152 episodes

Jen Lumanlan always thought infancy would be the hardest part of parenting. Now she has a toddler and finds a whole new set of tools are needed, there are hundreds of books to read, and academic research to uncover that would otherwise never see the light of day. Join her on her journey to get a Masters in Psychology focusing on Child Development, as she researches topics of interest to parents of toddlers and preschoolers from all angles, and suggests tools parents can use to help kids thrive - and make their own lives a bit easier in the process. Like Janet Lansbury's respectful approach to parenting? Appreciate the value of scientific research, but don't have time to read it all? Then you'll love Your Parenting Mojo. More information and references for each show are at www.YourParentingMojo.com. Subscribe there and get a free newsletter compiling relevant research on the weeks I don't publish a podcast episode!

Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive Jen Lumanlan

    • Kids & Family
    • 4.8 • 350 Ratings

Jen Lumanlan always thought infancy would be the hardest part of parenting. Now she has a toddler and finds a whole new set of tools are needed, there are hundreds of books to read, and academic research to uncover that would otherwise never see the light of day. Join her on her journey to get a Masters in Psychology focusing on Child Development, as she researches topics of interest to parents of toddlers and preschoolers from all angles, and suggests tools parents can use to help kids thrive - and make their own lives a bit easier in the process. Like Janet Lansbury's respectful approach to parenting? Appreciate the value of scientific research, but don't have time to read it all? Then you'll love Your Parenting Mojo. More information and references for each show are at www.YourParentingMojo.com. Subscribe there and get a free newsletter compiling relevant research on the weeks I don't publish a podcast episode!

    5 reasons respectful parenting is so hard

    5 reasons respectful parenting is so hard

    This episode grew out of a post that long-time friend of the podcast, Dr. Laura Froyen, published in a respectful parenting group that we both work in as admins. In the post she asked people to share how they felt before and after they discovered respectful parenting, and then she created a word cloud of the results.
    The words in the 'before' cloud were perhaps predictable - things like 'worried,' 'overwhelmed,' 'resentful,' and 'guilty.'
    And the most common word in the 'after respectful parenting' word cloud?
    Exhausted.
    What on earth is going on here?
    In this episode I explore five important reasons why respectful parenting is so hard - and what to do about each of them.

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    SYPM 012: From fear-filled conflict to parenting as a team

    SYPM 012: From fear-filled conflict to parenting as a team

    "You're doing it wrong! You're not asking for consent before changing the diaper!"
    In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode we meet parent Nicole, who has core values related to being empathic, constantly learning, and upholding justice in the world. These awesome values came together in a difficult way when Nicole became a parent: she had a deep fear of not getting parenting right, so she was constantly reading and trying to find that one piece of information that would close the gap between her struggles and the kind of parent she wanted to be.

    The stress of parenting an infant brought out a controlling side of her where she attempted to script every aspect of her (and her husband's) interactions with her child, thinking they had already screwed up parenting because he hadn't asked their child's consent before changing her diaper.

    Nicole was raised by a single parent who had had a traumatic upbringing, and Nicole grew up sometimes feeling scared by her mother's oversized reactions to normal childhood behavior. She knew she wanted more for her children - but didn't know what to do. Over the last year she's been working on 'reparenting' herself so she doesn't have to parent from a place of fear any more, and can relax into understanding her children's feelings - and her own and her partner's feelings as well.

    Want to get a taste of what it's like to work with directly with me? Join the FREE Setting Loving (and Effective!) Limits workshop - we start Monday April 26! Sign up below:

    https://yourparentingmojo.com/settinglimits/ ()

    Jump to highlights:
    (03:19) Nicole's background
    (04:36) Nicole's parenting beliefs and values
    (06:31) Teaching respect by giving respect
    (08:07) Fear and anxiety of not getting parenting right
    (09:32) How inter generational trauma show up in your family
    (11:37) The unexpected reparenting piece
    (13:35) How talking about death with children led Nicole to my work
    (15:13) Nicole's experience with the Parenting Membership
    (18:32) What shifted in Nicole's that made her decide to take the Membership
    (19:17) Realizing the most unconditional thing you can do for your kids
    (20:12) Relationships our complex yet we don't think that way when it comes to our relationship with our children
    (21:08) Nicole's incredible example of how she shows up for her children and handles things differently now compared to before
    (24:45) Becoming more confident in parenting
    (26:09) Having the language to talk about our needs
    (28:39) How Nicole and her husband wants to model conflict to their children
    (34:44) Wrapping up

    Resource links:
    https://yourparentingmojo.com/settinglimits/ (Setting Loving (and Effective) Limits Workshop)
    https://yourparentingmojo.com/parentingmembership/ (The Parenting Membership)

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    Jen 00:02
    Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released, and get a FREE Guide Called 13 Reasons Why Your Child Won't Listen To You and What To Do About Each One, just head over to YourParentingMojo.com/SUBSCRIBE. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.

