Insomnia Coach® Podcast Martin Reed, MEd, CHES®, CCSH

Kirstin began using medication every now and then to help her sleep on Sunday nights. When she faced a big personal challenge that made sleep more difficult, she started to use it more often. The plan was to take a small dose to get her through that difficult period and then stop the medication because she didn't want to be reliant on something to help her fall asleep.



Unfortunately Kirstin found that when she tried to stop taking the medication, sleep didn't happen. She went without sleep for three or four days straight before reaching for the medication in a desperate attempt to make sleep happen. Kirstin developed the belief that she couldn't sleep without medication and this created a lot of panic, distress, and confusion.



Kirstin became obsessed with sleep. All she could think about was insomnia. Her days were filled with researching sleep remedies and experimenting with sleep-related rules and rituals. Nothing worked.



Kirstin tried to stop herself from thinking about insomnia. That didn't work either. As nighttime approached she would get extremely nervous, scared, and upset. People tried to be supportive but nobody understood what she was going through.



Things changed when Kirstin came across the Insomnia Coach podcast and realized that she wasn't alone. As she listened to the stories of others, insomnia started to feel less mysterious.



At this point, Kirstin started to reclaim her life from insomnia. She made and followed through on daytime plans, regardless of how she slept. She prepared for difficult nights in advance so she had alternatives to struggling and battling all night long. She abandoned all her sleep efforts, rules, and rituals. She allowed all the difficult thoughts and feelings she was experiencing to exist — she acknowledged them and allowed them to come and go as they pleased. She practiced being kinder to herself.



Kirstin's journey was not easy. She experienced ups and downs. When things felt difficult she made the conscious effort to focus on actions that would keep her moving toward the life she wanted to live and the relationship with sleep she wanted to have.



Kirstin is also applying many of the skills she gained from her experience with insomnia to other parts of her life. And, she is sleeping without medication.

When Summer experienced consecutive nights of insomnia, sleep started to consume her life. She started taking time off work and she began endlessly researching sleep. Summer felt that if she could get rid of anxiety and stress things would improve — but this led to even more of a struggle as Summer went to war with her mind.



Sleep became an obsession. It was all she could think about. Summer felt as though she was losing control. She felt helpless. She started to blame herself. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to live the life she wanted to live.



The more Summer tried to fix her sleep, the more she seemed to struggle. Sleep-related rules and rituals didn't work. Changing her diet didn't work. Changing the temperature in her room didn't work. Trying to eliminate blue light didn't work.



Ultimately, what worked for Summer was not trying. She realized that she couldn't control sleep. And, by no longer trying to make sleep happen, she started to struggle less with sleep and she had more energy to live the life she wanted to live.



Summer also started to be kinder to herself. She stopped trying to fight or avoid the thoughts her mind would generate as it did its job of looking out for her. She acknowledged her thoughts and feelings and allowed them to come and go. She expanded the focus of her attention. She spent more time with friends. She lived by her values.



Summer stopped trying to control sleep and she stopped trying to control her thoughts and feelings. As a result, sleep no longer controls Summer's life. Thoughts and feelings no longer control Summer's life. Summer controls her own life.

Nina typically dealt with occasional periods of sleep disruption by taking some form of over-the-counter medication. When she fell pregnant this was no longer an option. Work stress seemed to make sleep more difficult and so Nina stopped taking on work. Her sleep would improve but every time she started working again, she struggled with sleep all over again.



At this point, Nina thought her ongoing struggle with sleep might be down to pregnancy hormones and yet, after giving birth, her sleep seemed to get even worse. Nina tried to make sleep happen by consuming alcohol, taking supplements, and meditating. She tried hypnosis. Her doctor prescribed her medication but the side-effects were awful. Nothing worked and Nina felt stuck, she felt scared, and she didn't know what to do.



Then, Nina found the Insomnia Coach podcast. She realized she wasn't alone. That there was hope. When we started working together, Nina started to make changes. She started to do things that mattered each day, even after difficult nights and even when that felt really difficult. Instead of struggling with being awake during the night, she planned and engaged in activities that would help make being awake feel a bit more productive or a bit more pleasant.



Nina gave herself permission to be awake. She was kinder to herself when things felt difficult. She stopped trying to get a certain amount or type of sleep. She focused on actions that would help her get her life back from insomnia rather than continuing to battle with insomnia.



