Relationship Renovation: Marriage Advice, Intimacy & Couples Communication

EJ and Tarah Kerwin
  • 4.8 (172)
  • RELATIONSHIPS
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Stronger relationships start here. The Relationship Renovation Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists and partners Tarah & E.J. Kerwin, gives couples the tools to improve communication, rebuild trust, and create lasting intimacy. Tarah and EJ share practical strategies, real-life stories, and therapist-guided insights to help you break negative cycles and deepen your connection. Each week you’ll learn how to: Practice couples therapy skills at homeStop fighting and start communicatingRebuild trust after conflict or distanceStrengthen both emotional and physical intimacyHear real couples share struggles and breakthroughs With over 20,000 monthly downloads, Relationship Renovation is trusted worldwide by couples who want advice that is expert, relatable, and actionable. Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, this podcast is your roadmap to transform conflict into connection. Subscribe today—and start building the relationship you’ve been hoping for.

  1. 3D AGO

    Why Desire Fades in Long Term Relationships (And How Couples Rebuild Connection)

    Why does desire often fade in long-term relationships — even when couples deeply love each other? Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching In this episode, EJ and Tarah are joined by Dan Purcell, founder of Get Your Marriage On, to explore why intimacy can start to feel pressured, routine, or emotionally distant over time. If you’ve ever wondered why connection doesn’t automatically follow commitment, or why closeness can suddenly feel anxiety-producing instead of natural, this conversation offers a deeper explanation. Together, they unpack how expectation, anxiety, and unspoken pressure quietly erode connection, and why many couples try to fix intimacy by focusing on the act itself rather than the emotional and nervous-system conditions that make closeness possible. Dan shares insights from his own marriage and his work helping couples move beyond obligation and routine, including why: Desire cannot be forced or scheduled into existenceCloseness often shuts down when there is pressure or expectationMany couples confuse validation with true connectionAnxiety around vulnerability can lead partners to disconnect without realizing itEmotional safety must come before deeper physical closenessThey also discuss practical ways couples can rebuild connection gradually, including slowing down, creating moments of presence, and learning to tolerate closeness instead of rushing past it. This episode is especially helpful if: Intimacy feels tense or disconnectedOne partner feels pressured while the other feels rejectedYou miss feeling close but don’t know how to get back thereYou want to rebuild connection without blame or shameThis is a grounded, honest conversation about intimacy in real relationships — not quick fixes, but what actually helps couples feel close again over time. 🔗 Guest LinksLearn more about Dan Purcell and his work at: https://getyourmarriageon.com/renovation Resources & SupportIf you want help applying these tools to your real relationship — not just understanding them — you can join our 👉 Join Our Patreon Community, where we offer deeper teaching, live Q&As, and practical support.We also offer private coaching and discovery calls for individuals and couples who feel stuck in repeating patterns and want more personalized support. Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    42 min

  2. 6D AGO

    Why Triggers and Defensiveness Derail Communication (Part 3)

    Why do the same arguments keep happening — even when you know better? Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching In Part 3 of our communication series, relationship therapists Tarah and EJ Kerwin break down what’s really happening underneath conflict: emotional triggers, nervous system hijacking, and defensiveness. These are the moments when logic disappears, your partner feels like the enemy, and small issues turn into big ruptures. In this episode, we explain why triggers are not character flaws — they’re internal emotional alarms — and how understanding your triggers can help you slow reactivity, reduce damage, and repair more quickly. You’ll learn how to recognize when you’re out of your window of tolerance, how your body signals activation, and how old wounds and core beliefs get activated in present-day relationships. We also walk through one of the core tools we use with couples: a step-by-step process to understand triggers, identify automatic thoughts and feelings, and reconnect in a more open-hearted, regulated way. This episode isn’t about never being triggered. It’s about learning repairable communication — so conflict becomes a pathway to deeper understanding instead of disconnection. In This Episode, We Cover:What emotional triggers actually are (and what they are not)Why defensiveness escalates conflict so quicklyHow triggers hijack the nervous systemSigns you’re outside your window of toleranceThe connection between triggers, unmet needs, and core beliefsHow to slow down reactivity in the momentA practical framework for understanding and repairing after conflictWhy healthy relationships aren’t trigger-free — they’re repair-focusedResources & SupportIf you want help applying these tools to your real relationship — not just understanding them — you can join our 👉 Join Our Patreon Community, where we offer deeper teaching, live Q&As, and practical support.We also offer private coaching and discovery calls for individuals and couples who feel stuck in repeating patterns and want more personalized support. Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonConnect With UsHave a communication pattern you’re stuck in or a question about validation or listening? Email us at podcast@relationshiprenovation.com — we’d love to hear from you. If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you love or leave a review. It helps other couples find support and hope. As always: take care of yourself, and take care of each other. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    29 min