    Jen 00:59
    Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we welcome a special guest Nicole who has been working with me for over a year now. Nicole was raised by a sin

    134: Beyond Sex Education with Dr. Nadine Thornhill

    134: Beyond Sex Education with Dr. Nadine Thornhill

    "Do you know what happens to your body when you get older?"
    "Um...you get hairy in some places?"
    "Yeah...other things happen too. We'll get you some books."

    That was what I learned about sex education when I was seven - I was always grateful that I learned it from my parents (who were pretty terrified to talk about it, I think) rather than from the other kids at school. But then the topic wasn't mentioned again until I was about 18, with a vague reference to "being careful" with my first boyfriend, whom I wasn't even sleeping with yet.

    Friends: we have to do more than this if we want our children to be able to show up in relationships as fulfilled human beings who understand what pleasure is, how to ask for it, and how to give it.

    We need our children to know that sex does not have to equal intercourse, and that there are a whole host of ways to enjoy our (and each other's) bodies without doing this if we don't want to do it (when they're ready for it!).

    And we need to help our children understand boundaries so they can protect themselves when they need to - without getting so caught up in the shame that pervades our thinking about sex. (Since the sex = shame narrative is deeply pervasive in our culture I don't think we can overcome it completely, but we can make a start...).

    In this episode we build on https://yourparentingmojo.com/pleasuremechanics/ (our conversation with Charlotte Rose about sex for us parents) to go (far) Beyond Sex Ed with sex educator https://www.nadinethornhill.com/ (Dr. Nadine Thornhill), whose direct, fun, engaging style will help you to see that you, too, can have conversations about sex and pleasure with your own children. You can find more information on Dr. Thornhill's work on her https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJqQvHjzDtjLEu9IjpUh68Q (YouTube channel) where she addresses topics from what happens if the kid walk in on parents having sex to whether first time sex always hurts, as well as https://www.instagram.com/nadinethornhill/ (on Instagram).

    And don't forget that the FREE Setting Loving (and Effective!) Limits workshop starts Monday April 26! Five days > WAY fewer limits than you ever thought possible (without being a dreaded Permissive Parent!) > amazing shift in the level of collaboration and cooperation in your home. Sign up now!




    Jump to highlights:
    (00:01) Setting Loving and Effective Limits Workshop
    (02:18) Where we’re at with our mini-series on issues related to sex
    (03:34) Introducing our guest, Nadine Thornhill
    (04:54) The importance of continuing the conversation about sex beyond the basic topics
    (09:17) Figuring out what kinds of things I need to teach my children and how
    (12:22) The value of showing our vulnerability to our children
    (14:45) Talking about the traditional ways we talk about sex and how can we change that narrative
    (19:03) Having conversations around pleasure of the non-sexual kind
    (23:27) Modelling intimacy to our children without overdoing it
    (25:41) Helping our children set boundaries even when we’re having trouble setting boundaries ourselves
    (31:53) Dr. Thornhill’s son’s case of the “hangry” and how he developed recognizing physical signs before he gets hangry
    (33:41) Talking about shame associated with the white, Christian view of sex
    (40:34) Talking about bodies and nudity that doesn’t rely on shame
    (43:07) Going a little deeper into consent and the Authentic Consent Framework
    (50:48) The House and the Superintendent Metaphor
    (53:23) How parents can leave more space and be supportive of the potential suite of options about a child’s sexuality
    (57:46) Should we wait to teach our children about aspects of sex and sexuality until they ask?
    (01:02:11) Wrapping up

    Guest links:
    https://www.nadinethornhill.com/ (Nadine’s website)
    https://www.nadinethornhill.com/links (Nadine’s e-books)
    https://www.instagram.com/nadinethornh

    What Carys wants you to know about your children’s feelings

    What Carys wants you to know about your children’s feelings

    After dinner a few days ago, Carys randomly started telling us that if we want to understand some of the things she's feeling, we should cast our minds back to when we were children and remember how we would have felt about it at the time. The conversation continued as we explored more of her feelings when she's having difficult moments, and at some point someone (recollections differ on exactly who it was!) suggested we record a podcast episode about it.
    Carys was immediately on board and wanted to do it right away, but we came back to it the next afternoon. She thinks that parents often don't understand how their children are feeling and she'd like suggest ways to help your children when they're behaving in a way that may seem 'difficult' to you.
    Jump to highlights:
    (01:00) My special guest in her podcasting debut
    (02:18) What helps to understand your kid's feelings
    (03:18) Feeling the physical sensations of frustration
    (03:42) What Carys feels when she get 'that feeling'
    (04:19) Parents don't really understand that children sometimes want to be alone
    (06:07) Different kids deal with things in different ways
    (07:34) Our new method for when we disagree on things
    (10:37) We have rewards now
    (11:46) Carys's thoughts on problem solving

