How To Love Yourself No Matter What

Amanda Hess: Certified Life Coach for women ready to heal past hurt and finally thrive
  • 4.5 (28)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

You’re trying so hard to make life work… and it still feels like something’s missing. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, taken the advice — but somehow, you’re still stuck. You’re smart, capable, and self-aware, yet you can’t shake the feeling you’re surviving instead of living. This podcast is for deep-feeling women who are done holding it all together and ready to finally feel at home in their own skin. Each week, Amanda Hess, Certified Life Coach and straight-talking deep-feeler, shares honest coaching, personal stories, and practical tools to help you: Get out of your head and into your life Stop managing your emotions like a full-time job Build self-trust that lasts Live on your terms — without apology If you’ve ever felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, you’ll hear yourself in every episode — and discover how to love yourself no matter what. 📅 New episodes every Thursday.

  1. 9h ago

    323. Leaning Into the Messy Life — Why Deciding Life Is Supposed to Be Messy Will Save Your Happiness

    Life is messy. Yours, mine, everyone's. And somewhere along the way we decided that was the problem. Something to clean up before we're allowed to be happy. It's not. I'm Amanda Hess, certified life coach, and this episode is about a trap I watch women live in for years. The "I'll be happy when." When the house is calm. When the hard thing is over. When I finally have it together. The messy and the hard don't come in a separate box from the beautiful and the fulfilling. Same box. Same life. It's 50/50, and that's not proof you're failing. That's just how it works. So we stop waiting for the mess to clear. We lean in. And then we do the part that actually shifts things. We stop obsessing over what we're doing wrong and we start looking at what we want. Where we're going. Because that's the question that matters, and it's the one most of us never get to. We're too busy grading ourselves. Takeaways: The mess isn't blocking the good life. It's part of it. Stop waiting for a cleaner version that was never coming."Once I clean this up, then I'll thrive" is the trap. The hard and the beautiful come together. Same life, same day, both at once.Life is 50/50. When you stop reading the hard half as proof you're behind, you can finally be where you actually are.Drop the idea of "normal." Chasing it keeps you measuring your life against a standard that doesn't exist.The move that changes everything: stop obsessing over what you're doing wrong and start building what feels right. What do you want? Where are you going? That matters more. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  2. Jul 23

    322. Summer Shame: Why Sunshine Doesn't Always Equal Happiness

    Summer isn’t always the sun-soaked paradise we imagine it to be, and today, we’re diving headfirst into the sticky, sometimes cringe-worthy world of summertime shame. It’s a unique flavor of shame that creeps up on us when we’re basking in the sun, and trust me, I’ve seen it pop up in all sorts of unexpected places. Whether it’s about how we look in a swimsuit or feeling like we should be doing more with our sunny days, this episode is all about unpacking that baggage. Together, we’ll explore why this shame is so prevalent and how it can drive our behaviors in ways that leave us feeling less-than-stellar. So, grab your favorite fruity drink, kick back, and let’s chat about how to recognize, confront, and ultimately embrace our summer selves without the guilt trip! Takeaways: Summer isn't just about sunshine and good vibes; it can also bring out some serious shame that we need to tackle head-on.Understanding our shame during summer activities helps us reclaim our joy and embrace our bodies just as they are, flaws and all.Shame often hides in the dark corners of our minds, but by bringing it into the light, we can explore and process it effectively.Shifting our perspective on beauty standards allows us to redefine what we find beautiful about ourselves, moving away from societal pressure. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  3. Jul 16

    321. Why You Don't Have a Self-Love Problem, But a Shame Problem

    Here's this episode: I'm going after the thing nobody wants to name. Everyone tells you the problem is that you don't love yourself enough. It's not. The problem is shame. That's it. That's the whole thing. Shame is what shows up the second you're anything less than perfect, and every single human on the planet has it — but women get handed a bigger pile of it. We're taught to feel shame about our bodies, our parenting, our work, the way we take up space in a room. So no, I'm not going to tell you to love yourself harder. I'm going to ask you to look at the shame first. I get into where it actually shows up — standing at a party feeling like you don't belong, swallowing what you were about to say in a meeting because some part of you decided it wasn't worth hearing. I tell you about my own. Because you can't love your way past something you won't look at. Self-love isn't a place you arrive at. It's what happens when you stop running from your shame and get to know it instead. That's how you get your power back. Takeaways: Self-love isn't about lacking shame; it's about embracing and navigating through it effectively.Shame is a universal experience; we all feel it, but it's how we handle it that matters.We're socialized to feel shame, especially as women, which can sabotage our self-worth and happiness.True self-love is an active, ongoing process, not just a one-time affirmation in front of a mirror. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  4. Jul 9

