that is getting in your way. Fighting or dismissing a limiting belief makes it dig in harder. The key is to first acknowledge the belief's protective intention, then show it how it is working against you. Replacing a limiting belief requires a statement the subconscious can actually accept. Overclaiming ("everything will be perfect") creates resistance. A grounded permission statement creates movement. Why Limiting Beliefs Are So Hard to Shake Limiting beliefs are hard to shake because they are not flaws in your thinking. They are features of your protective system doing exactly what they were designed to do. Your subconscious mind holds on to these beliefs precisely because it believes they are keeping you safe. Think about it this way: I do not jump into the tiger cage at the zoo. That is a limiting belief. But I do not experience it as one because it is proportionate to real danger. The limiting beliefs that cause us problems work the same way on the inside. They generate resistance to protect us from what they perceive as threat, whether that threat is rejection, failure, judgment, or loss. This is why willpower and positive thinking rarely work on their own. If you try to override a protective belief by force, the subconscious mind digs its heels in. The resistance is not an enemy. It is a misguided guardian. What Is a Limiting Belief, Really? A limiting belief is a subconscious affirmation about how the world works that is either inaccurate, disproportionate, or based on outdated information. It exists to create protective resistance, not to punish you. This definition matters because it completely changes how you approach the work. Most people treat their limiting beliefs as character defects or signs that something is fundamentally broken in them. But a limiting belief is just a story your subconscious mind wrote, probably a long time ago, with the information it had available at the time. The story made sense once. It just has not been updated. Key insight: "Limiting beliefs are always going to get the best of us. They keep us safe. What we're really frustrated by is the fact that the limiting belief has gotten in the way of us doing the thing we want because it's not doing it in a way that's proportionate or that is well informed." Every limiting belief you carry is trying to protect you from something. The question is never whether the protection is well-intentioned. It always is. The question is whether it is accurate and proportionate to the actual situation in front of you right now. Why Tapping for Limiting Beliefs Works When Willpower Doesn't Tapping works on limiting beliefs because it targets the subconscious level where those beliefs actually live, through a neurological process called memory reconsolidation. Willpower operates at the conscious level and cannot reach them. Memory reconsolidation is the process by which stored memories and the emotional responses attached to them are retrieved, modified, and re-saved. When you tap while focusing on a limiting belief, you are not just thinking differently about a problem. You are creating the conditions for the subconscious story to be rewritten and stored again in a new form. This is what makes tapping categorically different from affirmations, journaling, or talk therapy alone, all of which are enormously valuable but operate primarily at the conscious level. Key insight: "It is not enough to simply intellectually understand that the limiting belief you are carrying is not true. If all it required for you to transform a limiting belief was to know that it was not true, then the only thing we would need for healing and transformation are bumper stickers and posters of kitty cats hanging in there." This is why knowing better is not enough. You can know, with full certainty, that your fear of rejection is irrational, and still feel the brakes go on every time you try to put yourself out there. Tapping is one of the few tools that reaches both the conscious and subconscious levels simultaneously. If you want to understand more about why the subconscious mind resists change even when you consciously want it, this episode on the subconscious tug of war goes deep on that dynamic. The 5-Step Tapping Process for Limiting Beliefs The five-step tapping process for limiting beliefs takes under three minutes and can be applied immediately to any belief that is currently