Recovery Elevator Paul Churchill

Episode 492 – Alcohol Isn’t the Problem
 
Today we have Kristi. She is 50 years old and lives in Rome, GA. She took her last drink on December 11th, 2023.
 
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[02:19] Thoughts from Paul:
 
We think this is all about alcohol, but it’s not. There are different support groups for many various addictions, and the one thing that they have in common is whatever comes before the word “Anonymous” is not the problem. 
 
Page 64 in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book states that the liquor was but a symptom. The booze isn’t the problem. There are deeper causes and conditions that are manifesting themselves in a drinking problem, gambling problem, shopping problem, etc.
 
For many of us, alcohol isn’t the problem. It is but a symptom of what went down in our infant and toddler years. Childhood trauma (which can be both what happened to us and what didn’t happen for us) can leave us with holes that we end up doing anything to fill. Many of those interviewed on this podcast explain that the first drink made them feel whole again.
 
We drink to change the way we feel and to cover up uncomfortable emotions. Alcohol is being used to cover up deeper issues. This may or may not be what you wanted to hear today, but it’s important to keep this podcast real.
 
TRIGGER WARNING:
The upcoming interview references self-harm.
 
[10:54] Kris introduces Kristi:
 
Kristi is 50 years old and is a hairstylist in Northwest Georgia. She has a 33 year old daughter with special needs, a partner and three dogs. For fun she enjoys reading, cooking and looks forward to getting back to kayaking.
 
Kristi says she had a good childhood. Her parents divorced when she was young, and they both remarried when she was around seven. Growing up, Kristi felt like she was on the fringe of being part of the “in” crowd so would do what everyone else was doing to fit in.
 
Kristi had her first drink when she was around 14 years old. At age 16, she got pregnant and dropped out of school. After she had her daughter, she started experimenting a lot and found herself in and out of destructive relationships.
 
Around the age of 27, Kristi found herself addicted to opiates. During this time her father, who struggled with mental illness, committed suicide. This sent her on a downward spiral. About a year later she found a place that helped her quit the opiates. She was there for 8 months and when she returned, she drank because she knew that pills were her issue, not alcohol.
 
Kristi says she was a binge drinker. Alcohol was a way for her to mask the pain of the loss of her father as well as the struggles she had raising a special needs child.
 
As a hairdresser when COVID happened, she says she went downhill quickly. There was no work and being homebound found her day drinking and over time it started earlier in the day. The day drinking continued after returning to work and she had a few events that led her to seek treatment. It was an up and down experience for her after the first detox, but Kristi never gave up and neither did her family and friends.
 
After six months of sobriety, Kristi says it feels different this time. She has been leaning into Café RE and reaching out to some other friends to expand her connections. She found this and mediation to be most helpful to her.
 
Recently Kristi started going to college with the goal of being a counselor. She wants to use what she has been through to help others.
 
Kristi’s favorite resources in recovery: Cafe RE and podcasts.
 
Kristi’s parting piece of guidance: just do it. Life is so much clearer. There are so many things on the edge of your fingertips if you just put d

Episode 491 – Sobriety is Not….
 
Today we have Santino. He is 36 years old, lives in Taunton, MA, and took his last drink on May 24th, 2022.
 
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[02:55] Thoughts from Paul:
 
A question we all eventually ask ourselves during our lifetime is – who am I? Eckhart Tolle (the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth) says that through the process of finding out who we are not, we also find out who we are.
 
One of our Café RE hosts, Tonya, shared a great list of what sobriety is not which Paul shares and elaborates on:
 
1)    Sobriety is not the same for everyone.
2)    Sobriety is not going back to how things were.
3)    Sobriety does not rid you of your past.
4)    Sobriety is not the end of your life if you enter recovery or treatment.
5)    Sobriety is not the end of socializing.
6)    Sobriety is not something you can do halfheartedly.
7)    Sobriety is not just a temporary thing.
 
Rumi says “don’t be held captive. Your life has no border or shoreline”. Don’t be held captive by a mind created definition of what sobriety is because in reality, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be infinitely boundless.
 
[10:42] Paul introduces Santino:
 
This is Santino’s third appearance on the podcast, and he is celebrating 2 years alcohol free at the time of this recording.
 
Santino grew up in the Midwest but currently lives in eastern MA. He is currently working on writing his memoir and he and his wife are expecting their second child.
 
