Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss

Ashleigh Butterss
  • 5.0 (30)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

  1. 19h ago

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

    My guest this week, Shannan Walsh, lived in the grip of addiction for 18 years. It took her from alcohol and drugs to crime, prison, homelessness and a relationship that nearly cost her life. Eventually, she reached a point where there was nowhere left to run. In this raw conversation, Shannan shares what it took to survive, get sober and rebuild her life from the ground up. She speaks about motherhood, violence, shame, spirituality and the slow work of learning to trust herself again. Shannan’s story is confronting, but it is also a hopeful reminder that recovery is possible.  TW: This episode contains discussion of family violence and suicide.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Introducing Shannan Walsh 03:23 The Photo: Hiding Behind the Smile 04:39 A Life Built Around the Drink 07:06 What Shannon Was Like Before Alcohol 08:05 Early Depression and the Hole in the Soul 09:51 When Drugs Entered the Picture 11:00 Ecstasy, Meth, and the Escalation of Addiction 13:22 Crime, Violence, and Running on Rage 18:07 Where Did That Anger Come From? 18:34 Withdrawal, Seizures, and Drinking Against Her Will 20:07 Coming Out of Prison and Falling Pregnant 22:08 Trying to Do the Normal Thing 27:46 The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 29:59 The Day Intuition Saved Her Children's Lives 33:22 The Attempted Attack and the Fire 35:32 Homeless, in Court, and Holding It Together 39:22 The Verdict and the Aftermath 41:15 The Spiritual Awakening That Cracked Her Open 43:51 Morning Routines, Journaling, and the Small Things That Built Her Back 45:00 12 Step Meetings, Sober Apps, and Finding Community 47:02 Studying Addiction and Training to Be a Counselor 47:55 Navigating Cravings Through Strength Training and Presence 50:52 Sitting with the Discomfort of Sobriety 56:05 Feeling Behind and Finding Her Place 57:20 How the Embodied Woman Retreat Restored Her Faith in Women 59:16 Spiritual Practices That Keep Her Connected 01:02:03 Learning to Pray and Finding a Higher Power 01:04:13 Emotional Regulation and the Biggest Shift of All 01:06:00 Self-Esteem, Self-Love, and the Journey Home 01:07:00 The Gift of Being Present with Her Children 01:10:21 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannantayla/ Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 185. She Nearly Lost Her Life: Addiction, Violence and Recovery, with Shannan Walsh

  2. Jul 19

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss

    What does rock bottom really feel like? How do you find your purpose, build a life that keeps you grounded, and learn to trust that even your hardest experiences are leading you somewhere? In this latest “Ask Me Anything” episode, Ash answers six deeply personal questions about sobriety, spirituality, friendship, marriage, purpose and the practices that continue to shape her life. From the moment everything changed on Valentine’s Day 2020 to the words she wishes she could offer her younger self, Ash shares the truth behind who she is today, what she has learnt along the way, and why she no longer believes life is happening to her, but for her. If you’re on your own transformation journey, or navigating the messy middle between who you were and who you’re becoming, this episode is for you.  Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:13 Welcome and a Wintery Melbourne Morning 03:31 Q1: The Rock Bottom That Changed Everything 08:10 Entering Rehab and Learning to Sit with Discomfort 12:42 Finding Hope in 12-Step Recovery 15:09 Why Ash Stays Sober Today 17:31 Q2: Finding Purpose After Leaving the Corporate World 19:56 How Sobriety, Meditation, Breathwork, and Yoga Revealed Her Path 22:16 Q3: Daily Practices That Have Had the Biggest Impact 24:36 Readings, Journaling, Two-Way Prayer, and Gratitude 27:02 Movement as an Act of Self-Love 29:25 The Power of Monthly Breathwork 31:37 Q4: How Sobriety Changed Friendships, Relationships, and Marriage 33:51 Letting Go of Old Social Scenes 36:12 Building a Healthy, Sober Partnership 38:37 Q5: The Biggest Lesson Learned Through Adversity 41:01 Q6: What Would You Tell Your Younger Self? 43:29 A Letter to Little Ash Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 184. Ask Me Anything: Sobriety, Spirituality, Purpose & Relationships, with Ash Butterss

