376 episodes

Radically empathic advice. Produced by WBUR.

Dear Sugars WBUR

    • Society & Culture
    • 4.5 • 5.6K Ratings

Radically empathic advice. Produced by WBUR.

    Redux: Moving On, Part 2

    Redux: Moving On, Part 2

    his episode was originally released on August 25th, 2018.

    “Dear Sugars, I’m a serial codependent. I’ve married and had children with two addicts,” begins a letter signed by “Mommy Messed Up.” Over the years, her second husband began to withdraw and stash money inside of old bottles. Now Mommy Messed Up is ready to end their toxic relationship. The only problem is she’ll have to disrupt her children’s lives for a second time. “I’m fine with breaking my own heart,” she writes. “But how do I break my boys’ hearts?”

    In this second part of our series on moving on, the Sugars discuss how we can release ourselves from our past mistakes. Dr. Harriet Lerner drops in to answer a second letter from a woman who is haunted by her abortion, a decision she laments now that she’s experiencing early menopause. Like Mommy Messed Up, she is ruled by her regret.

    “We have to beware of the stories that we tell about ourselves because we become them,” Dr. Lerner advises. “And a story like the one she’s constructed is so narrow and fixed that it’s going to edge out all other stories about her past and her present and her future possibilities.”

    Dr. Lerner is a leading voice on the psychology of women and family relationships. She’s the author of 12 books including The New York Times best seller “The Dance of Anger” and most recently, “Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.”https://www.harrietlerner.com/interviews-articles

    • 43 min
    Redux: Moving On, Part 1

    Redux: Moving On, Part 1

    This episode was originally released on August 18th, 2018.

    The Sugars have been thinking about what it means to say goodbye and let go. In this first episode of our two-part series on moving on, the Sugars and Claire Bidwell Smith answer two letters from people struggling to move past their grief after the death of their loved ones.

    The first letter comes from a woman who recently discovered that her best childhood friend died by suicide. In the wake of the news, she spent hours pouring over letters from her friend, and realized that there were signs of trouble early in life. Now she’s haunted by the fact that she failed to intervene years ago. “I keep ruminating on how Alejandra might have killed herself and where she was when she did it,” she writes. “I feel so much guilt from my complacency.”

    A second letter writer, who calls herself “Wracked by Guilt,” feels similarly about the death of her mother. “How do I get over the sickening feeling that I played a role in my mom’s death?” she asks. “How is it possible for me to stop trying to place blame and simply accept the situation?”

    Claire Bidwell Smith is a licensed therapist specializing in grief, and the author of several books, including “The Rules of Inheritance.” She writes and speaks about grief regularly, and offers online grief support in addition to her private practice. Her new book, “Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief,” will be released on Sept. 25th.

    • 46 min
    Rewind: Pet Dilemmas

    Rewind: Pet Dilemmas

    This episode was originally published on August 26th, 2017.

    In this episode, adventures in animal ownership! The Sugars, along with Julie Barton — author of the memoir Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me From Myself — answer letters about pet dilemmas and the ways these creatures affect human relationships.

    • 46 min
    Redux: The Great Reckoning

    Redux: The Great Reckoning

    This episode was originally published on July 28th, 2018.

    This was a live show recorded in Portland, Oregon. Special guests Mitchell S. Jackson and Rebecca Skloot share the stage with the Sugars to tell stories of personal reckoning and answer letters from the audience.

    • 51 min
    Redux: There's Just One Thing

    Redux: There's Just One Thing

    This episode was originally released on May 26, 2018.

    In this "rapid fire" episode, the Sugars read letters from four women who each have one not-so-tiny reservation about the men they’re dating. A Black woman is dating a white man who is unwilling to talk about race issues, claiming that she’s “too sensitive.” Another woman’s boyfriend, a Christian, is having second thoughts about dating her because she’s an atheist. The Sugars tackle these issues and more, and weigh in on which can be ironed out and which should be deal breakers.

    • 40 min
    Episodes We Love: 'Head Or The Heart' Update

    Episodes We Love: 'Head Or The Heart' Update

    This episode was originally published on August 12th, 2016.

    The Sugars hear the latest from "Head or the Heart" -- a woman who'd fallen head over heels for a man with a troubled childhood. Everything seemed perfect, and yet, she couldn't help but wonder if the traumas of her love's past would surface at some point in their relationship.

    "Head or the Heart" became the first letter-writer ever to join the Sugars on the show. The Sugars asked her to write to them in six months to let them know how -- and if -- things were going with her boyfriend. Nine months letter, she sent an update.

    So, are they still together? Have any of his past traumas manifested in their relationship? The Sugars find out.

    • 33 min

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5
5.6K Ratings

5.6K Ratings

Beekeeper from New England ,

Head or Heart

In my experience, when it’s magic, it’s not hard. You want to do the work because you want to make each other happy.

Chizzzz6328385857 ,

About to Burst, Sept. 2017

Very much appreciated the info in part one of your interview with Esther Perel on sexless marriage. But part 2 from the guy’s pov left me wanting more. I, a male in a 23.5 year marriage to a woman, am currently at the edge of my 13th year of celibacy not-of-my choosing and it was hard to escape the sense that the man’s side of the story received short shrift in pt.2.

It’s hard to find points of reference/people in a similar situation to me - committed, honest, hardworking and celibate family men who have overcome the unchosen celibacy challenge. Do you know of references or even other of your episodes dealing with this?

Yours,

Knotted In Fear

Vvvvvvvvfhubivbdfuhig jefni ,

I hate this podcast

I hate this is horrible

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