How To Love Yourself No Matter What

Amanda Hess: Certified Life Coach for women ready to heal past hurt and finally thrive
  • 4.5 (28)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

You’re trying so hard to make life work… and it still feels like something’s missing. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, taken the advice — but somehow, you’re still stuck. You’re smart, capable, and self-aware, yet you can’t shake the feeling you’re surviving instead of living. This podcast is for deep-feeling women who are done holding it all together and ready to finally feel at home in their own skin. Each week, Amanda Hess, Certified Life Coach and straight-talking deep-feeler, shares honest coaching, personal stories, and practical tools to help you: Get out of your head and into your life Stop managing your emotions like a full-time job Build self-trust that lasts Live on your terms — without apology If you’ve ever felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, you’ll hear yourself in every episode — and discover how to love yourself no matter what. 📅 New episodes every Thursday.

  1. 1d ago

    326. If Punishing Yourself Worked, You'd Have Healed By Now

    If punishing yourself worked, you'd have healed by now. That's a line I said in a class recently, and I can't stop coming back to it. Most of us have been taught that when we're not getting what we want in life, the fix is to punish ourselves. We just don't call it that. We call it "holding myself accountable," or "making sure I don't make the same mistake twice," or needing a system and a list and someone to keep us on track. It hides in all these reasonable-sounding places, and underneath it is the same quiet belief: that there's something about me I need to fix. In this episode I talk about where that belief comes from, how far back it goes, and why it was never yours to carry in the first place. I share how "making a mess" got baked into my identity as a kid, and how so many of us walk around with a version of that: the hot mess, the scattered one, the one who's bad with money or bad with love. And I get honest about what actually happens when we beat ourselves up for it. We shrink. We get smaller and less visible and less willing to go build the life we actually want. You can't make big waves with your wings when you've convinced yourself you're the size of a fly. I also tell you about throwing my hip out this week training for a figure skating competition, and the exact moment my brain tried to turn it into proof that I should have known better. Having your own back isn't something you master once. It's a practice you come back to, one moment at a time. Key Takeaways: If punishing yourself actually worked, you'd already be healed. You've tried it for years, and it keeps doing the opposite of what you hoped."Holding yourself accountable" is often self-punishment in disguise. It hides in the lists, the systems, and the "hot mess" identity we carry around.The stories about who you are (scattered, clumsy, bad with money, bad with love) were baked in during childhood. They were never the truth about you.Beating yourself up makes you shrink. You get smaller, less visible, and less able to create what you actually want.Radical acceptance of a messy life beats chasing a perfect one. Show me a person and I'll show you a messy life. Perfection is a setup, not a standard.Real change comes from learning to have your own back: regulating your nervous system, growing your capacity for big emotion, shifting your perspective, and setting boundaries, again and again over time. Come to my free class: I'm running a free class called The Anti-Hero on Monday, August 24th at 12:00 PM Pacific. It's all about shame, and about learning to have your own back in a way you've probably never heard before. Come find out what it feels like to stop being the woman who's always punishing herself, and imagine who you get to be on the other side of that. Save your seat: amandahess.ca/shame1 You are not the only one. I promise you that. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/shame1