  3. Jul 12

    Ep 183. The Transformational Power of Meditation, with Tom Cronin

    This week, Ash sits down with Tom Cronin, meditation teacher and international speaker, for a deeply honest conversation about what it really looks like to hold everything together on the outside while quietly falling apart within. Tom opens up about the two parallel lives he was living during his 26 years in the high pressure world of global financial markets, one of outward success, pinstripe suits, and Bondi beachside living, and another of crippling anxiety, panic attacks, chronic insomnia, depression, and a growing reliance on drugs and alcohol that eventually led to a breakdown at age 29. It was from that rock bottom that Tom discovered Vedic meditation, a practice that not only transformed his mental health but ultimately became the foundation of an entirely new life and purpose. Ash and Tom explore the science of stress, why alcohol numbs but never heals, and how meditation actually expands brain function rather than impairing it. Tom shares the journey from seeker to finder to sharer, including the challenges of leaving the golden handcuffs of finance behind, producing his feature film The Portal, and building his mission to inspire a billion people to meditate daily. The conversation weaves through ego, ego transcendence, contribution, and the holistic practices Tom uses to remain grounded and performing at his best. It is a rich and wide-ranging episode about the courage it takes to change course, the intelligence of the body's warning signals, and the profound freedom that comes from finally looking inward. Episode chapters: 00:07 Introducing Tom Cronin 04:44 Hiding Behind the Smile: Life on the Trading Room Floor 06:16 Shame, Guilt, and the North Star 11:48 The Golden Handcuffs 12:54 When Drugs and Alcohol Entered the Picture 15:53 Rock Bottom and the Rashi 18:06 The Breakdown and the Turning Point 20:09 Discovering Vedic Meditation 24:46 The Allostatic Load and Why Alcohol Does Not De-stress 28:43 Why Sobriety Supercharges Meditation 33:37 From Seeker to Finder to Sharer 35:44 Leaving Finance and Leaping into Purpose 38:08 Navigating Challenges with Meditation as a Tool 41:09 The Stillness Project and the Making of The Portal 46:45 The Importance of Service and Contribution 49:02 B1G1: Giving Back Through Business 54:05 Three Non-Negotiables for a Happy, Authentic Life Connect with Tom: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/stillnessproject Website: http://www.tomcronin.com/ Tom's free book to reduce anxiety and depression https://tomcronin.com/free-calm-book/ Socials: https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/ https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoach https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/ https://www.tiktok.com/@_tomcronin_  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 183. The Transformational Power of Meditation, with Tom Cronin

  4. Jul 5

    Ep 182. Have You Had Enough? Why Your Old Ideas Are Keeping You Stuck, with Ash Butterss

    How much longer are you willing to suffer before something changes? In this powerful solo episode, Ash explores a recurring theme she’s been discussing with people lately: have you truly had enough? Because whether it's alcohol, a relationship, a career, perfectionism, or an old way of thinking, lasting change rarely happens until we're willing to let go of the ideas, stories, and identities that are keeping us stuck. Drawing on her own recovery journey, Ash speaks candidly about the gift of desperation, the stigma surrounding the word alcoholic, and why so many of us continue negotiating with our own suffering long after we've realised something isn't working. She shares what it really takes to create meaningful change and why partial willingness often keeps us trapped in the very cycles we're desperate to escape. This conversation extends far beyond sobriety, inviting listeners to honestly examine where fear, familiarity, and old beliefs may be preventing them from stepping into a more authentic life. Ash also reflects on celebrating her first wedding anniversary and the unexpected lessons that came from eloping in Italy, including a deeper understanding of people pleasing, self-worth, and the quiet cost of abandoning ourselves to keep others comfortable. She shares why esteemable acts are one of the most powerful ways to build genuine self-worth and how authentic relationships are forged when we stop performing for approval. Plus, Ash leaves listeners with five thought-provoking journal prompts designed to help you uncover where you may be ready, or almost ready, to finally let go. Episode chapters: 00:00 Bali Retreat Announcement 01:12 Life Update: A Busy Week and a Wedding Anniversary 03:31 Elopement in Italy and Lessons in People Pleasing 05:53 The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes When You Mean No 08:12 Building Self-Worth Through Esteemable Acts 10:33 Have You Had Enough? 12:53 What It Really Takes to Be Ready for Change 15:16 Breaking the Stigma Around Alcoholism 17:39 The Power of Identification and Finding Your People 19:56 Sobriety as a Superpower 22:18 The Gift of Desperation 24:26 Divine Timing and Letting Go of Old Ideas 26:48 The Difference Between Pain and Suffering 29:09 Reflective Journal Prompts to Provoke Change Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 182. Have You Had Enough? Why Your Old Ideas Are Keeping You Stuck, with Ash Butterss