    320. Take Back Your Life: The Case Against Responsibility Hoarding

    Are you a responsibility hoarder? Well, if you've ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, this episode is right up your alley! We’re diving headfirst into the intriguing concept of responsibility hoarding, a term that packs a punch and might just hit a little too close to home for some of us. We chat about how many of us take on responsibilities that are way outside our control, often at the expense of our own well-being. And guess what? It’s not just about the big stuff; those little things we worry about can pile up like laundry after a Netflix binge! So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a snack (or a plant, if you’re feeling fancy), and let’s unravel the layers of what it means to hoard responsibility and how we can break free from the shackles of other people's expectations. Trust me, by the end, you’ll see that the only responsibility you really need to focus on is your own fabulous self! Ever found yourself in a pickle, feeling like you have to hold the universe on your shoulders? Welcome to the world of responsibility hoarding, where we take on the emotional weight of others, believing it’s our job to fix or manage their lives. In this engaging episode, we unpack the nuances of this behavior, diving deep into its roots and implications. Our conversation is peppered with real-life scenarios and a touch of humor, making the heavy topic of emotional responsibility feel a little lighter. We talk about the classic symptoms of responsibility hoarding, like being a people pleaser or feeling the need to control others’ emotional responses. Through a mix of thoughtful commentary and witty banter, we guide listeners to reflect on their own tendencies and consider the liberating truth that we are only responsible for ourselves. By the end, you’ll be equipped with insights that could revolutionize the way you approach relationships and self-care, all while having a few chuckles along the way! Takeaways: In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of responsibility hoarding and how it affects our mental well-being.Are you a responsibility hoarder? Spoiler alert: it’s more common than you think, and it’s time to let go!We explore the fine line between being responsible and taking on burdens that aren’t ours to bear, so grab your thinking cap!Funny enough, being a collector of responsibilities can bring joy, while hoarding them? Not so much, and we break it down.You can only control your actions, thoughts, and feelings—everyone else is off the hook, and that’s liberating, right?Join us as we uncover how to shift the focus back to self-love and responsibility for oneself, not others. Links referenced in this episode: show-notesapple-podcastsbook a discovery call: https://amandahess.ca/bookacall

  5. Jun 25

    319. Sometimes the Truth Doesn't Serve You

    Alright, folks! So today we’re diving headfirst into the wild world of self-criticism and the liberating idea that sometimes, the truth just doesn’t serve us. Picture this: you drop a glass and suddenly you’re the clumsy villain of your own story! But guess what? It’s time to flip the script! I’m here to chat with you about how our interpretations of our little blunders can spiral into a tsunami of self-loathing, and how we can break free from that cycle. We’ll unpack the notion that how we perceive our mess-ups—big or small—can shape our confidence and overall vibe in life. Trust me, realizing that life is messy and that we don’t need to play the blame game can be a total game-changer. So let’s kick that guilt to the curb and learn to be our own biggest cheerleaders instead! Ready? Let’s roll! Takeaways: Life is messy and embracing that messiness allows us to approach our emotions and experiences with more grace and understanding, instead of blame.Understanding that our perceptions of truth can often hinder our growth is vital for personal development and emotional resilience.Rather than focusing on whose fault it is when something goes wrong, we should ask ourselves how to move forward and what we can learn from the situation.Shame and guilt are unhelpful emotions that can prevent us from making progress; instead, we should learn to be kind to ourselves and focus on constructive actions.The narrative we create about ourselves in moments of failure can either propel us forward or hold us back, so we must choose our words carefully.We often believe that attributing blame leads to accountability, but in reality, it can create more negativity; let’s focus on solutions instead. Links referenced in this episode: amandahest.ca/bookacall

  6. Jun 18

    318. Navigating Family Drama Like a Pro: Patterns, Pleasing, and Perception!

    Alright, folks, let’s dive into some juicy family dynamics! Today, we're peeling back the layers on why family gatherings feel like stepping into a well-rehearsed play where everyone knows their lines—especially those cringe-worthy ones. The real kicker? It’s not about the events themselves; it's about the patterns we’ve been stuck in since we were knee-high to a grasshopper. We're talking about those age-old scripts we keep repeating, and trust me, they’re not as random as you think. Spoiler alert: it’s your nervous system playing tricks on you, making you time travel back to your childhood every time Uncle Bob brings up politics at the barbecue. So grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s explore how we can break those patterns without putting the blame on anyone else—because, really, who has the energy for that? Takeaways: Navigating family dynamics often unveils deep-rooted patterns that we unknowingly perpetuate, impacting our emotional well-being.The key to transforming how we interact with family involves reframing blame and focusing on personal accountability instead.Our nervous systems have been conditioned from childhood to react in predictable ways during family gatherings, leading to emotional time travel.Mastering the art of storytelling about our experiences can significantly alter our emotional responses and improve our overall happiness. Links referenced in this episode: amandahest.ca/bookacall

