Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D.
  • 4.6 (303)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline.Join retired psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life.If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

  1. 2d ago

    The Real Reason Narcissists Make Food About Control

    Food is the most primal human need — and narcissists know it. The demands that ruin a vacation. The meal that is never made right. The praise given once, then withheld forever. These are calculated moves in a much larger control strategy. In this conversation, Dr. Kerry McAvoy and co-host Lynn S. decode the psychology behind narcissistic food control: why it is never actually about the food, how narcissists exploit your deepest vulnerabilities through something as basic as sustenance, and why recognizing this pattern is the first step toward disengaging from a dynamic designed to make you feel perpetually inadequate. Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment Want to go deeper? In this Members-Only episode — Lynn and Dr. Kerry unpack what happens after the recognition and why healing from food-based control takes longer than most expect. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse Key Moments 0:00 The Perfect Stage: Why Food Becomes a Weapon 0:27 "Look How Special I Am": The Dish His Mother Made 2:35 How Narcissists Find Your Unmet Needs 4:25 The Demanding Eater: Japanese Peanuts and the Honeymoon Popcorn Hunt 7:27 The Tortilla Legend: Food as Proof of Love and Obedience 9:53 Intermittent Reinforcement and Competing With the Legend 11:56 Lynn's Story: Gloating, Competition, and Possessiveness 14:39 Back to Infancy: Why the Feeding Dynamic Never Got Solved 16:06 Being Spoon-Fed: When Sustenance Becomes Control 18:55 The Lasagna and the Juicer: A Mother-in-Law's Power Plays 21:56 It's a Pattern, Not Personal: The Predator's Playbook 24:12 Two Food Histories: Shame, Dissociation, and the Internal Controller LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/ #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #ToxicRelationships #npd #coercivecontrol Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  2. 6d ago

    Harmless Joke? No, It Was Sadism & Why Your Body Spotted the Truth First

    That flash of something is wrong you couldn't quite explain? Your body caught it before your mind could argue you down. In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry McAvoy reacts to a so-called "prank" a husband pulled on his wife — secretly serving her breast milk in their guests' coffee, then bringing her breakfast in bed: toast smeared with their newborn's poop in place of peanut butter. The wife wondered if she was overreacting. Too sensitive. Unable to take a joke. This is everyday sadism — cruelty dressed up as humor — and it runs on the same engine as narcissistic abuse and gaslighting: make you doubt what you felt, and you'll never confront what they did. That's the trap. Everyday sadism doesn't hide in the shadows. Your own decency blinds you, because you can't imagine someone who claims to love you could be this callous. So instead of confronting the person who hurt you, you turn on yourself — convinced you must have gotten it wrong. That self-doubt isn't a side effect. It's the point. In this episode: What everyday sadism and sadistic behavior actually look like Why your body registers danger before your mind can rationalize it away The exact mechanics of how cruelty disguised as humor enables gaslighting and coercive control in narcissistic abuse Why survivors are conditioned to question their own reactions and not their abuser's For more on everyday sadism, be sure to check out Dr. Kerry’s interview with Joe Navarro. Watch it here: Key Moments 00:00 — No file folder labeled cruelty 02:52 — Why kind people can't see sadism 04:16 — "You're a chronic over-reactor" 08:08 — The effort is the proof 09:32 — She spat it out before she knew 12:37 — "Am I overreacting?" is the wrong question (Original clip aired on It's Just a Prank Bro on Smosh Pit — watch it here.) Have you experienced this? Your story may be exactly what another survivor needs to hear. Submit yours via the link below. #NarcissisticAbuse #Gaslighting #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  3. Jul 20

    How Dangerous Predators Hide Sadism in Plain Sight - Joe Navarro, Former FBI Agent

