How to Trust Yourself: The Messy, Human Path to Becoming Who You Are

Anna Holtzman
  • 5.0 (33)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Hosted by psychotherapist Anna Holtzman, How to Trust Yourself is a podcast about moving through fear, navigating uncertainty, and becoming more fully yourself. Through honest reflections and thoughtful conversations, Anna explores relationships, anxiety, identity, purpose, self-trust, intuition, healing, and what it means to live more authentically — especially in seasons of change. Learn more: www.annaholtzmantherapy.com www.annaholtzman.com www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman

  1. 2d ago

    Episode 133: Does My Suffering Count? Why Gratitude Shouldn't Stop You from Feeling Your Feelings

    Have you ever caught yourself thinking: "I shouldn't complain. Other people have it so much worse." Or... "I have so much to be grateful for. I shouldn't feel this way." If so, you're not alone. In this solo episode, Anna explores why these seemingly innocent thoughts can actually become a form of emotional self-censorship. While gratitude is a beautiful and important practice, it can sometimes be used—often without us realizing it—to invalidate our own emotional experience. Drawing from her work as a therapist, Anna explains how many people learn to interrupt their feelings before they've had the chance to be fully experienced. Whether you've been the strong one, the capable one, the caretaker, the successful one, or simply the person everyone assumes is "doing fine," you may have internalized the belief that your struggles don't deserve the same compassion as everyone else's. In this episode, Anna explores: • Why asking "Does my suffering count?" may actually be the wrong question • The difference between genuine gratitude and emotional invalidation • Why so many of us mistake expressing our feelings for "complaining" • How emotional self-censorship becomes a habit • The connection between chronic emotional suppression, anxiety, burnout, and mind-body symptoms • What Anna means by the phrase disenfranchised suffering • How practicing unconditional self-compassion supports emotional healing If you've ever felt guilty for struggling because your life looks good on the outside—or if you've found yourself minimizing your own pain because others have it worse—this episode offers a compassionate invitation to stop judging your emotions and start listening to them instead. Resources & Links: Learn more about Anna's therapy practice: https://www.annaholtzmantherapy.com Follow Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ If this episode resonated with you, please consider following the podcast, leaving a rating or review, and sharing it with someone who might need to hear this reminder: your emotions do not have to earn the right to be met with compassion.

  2. Jul 24

    Ep 132 Sustaining Creativity (When You Don’t Feel Very Creative) with Mari Reisberg

    In this episode, Anna sits down with Mari Reisberg, therapist, performer, creativity coach, and host of the Sustaining Creativity Podcast. Mari’s work lives at the intersection of somatic therapy, performance, and play — and her core belief is simple: life gets a lot more fun when we tap into our creativity. Together, they explore how creativity shows up in everyday life (even for people who don’t think of themselves as “creative”), why so many of us feel blocked or disconnected from it, and what it actually takes to sustain creative energy over the long haul. In this episode, we talk about: • What creativity really is — beyond art, performance, or “talent” • Whether creativity is something we’re born with or something we can grow • Why so many adults feel creatively shut down or “not imaginative anymore” • Common barriers that get in the way of creativity, including perfectionism, fear of judgment, and productivity culture • How nervous system states (freeze, overwhelm, stress) impact creative flow • Why creativity coaching can be so supportive — and what it actually looks like • Simple, doable tools Mari uses to help clients reconnect with their creative selves • How play, movement, and silliness can become powerful creative practices • Practices for sustaining creativity over time instead of only in short bursts • How to start small if you’re feeling blocked, tired, or creatively “out of shape” This is a gentle, joyful invitation to remember that creativity isn’t something you either have or don’t — it’s a relationship you can rebuild, one tiny experiment at a time. Connect with Mari • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sustainingcreativity/ • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sustainingcreativity • Podcast: https://sustainingcreativity.buzzsprout.com • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mari-reisberg-b1320151/ Connect with Anna • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ • Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/ • Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

  3. Jul 17

    Ep 131 Don't Try Harder, Try Softer: The Mindset Shift That Changed My Healing (and My Life)

    What if the reason you're feeling stuck isn't that you're not trying hard enough... but that you're trying too hard? In this solo episode, Anna shares one of the most transformative lessons she learned during her own recovery from chronic migraine: "Don't try harder. Try softer." Originally shared by mind-body physician Dr. John Stracks, this simple phrase didn't fully make sense to Anna until one unforgettable migraine attack revealed the surprising way her inner critic had hijacked her healing. She realized she was literally trying to force herself to relax—using pressure, perfectionism, and self-criticism in the hope of calming her nervous system. The irony made her laugh. And that moment of laughter became the beginning of a profound shift—not just in her physical healing, but in the way she relates to herself as a therapist, business owner, partner, and stepmom. In this episode, Anna explores why lasting growth often begins when we stop trying to fix ourselves and start staying on our own side instead. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why trying harder can sometimes keep your nervous system stuck • The surprising role self-compassion played in Anna's chronic migraine recovery • How perfectionism and self-criticism often masquerade as motivation • The difference between pursuing outcomes and changing your relationship with yourself • A simple mindset shift you can practice in any area of life where you feel pressure to "get it right" Whether you're navigating chronic symptoms, burnout, anxiety, relationship struggles, or simply feeling like you're never doing enough, this episode offers a gentler—and often more effective—way forward. Connect with Anna If this episode resonated with you, Anna would love to hear your thoughts. 📧 Email: anna@annaholtzman.com Interested in working together? Learn more about therapy, coaching, and Anna's Seen & Safe group at: https://www.annaholtzman.com If you enjoyed this episode, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who could use the reminder that sometimes the path forward isn't to try harder—it's to try softer.