  5. Jun 28

    Episode 181. How to Truly Love Your Life, with Danni Carr

    This week, Ash welcomes back her sober soul sister Danni Carr, for a wide ranging chat on Bali, yoga, and the spiritual practices that underpin their sobriety. Danni shares the Balinese philosophy of Tri Hita Karana, the three-part connection to the divine, community, and land that keeps life in balance, and reflects on how a once reluctant relationship with yoga, born from hungover gym sessions and stormed out shavasanas, slowly became the foundation of her recovery and her sense of coming home to herself. The conversation moves into deeper territory as Danni and Ash explore what the divine means to them now, the science behind spiritual practice and the brain, and the unexpected friendships that sobriety has made possible. Danni speaks candidly about needing daily practice not to recover but to keep expanding and staying regulated, and reminds listeners that spirituality doesn't have to be serious or precise to be powerful. It’s a heartfelt conversation between two friends about connection, consistency, and choosing a life that feels good without needing to numb out to get there. Episode chapters: 00:00 Reconnecting in Bali: A Spiritual Journey 03:56 The Balinese Philosophy of Trihitakarana 07:23 Cultural Immersion: Sharing Bali's Rich Heritage 11:59 The Transformative Power of Yoga 18:55 Finding Stillness: The Challenge of Shivasana 21:17 Embracing Autonomy in Yoga Practice 22:45 Finding the Right Teachers 24:07 Provoking Thought Through Stillness 25:51 Navigating Friendships in Sobriety 28:56 The Importance of Consistency in Recovery 32:27 Spirituality as a Foundation for Sobriety 34:16 Understanding the Divine 37:05 The Value of Connection and Community 37:48 Finding Joy in Spiritual Practices You can connect with Danni through: Check out Danni’s 4 Week Sober & Transformational Challenge  IG: @howiquitalcohol  Recommendations: The Awakened Brain by Lisa Miller  Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Renewal Ritual | September 13th | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Episode 181. How to Truly Love Your Life, with Danni Carr

  6. Jun 21

    Ep 180. Come Back to Yourself: A Mini Life Update + 10 Minute Guided Meditation with Ash Butterss

    This week, Ash drops in with a mini solo episode to share a life update from her recent trip to Bali and to offer something she herself has been craving - a guided meditation to help you reset. She reflects on attending the AA convention, what it’s like to travel sober after years of using airports and planes as a reason to drink, and the joy of being surrounded by like-minded people who truly understand the recovery journey. She also speaks about the not so pleasant reality of getting Bali Belly, and the lessons in surrender, self-care, and taking quick action.  For the first time on the podcast, Ash is also sharing a guided meditation. One she specifically wrote for her Behind The Smile listeners. A 10-minute guided meditation designed to bring you back to yourself, whether you’re at home, walking, or listening on the go, offering a simple way to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with what actually matters today. Episode chapters: 00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude 00:56 Post‑Bali Life Update & Mini Solo Setup 02:10 Bali AA Convention & Joy of Sober Travel 03:11 Sunur, Ubud & Favorite Bali Rituals 05:32 Ubud Hotel Recos, Monkey Story & Bali Belly 10:11 Calling the Doctor & Reframing “What a Gift” 12:32 Coming Home Gently & Loving Life You Don’t Need a Holiday From 14:54 Returning to Meditation & Idea for a “Reset” 17:19 Guided 10‑Minute Reset Meditation 27:14 Final Reflections, Gratitude & Call to Action Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 180. Come Back to Yourself: A Mini Life Update + 10 Minute Guided Meditation with Ash Butterss

  7. Jun 14

    Ep 179. Burnout, Breathwork and Being Guided By Your Intuition, with Shanaye Kuntze

