That's Where I'm At Laura Richards

In this episode, I’m joined by Emily who shares her powerful journey of discovering and healing from toxic shame that stemmed from her childhood. She opens up about the invalidating messages she received growing up that made her feelings feel taboo and shameful. Emily discusses hitting rock bottom despite being a believer, feeling weighed down and like her world was gray. Her turning point came when she went through a program called Regeneration (Celebrate Recovery) that helped her unpack her toxic shame. Emily vividly describes the transformation she experienced, where her world went from gray to vibrant colors and she could finally laugh out loud and celebrate herself. She also explains key lessons like the difference between healthy guilt that provides a warning system, and toxic shame that makes you feel subhuman. 
Tune in and discover the hope that comes from knowing freedom from toxic shame is achievable!
Timestamps: [01:53] Emily's background and journey
[02:46] Significance of recognizing and addressing toxic shame
[06:44] The pervasive influence of toxic shame, stemming from family and society
[10:18] The importance of listening to one’s feelings and intuition
[15:07] Emily’s reflection on her struggle with self-abandonment
[19:14] Finding Regeneration (Celebrate Recovery) program
[25:45] How Emily discovered her ability to express joy and celebrate herself
[29:57] The difference between guilt and toxic shame
[32:36] How guilt is a helpful warning, while shame sends you into a "deep dark place"
[35:00] The interaction of admiration, emotional hurdles, and personal insecurities in relationships
[40:00] Guidance for healing after divorce 
[44:39] Value of establishing boundaries to prevent pent-up frustration or resentment
[51:10] Embracing discomfort and building resilience
[59:52] Emily's growth and progress in her healing journey
[01:10:20] Strategies for setting boundaries
Quotes: Feelings were just kind of taboo. It wasn't like anyone ever said don't feel. But I kind of learn. But when I feel I get in trouble for feeling. I was a people pleaser, I was a chameleon. I just kind of like evolved into whatever I felt like wouldn't get me attacked or criticized or shamed. So you know, if you like kind of feel that sense of like, oh yeah, like I wanna hide because I just did something I know I'm not supposed to do. Yeah. That's that shame. I remember having conversations with my mom where I wasn't getting frustrated and I wasn't getting impatient. Like no matter what was happening, it was just like flowing off of me. Shame means like I am bad. Okay. Versus guilt. Like, oops, I did something bad. That guilt is then a warning to tell you like, okay, well now next time I know I need to prepare. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
FOLLOW EMILY: 
Emily’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/emily.ehe.5
Emily’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilyraecreationsandmore/
Emily’s Info: https://msha.ke/emilyraecreations
Emily’s books: Finding the Root https://a.co/d/8FfnRab
Finding Diamonds https://a.co/d/hBQCey8
Book on Boundaries: https://www.hopefortheheart.org/product/boundaries
Celebrate Recovery: https://www.celebraterecovery.com

