Sorry, I Missed This: The Everything Guide to ADHD and Relationships with Cate Osborn

Understood.org
Understood.org
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It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Host Cate Osborn has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict better?” Tune in to Sorry, I Missed This to learn about topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex. Join Cate in unpacking the taboo, painful, and often hilarious challenges of being in a relationship when you have ADHD.

  1. Aug 12

    Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem.

    Ever notice your ADHD brain gets a little too excited during an argument? Like you’re not even mad anymore, you’re just... having a really good time being right? Yeah. There’s a reason for that, and it’s not a great one. In this mailbag episode of Sorry, I Missed This, host Cate Osborn is digging into questions from our Understood Facebook group Our amazing listeners wrote in (and had the chance to win a copy of Cate’s new book, The ADHD Field Guide for Adults). In this episode Cate tackles questions like how to share a new ADHD diagnosis with friends and family, how to wade through the swamp of ADHD motivation, why our ADHD brains LOVE to argue, and more.  Check it out! For more on this topic  Watch: Managing expectations in relationships with ADHD | Sorry, I Missed This Watch: How hormones hijack focus, mood, and energy | Sorry, I Missed This For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Your ADHD brain loves a good argument. Here’s why that’s a problem.

  2. Jul 28

    Why money fights are never really about money

    Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about. Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove, a financial therapist who specializes in ADHD, to unpack why money fights escalate so fast, why who’s the “mental load carrier” matters more than who earns more, and why people with ADHD often give better financial advice to their friends than they follow themselves. Christine breaks down the concept of “money meaning” — the idea that when couples fight about spending, they’re rarely fighting about the actual dollars. They discuss financial self-efficacy, the five types of couple coping (and which ones actually work), and why body doubling might be the most underrated financial tool for ADHD brains. Cate also opens up about her own history with compulsive spending, debt, and the shame that kept her from asking for help — and what finally changed. If you’ve ever felt “bad with money” or avoided opening an app because of what you might see, this episode is for you. For more on this topic Watch: Why is money so hard with ADHD? A financial therapist explains Watch: Money problems and ADHD? Here’s a financial therapist’s advice For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Why money fights are never really about money

  3. Jul 14

    Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships

    Ever feel like you’re the “parent” in your relationship — managing everything while your partner just... coasts? You’re not alone. And it’s not just you being controlling.  Host Cate Osborn talks with ADHD coach Kristen Carder (host of I Have ADHD, author of the upcoming You’re Not in Trouble) about why ADHD relationships so easily slide into parent-child dynamics, and how to climb back out. They get into why resentment is the red flag to watch for, and Kristen’s favorite mantra for “de-centering” an overfunctioning partner (“there is no sun — we’re equals here”). Plus eldest daughter syndrome, and why chicken nuggets for dinner is sometimes the healthiest choice you’ll make all day. Honest, funny, and genuinely useful if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re parenting your partner instead of loving them. For more on this topic  Listen: Sorry, I Missed This: When ADHD turns chores into conflict Watch: ADHD expert answers 8 top questions on romantic relationships For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Parentification: The hidden pattern in ADHD relationships

  4. Jun 30

    ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails

    Does ADHD really mean poor self-control? Or is that the myth that’s been making everything harder?  Dr. Polaris Koi is a philosopher who studies ADHD and self-regulation (and is an ADHDer themselves). In this episode, Cate and Polaris get into why “just try harder” is not only unhelpful advice — it’s based on science that most researchers don’t even believe anymore.  They talk about why impulsivity in ADHD adults rarely looks like the textbook version (hi, compulsive shopping and 3 a.m. tattoo urges). How shame and anxiety make executive function worse. And why learning to work with your brain’s patterns beats white-knuckling your way through every temptation. Plus why some ADHDers end up over-controlled — which comes with its own set of problems.  If you’ve ever told yourself you’re just lazy, bad at relationships, or fundamentally broken because you can’t seem to get it together, this one’s for you.  For more on this topic Listen: ADHD and impulsive spending Watch: ADHD break-ups: Impulsive texts and overthinking regrets For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    ADHD and impulse control: The science behind why willpower fails

