The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Renee Swanson, Bleav
  • 4.9 (28)
  • Relationships
  • Updated Weekly

Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

  1. 3d ago

    Covert Narcissism and Fight or Flight: 8 Tools to Break the Spiral (Part 1)

    If you've ever felt your chest tighten before your phone even finishes ringing, or braced for a reaction before you've said a single word — you already know what fight or flight feels like in a covert narcissistic relationship. It's rarely one dramatic moment. It's the accumulation: a grocery store phone call, an ordinary dinner plan, a night class — small moments that train your nervous system to expect danger from everyday life. In this episode, part one of a two-part series on fight or flight and narcissistic abuse recovery, Renee breaks down what's actually happening in your body during a fight or flight response, why hypervigilance develops after covert narcissistic abuse, and how this response can show up as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Then she walks through eight in-the-moment tools you can reach for the next time your body starts to spiral — including the Curiosity Tool, the Match & Release technique, and six additional grounding and nervous system regulation strategies for moments when you need something quieter, faster, or less visible. This episode focuses entirely on crisis management — what to do right now, in the moment. Part two will cover prevention: the daily practices that lower your baseline over time so these moments happen less often, and hit softer when they do. To revisit a previous episode that breaks down the 4 F's of the fight/flight response, check out Why Your Fight or Flight Response Turned Into Fawning If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns in your relationship — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to check out my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode helped, please subscribe so you don't miss part two next week. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  2. 6d ago

    Parental Alienation & Covert Narcissism: Protecting the Relationship (Part 2)

    In Part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, Renee Swanson continues the conversation with three parents navigating parental alienation and covert narcissistic abuse — this time focused on how to protect the relationship with the children they still have access to, and how to hold onto hope with the ones they don't. The conversation opens with a powerful explanation of why alienation happens the way it does: narcissists often break down the other parent first, creating chaos and instability, so they can step in as the "fun" or "stable" one by comparison — making it far harder for kids to see the dynamic clearly. From there, each parent shares the practical, day-to-day ways they protect their bond with their children: keeping conversations about each child separate from conflict with an ex, using books and movies like Beauty and the Beast and Tangled to name manipulation and control without directly attacking the other parent, working with trauma-informed therapists, and learning to let anger be an acceptable emotion after years of suppressing it. They also talk honestly about grief — the grief of losing access to a child, the grief of not being believed, and the importance of giving yourself (and your kids) permission not to have all the answers. One parent shares the advice that reframed everything for him: "your child is just the messenger," and how staying present with the child in front of you matters more than fighting every battle in the moment. This episode is a continuation of Part 1 — if you haven't listened yet, start there for the full context. Whether you're facing active alienation, co-parenting with a narcissist, or working to rebuild trust with an estranged child, this conversation offers validation, practical strategies, and the reminder that healing is possible. To work with Renee, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  3. Aug 9

    This Isn't My Story Anymore. It's Ours: A Book for Covert Narcissistic Abuse Survivors

    This isn't my story anymore. It's ours. In this solo episode, I'm finally announcing something I've been sitting on for a long time: my book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, is coming this fall. I walk you through the five stages this book moves through — the same stages so many of us move through on the way to healing from covert narcissistic abuse: recognizing, understanding, seeing, untangling, and reclaiming. I share what's inside each stage, including a few passages straight from the pages. But more than anything, this episode is about why this was never just my story to tell. From the moment I realized I wasn't the only one living this nightmare, this became about neighbor helping neighbor — about building a community where no survivor has to heal alone. I talk about CNG, our Facebook group, group coaching, and what happened at this year's retreat in Colorado, which was the best one we've had yet. If you've ever minimized what you were living through because no one was yelling and nothing was bleeding — this episode, and this book, are for you. To work with Renee Swanson, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com As always, I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing. The stories and examples in this book are drawn from the author's professional experience working with survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. To protect the privacy of those individuals, names, locations, and identifying details have been changed or omitted. Some individuals portrayed are composites of multiple people, and some dialogue and events have been reconstructed or condensed to convey their essential meaning. Any resemblance to any specific, identifiable individual is unintentional. This book is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, financial, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be treated as a substitute for professional guidance. Renee Swanson is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. If you are experiencing abuse or struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a qualified professional or trusted support resource. The author and publisher assume no liability for any actions taken or not taken based on the content of this book. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  4. Aug 6

    Parental Alienation & Covert Narcissism When Your Child Turns Against You (Part 1)