Today Laura is joined by Paris Turner, a beauty, business, and relationship coach who delivers entertaining talks and speeches that challenge audiences to level up and focus on what matters most in life. Audiences love her practical strategies, witty humor, and life wisdom, which they can apply personally and professionally. Paris earned her BA in business management from Northwest University and a UI/UX design certification from Bethel School of Technology. She has received numerous awards for her work in social justice causes and advocacy. Her strong background in leading, and speaking and her life experience make her uniquely qualified to discuss various topics. Organizations love working with Paris because of her unique perspective and ability to help people create solutions to complex problems.
In this episode, Paris shares her expertise as a beauty, business, and relationship coach specializing in narcissistic relationships. She talks about the manipulative tactics used by narcissists, such as love bombing, boundary violations, and excessive attention, and emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags and trusting one's intuition. Paris discusses the aftermath of leaving a narcissistic relationship, including post-separation abuse, smear campaigns, and the struggle to rebuild self-worth. She shares her personal journey of healing and self-discovery, highlighting the need for setting boundaries, seeking support, and prioritizing self-care. Paris provides valuable insights into navigating and overcoming the complexities of abusive relationships, empowering listeners to address manipulative behaviors, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize their emotional well-being.
Join now!
Timestamps [00:02:12] Paris’s biography and shared experiences with narcissistic relationships
[00:04:38 ] Recognizing narcissistic traits in relationships
[00:06:07] Overdramatizing red flags and signs of narcissism
[00:09:20] Post-separation abuse and tactics used by narcissists
[00:10:32] Long-term effects of narcissistic relationships
[00:14:34] The importance of sharing experiences and seeking support
[00:22:12] Feeling alone and overcoming shame in abusive relationships
[00:25:42] The importance of seeking outside opinions and validation
[00:28:26] Escaping from narcissistic relationships and post-separation abuse
[00:31:22] Charismatic nature of narcissists and smear campaigns
[00:33:34] Recognizing love bombing and red flags in new relationships
[00:45:11] Trusting Intuition and Self-Validation
[00:51:33] Dating After Abuse
[00:59:21] How Paris lost everything due to an abusive partner
[01:12:11] Being poised through the healing process while still allowing emotions
[01:19:32] The importance of prioritizing healing and self-love after abuse
Quotes Once you find what you're worth more than then that's when you begin to go, you know what? I'm worth a lot more than this. I treated myself the way I learned. Now, what I want in a relationship is how I treat myself.  The most important thing for me, just in my life in general, has been self-love and understanding my weaknesses. They need supply because that's how they feel good about themselves. So they gotta have someone who's kissing their butt, blowing their head up, inflating ego. It's love bombing. That's it. You know, just saying those words makes you feel like, really, you've never been this happy, I've never been this in love, or whatever. It's like, really ever. A lot of times, they control the narrative for so long, and you know, when you trust someone. When you think of those things like you, you don't think twice. But a lot of times in those situations, it's almost like, you know, like we were saying, Hmm. Something, it just doesn't seem right. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
CONNECT WITH PARIS: www.paristurner.com
enjoyingyourjourney.org
THERAPY JEFF:

Today Laura is joined by Paige Dempsey, a feminist dating and relationship coach, to discuss the challenges many women face in making new friends as adults, especially after significant life transitions like divorce. They share vulnerably about their experiences putting themselves out there to find connection, whether showing up for meetup groups, joining social media communities, or simply striking up conversations at local events. Paige offers practical advice for taking it slow when getting to know new people, asking questions, and being open even when feeling uncomfortable or fearing rejection. 
Are you looking to grow your circle of friends in this season of life? Join the conversation now to get tangible tips and an empathetic perspective!
Timestamps [2:02] The difficulty of making friends as an adult
[6:54] Advice for being okay with discomfort when meeting new people
[12:04] Where to find potential new friends (social media, local groups, events)
[15:43] Laura's experience trying to make new friends
[18:05] Importance of asking questions, being open, and not rushing into friendships
[19:35] Importance of being participatory at events
[21:54] The opening line Paige uses to start conversations
[21:12] Extending invitations and not taking rejection personally
[22:41] Recommendation for the book "Platonic" on making friends as an adult
Quotes We don't have to go off the high board into like the 12-foot area, you know, in the beginning. We just have to start with the beginning, which is like, let's have coffee and chat for an hour and see how that goes. If you are having trouble meeting people in 2024, that is on you. It's never hard in the history of ever, has it been easier to find humans to connect with, with this little portable device that is always in your hand or on the or in front of you. We as women are good at having conversations. We're good at connecting with people. There are people in your life that you know how to connect with and those skills don't go away. If you go to events, you have to be participatory in meeting the people saying hello, and having conversations. The best opening line, I mean the one that I always use if I walk into a room or a group or a table or a fundraiser and stick out my hand and say, hi, I'm Paige. Let's get back to that energy of being kids and not worrying about, you know, what they will think, what I am wearing, what they are wearing, and all that stuff. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
FOLLOW PAIGE: 
www.paigedempseycoaching.com
https://www.instagram.com/datingcoachpaige
https://www.tiktok.com/@datingcoachpaige
https://www.facebook.com/paigedempseycoaching/
"Platonic" by Marisa G. Franco (on making friends as an adult): https://drmarisagfranco.com/secrets-to-making-friends-as-an-adult/