  2. Aug 13

    325. Invisible Sin: The Truth About The Woman Who Cheats

    Today we're talking about something I've wanted to make an episode about for a long time: infidelity. Specifically, the woman who cheats. If that's you, I already know you're carrying a crushing weight — the secrecy, the panic, the shame society piles on top. Because we've all been told that cheating is the ultimate, unforgivable relationship sin. But after years of coaching and hundreds of women, here's what I've come to believe: cheating is the symptom, not the start. It almost never shows up in a vibrant, healthy relationship. It shows up after years of what I call the invisible sins — chronic emotional neglect, stonewalling, contempt, weaponized incompetence, being starved of affection and visibility. The partner who looks great on paper while you slowly disappear inside your own home. This is a judgment-free zone. I'm not here to make excuses or decide who's right and who's wrong. I'm here to explore what was actually happening, what was missing, and how you move forward. So I ask the questions I ask in coaching. Before the affair ever started, what were you tolerating every day? Who did you get to be with someone else that you weren't allowed to be in your own relationship? Was it about the sex, or the feeling of being wanted and prioritized after years of feeling like furniture? Here's the part almost nobody says: the perpetual giving is what created the vacuum in the first place. You were never taught how to know what you want. You were taught to perform — be a good girl, look good, keep it all together — and then you woke up one day feeling nothing. That's not selfishness. That's what happens after a lifetime of being told your desire is dirty and your job is to keep everyone else okay. I don't do the shame-to-guilt thing you see all over the internet. Guilt is just as damaging as shame. And no — if you're listening to this, you are not a narcissist. What you need isn't more punishment. You've been holding yourself accountable every single day, or you wouldn't be here. What you need is to learn how to have your own back, how to move through the heavy feelings instead of shoving them down, and how to turn want and desire back on in every part of your life. When those things come online, everything else gets easier. You were never the problem. And you are not the only one. I promise you that. The free class: I'm teaching a class on all of this called The Anti-Hero — because you can be the hero of your own life even if nobody else sees it. Monday, August 24th at 12:00 PM Pacific, about an hour, completely free. Sign up at AmandaHess.ca/shame1 or through the link in the show notes. I'd love to see you there. Takeaways: Infidelity is often viewed as the ultimate sin, but let's be real: relationships can be super complicated and messy, with many hidden issues lurking beneath the surface.Cheating is more of a symptom than the root cause of relationship problems, highlighting the need for deeper self-awareness and understanding of personal desires.Many women don’t even know what they want due to societal pressures to perform and be ‘good,’ leaving them feeling empty and unfulfilled in their relationships.In the quest for happiness, it’s crucial to learn how to advocate for yourself and embrace your desires, rather than feeling guilty or ashamed for wanting more from life.Emotional neglect and invisible cruelties in relationships often lead to infidelity, as individuals seek validation and fulfillment outside their primary partnership.To truly move forward from any shame or guilt surrounding infidelity, it's essential to tackle those feelings head-on, developing a stronger sense of self and what you truly desire. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/Shame1

  3. Aug 6

    324. Everybody is not an idiot. Not even you. Why changing this one belief will change your entire life for the better

    This episode is all about judgment: why we're so quick to hand out labels, and what happens when we stop. It started with a lightbulb moment at a family gathering that turned into a bit of a masterclass in how fast our brains reach for judgment over understanding. We're digging into why choosing to believe that everyone — yes, even the guy who just cut you off in traffic — is doing their best can genuinely change how you move through the world. When we trade judgment for empathy, we lighten our own emotional load and make room for better relationships, too. Grab your drink of choice and settle in — because understanding ourselves is the first step to understanding everyone else. Takeaways: In a world filled with judgment, understanding that everyone is doing their best can radically transform our personal interactions and emotional well-being.Our brains naturally categorize actions as good or bad, but breaking free from this binary thinking can lead to more compassionate relationships.Being a life coach means navigating through my own judgments while helping others; it's a continuous journey of self-discovery and empathy.When we approach difficult interactions with understanding rather than judgment, we create an environment where everyone can thrive, including ourselves. Links referenced in this episode: amandahest.ca/bookacallinstagram.com/theamandahess