  3. JAN 30

    Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: Validation, Active Listening, and Repair (Part 2)

    In Part Two of our Communication Series, EJ and Tarah Kerwin break down three of the most essential — and most misunderstood — relationship skills: validation, active listening, and repair attempts. Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching Most couples don’t struggle because they don’t care — they struggle because they were never taught how to communicate when emotions are high. In this episode, EJ and Tarah explain why defensiveness is so common, how quickly conversations turn into arguments, and what it actually means to help your partner feel heard without giving up your own boundaries. Through real-life examples from their own relationship and years of clinical work, they explore: Why validation does NOT mean agreementHow active listening builds emotional safety (and why it’s so hard)Common signs you’re listening defensively instead of openlyWhy couples who avoid conflict often struggle more than couples who fightHow repair attempts can shorten conflict and prevent resentmentWhat to do when you miss the moment — because you willThis episode is practical, honest, and deeply human. If you’ve ever felt unheard, misunderstood, or stuck in the same argument over and over again, this conversation will give you tools you can start using today. 🔑 Key Topics CoveredValidation vs. defensivenessActive listening as a relational skillRepairing conflict instead of avoiding itEmotional safety and presenceCommunication patterns that quietly damage connection📚 Resources MentionedOrder Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon👉 Join Our Patreon Community💬 Connect With UsHave a communication pattern you’re stuck in or a question about validation or listening? Email us at podcast@relationshiprenovation.com — we’d love to hear from you. If this episode helped you, please share it with someone you love or leave a review. It helps other couples find support and hope. As always: take care of yourself, and take care of each other. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    28 min

  4. JAN 23

    The Biggest Communication Mistakes Couples Make (Part 1: The Don’ts)

    Is communication the biggest struggle in your relationship? You’re not alone. Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching In Part 1 of our 3-part Communication Series, relationship experts and hosts Tarah and EJ Kerwin break down why communication goes wrong so often—even when we love our partner and have the best intentions. This episode focuses on the “DON’Ts” of communication: the instinctive, automatic responses we fall into when we’re tired, defensive, triggered, or overwhelmed. These reactions may feel honest in the moment, but they often shut down connection and emotional safety. Through real-life examples, personal stories, and practical reframes, Tarah and EJ show how the same situations can feel completely different when handled with validation, active listening, and emotional awareness. In this episode, you’ll learn:Why emotional invalidation damages trust (even when you’re trying to help)How saying “I never said that” escalates conflict instead of resolving itWhy accusations and blame shut down vulnerabilityThe hidden danger of mind reading and unspoken expectationsWhy fights about chores are almost never about the choresHow just one partner responding differently can completely change the outcome of a conflictThis episode lays the foundation for healthier communication—not perfection. If you’ve ever thought, “We keep having the same fight over and over,” this series is for you. Coming next: Part 2: Validation & Active Listening (the skills that change everything)Part 3: Triggers, Repair Attempts & Slowing ReactivityResources Mentioned:Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from AmazonRelationship Renovation at Home Podcast Community & MembershipMonthly live Q&A with Tarah & EJDeeper video lessonsDaily relationship tipsNow only $25/month👉 Join Our Patreon Community Subscribe & Stay ConnectedIf this episode resonates with you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share with someone who might need it. Small shifts in communication can lead to profound changes in your relationship. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. 💛 Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    30 min