In this episode, I'm joined by Susan, a 45-year-old widow with four adult children and one grandson. In her home during the 20+ years of marriage, she experienced verbal and emotional abuse as well as physical abuse from time to time. The insecurities in her life left her feeling ugly and worthless, and she was convinced she may never be happy again in life. During a rebellious season, she made terrible choices, but now she can say the Lord has forgiven and redeemed her. She now leads women in bible study as she knows her purpose in life is to help married women avoid falling into the same patterns she fell into, which led to a very dark and wicked road leading to eternal separation from God.
Today, Susan shares the raw and vulnerable details of her over 20-year marriage. Despite the turmoil, she remained committed until the mistreatment caused her to become numb and seek companionship elsewhere, having an affair that ate her up with guilt. She provides a firsthand account of the challenging dynamics, including her husband's initial attempts to change through counselling and her decision to ultimately leave him for another man before the Holy Spirit convinced her to return and try rebuilding her marriage. She painfully recounts the process of confessing her infidelity, her husband's shocking forgiveness, and their journey to finally restore the relationship before his tragic passing, leaving her to find purpose in leading other women through the patterns that once entrapped her.
Join the show now and learn!
Timestamps: [00:54] Susan's background
[02:21] How Susan met her husband and the early years of their marriage
[08:51] Dealing with her husband's childhood trauma and negativity
[13:19] Susan’s recognition of the different forms of abuse in her marriage
[24:40] Why Susan decided to separate from her husband
[27:32] The complexity of moral dilemmas and personal choices within relationships
[31:36] The internal conflict of desire, deception, and moral conscience in infidelity
[33:00] Susan's initial decision to work on her marriage after separating
[44:28] Susan's husband's reaction after confessing her infidelity 
[53:40] Susan's journey to restore her marriage after infidelity
[54:55] Finding love again after her husband's passing
[01:01:50]  The importance of healing before entering a new relationship
Quotes: I know the devil is real. I know that I know we live in a very evil world, but I know just how deceiving the devil can be because the man I met was exactly the man I wanted my husband to be. I never felt so much love and quickly fell in love with him. Yeah. Because I never, I don't wanna say I never felt it. 'cause I know my husband loved me, but it didn't, it wasn't tainted. You need to do what you need to do to restore your marriage and allow God to restore it. I guess just that voice that you hear inside Yeah. Is the Holy Spirit. You know, and don't quench the Holy Spirit. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
Mending the Soul workbook/class by Author: Celestia G. Tracy https://a.co/d/8NS00IH

In this episode, Laura is joined by fellow survivor Tina, and they have an emotional discussion about overcoming narcissistic abuse. Tina is a mother of five young men and a grandmother to 28 babies. She is a published author, a motivational and inspirational speaker, a minister, and a serial entrepreneur. She is the founder of a non-profit organization that assists at-risk youth whose parents are incarcerated. Tina is also the founder of a women's group on Facebook called The Woman Restored which helps women who have experienced trauma in their lives from childhood or being in a marriage with a narcissist, coming together to find support, share testimonies, inspiration and encouragement through their healing journey. She loves arts and crafts which is part of her therapy. Tina loves to cook, bake, sing, fish and be next to the water which is a form of therapy for her. Tina recounts ignoring red flags in her relationship, discovering her ex-husband's shocking secret HIV diagnosis, and surviving escalating physical violence and manipulation. She shares her experiences of trauma and betrayal, from the feelings of entrapment to the courage it took to break free finally. Laura and Tina explore the importance of support systems, self-love, and setting boundaries on the healing journey. 
Join the show now and get insights on navigating the complexities of toxic relationships with honesty and empathy, emerging as beacons of resilience.
Timestamps [00:01:10] Tina's background
[00:03:42] Impact of childhood trauma on relationship choices
[00:06:23] Importance of vulnerability and sharing
[00:07:18] Uncovering a life-changing secret
[00:10:02] How Tina broke free from the toxic pattern
[00:16:06] Red flags and manipulative tactics employed by narcissistic partners
[00:20:06] Emotional impact of betrayal and trauma on survivors
[00:22:06] Challenges of navigating denial and self-preservation in toxic relationships
[00:24:06] Tina’s experience seeking validation and support after betrayal and abuse 
[00:26:02] The courage and resilience required to break free from toxic dynamics
[00:28:02] The power of speaking the truth and setting boundaries in toxic relationships
[00:32:06] Manipulation and control tactics employed by narcissistic partners
[00:36:02] Confronting toxic patterns and seeking support
[00:38:05] Seeking validation and overcoming gaslighting
[00:44:09] Confronting betrayal and embracing healing
Notable Quotes No matter how much or how hard you think you can love this person, it's not going to change. He has to change because he wants to change, not because you want him to change. When you feel like you're about to make that wrong choice, that wrong move, you call a sister up and say, hey, this is where I'm at right now. I need somebody to pray for me. Things that I was going through, I couldn't talk to nobody. So, whatever I was dealing with with myself on the inside, I was running track and being able to run. It helped me to relieve the pressure. When somebody gets upset, when you ask them a question, you know that they're hiding something.  I know our community has an issue of going to therapists. We don't want to go to therapy because we think in our minds that it's being weak to say, Hey, okay, I gotta have to go through therapy. I need help. And so, well, that's why many of us walk around and are broke. And that's why I walk, or I had walked around broken because I didn't go to therapy. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
Tina’s The Woman Restored Group on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/1957575741260224
Tina’s Toxic Childhood Stress book: https://a.co/d/6sPB5Gh
Tina’s Book God Allows U-Turns a Woman's Journey: True Stories of Hope and Healing: https://a.co/d/3gB4NmH

