Dimming The Gaslight: Our Healing Journey From Narcissistic Abuse

Dimming The Gaslight
  • 4.6 (81)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Semiweekly

Welcome to Dimming The Gaslight! I'm Mac—a male survivor of Narcissistic Abuse. I’m documenting my real-time war divorcing a female narcissist, fighting for my kids, and surviving the U.S. family court system. I am joined by my best friend and co-host, Phil. As the former host of the "Surviving The Covert Narcissist" podcast, Phil brings a veteran perspective and much-needed levity to the darkness. We break down the legal battles and the healing journey week by week. But this platform is for you, too. To share your story as a guest, email us -DimmingTheGaslight@gmail.com to be on the show!

  1. 2d ago

    Episode 190: JP Returns: The Divorce Is Final — But the War Was Just Getting Started PART I

    Back in episode 154/155, JP told us about her marriage to a man she now simply calls "exhole." We left that story mid-sentence — she was still deep in the trenches of her divorce, and we promised to bring her back once it was over. It's over now. But "over" doesn't mean what you'd think. What follows is a year-long descent into a family court system that JP says is built to protect abusers, not survivors — and a masterclass in exactly how far a narcissist will go to win. ⚖️ A biased judge who tells the victim to pay HER abuser📧 A three-page email calling her "delusional" — with an insult hidden in the password💍 A secret joint tax filing designed to dodge financial disclosure💰 A $19,000 "incentive" that was really a manipulation tactic🏦 Bankruptcy, maxed-out credit cards, and a legal fight funded by her late grandmother's inheritance🎓 Her ex reporting their own 18-year-old daughter to the federal government for "fraud" — over a college financial aid form🏡 A breakdown in the backyard that becomes the turning point of her entire fight And just when she'd given up completely, salvation shows up in the most unexpected place: a jacuzzi at a cancer survivors' retreat. This is the episode about what happens after the divorce is "final" — when the paperwork ends but the manipulation doesn't. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  2. Jun 14

    Episode 189: "I Moved to France With My Prince Charming... Then I Learned Who He Really Was" Part II (Interview with Wendy @rebelle_2929 on IG)

    Last week, Wendy shared the story of her marriage to a man she wouldn't fully recognize as a narcissist until years after the divorce. This week? Everything explodes. A Facebook message arrives from one of his mistresses. At first, Wendy thinks it's a scam. Then the woman starts sharing details that only someone on the inside could know. What follows is a phone call that completely shatters reality. 💔 A secret live-in girlfriend. 💍 A ring purchased for another woman. 🤰 A hidden pregnancy. 📱 A second phone. 🎭 Years of lies told to multiple women at the same time. And somehow... that's only the beginning. As Wendy compares notes with the woman she once blamed for the affair, she realizes something chilling: Neither of them actually knew who this man was. Part 2 is one of the most jaw-dropping episodes we've ever released.

  3. Jun 7

    Episode 188: "I Moved to France With My Prince Charming... Then I Learned Who He Really Was" Part I (Interview with Wendy @rebelle_2929 on IG)

    We have an INCREDIBLE episode for you today. Wendy Cooper joins us to tell a story that starts like a fairy tale—and slowly turns into something she couldn't fully understand until years later. A successful attorney, former competitive skier, world traveler, and adventurer, Wendy thought she had found her Prince Charming. The chemistry was intense. The connection felt undeniable. The future seemed limitless. Then the mask started slipping. 🎿 The Fairytale Beginning: What started with instant chemistry, bizarre coincidences, and a whirlwind romance quickly felt like the perfect match. Looking back now, Wendy can see the performance for what it was—but at the time, it felt completely real. 🚩 The First Red Flag That Changed Everything: After months of being the perfect partner, one phone call revealed a completely different person. Cold. Dismissive. Cruel. The kind of moment that leaves you wondering, "Who was THAT?" 🇫🇷 The Dream Life in France: Wendy shares how she left behind the traditional path to build an extraordinary life overseas—raising a family, practicing law, and chasing adventure around the world. From the outside, it looked incredible. 🎭 The Narcissist Who Fooled Everyone: Therapists. Friends. Family. Even Wendy herself. We get into how some narcissists don't dominate with rage—they dominate by becoming the victim in every room they enter. 👶 When the Attention Shifted to the Kids: As their family grew, the cracks became impossible to ignore. What should have been some of life's happiest moments became some of the loneliest. 🧠 "I Didn't Even Know It Was Narcissism": One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is hearing Wendy explain that she didn't leave because she knew what she was dealing with. In fact, she didn't even start researching narcissism until long after the separation. 📚 The Moment Everything Finally Made Sense: Like so many survivors, Wendy began looking back at years of confusing memories and realizing they weren't random incidents—they were part of a pattern. 💔 The Marriage That Never Felt Right: This episode explores something many survivors struggle to explain: what happens when a relationship isn't obviously catastrophic, but somehow leaves you feeling exhausted, confused, and emotionally alone for years. This episode is insightful, validating, heartbreaking, and packed with those moments where you'll find yourself saying, "Wait... my ex did that too." JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  4. May 24

