What We Really Want: Conversations About Connection

Greg Oliver
  • 5.0 (55)
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  • UPDATED BIWEEKLY

FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE to download new episodes as they release! If it's true that "...the opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of addiction is connection," there are lots of people who need to discover what true, healthy connection looks like. Whether the struggle is with addiction, toxic relationship dynamics, or something else, we've all tried to meet our needs in  unhealthy ways. Way too often, the things we run to for comfort leave us feeling even more disconnected and alone than before.Through conversations about the many ways we can connect, we offer an invitation to discover and move toward what we really want, so we can live the lives we were created for. Awaken (awakenrecovery.com) helps men and women whose lives have been wrecked by unwanted/addictive sexual behaviors and sexual betrayal trauma. We hope the podcast will help not only those struggling sexually, but anyone who seeks healthier ways of finding connection.

  1. 65 | Crystal Renaud Day: Understanding the Drivers

    2D AGO

    65 | Crystal Renaud Day: Understanding the Drivers

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Ever hear the same lie we have? The lie that says, "Only men watch porn." What do you do if you're a female who struggles with something you're told is just a "guy's problem?" Growing up, Crystal Renaud Day hear that message. Although she was exposed to porn at age 10, and it eventually became an addiction, she could not find people talking about it, or offering help. Thankfully, she did something about it.  For almost 20 years, Crystal has been helping other women find a place to speak about, understand, and find healing & recovery from unwanted sexual struggles. She created an online recovery community, SheRecovery, that offers groups for women every day of the week. She is an author of several books, including an new book called What Drives Women to Porn, which explores the multiple drivers that contribute to unwanted sexual behavior; the book releases in September 2026. She also offers an annual online FREE summit for women called the SheSummit.  Crystal also founded an organization called Living on Purpose, which provides coaching and counseling to women and to parents who desire to raise their kids to be sexually healthy and aware. Crystal lives with her husband Tim in Kansas City. #crystalrenaudday #crystalday #sherecovery #livingonpurpse #sexualwholeness #pornaddiction #pornrecovery #therapy #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #women #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation SheRecovery website SheSummit website - free virtual summit, with options to purchase lifetime access (use promo code AWAKEN for 10% off upgrades passes) Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    45 min
  2. 64 | Dane Ortlund: Everything Is Going To Be Alright

    APR 14

    64 | Dane Ortlund: Everything Is Going To Be Alright

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" It's What We Really Want's second anniversary episode! 🎂 🎉🎈 With gratitude for two years of great Conversations About Connection, we get to have another one with pastor and best-selling author Dane Ortlund. Dane comes from a family with generations of ministry service, including his grandparents (Ray Ortlund Sr. and Anne Ortlund) and his father (Dane Ortlund Jr., author and founding pastor of Immanuel Church Nashville). Dane was the Chief Publishing Officer for Crossway Books for ten years, and in 2020 he released Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers, which presented the heart of Jesus in a deeply loving way; the book has had worldwide impact and has sold well over one million copies.  With his writing, and in this conversation, Dane presents a perspective on how Jesus wants to relate to his people in a kind, refreshing, life-giving way many people don't hear enough. Dane has also written Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners, and has an upcoming book (due October 2026) called Finally Home: The Christian Hope of Heaven. Dane pastors Naperville Presbyterian Church in Naperville, Illinois, where he lives with his wife Stacey and their children. #daneortlund #gentleandlowly #deeper #finallyhome #heartofjesus #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #recovery #connection #conversation Dane's books on Amazon Dane's website Sing! Daily devo Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    54 min
  3. 63 | Bridgett Blood: Hot And Holy