In today's episode, Laura is joined by Grace Ruiz, a real estate agent from Las Vegas who is also a homeschooling mother of two. She shares her marriage, separation, and divorce story and how these experiences led her to a closer relationship with God. She discusses the pain and the healing process, emphasizing that despite the hurt, she would go through it all again because it brought her to where she is now in her faith.
Grace highlights the necessity of repeatedly forgiving her ex-husband, not for his sake, but for her peace and ability to move forward. She also touches on the need to forgive oneself for any perceived failings or unfulfilled expectations within the marriage. She shares her experience of mourning the death of her marriage and the importance of allowing oneself to grieve and heal fully before moving on to new relationships. Grace also stresses the importance of not using children as a means to hurt an ex-partner and the value of maintaining a healthy, communicative relationship for the sake of the kids.
 
Join the conversation now, and remember it's okay to be in the middle of the mess while bravely showing up and healing! 
Timestamps [00:01:57] Grace's Journey to Faith and Divorce
[00:03:09] Finding Closeness with God Through Divorce
[00:06:22] The Grieving Process Post-Divorce
[00:08:02] The Importance of Forgiveness
[00:11:13] Human Thoughts and Divine Guidance
[00:14:02] Co-Parenting Relationship Post-Divorce
[00:17:11]The Impact of Amicable Co-Parenting on Children
[00:18:30] The Process and Timeframe of Forgiveness
[00:20:10] The Consequences of Unforgiveness
[00:21:30] Tips for Healing After Divorce
[00:23:22] Personal Healing Activities
[00:26:07] Taking Time for Yourself
[00:28:25] The Impact of Divorce on Children
[00:30:01] Advice on Co-Parenting and Letting Kids See Their Father
[00:32:30] Sharing Divorce Experiences Selectively
[00:35:12] The Personal Nature of Forgiveness
[00:36:19] The Positive Outcome of Following Divine Guidance
[00:37:45] Human Reactions to Hurt
Notable Quotes I didn't get married to get divorced, even when I was. Okay. I didn't get married to get divorced. Right. We separated. It's like, I didn't want to talk about it, right? Because during that separation, you're really in survival mode. Yeah. And questioning everything like, how did we go from semi okay to like, like, now we're done. It's not easy to forgive somebody who did harm to you intentionally. But the forgiveness is for you to let it go and to move on. If you don't forgive, you'll become resentful and bitter. You'll start seeing the world bad, like everything's so horrible.  Forgive him, forgive yourself. From the chain because it doesn't even matter at that point now that it's over.  Align yourself with godly women, women who, I mean, do not necessarily have to have gone through a divorce but who can guide you and give you wisdom. My advice would be to just look, heal now, however that is to you. So when that time comes when you meet somebody else or when you're ready to move on with some life, you are not moving from a step of being hurt.  Let the children go with their father, right? Because they all need all kids in a father figure. And that's just statistically based and educated before. And you can see if they are willing to care for the kids. Now you're hurting your kids. Right? Now you're hurting. Now you're the one hurting your kids. RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
BOOKS & JOURNALS: https://www.amazon.com/author/laurarichards
GRACE'S JOURNAL: https://graceruiz.gumroad.com/l/emvdvs
GRACE'S INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/graceruizrealestateagent
CONNECT WITH GRACE: https://linktr.ee/graceruiz