    The most dangerous narcissists don’t go ballistic: they peck you to death. After spending decades studying dangerous personalities, former FBI agent Joe Navarro has learned that the cruelest narcissistic abuse almost never looks the way we expect.  It hides behind the withheld compliment, the public put-down disguised as a joke, the silent treatment and the affection that never comes. In this conversation, Joe and Dr. Kerry McAvoy name the covert sadism living inside everyday relationships with a narcissist, and why it leaves lasting damage. Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment  Want to go deeper?  In this Members-Only Interview — Joe walks through the practical steps to breaking free. Learn exactly the first step on how to get started. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. JOE NAVARRO, a former FBI agent and one of the world's foremost authorities on reading human behavior, has spent his life learning to spot dangerous people before the rest of us see them coming. Recruited into the FBI at just 23 — one of the youngest agents ever — Joe spent 25 years in counterintelligence and counterterrorism, catching spies by decoding the nonverbal signals most people miss, and went on to train both FBI agents and the wider intelligence community in the science he helped refine. Since retiring from the Bureau in 2003, he has become a sought-after speaker, consultant, and author — including the landmark Dangerous Personalities — helping people everywhere recognize the predators hiding in plain sight. Website Navarro Dangerous Personality Inventory Latest Book: Mastering Connections, and the digital Navarro Dangerous Personality Inventory Dangerous Personalities: An FBI Profiler Shows You How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People Key Moments 00:00 — What sadism really looks like (not whips and chains) 01:17 — Stabbed at seventeen: Joe's first dangerous person 02:55 — The wound that outlasts the knife 05:17 — The insidious cruelty hiding in plain sight 06:35 — Why your brain replays the pain on a loop 08:38 — "Try not to screw this up": humiliation as a weapon 10:06 — The abuse the DSM barely names 13:03 — Mortificar: the word for being pecked to death 14:48 — The put-downs we mistake for "just bullying" 18:02 — The compliment that never came 21:03 — Trust your gut: the questions that reveal the truth This episode discusses emotional abuse and includes references to suicidal thoughts. If you're struggling, you're not alone — in the US you can call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  4. Jul 16

    Your Birthday Was Rigged to Fail: How Narcissists Sabotage Special Days

    It's your special day. Your birthday. Maybe the narcissist participated in the build-out or maybe they pretended not to notice. But you knew. And you got your hopes up. Perhaps this birthday will go differently. What you didn't expect was to spend the rest of your birthday managing their feelings. In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry shares submitted accounts of birthdays that ended in tears, anniversaries engineered to fail, and being asked to comfort the person who hurt you.  Toxic and character-disordered individuals refuse repair the damage they've done because receiving your forgiveness would put them one-down. If you've ever found yourself crying in the bathroom, then walking back out to smile through the candles — your confusion was data, not weakness. Key Moments 00:00 — "He needed to be the one who had a bad day" (cold open) 01:20 — The paper doll: candles blown out with eyes sore from crying 02:17 — When the effort is the setup: "people forgot him" 03:16 — The rising bar — engineered to fail 04:22 — Why your help threatens them: the sun and the Earth 06:21 — Nursing the wound (Gollum's ring), and why confusion is data Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  5. Jul 13

    Why Narcissists Destroy Your Best Days — It's Not Forgetfulness, It's Sadism

    The ruined birthday. The wrecked anniversary. The gift left in a drawer. It wasn't thoughtlessness. Dr. Kerry sits down with psychodynamic psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee to break down one of the most painful — and least-named — patterns in narcissistic relationships: the deliberate destruction of special occasions. Lynn identifies the core drive as pleasure at being the cause — a compulsion rooted in early development that, in character-disordered adults, becomes a form of covert manipulation. Your emotional pain isn't collateral damage. For a narcissist, it's the reward. Reference: Shawna the Mom: https://www.youtube.com/@ShawnatheMom In this episode: Why narcissists specifically target birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries The "pleasure at being the cause" drive — and how it escalates on your best days Dry begging: the manipulation tactic hiding in plain sight How devaluation becomes a source of narcissistic supply Why you kept making excuses — and what this pattern reveals about NPD Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment If the sabotage only makes sense in hindsight — can you learn to see it in real time? Kerry and Lynn unpack the quieter signal most survivors train themselves to override: the "something feels a little off" whisper — and how to turn its volume up without becoming paranoid. Plus: the chat-history article that's been haunting Kerry about an ordinary couple, and what one partner had actually been thinking all along. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/ Key Moments 00:00 — "That was the point" 00:29 — The birthday he set out to ruin 02:24 — Cozumel, the cheesecake, and every plan sabotaged 03:11 — "A retreat to decide if he still wanted to be married" 03:48 — The pleasure of being the cause 07:03 — Double whammy: the act and the emotion it creates 09:15 — The gratitude trap: why they can't let it go well 14:56 — What gifts reveal (and the lotion re-gift) 17:38 — "Dry begging" and the gifts he never used 20:33 — The bracelet he came home wearing 21:07 — Naming the sadism: "go to the feeling it gave you" 23:00 — The mania of secret knowing: "you don't know, I do" 25:26 — Recognizing it in the moment, not in hindsight Dr. Kerry's Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #ToxicRelationships #NPD #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  6. Jul 9

    How Covert Narcissists Hide Their Cheating So Well That Your Suspicions Feel Paranoid