  4. Jul 30

    323. Leaning Into the Messy Life — Why Deciding Life Is Supposed to Be Messy Will Save Your Happiness

    Life is messy. Yours, mine, everyone's. And somewhere along the way we decided that was the problem. Something to clean up before we're allowed to be happy. It's not. I'm Amanda Hess, certified life coach, and this episode is about a trap I watch women live in for years. The "I'll be happy when." When the house is calm. When the hard thing is over. When I finally have it together. The messy and the hard don't come in a separate box from the beautiful and the fulfilling. Same box. Same life. It's 50/50, and that's not proof you're failing. That's just how it works. So we stop waiting for the mess to clear. We lean in. And then we do the part that actually shifts things. We stop obsessing over what we're doing wrong and we start looking at what we want. Where we're going. Because that's the question that matters, and it's the one most of us never get to. We're too busy grading ourselves. Takeaways: The mess isn't blocking the good life. It's part of it. Stop waiting for a cleaner version that was never coming."Once I clean this up, then I'll thrive" is the trap. The hard and the beautiful come together. Same life, same day, both at once.Life is 50/50. When you stop reading the hard half as proof you're behind, you can finally be where you actually are.Drop the idea of "normal." Chasing it keeps you measuring your life against a standard that doesn't exist.The move that changes everything: stop obsessing over what you're doing wrong and start building what feels right. What do you want? Where are you going? That matters more. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  5. Jul 23

    322. Summer Shame: Why Sunshine Doesn't Always Equal Happiness

    Summer isn’t always the sun-soaked paradise we imagine it to be, and today, we’re diving headfirst into the sticky, sometimes cringe-worthy world of summertime shame. It’s a unique flavor of shame that creeps up on us when we’re basking in the sun, and trust me, I’ve seen it pop up in all sorts of unexpected places. Whether it’s about how we look in a swimsuit or feeling like we should be doing more with our sunny days, this episode is all about unpacking that baggage. Together, we’ll explore why this shame is so prevalent and how it can drive our behaviors in ways that leave us feeling less-than-stellar. So, grab your favorite fruity drink, kick back, and let’s chat about how to recognize, confront, and ultimately embrace our summer selves without the guilt trip! Takeaways: Summer isn't just about sunshine and good vibes; it can also bring out some serious shame that we need to tackle head-on.Understanding our shame during summer activities helps us reclaim our joy and embrace our bodies just as they are, flaws and all.Shame often hides in the dark corners of our minds, but by bringing it into the light, we can explore and process it effectively.Shifting our perspective on beauty standards allows us to redefine what we find beautiful about ourselves, moving away from societal pressure. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  6. Jul 16

    321. Why You Don't Have a Self-Love Problem, But a Shame Problem

    Here's this episode: I'm going after the thing nobody wants to name. Everyone tells you the problem is that you don't love yourself enough. It's not. The problem is shame. That's it. That's the whole thing. Shame is what shows up the second you're anything less than perfect, and every single human on the planet has it — but women get handed a bigger pile of it. We're taught to feel shame about our bodies, our parenting, our work, the way we take up space in a room. So no, I'm not going to tell you to love yourself harder. I'm going to ask you to look at the shame first. I get into where it actually shows up — standing at a party feeling like you don't belong, swallowing what you were about to say in a meeting because some part of you decided it wasn't worth hearing. I tell you about my own. Because you can't love your way past something you won't look at. Self-love isn't a place you arrive at. It's what happens when you stop running from your shame and get to know it instead. That's how you get your power back. Takeaways: Self-love isn't about lacking shame; it's about embracing and navigating through it effectively.Shame is a universal experience; we all feel it, but it's how we handle it that matters.We're socialized to feel shame, especially as women, which can sabotage our self-worth and happiness.True self-love is an active, ongoing process, not just a one-time affirmation in front of a mirror. Links referenced in this episode: amandahess.ca/bookacall

