Untethering Shame

Kyira Wackett
  • 5.0 (24)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

New episodes every Sunday! Shame is the fear of not being good enough or worthy of connection and belonging. This silent plague keeps us tethered to the performance, focused on external validation and approval versus internal rooting. It can disrupt every relationship, thought, and experience if left unchecked. And it's time we say enough. Join licensed mental health therapist, Kyira Wackett, in the quest to build insight and take meaningful and intentional actions as we untether ourselves from shame. 

  1. 🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E53: The Three Buckets That Will Change Every Relationship You Have (Needs, Wants, and What You've Been Quietly Accepting)

    1d ago

    🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E53: The Three Buckets That Will Change Every Relationship You Have (Needs, Wants, and What You've Been Quietly Accepting)

    Do you keep accepting things in your relationships that you never actually agreed to? You are not alone. In this episode, we get clear on the difference between what you genuinely need, what you truly want, and what you have just quietly been tolerating. We tackle a question from an anonymous listener: "I have three things I need from people in my life, like fifteen things I'd love, and then a whole other category of things I've just... quietly accepted even though they don't feel good. I've never actually separated those out and I think it's making everything murkier than it needs to be. How do I get clear on what I actually need versus what I'm just tolerating?" If that lands somewhere uncomfortable, this episode is for you. I introduce a framework I call the three buckets, and once you hear it you will start applying it to every relationship in your life. You will learn why collapsing these categories into one undifferentiated blur creates the exact fog so many of us live in, and how getting clear is an act of radical self-authorship. In this episode, you will learn: The Three Buckets: The difference between needs, wants, and accepts, and why each one carries a very different emotional weight.Needs Are the Floor: Why needs are non-negotiable baseline conditions, not preferences in urgent language, and why an unmet need is crucial information.Wants Deserve Naming: How swallowed wants turn into slow, quiet, accumulating resentment, and how to voice them without ultimatums.The Accept Trap: The one question to ask about everything you tolerate, "did I consciously choose this?", and how to tell genuine acceptance from tolerance that accumulated in the dark.Why the Buckets Collapse: How the fog became a survival strategy for high-achievers and helpers, and what it costs you.Your Homework: A simple exercise to map all three buckets in one relationship and get them out of the fog and onto the page.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about the coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living Start with the burnout quiz to find your honest starting point: https://adversityrising.com/quiz 📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit anonymously or with your name, whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA 💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway: I'd love to hear what came up for you. Take the Next Step ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss program options and find the support that fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Practice Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living You are allowed to know what you need. You are allowed to want more than you've been settling for. And you are allowed to stop tolerating things you never actually chose.

    12 min
  2. Shame & Lying: From People-Pleasing to Telling the Truth with Mary Beth Thomsen

    4d ago

    Shame & Lying: From People-Pleasing to Telling the Truth with Mary Beth Thomsen

    You lie one to two times a day. So do I. And most of those lies have nothing to do with being a bad person. In this episode I sit down with Mary Beth Thomsen, intuitive and spiritual life coach, psychic medium, and shamanic practitioner, to unpack the real psychology of lying: why we lie, how lying starts in childhood as a survival strategy, and how those same protective habits turn into self betrayal as adults. Mary Beth teaches her clients how to do deep internal assessments to understand where they are holding themselves back from living their most authentic lives. Her upcoming book, Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World, gets right to the heart of what we do here: releasing shame so you can live rooted in truth, self trust, and radical acceptance. We get into why lying is almost always about safety and belonging, not malice. Why being lied to can be one of the most triggering experiences even if you have lied plenty yourself. How to teach kids honesty without shaming them. And the question underneath all of it: where in your life are you saying yes when you really mean no? What we cover: What actually counts as a lie, and the lies we tell without knowing itWhy kids start lying around age 2 to 3 and what it really meansThe research: 60 percent of adults lie at least once in a 10 minute conversationWhy being lied to is a trauma triggerHow to teach children truth telling and boundaries without shameThe link between shame, secrecy, and image managementHow to use your body as a truth barometerWhat self betrayal really is and where it hides in your daily lifeThe five years from now exercise for getting radically honestWhy truth telling sometimes costs you relationships, and why it is still worth it Take the next step:Mary Beth created a free Truth-Telling Assessment for this conversation. It is a self betrayal inventory that helps you find where in your life you are not being fully honest with yourself. Take it here: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truth Connect with Mary Beth Thomsen:Website: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/Truth-Telling Assessment: https://www.soulshinescoaching.com/truthInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/soulshinescoaching/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/soulshinescoaching/Book: Burn the Ships: The Power of Telling Your Truth to Yourself and the World (coming soon) Chapters:0:00 Intro: lying is more layered than you think2:12 What is a lie, actually?3:33 The lies we tell ourselves without knowing6:08 Why we lie: it was never about being bad7:19 How often adults really lie9:26 Lying to belong13:34 Why being lied to is a trauma trigger14:31 How do we teach kids when and how to lie?18:35 The compliant kid problem22:08 Body agency28:47 Shame, secrecy, and image management29:52 Your body as a truth barometer30:51 The Self Betrayal Inventory35:22 What self betrayal really means38:28 Values, alignment, and designing an honest life42:37 The five years from now exercise44:29 Compassion and the permission slip to tell the truth46:33 The cost of honesty52:23 The Cheryl Strayed quote that says it all If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs permission to tell the truth. New episodes every week. Subscribe so you never miss one.