    This week, Ash sits down with psychic, healer and mindset coach Shanaye Kuntze for a raw conversation about burnout, self-worth, intuition and the journey back to self. Behind a successful business and years spent helping others, Shanaye found herself completely burnt out, bed-ridden, disconnected and unable to keep going. Together, Ash and Shanaye unpack the hidden ways childhood wounds and the search for love and approval can shape our lives, careers and sense of self. Shanaye shares how breathwork became the catalyst for profound healing and the awakening of her psychic gifts, opening the door to deeper intuition, purpose and trust in herself. They explore boundaries, rest, alignment and what it really means to create a life that feels good, not just one that looks good. This is a powerful conversation about slowing down, listening inward, and finding the courage to follow the voice within. Episode chapters: 00:00 Introduction to Shanaye Kuntze 02:48 Navigating Burnout and Its Impact 05:55 The Energy of Doing What You Love 08:59 The Importance of Boundaries 11:55 Hiding Behind a Smile: Shanaye's Photo Reflection 14:54 The Journey Through Burnout 18:06 The Path to Healing and Self-Discovery 21:02 The Role of Competitive Sports in Shanae's Life 24:05 Transitioning from Sports to Fitness Coaching 27:02 The Addiction to Work and Its Consequences 29:46 Finding Light After Rock Bottom 31:15 The Awakening to Breathwork 34:43 Unleashing Psychic Abilities 36:44 Creating Space for Transformation 40:27 Deepening the Breathwork Experience 43:01 The Power of Vulnerability in Community 46:02 Communicating with Spirit Guides 52:17 Reflections on Transformation 55:17 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life You can connect with Shanaye through: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skbodyworks Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/skbodyworks/ Website: https://skbodyworks.com.au Podcast: (Apple) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 (Spotify) https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-gym-tonic-podcast/id1743895889 Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here NOW SOLD OUT! Next Ritual coming in September. Details launching soon. Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 179. Burnout, Breathwork and Being Guided By Your Intuition, with Shanaye Kuntze

  8. Jun 7

    Ep 178. Solo Episode: What Does Spirituality Have To Do With Sobriety?

    This week, Ash shares a sneak peak into her memoir she's currently writing, tracing how her spiritual life has evolved in recovery. What began as skepticism and resistance toward anything “spiritual” has slowly become the foundation of her day-to-day life, influencing how she relates to herself, others, and the world around her. She opens up about moving from a place of self-hatred, numbing, and constant chasing to an inner landscape shaped by simple, consistent practices like prayer, meditation, gratitude, and quiet acts of service. Ash reflects on how spirituality, for her, isn’t about being “woo-woo” or giving up ambition or joy, but about how you live when no one is watching and how kindly you speak to yourself when things are hard. At its heart, this episode invites listeners to reconsider what spirituality might look like in their own lives, whether they’re on a sober path, a healing journey, or simply curious about something deeper. Episode Chapters: 00:00 Welcome, Intentions & Gratitude 00:56 Memoir Writing & Bali Setup 03:14 Spirituality as the Foundation of Sobriety 05:39 From Non‑Believer to Spiritual Seeker 08:04 Redefining a Higher Power in Recovery 10:26 Gift of Desperation & Early God Experiments 12:48 Daily Prayer, Gratitude & Relationship with God 15:01 Meditation, Listening & Two‑Way Prayer 17:25 Depositing into the Spiritual Bank 19:42 Spiritual Solution to Alcoholism & Old Patterns Join Ash’s community newsletter! Click the link here to join. Upcoming Workshops: The Reconnection Ritual | June 21st | Buy Tickets Here Join Ash on retreat in 2026! Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026 Follow and connect with Ash on:  ⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss TikTok @behindthesmilewithashb Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    Ep 178. Solo Episode: What Does Spirituality Have To Do With Sobriety?
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5
out of 5
30 Ratings

About

Behind the Smile is a mental health, recovery and personal growth podcast hosted by TEDx speaker and coach Ash Butterss. Exploring alcohol, addiction, sobriety, trauma and emotional wellbeing, it reveals the raw reality behind the facade of people's "perfect lives." After getting sober in 2020 and leaving corporate life, Ash now shares raw conversations, expert insights and powerful stories to help you heal, grow and reconnect with your true self. Expect honesty, practical tools and real talk that proves when we recover out loudly, no one has to suffer in silence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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