    In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the psychological damage done by narcissistic abuse, especially when you’re living with a partner who’s keeping a secret life. Learn how cheaters use gaslighting, lies, and calculated reality distortion to conceal their betrayals. They want to make you question your own mind so completely that you stop listening to your instincts, destroying your self-trust. If you've ever felt like you were going crazy, re-reading old texts to prove to yourself what was real, then you’ve experienced this kind of manipulation. And healing from narcissistic abuse begins when you discover your instincts were right all along. This is the Thursday companion to Monday's interview with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, "Sexual Addiction Looks Nothing Like What You Think" Key Moments 00:00 — Married to a master of reality distortion 01:24 — "I can no longer trust myself" 03:32 — Superhuman dissociation and the secret sexual basement 04:56 — Becoming the detective: hunting for the second phone 06:42 — Minwalla's three-pronged model: 17 women in 21 days 08:14 — Three truths to anchor your nervous system To go deeper into rebuilding self-trust after betrayal, the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Join Substack & watch it immediately when you become a paid subscriber here. Have a story of your own? Share by emailing Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com or use this link. Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #covertnarcissist #cheating #doublelife #gaslighting #betrayaltrauma Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  7. Jul 6

    Sexual Addiction Looks Nothing Like What You Think

    Most people imagine they'd recognize a sex addict. But here’s the reality most survivors never realize: you were never meant to see it. Sexual addictive behavior doesn’t look like deception or betrayal; it looks like distance, irritability, or a relationship going cold. You don’t realize you’re with someone who’s living a double life. In this interview, Dr. Kerry sits down with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, who specializes in sexual addiction and toxic relationships. Together they break down the deception architecture a sex addict builds, how narcissistic traits fuel the compartmentalization, and why partners so often blame themselves before they ever suspect the truth. If you've ever felt something was deeply wrong in your relationship but couldn't name it, this episode will give you language for what you experienced. Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment Want to go deeper? In the members-only Podcast Extra, learn the specific behavioral signs you’ll notice first. If you're wondering whether what you experienced was real, this is where you'll find your answer. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. CHERYL CAMARILLO, a trauma-informed social worker demystifies the complexities of deep-seated trauma and offers a compassionate, real-world roadmap for individuals and families navigating life's heaviest struggles. As a social worker, consultant, and adoptive mother, Cheryl has spent decades on the front lines of human resilience. She brings her vast expertise to two critical, modern battlegrounds: sex therapy and sex addiction/partner betrayal trauma. Website: https://cherylcamarillo.com Key Moments 0:00 The Perfect Marriage With a Basement Full of Secrets 1:00 How Cheryl Married Into This World 3:09 Discovering the Truth and Finding Her Calling 5:17 Spotting the Pattern and Its Three Root Causes 7:34 Kerry's Own Story of 17 Women in Three Weeks 9:01 Is Sex Addiction a Form of Narcissism? 9:30 The Hidden Trauma You Can't See or Prove 11:33 What Real Intimacy Is Supposed to Feel Like 12:48 Why the Betrayed Partner Gets Left Behind 14:54 What Really Shapes a Sex Addict 17:32 Entitlement, Compulsion, and the Need for a Hit 22:04 Why Narcissists Never Feel Real Shame 23:48 Who Actually Recovers and Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.   #doublelife #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery #betrayaltrauma Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  8. Jul 2

    When the Car Becomes a Weapon: Real Stories of Narcissistic Road Rage

    Abuse is something we imagine happens behind closed doors. For a lot of survivors, some of the most frightening moments happened not just in the home but in the passenger seat of a moving car. In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry pulls directly from your comments and unpacks what each one reveals about how narcissists weaponize the car. It was never about losing the narcissist losing their temper. It was about control. And if you've ever braced yourself just getting into the car with someone, you weren't imagining it. This is the Thursday companion to Monday's episode with co-host Lynn Strathdee, "Road Rage & Other Terrifying Ways Narcissists Use Cars to Intimidate You." To go deeper into what to actually do when you can't leave yet, be sure to check out the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Here's the link. Have a story of your own? Share by contacting Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com. Key Moments 0:00 The Terrifying Reality of a Weaponized Car 0:33 A Captivity That Moves 70 Miles Per Hour 1:13 She Went Deaf From His Road Rage 2:39 Escaping the Car at Every Red Light 3:18 When My Husband's Driving Became a Weapon 4:23 Why So Many of Us Stay for Years 5:11 How Anything Becomes an Excuse to Erupt 6:06 He Chased a Stranger While I Couldn't Breathe 6:53 They're Not Losing Control, They're Taking It 7:31 Why Your Body Still Braces Behind the Wheel 7:54 Reclaiming Your Autonomy on the Road 8:24 Share Your Own Survival Story 8:57 Real Help in Real Time With Reclaim You Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #roadrage #narcissisticrage #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline.Join retired psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life.If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

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