Can you hold two truths at once? I sit down with author and sociologist Deborah J. Cohan to explore her memoir, Welcome to Wherever We Are, a clear-eyed look at psychological abuse, loyalty, and the quiet heroics of caregiving. From the first moments, Deborah names what so many experience but struggle to articulate—gaslighting, threats, verbal assaults, and financial control—and shows how a child’s devotion to her father can coexist with a fierce need for boundaries. As we trace the book’s path through a pandemic launch, Deborah explains why a sociological lens makes memoir more than confession. She connects the dots between family dynamics, gendered expectations, healthcare systems, and the invisible labor that daughters and partners shoulder. Her years counseling violent men at Emerge, the nation’s oldest batterer intervention program, sharpen her insights: behavior can change, accountability matters, and empathy does not erase harm. That background also deepens her own reckoning with a brilliant, creative, and often wounding father. Rather than preaching forgiveness, Deborah argues for something braver: ambivalence. Holding two truths—love and injury—without flattening either. We talk about staying present at the end of a complicated life, advocating from a distance, and confronting the limits of what one caregiver can do under debt, time pressure, and grief. Along the way we surface practical takeaways for anyone navigating eldercare, emotional abuse, or family estrangement: document patterns, set sustainable boundaries, recruit support, and learn the language that makes the unseen visible. We close with the fuel that keeps Deborah moving—art, nature, movement, laughter—and a glimpse at her next project on her mother and creativity. If you’re searching for thoughtful conversation on caregiving, gaslighting, domestic violence education, and healing family patterns, this one offers tools and tenderness in equal measure. If the conversation resonates, tap follow, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs a little more language for their story. Support the show: On Patreon Buy us a book Buy cute merch Subscribe to the Babes in Bookland Substack Link to this episode’s book: Welcome to Wherever We Are by Deborah J. Cohan Other links: The Complete U by Deborah J. Cohan DeborahJCohan.com This episode is produced, recorded, and edited by me. Xx, Alex @babesinbooklandpod Connect with us and suggest a great memoir! Follow us on instagram! @babesinbooklandpod