    In this CNG Community Chat, host Renee Swanson sits down with three parents who are living through one of the most painful experiences a parent can face: watching a child be turned against them. This conversation covers parental alienation, covert narcissism, high-conflict divorce, and co-parenting with a narcissistic ex — and the very real toll it takes on the parent-child relationship. Each parent shares the moment they first recognized what was happening. One mother describes how truths that surfaced during her divorce led her adult daughter to accuse her of "victim shaming" her father, and how setting boundaries afterward resulted in being cut off entirely. A stepfather describes an abrupt separation after twelve years, being blindsided in court, and watching his stepson slowly pull away after being fed misinformation about his health and character. Another mother walks through a slow, multi-year alienation across four children — three of whom are now living full-time with their father after being coached to testify against her in family court. Together, they talk through the patterns that show up again and again in covert narcissistic abuse: the push-pull dynamic with adult children, the "Disneyland parent" effect where boundaries and rules drive kids toward the more permissive parent, how narcissists destabilize the other parent first to make themselves look like the stable one, and why children often side with whichever parent they're most afraid of losing — not the parent who is actually safe. This episode is honest, unfiltered, and validating for anyone currently experiencing parental alienation, co-parenting conflict, or estrangement from a child due to narcissistic abuse. If you're in the middle of this right now, you are not alone. To work with Renee Swanson, visit www.covertnarcissism.com The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  5. Aug 2

    Covert Narcissism: Did I Make Him a Narcissist by Reading Too Much?

    Have you ever discovered narcissism in your relationship, started reading everything you could find, and then panicked — wondering if you were the one who created the pattern you were seeing? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson opens up about a fear she's never shared before: the worry that dwelling on covert narcissism had somehow manifested it in her marriage. She walks through the exact passages from Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists that jumped off the page at her early in her journey, and why recognition is not the same thing as manifestation. This episode covers covert narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, the difference between normal self-centeredness and a true narcissistic pattern, and the safeguard Renee uses to answer one simple question: does this person ever return to baseline? If you've ever doubted your own perception of narcissistic abuse in your own marriage or family, this conversation will help you trust what you already know. If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to join me in my coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you never miss one. This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care; please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general — Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years, and her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist; that would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  6. Jul 30

    Narcissistic Abuse & Predatory Behavior: You've Been Made to Think It's Your Fault

    Narcissistic abuse and predatory behavior often hide in plain sight — and this episode pulls back the curtain on exactly how. In this special crossover conversation, I'm sharing an episode from Dr. Kerry McAvoy's podcast, Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, featuring her conversation with Don Hennessy. Don Hennessy is an Irish psychotherapist who has spent decades working directly with abusive men and their partners, giving him a rare, firsthand understanding of how predatory control actually operates. In this episode, Don and Kerry expose the hidden playbook these men use to infiltrate a partner's mind — often so gradually that she doesn't realize it's happening until she's already trapped in it. You'll learn what these predators are truly after, why the tactics are so effective, and why survivors so often walk away wondering how they missed the signs. If you've ever felt gaslighted, found yourself walking on eggshells, or struggled to explain a trauma bonding dynamic you couldn't quite name, this conversation will help you understand the mechanics behind it — and why it was never your fault. Go find Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse wherever you listen to podcasts, and follow Kerry for more. If you're recognizing these patterns in your own life and are ready to move from understanding into healing, I invite you to join me in my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if you found this episode valuable, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  7. Jul 26

    Narcissistic Entitlement Explained: The Role They Expected You to Play

    Narcissistic entitlement rarely looks like arrogance from the outside. Often it looks like two people with "different expectations" — normal disagreements, normal marriage friction. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down why that framing is misleading: in a relationship with a covert narcissist, one partner's expectations are about the relationship, and the other partner's expectations are simply about being served by it. Renee shares her own story of slowly recognizing this pattern — long after she was living inside it — and unpacks the difference between expectations that include both people and expectations that only ever point one direction. She walks through what this looked like in her marriage and her parenting, how narcissistic entitlement disguises itself as normal disagreement, and how DARVO, gaslighting, and walking on eggshells show up in ordinary daily moments rather than dramatic confrontations. She also addresses directly that this dynamic isn't limited to narcissistic husbands — the same entitlement shows up in narcissistic wives, too. If you've ever felt like you were the only one in your relationship doing the self-reflecting, the growing, the adjusting — while the other person's behavior somehow never became the subject of the conversation — this episode will help you name what narcissistic abuse recovery actually requires you to see first. If you're ready to move from understanding these patterns to actually healing from them, I invite you to join my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated, please subscribe so you don't miss future conversations like this one. This information is provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching for educational purposes only, and is not to be used for diagnosis or as a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  8. Jul 23

    When Your Children Start to See Covert Narcissism, Part 2

    Part two of this CNG Community Chat picks up where we left off, as four moms go deeper into what it's like to parent through covert narcissistic abuse. They talk honestly about whether they see these patterns showing up again in their kids' own relationships and friendships, and close with the one piece of advice each of them wishes she'd been given back when she was standing right where you might be standing now. If this resonates, my coaching program can help you work through it one-on-one — learn more here: www.covertnarcissism.com Want conversations like this one delivered straight to you? Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you'd like to be part of a future CNG Community Chat, you can sign up here: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats The Covert Narcissism Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content shared by the host and guests reflects personal experiences and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or believe you may be in an abusive situation, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or contact the appropriate crisis resources in your area. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Covert narcissistic abuse crushes one’s soul. This podcast is devoted to understanding covert narcissistic abuse, its effect on the victims, and how to heal.

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