    MAR 31

    63 | Bridgett Blood: Hot And Holy

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" For too many people of faith, the only message about sex growing up was "Don't do it!" So many people had genuine curiosity about their sexuality, but nowhere to bring their questions and no one helping them steward it. As a result, many learned to either ignore an important part of them, resulting in a lack of ability to show up healthy in relationships; or to indulge it, substituting sex or porn for real connection.  That's why we're so excited to have Bridgett Blood as our guest. Bridgett is a storywork coach who "helps Christian adults navigate sexual desire, dating, and boundaries with clarity, confidence, and deep connection to their values. With a background in ministry and emotional health," Bridgett finds "deep joy walking with people through the messy, beautiful intersection of faith and desire." (from her website) While it's sad and often surprising how many Christian younger adults struggle to bless their sexual selves, it's super encouraging that many voices (like Bridgett, Jay Stringer, Sam Jolman and other) are rising today to help them see what they've been missing, and how to engage their sexuality without indulging it in ways that compromise their beliefs.  In addition to her coaching, Bridgett is the host of the Dating and Desire podcast. She lives in Nashville TN. #bridgettblood #desire #storywork #sexuality #hotandholy #coaching #gospel #sexualdesire #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Bridgett's website Dating and Desire podcast (Spotify) Dating and Desire podcast (Apple) Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    53 min
  4. RE-RELEASE | Betrayal Trauma Workshops

    MAR 24

    RE-RELEASE | Betrayal Trauma Workshops

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" RE-RELEASE. This episode originally released September 24, 2024. What is a sexual betrayal trauma workshop? And why - if you are a woman going through the pain of having been betrayed by your husband/partner - should you consider attending one? In this BONUS episode, Greg & Stacey are joined by Paige and Brittney, two friends who are part of our Awaken community in Birmingham AL, to talk about their experiences in recovery and having attended our workshop. Like we did when we addressed our Roots Retreat Men's Intensive in Episode 6 (with Adam, James, and Jason), we talked about the shared experiences of people who attend these weekend events, and why they can be so helpful in the process of recovery. In this episode, Greg, Stacey, Paige, and Brittney talk about the two primary focuses of the Roots Retreat Women's Workshop: Understanding trauma and  addiction. Trauma is an experience shared in some way by basically everyone, but many of us don't recognize the parts of our life that introduced us to trauma long before we were in relationship with our partner. Women who are sexually betrayed often experience that trauma "stepping on the exposed nerve" of unprocessed trauma they already carried. And coming to understand addiction can help women see that the inexcusable things their husbands/partners did often came from patterns that started long before they were together. All of this new or fuller understanding can help her as she heals and moves forward. If you are a woman struggling in the aftermath of what you've discovered about your partner and are trying to determine what you need to do, and you think the Roots Retreat Women's Workshop may be helpful for you, please reach out to us. We'd love to help you in any way we can! Check out our links below (including the workshop), and PLEASE give us 5-stars and write a positive review wherever you get your podcasts! #betrayaltrauma #trauma #healing #affairs #sexualbetrayal #therapy #counseling #gospel #recovery #sexaddiction #pornaddiction #sexualaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    39 min
  5. 62 | Andrew Bauman: I Want To Be A Good Man

    MAR 17

    62 | Andrew Bauman: I Want To Be A Good Man

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Have Christian men been conditioned to accept behaviors that marginalize and abuse women? When does normal relational conflict cross the line and become abusive? Has the Church been complicit in creating inequity between men and women? Questions like these represent much of the work of our guest, Dr. Andrew Bauman. Andrew is a therapist and the Founder and Director of the Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health & Trauma. His dissertation was on studying the impact of sexism and abuse on women in the Protestant Church.  Andrew is the author of seven books, and his newest book is called SAFE CHURCH: How to Guard Against Sexism & Abuse in Christian Communities. Andrew's wife, Dr. Christy Bauman, is also a therapist and author. They live and work in Brevard, NC. #andrewbauman #andrewjbauman #safechurch #sexism #mutuality #abuse #christybauman #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health & Trauma website Andrew's personal website Man Land info page Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    39 min
  6. 61 | Jay Stringer: Listen to the Voice of Desire, part 2

