**Content warning: This episode includes discussion of suicidal ideation and a suicide attempt. Please use your discretion when listening and speak with your support system as needed. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by texting or calling 988. LGBTQ+ young people can also reach The Trevor Project 24/7 by calling 1-866-488-7386, texting START to 678-678, or chatting online. Episode description: Danny Wakefield joins Peace Meal to share his story of recovery from an eating disorder—a “full circle moment,” he calls it, as an alum of The Emily Program. Danny didn’t recognize the earliest signs of their eating disorder until they entered care and traced its roots back to body comparisons with their twin sister that started at age three. Getting into treatment as an adult wasn’t simple. Seeking any kind of medical care as a transgender person comes with its own barriers. For Danny, that included the internalized belief that eating disorder treatment wasn’t for someone like him. Body-size bias among providers also meant their illness wasn’t taken as seriously as it should have been. It took a mental health crisis and a message sent in desperation before Danny found their way to The Emily Program. Danny and Jillian talk through what came next: an extended stay in residential treatment, the levels of care that followed, and a recovery that became “so much bigger than just food.” Danny closes with a message for anyone who doesn't believe recovery is possible: it starts with “a tiny moment of willingness,” and hope borrowed from someone else until you can hold it yourself. About Danny: Danny Wakefield (he/they) is a transmasculine, nonbinary parent, storyteller, and advocate whose work centers mental health, recovery, and resilience. Danny is passionate about supporting transgender youth and families through sharing his own experience, strength, and hope with others as a public voice in the transgender community. They have walked through addiction, eating disorder recovery, suicidality, and along that journey, has found profound joy and self-love. We cover: What made treatment genuinely affirming for Danny Why the move from residential to partial hospitalization was his hardest transition How DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) became a lasting skill set The assumptions about recovery that follow people out of treatment Whose stories the field must make room for In Danny’s words: On his first days in treatment: “I didn’t know it then, but walking through those doors was one of the bravest things that I’ve ever done. In those first three or four days…everything felt new. And at the same time, that newness was replacing the hopelessness that I had felt for so long…Even though I was scared and terrified and, [in] many moments, didn't want to be there, I knew that my wants were different than my needs, and I needed to be right where I was.” On what recovery has given them: “I didn’t have much joy…I have this joy now that I am building this life worth living. That looks like finding joy in bike rides, finding joy in the sun. Just yesterday, I was putting my child to bed, and I was like, this is the joy. Even when bedtimes are hard, I am still here for this bedtime. I get to put my child to bed…the joy of being able to parent in the ways that I am able to parent is a result of this recovery.” On what they’d tell someone who doesn’t believe recovery is possible for them: “I stayed there for a very long time. There were many moments when I was convinced I was too complicated or too broken or too far gone to recover. And gratefully, I was wrong…If there are any trans or nonbinary youth specifically or adults listening, please hear me when I say this: You are so worthy and so deserving of seeking help and support, and living a life worth living is absolutely possible, even if you can't see it for yourself yet.” Connect with Danny on Instagram (@dannythetransdad). Additional Resources: If cost or life circumstances are barriers to accessing eating disorder treatment, the following organizations may be able to help: WithAll: Offers grants covering housing or groceries so people can stay in intensive treatment. Applications open the first of each month. Project HEAL: Works to remove financial, systemic, and healthcare barriers to treatment through cash assistance, case management, and treatment placement. About the podcast: Peace Meal is a podcast hosted by The Emily Program that covers topics related to eating disorders, body image, and how society may influence our thinking. You can find Peace Meal on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube Music. If you enjoy our show, please rate, review, subscribe, and tell your friends! Are you interested in being a guest on Peace Meal? Email podcast@emilyprogram.com for more information.