    Links:
    https://yourparentingmojo.com/settinglimits/ (Setting Limits Workshop)


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    Jen [00:00]
    Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a free guide called 13 reasons why your child isn't listening to you and what to do about each one, just head on over to YourParentingMojo.com/Subscribe.

    You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the free Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.

    Jen [01:00]
    Hello and welcome to the, Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. I'm Jen. Who are you?

    This is Carys in her world podcasting debut. So if you're not watching this on YouTube, you might want to watch it on YouTube cause then you'll get to see both of us. And so we were having a conversation last night about feelings, right? Yeah. And so I, we were having, you were having ice cream and I was doing dishes.

    And all of a sudden you started talking about how you feel when you're having a hard time. And daddy said, You should be in a podcast.

    Carys [01:37]
    Actually, I think I said that.

    Jen [01:39]
    Oh, you did? Oh okay, and daddy agreed. And we were going to do it last night, but you had an appointment to talk to auntie Jas, didn't you? You couldn't do both. So here we are today to talk about feelings.

    So how old are you?

    Carys [01:52]
    Six and a half.

    Jen [01:53]
    Six and a half. Okay. You're almost six and three quarters. Aren't you?

    Carys [01:56]
    Yeah. I was going to say that but like....

    Jen [02:00]
    Okay. How many loose teeth do you have? Oh, yeah. Got to be on YouTube to get that one. The two front teeth are wobbly and have been wobbly for a while aren't they? So do you remember what we were talking about last night? Why you started telling us about your feelings? I was trying to remember, and I couldn't remember.

    Carys [02:18]
    I think I just remembered that it just helps to understand your kids' feelings when you just look back and see a time when you were feeling like that.

    Jen [02:32]
    Oh, that's right. Yeah. That is what you said, isn't it? Yeah

    133: How the Things We Learned About Sex Impact Our Children

    133: How the Things We Learned About Sex Impact Our Children

    Today we build on episodes that we've done in the past on talking with children about the basics of sex (so when you listen to this episode we're assuming you've got the basics covered - things like https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/talk-sex-today/ (using anatomically correct names for body parts) and https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/sexualabuse/ (taking basic steps to prevent sexual abuse)).

    This is the first in a mini-series of episodes that digs deeper into topics related to sex. Here we talk with Charlotte Rose, co-host of the https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/speaking-of-sex-podcast/ (Speaking of Sex podcast) by the Pleasure Mechanics, about what and how we adults learned about sex.
    We talk about the shame that pretty much all of us learned to associate with sex (and how to overcome that), and what we can do to improve the chances of having sex with our partner - even if we're feeling so tired that this currently seems out of the question.

    We're setting the stage here to approach sex from a less pressured, more fun perspective - which will help us in an upcoming episode to figure out what we want to discuss with our children about sex, sexuality, and pleasure.
    Jump to highlights:
    (01:00) Today's topic and Parenting Membership reopening announcement
    (02:20) Setting Loving and Effective Limits workshop announcement
    (03:55) Chris and Charlotte Rose the Pleasure Mechanics
    (05:16) The primary focus of today's episode
    (06:09) Sex isn't what it used to be before we became parents
    (08:39) Responsive desire and spontaneous desire
    (09:17) Erotic simulation and how there is nothing wrong with your sexual relationship
    (11:54) Creating a culture of pleasure within your relationship
    (14:42) Continual consent - it doesn't always need to lead to sex
    (15:34) Sex is adults at play
    (17:37) Sex educations centered around abstinence, secrecy, and shame and how we move forward from that
    (20:39) A parenting opportunity to create a different culture for our children, so that they have to unlearn so much less with regards to sex
    (22:35) How does shame show up in parents' sexual relationship?
    (25:21) So much judgment about sexuality and how it gets in the way of our connection with our partner
    (29:04) A culture of community care to have these conversations
    (29:49) Initiation and refusal/rejection
    (34:36) Mindful sex: How to enjoy sex more
    (39:27) Finding that balance when having the sex conversation with our children
    (42:23) Giving kids the building blocks so that they can have an experience to healthy sexuality when it is time for them
    (45:39) Experiencing self massage in a non sexual way
    (50:16) Body neutrality
    (51:36) Wrapping up