  7. Jul 9

    320. Take Back Your Life: The Case Against Responsibility Hoarding

    Are you a responsibility hoarder? Well, if you've ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, this episode is right up your alley! We’re diving headfirst into the intriguing concept of responsibility hoarding, a term that packs a punch and might just hit a little too close to home for some of us. We chat about how many of us take on responsibilities that are way outside our control, often at the expense of our own well-being. And guess what? It’s not just about the big stuff; those little things we worry about can pile up like laundry after a Netflix binge! So, grab a comfy seat, maybe a snack (or a plant, if you’re feeling fancy), and let’s unravel the layers of what it means to hoard responsibility and how we can break free from the shackles of other people's expectations. Trust me, by the end, you’ll see that the only responsibility you really need to focus on is your own fabulous self! Ever found yourself in a pickle, feeling like you have to hold the universe on your shoulders? Welcome to the world of responsibility hoarding, where we take on the emotional weight of others, believing it’s our job to fix or manage their lives. In this engaging episode, we unpack the nuances of this behavior, diving deep into its roots and implications. Our conversation is peppered with real-life scenarios and a touch of humor, making the heavy topic of emotional responsibility feel a little lighter. We talk about the classic symptoms of responsibility hoarding, like being a people pleaser or feeling the need to control others’ emotional responses. Through a mix of thoughtful commentary and witty banter, we guide listeners to reflect on their own tendencies and consider the liberating truth that we are only responsible for ourselves. By the end, you’ll be equipped with insights that could revolutionize the way you approach relationships and self-care, all while having a few chuckles along the way! Takeaways: In this episode, we dive deep into the concept of responsibility hoarding and how it affects our mental well-being.Are you a responsibility hoarder? Spoiler alert: it’s more common than you think, and it’s time to let go!We explore the fine line between being responsible and taking on burdens that aren’t ours to bear, so grab your thinking cap!Funny enough, being a collector of responsibilities can bring joy, while hoarding them? Not so much, and we break it down.You can only control your actions, thoughts, and feelings—everyone else is off the hook, and that’s liberating, right?Join us as we uncover how to shift the focus back to self-love and responsibility for oneself, not others. Links referenced in this episode: show-notesapple-podcastsbook a discovery call: https://amandahess.ca/bookacall

  8. Jun 25

    319. Sometimes the Truth Doesn't Serve You

    Alright, folks! So today we’re diving headfirst into the wild world of self-criticism and the liberating idea that sometimes, the truth just doesn’t serve us. Picture this: you drop a glass and suddenly you’re the clumsy villain of your own story! But guess what? It’s time to flip the script! I’m here to chat with you about how our interpretations of our little blunders can spiral into a tsunami of self-loathing, and how we can break free from that cycle. We’ll unpack the notion that how we perceive our mess-ups—big or small—can shape our confidence and overall vibe in life. Trust me, realizing that life is messy and that we don’t need to play the blame game can be a total game-changer. So let’s kick that guilt to the curb and learn to be our own biggest cheerleaders instead! Ready? Let’s roll! Takeaways: Life is messy and embracing that messiness allows us to approach our emotions and experiences with more grace and understanding, instead of blame.Understanding that our perceptions of truth can often hinder our growth is vital for personal development and emotional resilience.Rather than focusing on whose fault it is when something goes wrong, we should ask ourselves how to move forward and what we can learn from the situation.Shame and guilt are unhelpful emotions that can prevent us from making progress; instead, we should learn to be kind to ourselves and focus on constructive actions.The narrative we create about ourselves in moments of failure can either propel us forward or hold us back, so we must choose our words carefully.We often believe that attributing blame leads to accountability, but in reality, it can create more negativity; let’s focus on solutions instead. Links referenced in this episode: amandahest.ca/bookacall

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About

You’re trying so hard to make life work… and it still feels like something’s missing. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, taken the advice — but somehow, you’re still stuck. You’re smart, capable, and self-aware, yet you can’t shake the feeling you’re surviving instead of living. This podcast is for deep-feeling women who are done holding it all together and ready to finally feel at home in their own skin. Each week, Amanda Hess, Certified Life Coach and straight-talking deep-feeler, shares honest coaching, personal stories, and practical tools to help you: Get out of your head and into your life Stop managing your emotions like a full-time job Build self-trust that lasts Live on your terms — without apology If you’ve ever felt “too much” and “not enough” at the same time, you’ll hear yourself in every episode — and discover how to love yourself no matter what. 📅 New episodes every Thursday.

Information

  • Creator
    Amanda Hess: Certified Life Coach for women ready to heal past hurt and finally thrive
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2026
  • Episodes
    333
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2025 How To Love Yourself No Matter What
  • Show Website
    How To Love Yourself No Matter What

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