Curiosity in his early teens led Santino to try alcohol. He joined the military after high school where drinking is generally part of the culture. Santino considers his drinking rather benign until his late twenties. It was then that he began to use alcohol for coping through uncertainty in his life. Once he started finding himself focusing more and more on his next drink, he began gaslighting and manipulating to protect his drinking. Santino acknowledges that he was becoming like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
 
Several months before he quit drinking, Santino had a bad withdrawal experience. At the time he was depressed and cared little about himself. He recognized that this may be what a rock bottom feels like and didn’t want to go through this again. He was able to quit for three months in early 2022, but a birthday celebration in March found him falling right into the old habits.
 
A turning point for Santino was after watching coverage of a school shooting while at the bar. Thinking about becoming a better example for the children of the future, he stopped drinking that day. He calls this clocking out of purgatory. An ultimatum from his wife after discovering hidden debt sealed the deal for Santino.
 
Comparing the first year of sobriety to the second year, Santino feels there is pure form of clarity that he has. He no longer feels the need to hide anymore. He is exploring who he is and what he can offer to the universe.
 
Santino says he has been attending individual and marriage therapy which has been helpful to him. He works on fostering his relationships, attends AA meetings, practices positive self-talk, and works on connecting with his emotions and his inner self daily.
 
Santino’s favorite recovery quote: “the world record for the longest time without a drink is 24 hours.”
 
One thing Santino has learned in sobriety: that he has always had something to offer the world – his true, authentic self.
 
Santino’s favorite sober moment: having the emotional capacity to deal with life as he knows it as well as deal with conflicts he would otherwise run away from.
 
Santino’s parting piece of guidance: give yourself the grace that alcohol will never give you.
 
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Go big, because eventually we all go

Episode 490 - Expectations are Premeditated Resentments
 
Today we have Stephanie. She is 48 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. She took her last drink on January 11th, 2020.
 
Sponsors for this episode:
 
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[2:21] Thoughts from Kris:
 
Kris shares that he and his family have always enjoyed camping. Recently, he was looking forward to a week that the family could get together, probably for the only time this summer due to work and social schedules. Things did not go as planned due to obligations, weather and some mishaps along the way.
 
Kris found his mind making the determination that if their week didn’t look exactly like it was planned, then it was no longer good. This is one of Kris’s work-in-progress areas in his recovery. He shares that it’s somewhat normal to have expectations from the people in our lives and society in general, but what do we do when people, places and things fall short of those expectations?
 
A few things that Kris does is practice gratitude – he is grateful for the time he does get to spend with family and the great weather they had for most of the week. He also practices taking a self-inventory and shares page 86 from AA’s Big Book to give us an idea of what that looks like.
 
Let Kris know how you navigate expectations and resentments – kris@recoveryelevator.com
 
[09:48] Kris introduces Stephanie:
 
Stephanie lives in San Diego with her husband and twin 16-year-old boys. She works as a legal analyst for a Fortune 10 company and loves sports. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, playing games and traveling.
 
Stephanie witnessed her father become a heavy drinker after the loss of her mother. She was young at the time and as she grew up vowed that she would not drink like he did. At 15, Stephanie first tried alcohol and ended up the victim of an assault during a blackout. Due to this, and her father’s alcoholism, Stephanie was very careful with her consumption for many years.
 
After having kids and one of them was diagnosed with autism, she began to use alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with her high stress job and parenting. Others would participate with her having drinks after work, so it felt like a normal, adult thing to do.
 
When Stephanie’s husband became disabled in a work accident, things got tough for them financially. Her drinking increased while she was working to rebuild their lives. As things began to improve for the family, she realized that she was drinking too much but was sure she would be able to quit when she was ready – since she didn’t look like her father, she didn’t think it was that big of an issue.
 
When she tried to quit alone in 2019, she was able to get four months and thought she could return to normal drinking. After a while she was drinking to blackout again and knew she needed to get help. She attended rehab for 60 days and also discovered the RE podcast. Hearing others share their stories really helped her. Community has become so important to Stephanie, and she has made a lot of friends along the way that she calls her Spiritual Gangsters.
 
Stephanie’s plan in sobriety moving forward: continue being present with others, exploring her life’s purpose and living life authentically.
 
Stephanie’s parting piece of guidance: despite what you have been told, life without alcohol is so much more fun, fulfilling and connected than your life while drinking ever was.
 
We might as well go big RE, because eventually we all go home.
I love you guys.
 
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Episode 489 – The Best Parts of an Alcohol-Free Life
 
Today we have Chris. He is 56 years old and lives in Beacon, NY and took his last drink on April 18th, 2024.
 