    53 min
  3. 🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E52: When You've Both Changed (How to Renegotiate a Relationship Without Blowing It Up)

    Jun 10

    🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E52: When You've Both Changed (How to Renegotiate a Relationship Without Blowing It Up)

    Are you feeling disconnected from your partner even though you rarely fight? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the silent distance, outdated relationship contracts, and the unspoken changes that leave couples feeling lost. We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener: "My partner and I have been together for years and I love them, but somewhere along the way we became completely different people with completely different needs. We don't fight, we just feel... disconnected and a little lost. Is it normal for relationships to need a total reset? And how do you even start that conversation without it feeling like an accusation?" If you find yourself relating to this, this episode will help you understand the silent agreements running your relationship. You will learn why feeling distant is not evidence of a broken relationship, but rather proof that you are both still growing. We explain the critical difference between the absence of conflict and the presence of connection, and we provide practical steps to begin renegotiating your relationship without placing blame. In this episode, you will learn: The Reality of Relationship Contracts: Why the unspoken agreements from the early days of your relationship might be causing your current disconnection. Quiet Distance vs. Conflict: The exact reason why couples with the least conflict often have the most unspoken distance. Starting the Conversation: How to express your feelings of disconnection using your own experience rather than pointing fingers at your partner's behavior. Defining Your Needs: How to get genuinely clear on what you actually need right now to feel safe and fulfilled. A Practical Action Plan: A pre-conversation homework exercise to identify who you are now, what you have stopped asking for, and what a fitting relationship looks like today.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living 📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA 💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you. Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

    10 min
  4. Shame & Childhood Trauma: How Early Wounds Become Core Beliefs in Adulthood with Sabrina Trobek

    Jun 7

    Shame & Childhood Trauma: How Early Wounds Become Core Beliefs in Adulthood with Sabrina Trobek

    It's not what happened to you, it's the emotion you were never allowed to feel. Therapist and author Sabrina Trobak returns to Untethered Shame to explain why "the past is the past" keeps you stuck, and how one quiet core belief, not good enough, not important, not valued, drives anxiety, people-pleasing, and burnout. Another Untethered Shame episode that goes one layer deeper than you expected. This episode is for you if: You downplay your childhood because "nothing really happened"You're the dependable, easy one and you're exhaustedYou can explain your pain perfectly but still feel stuck in itWhat you'll learn: Why the event isn't the wound, the suppressed emotion isThe two "buckets" of trauma, and why low-grade, long-term trauma is the kind no one labelsWhy "normal" isn't the goal, and what healthy actually looks likeThe core belief behind anxiety: not good enough, not important, not valuedHow people-pleasing and perfectionism get praised while quietly costing youWhy we ghost, avoid, and use logic to dodge our own feelingsBoundaries and owning your part as the real first step"Normal is usually not healthy. Strive for healthy." — Sabrina Trobak Grab Sabrina's book: Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety — link in Sabrina's bio below. More about Sabrina: Sabrina Trobak is a registered counsellor and the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding Your Core Belief and Anxiety. Sabrina is also a clinical supervisor and public speaker and holds a master's degree in counselling psychology. Before becoming a counsellor, Sabrina was a teacher, vice principal, and school counsellor for over 20 years. Sabrina has extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma can have on a person, including anxiety and core beliefs. Connect with Sabrina: Website: https://www.trobakholistic.org/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/trobakholisticcounsellingInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/nge_trobak/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabrina-trobak-b-ed-m-a-c-p-r-c-c-ccs-99725127/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SabrinaTrobak🔔 Subscribe for new Untethered Shame episodes. Get Connected. ★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list★ Listen to my Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/2AouludJr7EweOkMIN9s42Take the Next Step. ★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that's keeping you stuck: www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss program options and find the support that best fits your needs: https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

    1h 1m
  5. 🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E51: When Family Calls You Selfish for Choosing Yourself (And How to Hold Your Ground Without Losing Yourself)