getting in your way. You do not need to have all the steps memorized. A reasonable guess at each one is enough to get results. To illustrate each step, I will use a concrete example: the belief that says "I can't ask this person to partner with me because they're going to reject me and I'll feel foolish." Step 1: Wordless Tapping Start with one full minute of tapping with no words at all. Move from point to point at your own pace, taking a deep breath as you begin. If you do not want to set a timer, three or four rounds of six to seven taps per point will cover it. Wordless tapping does two things: it settles your nervous system and brings you into your body before you begin the heavier cognitive work. Starting a limiting belief session already activated makes every subsequent step harder. This first step is short, but skipping it costs you. For a deeper look at how content-free tapping works and when to use it, see this episode on eight ways to use content-free tapping. Step 2: Name the Belief and Its Impact Tap through the points while saying out loud what the belief is and what it is causing you to do (or not do). Something like: "I recognize that I am carrying this belief, and the belief is [your belief here], and this limiting belief is preventing me from taking action, making me hesitant, and stopping me from doing what I want." Naming the belief out loud does something important: it moves it from a vague background feeling into a specific, examinable object. You cannot address what you cannot clearly see. Step 3: Honor the Belief's Protective Intent Still tapping, shift to acknowledging what the belief is trying to do for you: "I recognize that this limiting belief exists because it is simply trying to keep me safe. It does not want me to rush in, be judged, be rejected, or do something foolish. And I appreciate the fact that it is holding me back in an effort to keep me safe." This step is not about agreeing that the belief is correct. It is about getting your subconscious mind on board with the process. Key insight: "It's kind of like a handshake with the subconscious mind saying we're on the same team. If I say, subconscious mind, you're wrong, it's going to dig its heels in." Skipping this step is one of the most common reasons tapping on limiting beliefs stalls. The subconscious mind will not release a belief it thinks you are attacking. This episode on turning intellectual pushback into tapping progress explores this pattern in more detail. Step 4: Show the Belief How It's Backfiring Now, still tapping, let the belief know that its protective strategy is producing the opposite of what it intends: "Even though you are trying to keep me safe, you are actually doing the exact opposite. You are making the world more dangerous because you are preventing me from doing the things that will help me grow, evolve, and move forward." This step works because it speaks the subconscious mind's language. You are not telling it it is wrong. You are showing it that its own goal, your safety and wellbeing, is better served by loosening its grip. Step 5: Replace It with a Credible Truth Finally, tap while offering a realistic replacement: "I appreciate the fact that it is possible for me, in thoughtful and deliberate ways, to move forward safely. This does not mean I am going to be thoughtless or reckless. I am engaging with this in thoughtful and deliberate ways, and I give myself permission to trust that I can move forward safely." Notice what this step does not say. It does not say "everything will work out perfectly" or "there is nothing to worry about." Those statements are not believable to the subconscious mind, and an unbelievable affirmation creates resistance rather than releasing it. The goal is a truth the subconscious can accept, a permission statement that says: I can move, and moving does not mean abandoning care. Why You Can't Just Think Your Way Out of a Limiting Belief Thinking alone cannot clear a limiting belief because the belief does not live in your thinking mind. It lives in the subconscious, and the subconscious does not respond to logic. Reading the right book, understanding why a belief is irrational, or receiving encouragement can all be genuinely useful. But none of them reach the level where the belief is actually stored. They inform the conscious mind without rewriting the subconscious story. Tapping works a