    Episode 187: The Narcissist Who Faked Terminal Illness for Control (Interview With Saige Whitney)

    Saige Whitney from A Lights Out Narcissistic Podcast joins us to tell the unbelievable story of how a vulnerable friendship with a patient at a nursing facility spiraled into manipulation, addiction, emotional abuse, fake medical emergencies, and a marriage built on lies. And somehow… it only gets crazier as the episode goes on. 🏥 “I Have Six Months to Live… Will You Marry Me?”: What starts as a friendship instantly turns into emotional chaos when Sage is told her new partner is terminally ill—and wants to get married immediately. Looking back now, the red flags were EVERYWHERE. 🎭 The Fake Illnesses Start Piling Up: Cancer. Kidney failure. Gastroparesis. Endless ER visits. Constant emergencies. But over time, Sage begins realizing something horrifying: almost none of it was real. 💊 The Drug Mule Realization: Weekly hospital trips suddenly start making a lot more sense once Sage uncovers the truth behind the self-harm, opioid addiction, and manipulation happening behind closed doors. ⚠️ “Everyone Is Abusing Me”: One of the most disturbing parts of this story is how false accusations became a weapon. We get into what happens when someone constantly creates chaos, makes horrifying claims, and slowly conditions you to question reality itself. 🧠 Why Narcissists LOVE Vulnerable People: This conversation gets DEEP into why survivors with empathy, loyalty, addiction struggles, trauma, or “good girl syndrome” often become the perfect targets for manipulative people. 🎬 The Horror Movie Parallel That Explains Narcissism PERFECTLY: Sage explains how the movie Lights Out became the inspiration behind her podcast—and honestly… it may be one of the best metaphors for narcissistic abuse we’ve ever heard. 💔 “I Thought I Could Heal Her”: We also get into the savior complex so many survivors develop, and the brutal realization that sometimes the more you sacrifice yourself for someone… the more they destroy you. 👀 And Then The Mask Fully Slips: Between fake illnesses, secret hookups, manipulation tactics, and emotional control, the story slowly transforms from “sad” to genuinely disturbing. This episode is funny, dark, uncomfortable, validating, and absolutely jaw-dropping at times. If you’ve ever ignored red flags because you wanted to believe the best in someone… this conversation is going to hit HARD. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  5. May 10

    Episode 186: The Song ‘Superman’ Came From Years of Hidden Abuse (interview with Allison Scott)

    Allison Scott joins us for one of the most raw, emotional, and honestly jaw-dropping conversations we’ve had on the show yet. What starts as a conversation about her song Superman quickly turns into a deep dive into covert narcissistic abuse, religious manipulation, emotional control, infidelity, trauma, motherhood, and what it actually feels like to slowly lose yourself inside a marriage that looks “perfect” from the outside. 🎵 The Lyric That Hit Us Like a Truck: Allison opens up about the inspiration behind her song Superman—and the heartbreaking feeling of believing you “deserve to be unseen.” 🧠 “He Was Nice While Destroying Me”: No screaming. No obvious explosions. Just years of subtle criticism, control, judgment, and emotional erosion disguised as kindness. We talk about the kind of abuse that’s almost impossible to explain to people who haven’t lived it. ⛪ Religious Abuse & Weaponized Faith: Allison shares how scripture, theology, and “being a good wife” were used to keep her quiet, submissive, and constantly questioning herself. 👀 The Moment Everything Finally Clicked: After years of chaos, infidelity, emotional neglect, and manipulation, one realization changed everything: “This is abuse.” We get into the terrifying moment when you finally see the relationship clearly for what it actually is. 💔 The Stories That Will Make Your Jaw Drop: From emotional cruelty during pregnancies… to being compared to prostitutes… to subtle psychological control behind closed doors… some of these moments are genuinely hard to believe. 🎶 Music as Trauma Therapy: One of the most beautiful parts of this episode is hearing how songwriting, singing, dancing, and creativity became part of Allison’s healing journey after years of emotional survival mode. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  6. May 3

