Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D.
  • 4.6 (308)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline. Join Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life. If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

  1. 2d ago

    What Happens Inside a Narcissist the Moment You Confront Them & Why It Will Never Lead to Change

    You’ve tried explaining yourself. You’ve tried having the conversation. But what happens when nothing changes, no matter how carefully you say it? When you’ve spent so long questioning yourself, it can be difficult to trust your own judgment about what’s happening. If you’re struggling to make sense of your relationship, take my free Toxic or Troubled? survey to gain some clarity and explore your next steps. https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey Have you ever confronted a narcissist about something truly hurtful and watched it vanish in seconds? A flicker of discomfort, then a reset, as if it never happened? In this episode, Kerry and psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee take on the question listeners ask most: can a narcissist change? They explore why owning the problem is the real dividing line, the debate over shame versus humiliation, and what happens inside a disordered personality the moment it’s challenged. WANT TO GO DEEPER? In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get honest about the promise that keeps so many people stuck: “I’ll change for you.” Learn why desperate promises to change vanish the moment the relationship feels secure again. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/ 00:00 What happens inside a narcissist when you confront them 00:39 Can a personality disorder ever change? 02:56 Born with the tools: the wagon story 04:29 Why they won't own the problem 06:18 Do narcissists feel shame or humiliation? 07:43 Not enough of a "me" to change 10:30 Why real growth means sitting with discomfort 13:13 They reset right in front of you 16:56 Two years asking "can he change?" 18:59 How he faked change to keep me calm 22:22 Why victims get duped 24:41 Coming up in the Podcast Extra #Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #CanNarcissistsChange #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CovertNarcissist #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationships #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  2. 2d ago

    Reactive Abuse: 4 Questions That Reveal Who Was Really the Dangerous One in the Room

    Reactive abuse isn't a sign you've become the abusive one. It's the predictable end of a setup: months of provocation, timed for the moment you finally break.  In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on the night so many survivors never tell anyone about. When you, as the survivor, lost it. She also explains why the better question isn't "What's wrong with me?" but "What was being done to me?" In this episode, learn: • The four questions that reveal who in the room was actually the dangerous one • Why they bait you into reacting, then use it to tell everyone how unstable you are • How exhaustion, deprivation and constant provocation wear down anyone's self-control • Gray rock vs. yellow rock, and why snark is still engagement • "Is this an old feeling or a new feeling?" — the question that steadies you in the moment 00:00 The night you don't tell anyone about 01:59 Screaming in the shower 04:02 What the teacher never saw 05:58 Question 1: Whose arousal went up? 09:57 Question 2: Did your distress slow them down or speed them up? 12:41 Question 3: Was there repair afterward? 14:29 Why you finally broke 19:10 Question 4: Who ended up apologizing? 20:14 Gray rock vs. yellow rock: stop feeding the provocation 24:06 Is this an old feeling or a new feeling? #ReactiveAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #GrayRockMethod #YellowRock #SmearCampaign #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  3. 5d ago

    The 7-Stage Trauma Bond That Makes Leaving Feel Impossible

    Why do smart people stay in toxic relationships long after they see the pattern? It was never weakness — it was conditioning by design. In this episode, Kerry unpacks the hidden mechanics behind the 7-stage trauma-bonding trap — how predators wire dependency, hijack empathy, rewrite reality, and shut down your sense of self. In this episode, learn: 1. Why love bombing is conditioning that creates rapid pseudo-intimacy and makes you feel uniquely seen 2. How predators manufacture dependency by playing the sympathetic victim 3. How devaluation disguised as "helpful advice" slides into gaslighting that rewrites your memory and makes you doubt your feelings 4. Why submission and loss of self leave you centered entirely on keeping them happy while you disappear 5. How intermittent reinforcement re-hooks you right when you're ready to leave  00:00 Why smart people get stuck in trauma bonds 01:19 How Kerry discovered trauma bonding 03:45 Who exploiters target, and why it's you 05:20 Stage 1: Love bombing 06:37 Stage 2: Trust and dependency 11:22 Stage 3: Devaluation 12:18 Stages 4 and 5: Gaslighting and shrinking 13:16 Stage 6: Loss of self, and the cycle restarts 14:15 Why your intelligence works against you 16:47 Why knowing about narcissists doesn't protect you 17:46 Pavlov's dog: how you were conditioned 20:03 Where your real power is #TraumaBonding #LoveBombing #Gaslighting #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationship #NarcissistRedFlags #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealth Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  4. Oct 5 ·  Video

    Dr. Les Carter: Stop Trying to Make a Narcissist Understand You — Do This Instead