    Here are the resources we discussed on the show:

    Pleasure Mechanics Resources
    Charlotte and Chris' free online course https://pleasuremechanics.teachable.com/p/the-erotic-essentials/?affcode=160539_6-lm4yqi (The Erotic Essentials)
    http://pleasuremechanics.com/talk (Conversation starters about sex)
    https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/sexual-desire-spontaneous-vs-responsive/ (Podcast episode on spontaneous vs. responsive desire)
    https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/better-sex-mindfulness-lori-brotto/ (Podcast episode on mindful sex) (making sex better through focusing on the present)
    https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/your-body-is-good-enough/ (Podcast episode on body image)


    Other Resources
    https://www.aasect.org/referral-directory (AASECT therapist referral directory)
    https://briefingroom.typepad.com/the_briefing_room/files/why_humans_have_sex_2007.pdf (Peer-reviewed article on the 237 reasons people have sex)
    Guy Winch's TED Talk on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI (How to Practice Emotional First Aid), as well as more explicit resources on https://ideas.ted.com/why-rejection-hurts-so-much-and-what-to-do-about-it/ (why rejection hurts so much) - and https://www.pnas.org

    132: How implicit bias affects my child (Part 2)

    132: How implicit bias affects my child (Part 2)

    Do we really know what implicit bias is, and whether we have it?
    This is the second episode on our two-part series on implicit bias; the first part was an https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/implicitbias/ (interview with Dr. Mahzarin Banaji), former Dean of the Department of Psychology at Harvard University, and co-creator of the Implicit Association Test.
    But the body of research on this topic is large and quite complicated, and I couldn't possibly do it justice in one episode. There are a number of criticisms of the test which are worth examining, so we can get a better sense for whether implicit bias is really something we should be spending our time thinking about - or if our problems with explicit bias are big enough that we would do better to focus there first.
    Jump to highlights:
    (03:38) Is implicit bias baked into our bodies?
    (06:27) About the Implicit Association Test (IAT)
    (08:13) Criticism of the IAT and Dr. Banaji’s response
    (12:48) Blindspot and the inception of the IAT
    (13:41) We make judgements about individuals based on how they look
    (14:12) We often say things that aren't true, even if we think we are truthful
    (16:01) The premise of the IAT and how it works
    (18:13) Conflicting definition of what implicit bias is
    (19:40) Meta-analysis of implicit bias
    (33:16) Implicit bias on the decline in recent years
    (35:37) The persistent problem with IAT
    (42:59) From macro-issues to the micro-issues of IAT
    (53:54) My takeways
    Resources:
    http://implicit.harvard.edu (Implicit Association Test)
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    Jen 00:02
    Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want her children to lead fulfilling lives but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of Respectful Parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released, and get a FREE Guide called 13 Reasons Why Your Child Won't Listen To You and What To Do About Each One, just head over to YourParentingMojo.com/SUBSCRIBE. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.

    Jen 00:59
    Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Before we start this week's episode, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for being a part of this parenting journey with me and to share a quick update on where things stand with the podcast after four and a half years now. What is that saying? The days are long and the years are short? It certainly seems to be the case here. And well for some of you listening, this may be the very first episode that you're listening to, there are many others who have been with me for the entire 132 plus episodes that I've created to date. We're close to surpassing a million and a half downloads from all around the world, and my goodness, it's a bit strange to even say those words aloud given that I started the show with basically no idea whether anyone would be interested in listening. And it's such an honor to me when you recommend the show to your friends and to other parents at your daycare or preschool. When you share specific episodes that have helped you to find the answers that work with your family and your online communities. And I'm not exaggerating when I say that developing Your Parenting Mojo, which is now the podcast episodes, blog posts, courses, workshops, membership content is more than a full-time job. I have a very small team that helps me to keep my own sanity and my husband is now involved as well. Maybe one day he'l

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
350 Ratings

350 Ratings

mommycamille ,

Much more than parenting,..

This podcast is about parenting in the best way, it is about being a better human. Yes, so you end up raising a better human, but you have to evolve and understand all these fairly complicated things. She gets the most knowledgeable and interviews them extremely well. I share it often, with other mothers and fathers, sometimes my own. It is full of very important subjects dealt with in the appropriate, thoughtful and really, amazing way. Thank you!

Pb&J 4 life ,

Best Thing I Ever Did for My Kids

Listening to this podcast is the best thing I ever did for my kids. It has truly helped me become a better parent. I love Jen!

toritoritoritori3 ,

PLEASE

Slow down! You’re speaking so fast, I do love the content but some of your listeners have hearing/comprehension disabilities . Thank you

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