  7. Aug 6

    My complicated relationship with the EFT Set-Up Phrase has been resolved

    I have been tapping for close to 20 years. From the very beginning I have struggled with the set-up phrase from Gary Craig's EFT basic recipe. Gary engorged us to start every round of tapping my tapping on the side of our hands, saying "Even though I have this issue I deeply and completely accept myself". As EFT spread the phrase evolved into  "Even though I have this issue I deeply and completely love and accept myself" for many. My issue has never been with the idea behind the phrase. I love the healing principle acceptance and how it is a useful tool in transformation. My struggle has been with its placement in the healing process.  As valuable as acceptance is, it can be emotionally hard to start with the idea of accepting yourself, especially when you are in emotional distress. After trying to wrap my head around why the set-up phrase didn't work for me for the last twenty years, I now have clarity about my struggle.  This week in the podcast I explore what I have learned about my own healing journey and its relationship to the set-up. It doesn't matter if you love or hate the set-up phrase, this conversation is going to make acceptance during healing something that is easy to achieve. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube

  8. Aug 4

    Tapping for better sleep

    One of the most common questions I get is whether you can use tapping for sleep. The short answer is yes. But there is an important caveat that changes everything about how you approach it. Support the podcast! Http://tappingqanda.com/support Subscribe in: Apple Podcast | iPhone | Spotify | Pandora | Amazon Music | iHeartRadio  | YouTube TL;DR / Key Takeaways Poor sleep is a symptom, not a standalone issue. Effective tapping for sleep means identifying and addressing the specific causes driving your sleeplessness, not just tapping on sleep itself. The frustration and disappointment you feel about not sleeping create a biochemical cycle in your body that makes sleep even harder. Tapping on those emotions, done during the day, breaks that cycle before bedtime arrives. Your subconscious mind may have hidden reasons to keep you from sleeping well. A counterintuitive but important question to tap on is: what goes wrong in my life if I do sleep well? Wordless tapping, which means tapping through the acupressure points without focusing on any specific issue, is the only tapping I recommend doing close to bedtime. It helps the body process cortisol and adrenaline without escalating emotional intensity. Sleep improvement is not all-or-nothing. Going from four hours to six hours of restful sleep is a genuine victory that improves your next day in measurable ways. Why Tapping for Sleep Is More Complicated Than It Sounds Tapping can improve your sleep, but only when you recognize that poor sleep is a symptom rather than the issue itself. This distinction changes everything about how you approach your tapping practice. I learned this firsthand on a Thanksgiving night when I was staying at my sister's house and woke up with a severe headache. I had no access to medication, so I tried tapping for the pain. It worked. Not only did the pain ease, but I fell back to sleep and slept deeply for the rest of the night. The tapping was not about sleep at all. It addressed the physical pain that was blocking sleep. The sleep improved as a consequence. That experience planted a principle I have used in my practice ever since. When someone comes to me struggling to sleep, we never just tap on sleep. We look at what is actually getting in the way. Poor sleep can have many causes: the worry you are carrying about tomorrow, memories that surface when you lie down in the dark, the temperature in your room, what you ate for dinner, or the emotional weight you have been dragging through your day. Each of those causes requires its own tapping work. Tapping on "sleep" as a generic target skips past all of that. Sleep Problems Are a Symptom, Not the Real Issue Key insight: "Sleeping is not one issue. Not sleeping very well is a consequence, and it can be a consequence of lots of things, but it's a symptom." This framing matters because it reorients where you direct your tapping energy. If you only tap on the surface symptom, you may get temporary relief. But if you tap on the underlying causes, you create lasting change. The consequences of poor sleep also extend well beyond one bad night. A headache might knock out 90 minutes of productive time. A bad night of sleep cascades through your entire next day, affecting your mood, your focus, your patience, and your physical health. The stakes are high, which is exactly why a surface-level approach is not enough. Once you accept that sleep is downstream of other issues, you open up a whole landscape of things worth tapping on. Understanding how to find root causes is one of the most valuable skills you can develop as a tapper, and sleep is one of the clearest places that skill pays off. Step 1: Tap on the Emotions You Have About Not Sleeping Tapping on the emotions surrounding your sleep problem is the first and most important place to start. This is not the same as tapping on sleep itself. This is tapping on how you feel about the sleep you are not getting. Ask yourself: am I frustrated? Sad? Angry that my coworker bounces in energized every morning while I can barely get through the day? Do I feel like my body is letting me down? Every one of those emotions has a biochemical expression in your body. Key insight: "Every single one of those emotions creates a biochemical response in your body, which makes it harder for you to sleep." Here is the vicious cycle that creates. You feel frustrated about your sleep. That frustration is present as you get into bed. The frustration makes it harder to fall asleep. You sleep worse. Tomorrow night you bring even more frustration to bed with you. The pattern tightens. Tapping in the late afternoon, away from bedtime, is the way to interrupt this cycle. Make a list of the emotions connected to your sleep struggles and give yourself 