What happens when ADHD, trauma, and the patterns we inherit from our families overlap? Jami Shapiro sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist Virginia Wilcsek, founder of The Transcending Pathway, for an honest conversation about ADHD, narcissism, generational trauma, and the nervous system. Virginia shares her experience growing up with a narcissistic parent and how that eventually shaped her work helping people heal from trauma and difficult relationships. Together, she and Jami explore how growing up around emotional dysregulation, chaos, neglect, or caregivers who weren't attuned to us can affect the way we learn to regulate ourselves. They also unpack an important and complicated question: where does ADHD end and trauma begin? While ADHD and trauma are not the same thing, they can share characteristics such as emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, difficulty focusing, and executive functioning challenges. Virginia explains why biology, development, environment, and our family experiences can all be pieces of the larger story. What You'll Learn Why ADHD and trauma can sometimes look similarHow generational trauma can affect nervous-system regulationThe impact of growing up with narcissistic or emotionally immature parentsWhy an unsafe or chaotic environment can keep the body scanning for dangerHow emotional dysregulation and executive functioning are connectedWhy regulating the nervous system may need to come before problem-solvingWhat somatic practices are and how they can support regulationHow imposter syndrome and negative self-talk can show up with ADHDSimple breathing and grounding techniques for moments of overwhelm Why This Matters For many adults discovering ADHD later in life, understanding their brain can also bring up questions about their childhood and family history. Maybe a parent struggled with emotional regulation. Maybe home never felt completely predictable or safe. Maybe behaviors you once thought were simply part of your personality make more sense when you consider both ADHD and the experiences that shaped you. As Virginia explains, the relationship between ADHD and trauma isn't an either/or question. ADHD has neurological and biological components, while our developmental experiences and environment also shape how we learn to respond to the world. A Tool to Try Virginia shares a simple four-part breathing exercise for moments when you feel overwhelmed or dysregulated: Take a breath and release your throat.Take another and release your chest.Take a third and release your stomach and pelvic muscles.On the fourth breath, release everything.Then notice: Were you holding your breath? Were you bracing? Did anything shift when you gave your nervous system a moment to regroup? The ADHD Button Question Jami asks Virginia: If you could press a button and no longer have ADHD, would you press it? Virginia's answer is an emphatic no. She shares that one of her favorite parts of ADHD is having many different interests, projects, and passions. What might feel "scattered" to someone else allows her to explore different ideas, support people in different ways, and continually discover something new. About the Guest Virginia Wilcsek is a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Transcending Pathway, a California-based group practice specializing in trauma, complex PTSD, depression, anxiety, grief, loss of identity, and healing from pathological relationships. Virginia is also a certified breathwork trauma facilitator and incorporates somatic approaches into her work, helping clients understand not only their thoughts and emotions but how their experiences can show up in the body and nervous system. About the Host Jami Shapiro is an ADHD coach, speaker, author, and founder of Silver Linings Transitions. Through Grandma Has ADHD, she helps adults, especially women discovering ADHD later in life, better understand their brains, let go of shame, and find tools that work for the way they're wired. Resources The Transcending PathwayThe Transcending Pathway workshopsAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonScattered Minds by Dr. Gabor MatéThis Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro Connect with Virginia Website: The Transcending Pathway Instagram: @thetranscendingpathway Connect with Jami Website: jamishapiro.me Book: This Explains So Much by Jami Shapiro If something in this conversation sounds familiar, Virginia leaves listeners with a simple reminder for those moments of overwhelm, self-doubt, or dysregulation: “It is not a you problem, it is a nervous system that never learned to feel safe.” Thank you for joining us for this episode of Grandma Has ADHD! We hope Jami's journey and insights into ADHD shed light on the unique challenges faced by older adults. Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll explore helpful resources, share personal stories, and provide guidance for those navigating ADHD. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with friends who might benefit. Remember, Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Follow us: Instagram: @grandma_has_adhd @silverliningstransitions Facebook: Silver Linings Transitions Grandma Has ADHD (Facebook Page & Group) Youtube: Grandma Has ADHD