  5. JAN 16

    Why Couples Stay Stuck in the Same Painful Patterns (Even When They Try to Change)

    Why do so many couples feel stuck repeating the same painful patterns — even after therapy, books, and years of personal growth? Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching In this conversation with Thais Gibson, founder of the Personal Development School, EJ and Tarah explore why insight alone doesn’t lead to lasting change in relationships. If you’ve ever thought “I know better, so why do I keep reacting the same way?” this episode helps explain what’s really happening beneath the surface. Join Our Patreon Community Together, they unpack how attachment patterns, nervous system responses, and emotional conditioning keep couples locked in familiar cycles of conflict, shutdown, or disconnection — and why trying harder, being more aware, or having good intentions often isn’t enough to break those patterns. Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon In this episode, you’ll learn: Why understanding your patterns doesn’t automatically change themHow attachment wounds get activated in close relationshipsWhy shame and self-blame keep couples stuckWhat actually helps create lasting relational shiftsHow emotional safety supports real change over timeThis episode is especially helpful if you: Feel stuck in the same relationship dynamicsHave done personal growth work but still feel triggeredWonder why your relationship feels harder than it “should”Want a compassionate, practical understanding of attachment and changeThis is a grounding, validating conversation for couples who are tired of trying harder — and ready to understand what actually helps patterns soften and connection grow. 🔗 Learn More About Thais GibsonPersonal Development School: https://www.personaldevelopmentschool.comYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchoolInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thaisgibson Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    43 min

  6. JAN 9

    Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns — and How Attachment Styles Actually Change (with Thais Gibson)

    Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon Join Our Patreon Community Take the Emotional Safety Assessment Quiz Why do couples swear they’ll “do better next time” — and then fall into the exact same fights again? In this episode, we’re joined by Thais Gibson, leading attachment theory expert and founder of The Personal Development School, to unpack why relationship change often doesn’t stick — and what actually works at the subconscious and nervous system level. We talk about how attachment styles, core wounds, and nervous system responses quietly drive conflict, shutdown, and disconnection — even when both partners deeply care. Thais shares practical tools for rewiring attachment patterns so couples and individuals can move toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and real connection. If you’ve ever felt stuck, triggered, or discouraged because insight alone hasn’t changed your relationship, this conversation will give you hope and concrete next steps. In This Episode, We Cover:Why insight and “trying harder” don’t change relationship patternsHow attachment wounds form — and why they repeat in adult relationshipsThe difference between subconscious vs. unconscious patternsWhy couples fight about surface issues (like laundry or tone) when the real pain runs deeperHow anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment styles experience conflict differentlyThe role of the nervous system in emotional shutdown, defensiveness, and reactivityA step-by-step tool for rewiring core attachment wounds using memory, imagery, and emotionWhy affirmations often fail — and what works insteadHow partners unknowingly validate each other’s deepest fearsWhat secure attachment actually looks like in real relationships (not perfection)Key Takeaways:You’re not broken — your nervous system learned patterns to surviveMost relationship conflict is driven by subconscious meaning, not the present momentAttachment styles can be rewired, not just managedEmotional safety changes behavior faster than logicSecure attachment is a skill, not a personality traitAbout Our GuestThais Gibson is a globally recognized expert in attachment theory and the founder of The Personal Development School, where she has helped millions of people understand and rewire their relationship patterns. Her work integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and practical tools for lasting emotional change. Resources Mentioned:Free Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.personaldevelopmentschool.comYouTube: Thais Gibson – Personal Development SchoolInstagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool Who This Episode Is ForCouples who feel disconnected but still careIndividuals stuck in repeating relationship patternsAnyone curious about attachment theory beyond surface-level explanationsPartners who want real tools — not just insight Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    43 min