    Episode 185: Rewiring the Brain: EMDR, Trauma, & When Dangerous Feels Like Home (Interview With Sonnet Daymont)

    Sonnet Daymont is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in relational trauma, but she also brings a profound, heavy lived experience to the table. 🧠 When Dangerous Feels Like Home: Sonnet details her intense personal experience of working for a boss who later committed murder, explaining how early childhood trauma creates blind spots that cause us to choose danger because it feels familiar. ⚠️ The Dark Triad Spectrum: We break down the exact differences between narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, discussing what actually motivates them and whether these personality disorders can ever truly be treated. 👁️ Rewiring the Brain with EMDR: A massive deep dive into exactly how EMDR therapy works. Sonnet explains how bilateral stimulation engages the prefrontal cortex to literally clear the physical and emotional charge of a traumatic memory down to a zero. 🎸 Music & Finding Your Voice: Mac discusses his own healing journey through playing his new guitar, while Sonnet and Phil explore why society often silences the male emotional experience and how men can finally find a voice for their trauma. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  7. Apr 26

    Episode 184: What if the narcissist… is your child? (Interview with Lily)

    We’ve talked a lot about the damage narcissists leave behind… but this episode flips the script in a way we’ve never explored before. Lily joins us to share her story as a mother of a narcissist — a role that comes with intense shame, silence, and judgment. For years, she believed what many parents are conditioned to believe: if something is wrong with your child, it must be your fault. So she did what she thought a “good mother” should do. She apologized. She took responsibility.She gave more, sacrificed more… and kept trying to fix something that only seemed to get worse. But behind the scenes, something far more complex — and far more disturbing — was happening. In this episode, we dive into: What it looks like when narcissistic abuse comes from your own childHow guilt, societal pressure, and therapy culture can keep parents stuckThe subtle shift from loving relationship to emotional chaosWhy narcissists can appear vulnerable, self-aware… even empatheticThe breaking point where Lily realized: this isn’t me… this is herAnd the eerie sense of peace that comes with finally letting goThis conversation is raw, uncomfortable, and deeply eye-opening — especially if you’ve ever questioned your own reality in a relationship. Because sometimes… the roles aren’t what you think they are. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

  8. Apr 12

    Episode 183: Post Betrayal Syndrome: Why Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds (Interview with Dr. Debi Silber)

    We have a massive episode for you today! We talk a lot on this show about the absolute wreckage a narcissist leaves behind, but this week, we are getting into the actual science of how that damage fundamentally changes our brains and our bodies. Mac and Phil are joined by holistic psychologist and betrayal recovery expert, Dr. Debi Silber, to break down the exact roadmap for putting the pieces back together. 🧠 The Science of Betrayal: Dr. Debi explains the fundamental difference between surviving a general life crisis and surviving a betrayal, and why traditional healing methods often fail to fix a shattered sense of trust.📉 Post Betrayal Syndrome (PBS): We dive into the staggering statistics of PBS and how emotional abuse directly manifests into chronic physical illnesses, digestive problems, and severe exhaustion.🛑 The "Stage 3" Trap: We break down the 5 Stages of Betrayal Recovery, focusing heavily on the dangerous "survival mode" where victims often get stuck for years—and why support groups can sometimes make it worse.📖 Getting Unstuck: Dr. Debi shares actionable steps from her newest book, Unstuck, on how to transition from mere survival into total transformation, even when you still have to co-parent or deal with the betrayer in everyday life. JOIN US ON DISCORD!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to join us on Patreon! For all things DTG, visit 👉 ⁠www.dimmingthegaslight.com⁠ ⚖️ Disclaimer (because our lawyers make us say this): Dimming The Gaslight is based entirely on true events—except for the stuff we totally made up. Names, locations, and other identifying details have been changed. If you think we’re talking about you in this podcast… newsflash: you’re the narcissist.

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Welcome to Dimming The Gaslight! I'm Mac—a male survivor of Narcissistic Abuse. I’m documenting my real-time war divorcing a female narcissist, fighting for my kids, and surviving the U.S. family court system. I am joined by my best friend and co-host, Phil. As the former host of the "Surviving The Covert Narcissist" podcast, Phil brings a veteran perspective and much-needed levity to the darkness. We break down the legal battles and the healing journey week by week. But this platform is for you, too. To share your story as a guest, email us -DimmingTheGaslight@gmail.com to be on the show!

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