    Are You Feeling Stuck?Take my FREE “Toxic or Troubled?” survey to discover your relationship type and get instant access to a complete, private mini-course—educational overviews, reflective questions, grounding techniques, and new strategies tailored to your situation.▶ Start here: https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey —— What if every explanation you offer becomes ammunition? Have you noticed how a narcissist stays one-up without ever having to raise their voiceIn this episode, Kerry and Dr. Les Carter expose the hidden power mechanics that keep you arguing in circles. Many narcissists use the Gotcha Game which flips every conversation into a confrontation because it’s all about power. WANT TO GO DEEPER? In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Les get practical. Learn how to hold your ground, take your exit, and let go of the need to convince them. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you join as a paid Substack subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseDR. LES CARTER is the creator of Surviving Narcissism, an author and educator helping survivors build self-trust, healthy boundaries, and stay out of the power trap with a narcissist.WEBSITE: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #Gaslighting #CovertNarcissist #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #Boundaries #SelfTrust #MentalHealth Submit your question to be answered on air here! Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  5. Oct 1 ·  Video

    They Didn't Miss You, They Ran Out of Money: How Hoovering Actually Works

    Future faking hoovering isn't a change of heart. It's a second round of grooming, aimed at exactly what the first round wanted.In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on what's actually happening when someone shows up with flowers, apologies and a raked pile of leaves after months of silence — and why the answer has almost nothing to do with you.In this episode:• Why not being hoovered is a read on what you had left to give• Hoovering is a role vacancy, not a longing• Love bombing and hoovering: one objective, two stages, two sets of tools• Why "pathetic chasing behavior" isn't your flaw — it's how humans are built• The two questions that decode any hoover: what do they need, and why now?#Hoovering #FutureFaking #NarcissisticHoovering #NarcissisticAbuse #LoveBombing #NoContact #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney Submit your question to be answered on air here! Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  6. Sep 28 ·  Video

    Narcissist, Psychopath, or Sadist? Does Naming Your Abuser's Personality Type Actually Help?

    What if naming the disorder never actually got you out? And what if the thing you've been calling proof was really just a way to feel in control?In this episode, Kerry and co-host Lynn Strathdee take on the debate splitting the recovery world right now — one universal predator type, or many distinct subtypes.You can know exactly what someone is and stay anyway. You can't choose your neighbor, your coworker, or the parent sitting next to you at the PTA meeting. Understanding the diagnosis is not the same as being protected from it.Certainty feels like safety — and that's precisely why it's worth questioning.WANT TO GO DEEPER?In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get practical: learn a technique from Kerry's clinical supervision for reading a person by reading your own reaction to them. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseLYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/#NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkTriad #DarkTetrad #Machiavellianism #VulnerableNarcissist #CoerciveControl #ToxicRelationships #EmotionalAbuse #MentalHealth Submit your question to be answered on air here! Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  7. Sep 24 ·  Video

    Gray Divorce and the 30-Year Con: Why Covert Narcissists Never Wanted You to Leave

    Gray divorce isn't a midlife crisis. For a lot of people, it's the end of a con that ran for decades.When researchers ask why people divorce after 50, the top answer from women isn't money or infidelity — it was abuse.In this highlight from Kerry's weekly live Q&A, she takes on why so many people stay in psychologically abusive marriages for 20 or 30 years, and why leaving late isn't a failure of judgment. In this episode:* Why boomers are divorcing at four times the rate of 1990* Why the mask falls on the honeymoon, in pregnancy, or after the baby arrives* The attribution bias that made you call a pattern a mistake* Why every "fresh start" was engineered — and why you weren't foolish, you were fooled* The staircase of escalation: from control to criticism to being told you "just don't think"* Why leaving late is a sign of strength, not weakness#GrayDivorce #CovertNarcissist #CovertNarcissism #NarcissisticAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #Manipulation #TraumaRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #HealingJourney #MentalHealth Submit your question to be answered on air here! Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

  8. Sep 21 ·  Video

    Narcissistic Love Withdrawal: Why You Chase Their Affection and Lose Yourself

    Why did you do things you swore you'd never do, just to get their love back? In this episode, Kerry and researcher Dr. Karen Mitchell unpack why affection from a narcissistic or predatory partner can feel like a drug. It's intense and strategic, and then it's suddenly withdrawn. They also explore who predatory people target:  honest, kind-hearted people. And why recovery can take years. This was never about you being weak. The pull you felt was engineered, and understanding it is how you break free. WANT TO GO DEEPER? In the exclusive podcast extra interview Dr. Mitchell unpacks the hidden mechanics behind spotting human predators. Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you subscribe today.Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuseDR. KAREN MITCHELL is a researcher and author of Human Predators, behind the largest global study on predatory behavior and neurological differences outside of prison settings. She advocates for a new framework — 20 attributes and 25 tactics — to identify human predators and expose how they control, isolate, and escape accountability without physical force. Book: Human Predators: Groundbreaking insights into the red flags narcissists, psychopaths and manipulators don't want you to know  Website #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #DarkPsychology #HumanPredator #Psychopath #CoerciveControl #Brainwashing #ToxicRelationships #Gaslighting #MentalHealth Submit your question to be answered on air here! Resources The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).

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Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline. Join Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life. If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

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