Nina's journey was not easy. There were setbacks. She went back to sleeping pills from time to time. Today, Nina is back at work. She enjoys her bed again. She is being the mother she wants to be. She has her life back from insomnia.

Kreuza shares her journey through the challenging landscape of insomnia and somniphobia, a fear of sleep. Initially, she found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) techniques helpful. However, when sleep problems returned as somniphobia, the same techniques faltered. Feeling isolated in her struggle, Kreuza realized that implementing rules around sleep were not helping her.



A turning point came when she embraced a more flexible, compassionate approach to sleep. She began to practice accepting her thoughts and feelings without resistance. She practiced being kind to herself when things felt really difficult. And she engaged in activities that mattered to her, even after difficult nights.



Kreuza’s story is a testament to the possibility and power of patient and kind practice of acceptance as a way to deal with deep-seated fears. It also highlights that moving past sleep struggles is often a journey of ongoing action and practice — and setbacks — rather than quick fixes.

Rachel's struggle with insomnia started in grad school. She tried everything from sleep aids to strict bedtime rules and routines to improve her sleep, but nothing worked. The harder she tried to fix her sleep and get rid of sleep-related anxiety, the more difficult things became.



The turning point came when Rachel changed her approach. She stopped focusing on trying to create the perfect conditions for sleep and she stopped trying to control her thoughts and feelings.



She started being kinder to herself. She practiced making space for difficult thoughts and feelings and she practiced building skill in bringing herself back to the present moment and being more aware of the present whenever her mind started to time travel.



Rachel's story is a powerful example of how changing our approach to sleep and our response to insomnia can lead not only to significant improvements in our sleep, but also our overall quality of life.



Click here for a full transcript of this episode.



Transcript



Martin: Welcome to the Insomnia Coach Podcast. My name is Martin Reed. I believe that by changing how we respond to insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that come with it, we can move away from struggling with insomnia and toward living the life we want to live.



Martin: The content of this podcast is provided for informational and educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, disorder, or medical condition. It should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or any other licensed healthcare provider. Insomnia Coach LLC offers coaching services only and does not provide therapy, counseling, medical advice, or medical treatment. The statements and opinions expressed by guests are their own and are not necessarily endorsed by Insomnia Coach LLC. All content is provided "as is" and without warranties, either express or implied.



Martin: Okay. Rachel, thank you so much for taking the time to come onto the podcast.



Rachel: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me, Martin.



Martin: It's great to have you on. Let's just start right at the beginning without any further ado. Um, can you tell us a little bit about when your sleep problems first began and if there are any clues as to what may have caused those initial issues with sleep.



Rachel: Yeah, um, well, my first like where my mind first goes is. To my back to my first year of grad school, um, where like, at least one night a week, I felt it felt like I wasn't sleeping at all. Um, and I would get really anxious about sleep, but I think that that was partly like being in grad school and feeling stressed about grad school.



Rachel: Um, and also, like, I had a shift shift. That ended late and so like the process of of unwinding and then having to be at work early the next day. Um, and the feeling would be anxiety about sleeping like, yes, there were things in my life that were stressing me out, but I think it was like the anxiety would be I'm anxious that I won't be able to sleep.



Rachel: Um, and that that was well, that was long before. Before I reached out to you. But that, I think, is like the, I'm sure the sleep difficulties go back further than that, but that was like the first moment I can sort of remember.



Martin: Yeah, and roughly how long ago was that when you, uh, that kind of grad school period of your life?



Rachel: That was almost ten years ago.



Martin: And so what was your sleep like at that time? You mentioned there was a lot of anxiety about, is sleep going to happen? What's sleep going to be like? What's that going to mean if I have difficult nights or all those kind of thoughts? I think lots of people listening to this are going to id...

Jessica's struggle with insomnia began on a family trip, and it worsened each time she traveled until it stuck around, even at home. No matter what she tried, her nights were filled with anxiety and struggle.



Jessica found that her resistance to insomnia and the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it were making things even more difficult. So, she changed her approach. She practiced accepting insomnia and anxiety. She learned to be kinder to herself.



With ongoing practice, Jessica freed herself from an ongoing struggle and reclaimed her life from insomnia.