  5. Jun 16

    Why good sex can make your ADHD brain spiral

    Do you feel almost manic after really good sex — craving more, making impulsive decisions, fixating on the next time? In this episode of Reddit reactions, Cate and Jessamine tackle five real Reddit posts from ADHD women.  Digging into some seriously NSFW posts, they look at why some people with ADHD never feel spontaneous sexual attraction — and why that might be about “out of sight, out of mind.” Also… The orgasm pressure problem: When a partner’s need for reassurance after sex gets in the way of intimacy. The sex countdown: The anxiety loop that starts the moment sex ends (“It’s been X days”). And how scheduling intimacy (not sex specifically) can interrupt it. Hyperfixation and libido: Does getting obsessively into a show, book, or research topic actually raise your sex drive?  Real Reddit questions, really good answers.  For more on this topic  Watch: ADHD and sex Watch: Reddit reactions: ADHD and romantic relationships! For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Why good sex can make your ADHD brain spiral

  6. Jun 2

    Why neurodivergent women can’t stop reading smut and romantasy

    Did you know that women with ADHD consume explicit fiction at dramatically higher rates than neurotypical women — and there’s a neurological reason? Dr. Erika Miley is a licensed mental health counselor, certified sex therapist, and author of the only dissertation published on ADHD and women’s sexuality. After surveying over 2,000 participants, one thing kept surfacing: smut. Romantasy, explicit romance, audio erotica — all of it. In this episode, she explains why the ADHD brain is uniquely drawn to literary erotica, how smut raises the arousal threshold enough to sustain focus, and why neurodivergent women are using it for everything from processing emotional vulnerability to getting through household chores.  Find Dr. Miley at erikamiley.com. For more on this topic Watch: ADHD and sex Watch: Too much or not enough: ADHD sensory challenges and sex For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Why neurodivergent women can’t stop reading smut and romantasy

  7. May 19

    ADHD, AuDHD, and self-diagnosis: Is it valid?

    Is ADHD self-diagnosis valid? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilmer, that’s the wrong question entirely. When access to diagnosis is limited by cost, insurance, stigma, and identity — and when the people who self-diagnose show higher rates of negative self-image and internalized stigma — the real conversation isn’t about validity. It’s about how we make sure people have access to good information. Cate and Dr. Kilmer dig into what really happens when people research their own neurodivergence. They discuss research analyzing 452,000 Reddit posts that found self-diagnosed individuals seek more social validation. But they benefit less from it. They cover what actually happens in a clinical ADHD assessment and how comorbidities like anxiety, depression, and OCD complicate the picture. And they discuss why the question “Is self-diagnosis valid?” misses the point when getting a formal diagnosis is a privilege that many can’t access. For more on this topic Read: Missed, misread, misdiagnosed: Current state of women with ADHD Listen: Is ADHD online diagnosis legit? For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    ADHD, AuDHD, and self-diagnosis: Is it valid?

  8. May 5

    Why ADHD makes decluttering so hard (and how to fix it)

    If your home has ever felt like it’s working against you, this one’s for you. Certified professional organizer Alison Lush joins the show to unpack the ADHD relationship to stuff. Learn what chronic disorganization actually means, why the Marie Kondo method can backfire, and how to build systems that work with your brain. We also get into the emotional weight of clutter, organizing as a couples issue, and why community might be the most underrated tool of all. For more on this topic Watch: Tips from an ADHD Coach: Big feelings around clutter Explore: Free self-guided activity for women with ADHD For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at sorryimissedthis@understood.org. As kids head back to school, it's a good time to remember: not every student experiences the classroom the same way. Through My Eyes, a free interactive experience from Understood, lets you step into a day in the life of a kid with ADHD, dyslexia, or dyscalculia. See their strengths and challenges in a whole new way. Try it out here. Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

    Why ADHD makes decluttering so hard (and how to fix it)
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It can be hard to navigate relationships when you have ADHD. Host Cate Osborn has ADHD, a background in sex education, and a whole lot of questions like “How do I know what I want out of a relationship? How do I remember my friends exist? What can I do to handle conflict better?” Tune in to Sorry, I Missed This to learn about topics like social skills, boundaries, communication, intimacy, and sex. Join Cate in unpacking the taboo, painful, and often hilarious challenges of being in a relationship when you have ADHD.

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