Registration for our next Alcohol-Free travel trip to Vietnam opens TODAY! This upcoming January 9th-20th, 2025, we’re heading to this incredible Southeast Asia paradise for 10 days and 11 nights with 25 travelers who are done nursing hangovers.
 
Welcome to our new listeners! We are glad to have you with us. You are in the right place. There is a whole new authentic life awaiting you, which isn’t far away.
 
Congratulations to Paul and his wife on the birth of their new baby boy!
 
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[04:10] Thoughts from Paul:
 
A few weeks ago, Paul asked our Instagram followers what is the best part of being sober or living an alcohol free life. He shares with us some of the responses he received.
 
The four biggest commonalities he saw were:
1)    More authenticity
2)    Less shame and regret
3)    More energy
4)    More clarity
 
Think of the sobriety quote “you’re giving up one thing for everything”.
 
Sober Link
 
[11:16] Paul introduces Chris:
 
Chris says he is 56 years old and grew up in northern New Jersey, close to NYC. Cooking is his passion, and he has worked in the food and beverage industry all of his life, currently in a director role. Chris also enjoys the outdoors and currently lives in the Hudson Valley.
 
Beyond the occasional night of overindulgence, Chris says his drinking was normal. He was around alcohol a lot in the industry he works in. After getting married, he and his wife enjoyed entertaining in addition to traveling to wineries and distilleries and building a collection. Over time Chris began drinking more than just wine with dinner, had booze all over the house and was drinking earlier in the day and more often.
 
After he and his wife got divorced, Chris found himself drinking more heavily and was less discriminate of what he was drinking as long as he was getting his fix, as he calls it.
He was breaking commitments and becoming less functional in his day-to-day life.
 
Chris didn’t drink heavily around other people but told his family in 2018 that he needed help. He went into treatment and was able to gain 14 months. He was part of a sober community called Ben’s Friends geared towards those in the service industry. Chris was able to gain some sobriety time but had a series of stops and starts with several more visits to rehab as well.
 
Currently at 34 days, Chris is working on rebuilding his life. He knows time will heal his relationships with family, and he is attending IOP for accountability. He is spending a lot of time outdoors and is grateful that the weather has been nice. He attends AA meetings, Café RE chats, and participates in meetings with Ben’s Friends. Missing meetings is a non-negotiable for Chris and he also makes sure to nurture himself physically and spiritually.
 
Chris’ best sober moment: being present with his partner while on vacation.
 
Chris’ parting piece of guidance: stay connected.
 
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We took the elevator down. We gotta take the stairs back up.
You can do this.

Episode 488 – Hello Truth
 
Today we have Christine. She is 58 and lives in Ontario. She took her last drink on December 29th, 2022.
 
Recovery Elevator is going to Vietnam January 9th-20th, 2025. Registration for our newest alcohol-free travel trip opens July 1st. We have room for 25 passengers on this journey. We have AF workshops, a home stay and a service project planned, plus you’ll be traveling with others who have already ditched the booze.
 
Better Help:  www.betterhelp.com/elevator - 10% off your first month. #sponsored
 
[02:56] Thoughts from Paul:
 
Paul shares with us some articles reminding us of what we already know: alcohol is shit.
Society is waking up to the fact that no amount of alcohol is good for you.
 
In 2023, GQ had an article titled The Year We realize Any Alcohol Is Bad For You.
 
The World Health Organization, who once supported the stance that one to two drinks per day is beneficial, is now doing an about face.  Their headline was No Level of Alcohol Consumption is Safe For Your Health.
 
The New York times also had an article further showing that the truth is emerging: Even A Little Alcohol Can Harm Your Health.
 
Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction shares Canada’s Guidance on Alcohol and Heath.
 
NBC News shares their take on the fact that drinking moderately is not healthier than abstaining
 
If you want to join the discussion, go to the Recovery Elevator Instagram page and let us know what your thoughts are on today’s intro. Or write to your local politician and let them know that alcohol is shit.
 
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[10:08] Kris introduces Christine:
 
Christine is 58 years old and has two adult children, two cats, and is divorced. Christine is a massage therapist and enjoys participating in theater and reading in her spare time.
 
Christine said that she knew there was alcoholism in her family, and her parents didn’t drink. She knew it was something that people needed to be careful with.
 
While at university, she saw her older brother participating in the party scene and believed that drinking was just part of the experience. She started drinking and says that it was like a release valve for her and helped her with her awkwardness.
 