    Jun 3

    🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E51: When Family Calls You Selfish for Choosing Yourself (And How to Hold Your Ground Without Losing Yourself)

    Have you ever made a decision you knew in your gut was right — then had someone you love tell you it was wrong, until you started doubting everything? Not because new information showed up. Just because their disappointment got so loud it drowned out your own knowing. If you've been there, this episode is for you. This week's question comes from a longtime listener and dear friend, Alice: "My family is devastated that I'm not coming home for a funeral. I had real, legitimate reasons — financial, emotional, logistical — but no one wants to hear them. They're calling me selfish and cold, and part of me is starting to believe them. How do I hold my decision without completely falling apart under the weight of their disappointment?" In this Ask Me Anything episode, I sit with one of the hardest places to stand: holding a decision you know is right while the people who raised you call you selfish. Family shame is different — it has roots, and it knows exactly where to pull. I walk through the difference between guilt (I did something against my values) and shame (I am something wrong), and why what Alice is feeling is borrowed shame imported from someone else's value system. We separate the two tangled threads — your family's grief and the validity of your decision — and I share how to build internal authority so you can stay anchored when outside voices get loud. What I cover: • Guilt vs. shame, and how to tell which you're feeling- The unspoken family loyalty codes you broke without meaning to- Why over-explaining hands them the power to validate your choice- Giving yourself permission to grieve your own loss A few lines I keep coming back to: • Borrowed shame is not yours to carry.- Love is not demonstrated through self-destruction.- You can love your family, grieve that you weren't there, and still know it was the right call. You're allowed to make hard decisions. You're allowed to have limits. And the people who love you most will find their way back to you. Resources & Links:Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living 📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you.👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA 💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I'd love to hear what came up for you. Take the Next Step★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

    10 min
  6. Shame & Attraction: Why Your Brain Falls for the Wrong People with Leah Mitchell

    May 31

    Shame & Attraction: Why Your Brain Falls for the Wrong People with Leah Mitchell

    Why do I keep choosing the people, relationships, and dynamics that confirm my deepest insecurities? That question sits at the heart of this episode. I'm joined by neuroscience-based love coach Leah Mitchell to unpack why we're drawn to the "wrong" people on a chemical level. We get into why we stay stuck seeking validation as adults, the truth about reaching for the "narcissist" label, how cortisol and stress shape attraction, why we chase the chaos we grew up with, and why secure love can feel so threatening. None of it leaves you stuck. Leah shares her idea of "regardless energy" and a real first step toward choosing differently. If good love has ever felt boring, if you sabotage the healthy thing, or you're tired of ending up in the same place, this one is for you. In this episode: Why we get stuck seeking validationThe truth about the "narcissist" labelHow attraction works on a chemical levelWhy secure love can feel like a trapLearning to trust yourself and choose connection anywayConnect with Leah Mitchell:Facebook: facebook.com/LeahMitchellInstagram: @goddessofloveofficial Get Connected: Subscribe to my YouTube channelSign up for my email list: adversityrising.com/email-listListen to the podcast: open.spotify.com/show/AdversityRisingTake the Next Step: Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day," and start making the daily shifts to break the shame cycle keeping you stuck: adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilientBook a free 25-minute discovery call to find the support that best fits your needs: calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-callAre you a people pleaser, ruminator, or over-extender? Join the next round of Liberated Living and practice the radical 3 — Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship: adversityrising.com/liberated-livingIf something here hit home, let me know what you're taking away, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. I'll see you back here next week.

    52 min
  7. 🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E50: Why You Keep Snapping (And What Your Reactions Are Actually Trying to Tell You)

    May 27

    🎙️ Ask Me Anything – E50: Why You Keep Snapping (And What Your Reactions Are Actually Trying to Tell You)