  7. JAN 2

    Why Couples Drift Apart — A Simple Framework That Keeps You Connected

    Intentions Worksheet Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon Join Our Patreon Community Take the Emotional Safety Assessment Quiz Most couples don’t fall apart overnight. They drift apart slowly—through busy schedules, unspoken patterns, and lack of intentional connection. In this episode of Relationship Renovation, licensed therapists EJ and Tarah Kerwin explain why couples drift apart and share a simple, practical framework that helps couples stay emotionally connected over time. Instead of focusing on fixing problems, this episode shows couples how to prevent disconnection by setting shared intentions, identifying repeating relationship patterns, and using daily, weekly, and monthly check-ins to stay aligned. This episode is especially helpful if you: Feel emotionally disconnected from your partnerKeep repeating the same relationship patternsWant better communication but don’t know where to startStart strong and lose momentum over timeIn This Episode, You’ll Learn:Why emotional disconnection happens gradually in long-term relationshipsHow couples unintentionally drift apart—even when love is presentA step-by-step framework to stay connected year-roundHow to set shared relationship intentions that actually stickWhy daily, weekly, and monthly check-ins prevent emotional distanceHow resets build trust and emotional safety over time Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    30 min

  8. 12/19/2025

    The Intimacy Gap (Part 4): How Play, Curiosity, and New Experiences Create Lasting Connection

    Book a Discovery Call for Relationship Renovation Coaching Order Relationship Renovation at Home Manual from Amazon Join Our Patreon Community Take the Emotional Safety Assessment Quiz In the final episode of our four-part Intimacy Gap series, we focus on how couples can move forward — not by “getting back” what they once had, but by intentionally creating a new intimacy story together. Many couples feel stuck when intimacy changes. Desire feels mismatched. Emotional connection fades. Sex becomes pressured or avoided. In this episode, we explore why intimacy isn’t something you find again — it’s something you build over time through emotional safety, curiosity, and shared experiences. We talk about how play and novelty reduce defensiveness, why new experiences create powerful bonding moments in the brain, and how small, realistic shifts (not grand gestures) can dramatically improve emotional, physical, and sexual connection. We also break down the different types of intimacy — emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual — and help couples clarify what they want their intimate relationship to feel like now. This episode offers a practical framework for: Letting go of old intimacy stories that no longer fitCreating a shared vision for connection that honors both partnersBuilding habits that foster desire without pressure or obligationAddressing real-life blocks like stress, parenting, mental health, and time constraintsShifting intimacy from a task into an experience of connection and pleasure We also emphasize that intimacy is a living practice, not a one-time conversation. Couples who revisit these conversations regularly — with curiosity instead of defensiveness — build more secure, resilient relationships over time. In This Episode, We Cover:Why play and novelty are essential for long-term intimacyHow to create a new intimacy story instead of chasing the pastThe role of emotional safety in rebuilding desireHow stress, avoidance, and pressure quietly sabotage connectionPractical ways to bring intimacy into everyday life (not just the bedroom)A simple reflection exercise to identify how you feel desiredAction Step for ListenersTake a few minutes to reflect — alone or with your partner: How do I feel desired emotionally?How do I feel desired physically?How do I feel desired sexually?These answers can become the foundation of your new intimacy story. Want More Support?Our Relationship Renovation at Home Patreon includes a full, step-by-step intimacy series designed to help couples build emotional safety, repair communication, and create lasting connection at their own pace. If cost is a barrier, reach out — we want this work to be accessible. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

    25 min
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4.8
out of 5
172 Ratings

About

Stronger relationships start here. The Relationship Renovation Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists and partners Tarah & E.J. Kerwin, gives couples the tools to improve communication, rebuild trust, and create lasting intimacy. Tarah and EJ share practical strategies, real-life stories, and therapist-guided insights to help you break negative cycles and deepen your connection. Each week you’ll learn how to: Practice couples therapy skills at homeStop fighting and start communicatingRebuild trust after conflict or distanceStrengthen both emotional and physical intimacyHear real couples share struggles and breakthroughs With over 20,000 monthly downloads, Relationship Renovation is trusted worldwide by couples who want advice that is expert, relatable, and actionable. Whether you’re dating, married, or somewhere in between, this podcast is your roadmap to transform conflict into connection. Subscribe today—and start building the relationship you’ve been hoping for.

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