  4. Jul 10

    Ep 129 “Why Do I Keep Doing This?” with Kati Morton: Breaking Emotional Loops & Rebuilding Self-Trust

    In this episode, Anna sits down with Kati Morton, LMFT, bestselling author and one of the internet’s most trusted mental-health educators. Kati has spent more than a decade helping millions of people understand their emotions, navigate trauma, and break unhealthy patterns. Her latest book, Why Do I Keep Doing This?, unpacks the emotional habits we fall into — and what it actually takes to change them from the inside out. In this episode, we explore: • What inspired her new book How Kati sees “doing this” — the patterns, habits, and emotional cycles we repeat — showing up in her own life and in her clients. • The truth that even therapists get stuck Why mental-health professionals aren’t immune to autopilot patterns… and the early signs Kati looks for in herself when she’s drifting away from alignment. • Burnout cycles & nervous-system loops Especially for sensitive creatives, caretakers, and over-functioners: o why burnout often comes from emotional over-responsibility o how chronic self-abandonment masquerades as “being capable” o the biological and psychological loops that keep people stuck o how to tell the difference between capacity and compulsion • What it means to shift safely Kati shares the gentlest places to begin — including micro-bids for rest, nervous-system resets, interrupting old narratives, and slowly rebuilding trust with yourself so change doesn’t feel threatening. • Why shame blocks every kind of healing And what happens when we bring curiosity instead of self-criticism to our patterns. • Practical tools for coming back to yourself From checking in with your body before your to-do list, to noticing emotional “flare alerts,” to using supportive structure without falling into perfectionism. This conversation is validating, clarifying, honest, and deeply hopeful. If you’re tired of your own loops, this one’s for you. Connect with Kati • Website: https://www.katimorton.com/ • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/katimorton • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton/ • Her books, including Why Do I Keep Doing This?, Are U OK?, and Traumatized Connect with Anna • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ • Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/ • Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

  5. Jul 3

    Ep 129 Why Being "Good" Might Be Making You Sick: The Hidden Cost of Goodism

    Many of us pride ourselves on being good people. We strive to be helpful, responsible, accommodating, generous, and easy to love. On the surface, these qualities seem unquestionably positive. But what happens when being "good" becomes something we feel compelled to perform in order to earn love, approval, or belonging? In this episode, therapist Anna Holtzman explores the concept of goodism—a term coined by mind-body physician Dr. John Sarno to describe the tendency to organize our identity around being good. Drawing from both her personal life and her work with therapy clients, Anna explores how goodism can show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, over-achieving, over-giving, and chronic self-monitoring. She also examines the hidden toll these patterns can take on our nervous systems, relationships, and physical health. If you've ever found yourself wondering: • Am I doing enough? • What do other people need from me? • Will I still be loved if I disappoint someone? • Why do I feel so exhausted, resentful, or disconnected from myself? ...this episode is for you. In this episode, you'll learn: • What "goodism" is and how it differs from genuine kindness • How people-pleasing and over-functioning can become stress responses • Why chronic adaptation to others can keep your nervous system stuck in survival mode • How goodism can contribute to burnout, chronic stress, and stress-related symptoms • Why becoming the "supporting character" in your own life is so costly • A simple practice to help you reconnect with yourself and begin stepping back into the role of main character in your own life Reflection Questions: • In what area of your life are you living as a supporting character rather than the main character? • What would it look like to put yourself first today? If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can reach me at anna@annaholtzman.com. Connect with me: Website: www.annaholtzmantherapy.com Instagram: @anna_holtzman If you're enjoying the podcast, please consider following, rating, or leaving a review. It helps more listeners discover the show.

  6. Jun 26

    Ep 128 Braving Creativity with Naomi Vladeck: Turning Change into Courageous Transformation