    Are you feeling overwhelmed and constantly snapping at your loved ones? You are not alone. In this episode, we address the exhaustion, chronic stress, and burnout that lead to explosive reactions and intense shame. We tackle a highly relatable question from an anonymous listener: "I'm not an angry person, or, I mean, I guess at least I didn't used to be. But lately, I snap at my kids, I'm short with my partner, and I say things I immediately regret. I hate who I am by the end of the day. I know I need to regulate my nervous system, but honestly, I don't even know what that means in any real-time situation. So how do I stop doing this?" If you find yourself relating to this, this video will help you understand the biology behind your reactions. You will learn why your brain treats the never-ending to-do list like a physical threat and how chronic stress depletes your emotional buffer. We explain the critical difference between being reactive and being responsive, and we provide practical steps to expand your capacity for discomfort without simply telling you to "calm down". In this episode, you will learn: The Depletion Factor: Why you are not a bad or angry person, but rather a depleted individual running without an emotional buffer. Nervous System Biology: The exact reason your brain bypasses logic and choice during stressful everyday moments. Reactivity vs. Responsiveness: How to build that crucial space between a stressful trigger and your outward response. The Role of Unprocessed Grief: How mourning the person you used to be can manifest as anger toward your family. A Practical Action Plan: A post-reaction homework exercise to identify the true emotions hiding underneath your outbursts.Resources & Links: Liberated Living Program: Learn more about our coaching program at https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode? Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing). Submit your question anonymously or with your name; whatever feels safest for you. 👉 Submit Here: https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA 💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection: I’d love to hear what came up for you. Take the Next Step ★ Join the Energy Audit: A free seven-day email challenge starting May 24th to help you identify what is draining you and what is restoring you. https://adversityrising.com/the-energy-audit ★ Download the FREE Handout: "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break the cycle keeping you stuck in a negative headspace. https://www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a Free 25 Minute Discovery Call: Discuss different program options and find the support that best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Sign up for Liberated Living: Implement the Radical 3 practice (Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Authorship) to reclaim your life. https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

    9 min
  8. Shame, Power, and Desire: A Trauma-Informed Look at Dominance & Submission

    May 24

    Shame, Power, and Desire: A Trauma-Informed Look at Dominance & Submission

    Stop treating your burnout with toxic habits. Explore the unexpected safety of letting go of control. In this episode, we sit down with Mistress Mia, a therapeutic dominatrix who uses her practice for deep inner work and self-development. We break down the cultural taboos surrounding kink, clarifying that the Hollywood image of leather and whips only makes up a small fraction of her actual profession. Mia details how she helps high-achieving adults, trauma survivors, and people with ADHD break destructive patterns through extreme accountability. By entering into a "sacred power exchange", individuals can release the heavy burden of constant decision-making and find freedom in a completely non-judgmental space. We discuss the psychology behind the Gateway Theory of pain, exploring how a calculated, safe dose of physical pain can successfully silence chronic psychological distress and overactive thoughts. Mia also outlines her strict safety rules, including her hard boundary against heavy play for anyone under the age of 26 to protect brain development. In this episode, we cover: Why the traditional understanding of a dominatrix is mostly a misconception. How taking away the need to have everything figured out promotes emotional healing. The psychology of undressing to bypass internal defenses and shame. Why successful people use calculated pain as a rite of passage to get unstuck. Using the Gateway Theory to find relief from dull, chronic emotional aches. Crucial advice on how to properly vet a practitioner before engaging in therapeutic BDSM.About the Guest Mistress Mia is a Transformative Life Coach, Certified Therapeutic BDSM Practitioner, and Sacred Kink & Intimacy Coach who helps people step into their power, release shame, and claim lives that feel bold, authentic, and deeply their own. A founding member of the Kink Professional Standards Alliance and part of the Therapeutic BDSM Collaborative Network, she blends embodiment, resilience practices, and intentional BDSM to support meaningful, lasting transformation. Through her self-development program (The ARC Protocol™), as well as sessions, workshops, writings, and coaching, Mistress Mia offers a grounded yet daring path to confidence, courage, and self-acceptance. Her work welcomes anyone ready to grow stronger, more expressive, and more unapologetically themselves. Connect with Mia: Website: www.myarcprotocol.com TikTok: @mistressmiapayne Instagram: @callmemistressmia Telegram: @mistressmiapayne Email: MistressMia@paynewithpurpose.comResources Mentioned: Kink Professionals Standard Alliance: https://thekpsa.org/ Get Connected. ★ Subscribe to my YouTube channel ★ Sign up for my email list: https://adversityrising.com/email-list ★ Listen to my Podcast: Spotify Episode LinkTake the Next Step. ★ Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace. www.adversityrising.com/become-shame-resilient ★ Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs. https://calendly.com/adversityrising/discovery-call ★ Are you a people pleaser? Ruminator? Over-extender? Sign up for the next round of Liberated Living and implement the radical 3 practice: Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility & Radical Authorship: https://adversityrising.com/liberated-living

    49 min
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5
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About

New episodes every Sunday! Shame is the fear of not being good enough or worthy of connection and belonging. This silent plague keeps us tethered to the performance, focused on external validation and approval versus internal rooting. It can disrupt every relationship, thought, and experience if left unchecked. And it's time we say enough. Join licensed mental health therapist, Kyira Wackett, in the quest to build insight and take meaningful and intentional actions as we untether ourselves from shame. 

Information

  • Creator
    Kyira Wackett
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    248
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Kyira Wackett
  • Show Website
    Untethering Shame

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