  7. Jun 11

    317. Accountability Or Self-Love — The hidden shame of motivation and accountability

    DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU SET A GOAL, PUSH HARD FOR A FEW DAYS—AND THEN FALL OFF AND WONDER WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Like no matter how many times you try, you can't seem to make yourself do the things you say you want to do? If that's you, this episode is going to change how you see yourself. Because it's not that you're lazy. And it's not that you lack discipline. It's that the fuel you've been using to motivate yourself is actually working against you—and no one has ever shown you what to use instead. In this episode, I'm breaking down why accountability and motivation fail most people, what's really underneath the cycle of trying and quitting, and what it actually takes to build habits that stick long term. In This Episode, I Cover: Why motivation and accountability alone will never be enoughThe real reason you can push for a few days—but can't make it lastHow shame becomes the hidden fuel behind most "self-improvement" effortsWhy using self-hatred as motivation has a built-in breaking pointThe difference between forcing yourself and genuinely wanting to show upWhy love is a more powerful motivator than frustration, disappointment, or disgustHow to get specific about why you actually want what you wantWhy your brain resists new habits—and why that doesn't mean anything is wrong with youThe practical steps to remove barriers and make showing up easierHow to talk to yourself the night before so you actually follow throughThe toddler analogy that reframes everything about self-disciplineWhy a D-plus effort is still better than nothing—and how to own thatWhat regulated accountability actually looks like versus dysregulated forcingHow to flex when life gets in the way without quitting entirelyWhat changes when you stop using guilt and start using radical self-acceptance Key Takeaway You don't have a motivation problem. You have a fuel problem. Shame, guilt, and self-disgust can push you for a few days—but they will always break down. They are not a long-term solution. What actually works is getting specific about why you want what you want, removing the barriers between you and the action, and learning to redirect yourself with kindness instead of force. You don't need to be harder on yourself. You need to be more honest—and more loving. Invitation I'm running JuneTube all month inside the Love Yourself No Matter What community—weekly trainings, weekly lives, and everything you need to actually use these tools and create a different kind of summer. To get access, grab the free End Overthinking Five-Minute Reset Ritual at: 👉 joinamanda.ca You'll get the audio training plus an invitation to everything happening in June. Ready to Go Deeper? If you want support implementing this work in your own life, you can book a discovery call with me. We'll talk about what's going on for you and whether coaching together would be a good fit. Book here: amandahess.ca/bookacall Connect With Me If this episode resonated, I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message on Instagram: @theamandahess Or visit www.amandahess.ca to learn more about working together. Featured on the Show: Book a free consultation call with meSend me a DM over on Instagram Help Other Women Find This Podcast If this episode resonated with you, or you know someone who needs to hear it, please share.Leave me a review on Apple Podcasts and let me know what topics you would like to hear.Don't miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or RSS.

  8. Jun 4

    316. What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle You (When Coaches & Therapists Shame You)

    What Happens When the Helper Can't Handle YouThere is a systemic failure happening in the helping industry — and nobody is talking about it. Coaches and therapists are opening emotional doors they are completely unprepared to sit in. And when you show up authentically — crying, angry, overwhelmed, resistant — instead of being held, you get shut down. Pathologized. Shamed into getting small. I'm recording this one hot, because it happened to me today. And I need you to hear it. What I cover in this episode: The $25,000 business mastermind where I was told they'd "move on" while I cried — and how it took me months to recover my confidenceBeing interrupted mid-share and told to mute myself and come back with a "more appropriate" shareBeing told by a business coach — twice — that I needed therapy, not coachingWhy this isn't a you problem — it's a capacity problem on their endWhy shutting down emotion doesn't protect the client — it retraumatizes themWhat trauma-aware support actually looks like in practiceClients who've been fired by therapists for being "too emotional" — and why that's an industry failure, not a client failureWhat it looks like when all of it is welcome: crying, anger, resistance, circling, even lying — none of it pathologized The truth I keep coming back to: Shame is the mechanism used to make you small. When someone in authority responds to your emotion with dismissal or redirection, the message that lands is: what you just did was wrong. And you shrink. You manage yourself. You stop showing up fully. That was never your shame to hold. You are allowed to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself. There are helpers — coaches, therapists, friends, partners — who won't reject that. Your job is to find them. If this resonated: Book a free discovery call with me: amandahess.ca/bookacall Connect on Instagram: @theamandahess

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You’re trying so hard to make life work… and it still feels like something’s missing. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, taken the advice — but somehow, you’re still stuck. You’re smart, capable, and self-aware, yet you can’t shake the feeling you’re surviving instead of living. This podcast is for deep-feeling women who are done holding it all together and ready to finally feel at home in their own skin. Each week, Amanda Hess, Certified Life Coach and straight-talking deep-feeler, shares honest coaching, personal stories, and practical tools to help you: Get out of your head and into your life Stop managing your emotions like a full-time job Build self-trust that lasts Live on your terms — without apology If you’ve ever felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, you’ll hear yourself in every episode — and discover how to love yourself no matter what. 📅 New episodes every Thursday.

Information

  • Creator
    Amanda Hess: Certified Life Coach for women ready to heal past hurt and finally thrive
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    330
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025 How To Love Yourself No Matter What
  • Show Website
    How To Love Yourself No Matter What