After marrying her husband, Christine says drinking wasn’t part of their life for a long time. The occasional bottle of wine turned into more alcohol towards the end of the marriage.  Upon splitting up and moving to a new community, Christine found a music scene and easy friends there to frequently spend time drinking with.
 
Christine feels she was leading a double life and not many people knew the extent of her drinking. Her brother noticed and was concerned. Christine started having regret for her drinking and attempted moderation for a while.
 
Eventually she picked up Allan Carr’s book at the bookstore and began taking notes. Toward the end of 2019 she was able to quit for a period of time until the pandemic struck.
 
Since she was not working and unable to care for her parents as she had been doing, she used the time to drink and felt entitled to the break. After being able to go out again, she started feeling the shame and despair set in. She began to realize she wasn’t going out for the music and friends, but for the drinks. After getting sick for two weeks and being unable to drink, something told Christine to take this opportunity to keep going.
 
Christine found podcasts, YouTube testimonials, and began reading quit lit again feeling called to sobriety. She joined and became active in Café RE. Keeping a list in her phone of her whys and why nots which helped her a lot.
 
Christine’s parting piece of guidance: we shouldn’t be asking ourselves if it’s bad enough to quit, we should be asking if it’s good enough to keep.
 
Chrstine’s plan in sobriety going forward: seeking in-person connections.
 
 
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Episode 487 – How Would You Walk?
 
Today we have Sarah. She is 45 and lives in Indiana. She took her last drink on December 31st, 2022.
 
Let’s talk AF International travel with Recovery Elevator. We’ve got some incredible trips in the works. We’re going to Vietnam for 12 days in January 2025. Then Back to Costa Rica for our 4th trip to the Blue Zone in April 2025, and then, we’re going back to Peru in October 2025 where we’re going to the Inca Trail and work with Non-profit Peruvian Hearts again.
 
Athletic Greens
 
[02:42] Thoughts from Paul:
 
The World Heart Federation published a policy brief in 2022 staying there is “no level of alcohol consumption that is safe for health.” There was and still is a collective belief that alcohol is good for you. This is especially prominent in the wine culture.
 
The paradigm is slowly cracking which is a huge step in the right direction. When Paul started Recovery Elevator in 2015, you couldn’t find that line anywhere. It was almost customary to see a line that says something like “studies show moderate alcohol consumption can improve heart health and longevity”.  Today the tides are turning and a narrative that alcohol can wreck your world (aka, the truth) is emerging. People are waking up to the lies that Big Alcohol has sold us.
 
Check out this recent article about a new phenomenon called BORGS explains what these are and then follows it up with the snippet about alcohol being shit.
 
 
[09:18] Paul introduces Sarah:
 
Sarah is 45 and lives in Indiana. She is married with two kids and works in marketing. When she isn’t running the kids to their practices and games, she enjoys exercising, reading and backpacking.
 
Sarah parents divorced when she was 11 and she grew up with her mother who she was very close with. She doesn’t recall alcohol being very present in their lives. Sarah didn’t drink much in high school but in college and into her 20s, everything she and her friends did involved alcohol. She always knew her drinking looked a little different than everyone else’s, but didn’t identify it as a problem.
 
When Sarah was 35, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Sarah quit working so that she could care for her mother through the diagnosis. Her drinking increased as she dealt with being a caretaker, having a family in addition to not working.
 
After her mother died four years later, Sarah says she did not know how to deal with life. She would drink into a blackout almost daily and was stuck in the cycle of wanting to quit but not being able to. Sarah began to worry that it might not be possible for her and worried that she would disappoint her mother if she wasn’t able to quit.
 
In time, Sarah found sober podcasts and tried medications to help. She says Antabuse worked, but she would stop taking it in order to drink. No one knew she was taking it to try and quit and Sarah feels that by not sharing, she always left the door open to drink again.
 
Sarah knew something had to change and decided to come clean with her husband. Being active in the Café RE community helped Sarah gain the courage to choose a quit date and write a letter to her husband letting him know what was going on. Sarah says she received a lot of support from him.
 
After the physical withdrawals, Sarah felt hopeful. As the months went on, she protected her sobriety by avoiding situations where there was drinking, and she began to gain more confidence. Sarah says that when she has thoughts of drinking, she does chooses to put her energy into her sober resources instead.
 
Sarah’s best sober moment: experiencing the Northern Lights with her son
 
Sarah’s parting piece of guidance: never quit quitting.
 
[41:14] Outro:
 
Paul invites listeners to answer some questions not with words in their minds, but in how they carry themselves.
How would you walk if…….?
 
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