    In this episode, Anna sits down with Naomi Vladeck, founder of Creativity Matters Coaching and author of Braving Creativity. Naomi brings over two decades of experience working with creative professionals in the nonprofit arts world, combined with her own background as a performer, writer, and solo parent. Her work helps artists navigate the emotional terrain of change, uncertainty, and reinvention with compassion and courage. In this episode, we explore: • The meaning behind her book, Braving Creativity What it means to “brave” creativity, why the creative path is inherently scary and thrilling, and what inspired Naomi to collect the stories of artists navigating profound life change. • Why creativity is not optional — and never has been How Naomi reframes creativity as a life force, a coping mechanism, a spiritual path, and a way of making sense of being human. • The fears and barriers creatives face, including: o perfectionism o comparison o identity transitions o burnout o grief o fear of beginning again o fear of wanting something different • How she helps clients move through fear Naomi shares her approach to coaching: slowing down, returning to presence, finding safety in the body, interrupting old narratives, and practicing “micro-bravery” — small acts of courage that unlock momentum. • What happens inside the “messy middle” How to stay with yourself through ambiguity, doubt, and the long arc of becoming. • Creativity as companionship Naomi’s perspective on creative practice as something that can hold you, grow with you, and become a stabilizing force during major life transitions. This is a conversation about resilience, reinvention, and the quiet, courageous choices that shape our creative lives. Connect with Naomi • Website: https://www.creativitymatter scoaching.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/creativitymatterscoaching/ • Naomi’s book Braving Creativity: https://www.creativitymatterscoaching.com/braving-creativity Connect with Anna • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ • Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/ • Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

  7. Jun 19

    Ep 127 How Self-Protection Keeps Us Lonely (and What Helps Us Feel Safe to Connect)

    Why can opening up feel so hard, even when connection is exactly what we want? In this solo episode, Anna reflects on a recent experience that unexpectedly cracked something open in her: an intimate dinner conversation with a cousin that led to a moment of tenderness, vulnerability, and surprising emotional healing. Although Anna has done years of therapy and personal growth work around painful experiences from her past, she found herself unexpectedly caught off guard by something deeper: how difficult it still felt to receive empathy. This episode explores the subtle ways we learn to protect ourselves after heartbreak, rejection, misunderstanding, or emotional pain — and how those protective patterns, while understandable, can quietly keep us from the belonging we most long for. Drawing from both personal experience and the novel Carrie Soto Is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Anna explores: • Why vulnerability can feel emotionally risky • How painful past experiences shape our nervous system and expectations of others • The hidden ways self-protection can keep us disconnected • Why receiving empathy can sometimes feel just as vulnerable as sharing pain • The difference between overwhelming vulnerability and thoughtful, nervous-system-safe openness • How to begin taking small risks toward deeper connection and belonging If you've ever found yourself longing for closeness while also keeping your guard up, this episode is for you. Reflection Questions from This Episode: • What am I actually trying to protect myself from? • Are my present circumstances truly evidence that the past will repeat itself? • What might it feel like to receive empathy, understanding, or care? • Who is one thoughtfully chosen person I might take a small risk to open up to? Want support in building greater self-trust, connection, and emotional safety? Anna offers private therapy for women in New York and therapeutic coaching outside New York. Learn more at https://linktr.ee/annaholtzman Interested in practicing vulnerability and visibility in community? Learn more about Anna’s group, Seen & Safe, at: www.annaholtzman.com/seen-and-safe

  8. Jun 12

    Ep 126 Public Speaking for Introverts (and Anyone Who’s Scared of Being Seen) with Stephanie Thoma

    In this episode, Anna sits down with Stephanie Thoma, speaker coach, author of Confident Introvert and Not That Sweet, and founder of Connect With Confidence. Stephanie helps introverts and rising leaders craft keynote talks, strengthen their messaging, build speaking schedules, and — most importantly — connect with people in a way that feels meaningful rather than performative. Stephanie is not in the business of polishing people into “perfect” speakers. She helps them root into who they already are, speak from truth, and create connection instead of performance. In this episode, we talk about: • Why the idea that “public speaking is for extroverts” is completely false • What makes introverts powerful, resonant speakers — often more compelling than extroverts • Why Stephanie cares so deeply about helping quieter voices step forward and be heard • The fears clients come in with: o fear of judgment o fear of blanking out o fear of “taking up space” o fear of being boring or “too much” o fear of being seen as an authority • The nervous-system dynamics behind speaking anxiety • How Stephanie helps people regulate, reframe, and root into safety before they ever get on stage • The tools she uses with clients — including confidence mapping, energy calibration, embodied presence, intention-setting, and speaking from connection instead of perfection • Why being a great speaker is about meaning not performance • Stories of clients who went from terrified to empowered — including introverts who now lead teams, deliver keynotes, and speak with grounded confidence • Why visibility is not a personality trait — it’s a practiced skill anyone can grow This episode is an invitation to unmute yourself, meet your fear with compassion, and step into the kind of speaking that feels like you. Connect with Stephanie • Website: https://stephaniethoma.com/ • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephaniemthoma/ • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemthoma/ • Join her UnMute Yourself community: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14699045/ Connect with Anna • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/ • Website: https://www.annaholtzman.com/ • Free workshop — Let Yourself Be Seen: https://www.annaholtzman.com/beseen

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Hosted by psychotherapist Anna Holtzman, How to Trust Yourself is a podcast about moving through fear, navigating uncertainty, and becoming more fully yourself. Through honest reflections and thoughtful conversations, Anna explores relationships, anxiety, identity, purpose, self-trust, intuition, healing, and what it means to live more authentically — especially in seasons of change. Learn more: www.annaholtzmantherapy.com www.annaholtzman.com www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman

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