10 to 15 minutes to tap on them. You do not have to solve anything in one session. You are chipping away, and each session reduces the emotional charge you bring to the bedroom. For more on this approach, see tapping for the emotions that prevent healing. Do this step away from bedtime. All three of the first steps in this process are daytime practices, specifically so you are not activating emotional charge right before you try to sleep. Step 2: Ask What Goes Wrong If You Do Sleep Well This step sounds strange at first, but it addresses one of the most overlooked causes of chronic sleep problems. The question to sit with is: what is the hidden downside of sleeping well? Before you dismiss this, consider how subconscious logic actually works. Imagine this chain of thought playing out below conscious awareness: if I sleep well, I will be sharper at work. If I am sharper, I will perform better. If I perform better, they will expect more from me. More expectations mean more pressure. And pressure feels unsafe. Key insight: "To your conscious mind, that feels like an absolutely silly chain of thought. But on a subconscious level, 100%, that is what can be going on." This is what practitioners sometimes call secondary gain. Part of your nervous system is keeping you from sleeping because sleep feels, in some indirect way, dangerous or costly. Once your subconscious has decided that sleeping well creates a problem, it will work to prevent sleep, no matter how much your conscious mind wants rest. Tap on whatever comes up when you ask this question honestly. It might be about work demands. It might be about what happens in your body or your relationships when you have energy. It might be about a fear of what you will actually do with your life when you feel good. This kind of hidden resistance is worth exploring in depth. The episode Pod #562: What goes wrong if I am successful? – Finding Root Causes (Part 4) covers exactly this kind of subconscious obstacle in detail. Again, do this step during the day. Step 3: Tap on the Real Consequences of Poor Sleep The third step asks a different question: what goes wrong when you do not sleep well? You already know the answer. You live it. But naming the consequences explicitly and tapping on them adds another layer of relief. This step is not about catastrophizing. It is about acknowledging the full weight of what poor sleep costs you, including your mood, your relationships, your work, your health, and your sense of self. When those consequences are sitting in your body as unprocessed emotion, they become part of the cloud of anxiety that makes it harder to fall asleep in the first place. Tapping on the consequences creates a kind of emotional spaciousness around the issue. You are saying: I see what this is costing me, and I am not going to let that awareness add to the problem. You are processing, not suppressing. Like Steps 1 and 2, this belongs in your daytime tapping practice, not your bedtime routine. Step 4: Wordless Tapping in the 90 Minutes Before Bed Wordless tapping is the only tapping I recommend doing close to bedtime. It is the one exception to the daytime rule, and the reason comes down to how tapping interacts with emotional intensity. When you tap on a specific issue, particularly a charged one, the emotional intensity often rises before it resolves. That is a normal and healthy part of the process. But rising emotional intensity right before you try to sleep is counterproductive. You want your nervous system moving toward calm, not activation. Wordless tapping, also called content-free tapping, means moving through the standard acupressure tapping points without focusing on any issue, and without saying any words or phrases. You are not trying to solve anything. You are simply giving your nervous system a gentle, repetitive input that helps it process stress chemistry out of the body. Key insight: "When we tap, we process cortisol, we process adrenaline out of the body." Here is the specific practice I use. Starting 90 minutes before my target bedtime, I set a silent vibrating timer to go off every 15 minutes. When it vibrates, I do 90 seconds of wordless tapping, moving from point to point. That is roughly five or six complete rounds. Then I go back to whatever I was doing until the timer goes off again. By the time I get into bed, my system has had four gentle rounds of cortisol-clearing work over the course of 90 minutes. I am not wired. I have not stirred up anything emotional. I have just been quietly helping my nervous system downshift. For a much deeper look at how and why wordless tapping works, including eight specific contexts where it is especially useful, see Pod #622: Eight ways to use content-free tapping. Why Tapping for Sleep Is Not All-or-Nothing One of the most important mindset shifts in tapping for sleep is letting go of the idea that you need to go from broken to perfect overnight. Sleep improvement works on a spectrum, and every step along that spectrum matters. I know the difference between four hours of sleep and six hours of sleep in my body. I know the difference between restless sleep and genuinely res

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EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Tapping is a powerful tool for reducing pain, physical trauma, and eliminating limiting beliefs. Each week tapping expert, Gene Monterastelli, and his amazing guests answer the most common (and uncommon) questions on how to get the most out of EFT. If you want to maximize your success with tapping, this is an indispensable resource. The host of the Tapping Q & A Podcast, Gene Monterastelli, works one-on-one with small business owners and entrepreneurs to help them eliminate self-sabotage so that they can take the actions they need to take to be successful, starting with the most important tasks first. Past guests of the show have included Mary Ayers, Dr. Peta Stapleton, Julie Schiffman, Brad Yates, Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Mark Wolynn, Rick Wilkes, Carol Look, Steve Wells, and Jessica Ortner.

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