    MAR 10

    61 | Jay Stringer: Listen to the Voice of Desire, part 2

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Here is Part 2 of our conversation with Jay Stringer. Last week Jay released his book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Moving beyond the singular experience of sexual struggles found in his first book Unwanted, Desire offers a critically important opportunity to better understand the core longings created in every person. To see desire as good, part of how we reflect the image of God. To be curious about our experiences with desire - how it's been encouraged, discouraged, or even prohibited.  Jay's book explores desire through the five core longings that show up in all of our lives: The desires for wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning. Through better understanding our relationship to desire, we can live more fully the lives we were created to live. Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their children. #jaystringer #unwanted #desire #storywork #sexuality #masculinity #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Jay's website Jay's books (Amazon) Holistic Desire website Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    41 min
  7. 60 | Jay Stringer: Listen to the Voice of Desire, part 1

    MAR 3

    60 | Jay Stringer: Listen to the Voice of Desire, part 1

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" For people interested in digging deeply into their stories and better understanding themselves and the unwanted behaviors that plague them, few people have been as helpful as Jay Stringer. In 2018, Jay's book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing invited readers to a new approach to unwanted sexual behaviors: one that begins by "listening to our lust." Jay encouraged readers to see their struggles as a roadmap to past harms and current hinderances to freedom. Now he's released his second book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow. Moving beyond the singular experience of sexual struggles, Desire offers a critically important opportunity to better understand the core longings created in every person. To see desire as good, part of how we reflect the image of God. To be curious about our experiences with desire - how it's been encouraged, discouraged, or even prohibited. Through better understanding our relationship to desire, we can live more fully the lives we were created to live. This conversation was too good to abbreviate, so we split it into two parts... the second half will be available Tuesday, March 10. Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their children. #jaystringer #unwanted #desire #storywork #sexuality #masculinity #counseling #coaching #gospel #sexualaddiction #sexaddiction #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw #grace #connection #conversation Jay's website Jay's books (Amazon) Holistic Desire website Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    38 min
  8. 59 | Chuck DeGroat: Safety And Suffering

    FEB 17

    59 | Chuck DeGroat: Safety And Suffering

    "Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Does a focus on acknowledging trauma and providing safety create more resilient or fragile people? That question is at the heart of many charged discussions about therapy and trauma work. Virtually every contemporary therapeutic modality recognizes the impact trauma has on our current struggles. But many people feel it's too much focus, and that the result is people who can't handle anything difficult and who call "trauma" on everything that's hard in life. Chuck DeGroat has a lot to say about this. He has been a pastor, and is currently a therapist, author, and seminary professor (Western Theological Seminary) who specializes in pastoral & leadership health, abuse & trauma, and navigating spiritual & emotional obstacles on the faith journey. Chuck is the author of multiple books, including When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community From Emotional and Spiritual Abuse and Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself and to God When You’re Weary, Wounded, and Wandering. He also authors a Substack page (Sit With Chuck), and a recent post is the subject of most of our conversation. Chuck lives in Grand Rapids, Michigan with his wife. They have two grown daughters. #chuckdegroat #sitwithchuck #connection #counseling #spirituality #growth #change #therapy #healing #trauma #narcissism #sexuality #addiction #betrayaltrauma #recovery #grace #gospel #transformation Chuck's personal page Sit With Chuck (Substack page, see "Safety and Suffering" posted 1/22/26) Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at Western Seminary Support the show Awaken website Roots Retreat Men's Intensive Roots Retreat Women's Workshop Awaken Men & Women's support meeting info (including virtual)

    51 min
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5
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About

FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE to download new episodes as they release! If it's true that "...the opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of addiction is connection," there are lots of people who need to discover what true, healthy connection looks like. Whether the struggle is with addiction, toxic relationship dynamics, or something else, we've all tried to meet our needs in  unhealthy ways. Way too often, the things we run to for comfort leave us feeling even more disconnected and alone than before.Through conversations about the many ways we can connect, we offer an invitation to discover and move toward what we really want, so we can live the lives we were created for. Awaken (awakenrecovery.com) helps men and women whose lives have been wrecked by unwanted/addictive sexual behaviors and sexual betrayal trauma. We hope the podcast will help not only those struggling sexually, but anyone who seeks healthier ways of finding connection.

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