The Gay Relationship Podcast

Tom Bruett
  • 5.0 (4)
  • Self-Improvement

Hosted by gay sex and relationship therapist and published author Tom Bruett, this show dives deep into what it really means to be in relationship with yourself and others as a gay, queer, or trans person today. Each episode features candid conversations with leading experts in psychology, sex therapy, wellness, culture, and LGBTQIA2S+ lived experience. Together, we explore the complexities of queer love, intimacy, identity, and connection - without shame, without scripts, and without pretending we have it all figured out. If you’re craving smarter, braver, more honest conversations about what it means to build and sustain authentic queer relationships, you’re in the right place.

  1. Anxious Attachment: Why We Chase Love That Hurts & How to Heal | Interview with Chris Rackliffe

    19h ago

    Anxious Attachment: Why We Chase Love That Hurts & How to Heal | Interview with Chris Rackliffe

    In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Chris Rackliffe (he/him), anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of Needy No More podcast, for a deep conversation about attachment, relationships, and healing. Chris shares his own experience with anxious attachment and explores why so many people develop a fear of abandonment, become hypervigilant in relationships, or find themselves chasing connection while losing connection with themselves. Together, Tom and Chris discuss anxious and avoidant attachment dynamics, why queer people may carry unique experiences of rejection and invalidation, how self-abandonment can impact relationships, and what it actually takes to build more secure ways of connecting. Whether you identify as anxiously attached, avoidant, or simply someone who wants healthier relationships, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and practical tools for understanding yourself and your patterns. About Chris: Chris Rackliffe, or @crackliffe as he is fondly known, is an anxious attachment style coach, host of the Needy No More podcast, and author of two self-help books: It’s Good to See Me Again: How to Find Your Way When You Feel Lost and Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment. Chris has worked with thousands of clients across six continents to help them heal their anxious attachment style and grow more secure, sharing everything he’s learned on his own healing journey—from how to integrate trauma and regulate the nervous system, to how to effectively communicate and set boundaries. You can find him on TikTok and Instagram @crackliffe. Connect with Chris: Instagram: @crackliffe TikTok: @crackliffe Website: https://www.crackliffe.com/ Coaching program: https://www.crackliffe.com/coaching Book: https://amzn.to/49Q4mEg Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    47 min
  2. LGBTQ+ Aging, Sex & Desire: What Nobody Talks About | Interview with Joseph Winn

    Jun 11

    LGBTQ+ Aging, Sex & Desire: What Nobody Talks About | Interview with Joseph Winn

    In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Joe Winn (he/him) LICSW, CST-S, about one of the most overlooked topics in LGBTQ+ mental health: aging, sexuality, and intimacy. Together, they explore how the HIV/AIDS crisis continues to shape the lives of older queer adults, the grief and resilience carried by LGBTQ+ elders, and the ways ageism affects desire, relationships, and self-worth. Joseph challenges conventional ideas about sex, arguing that pleasure is much bigger than performance, penetration, or youth. Throughout the conversation, Tom and Joseph discuss the lasting impact of the AIDS epidemic, the loss of LGBTQ+ elders and intergenerational connection, aging and body image, changing sexual experiences, internalized shame, religious trauma, loneliness, community, and the importance of pleasure and intimacy at every stage of life. They also examine the limitations of traditional sex education and therapy training, and why expanding our understanding of sexuality can help people build richer, more connected lives. If you've ever wondered how desire evolves across the lifespan, or how to create a more expansive and fulfilling understanding of intimacy, this conversation is for you. About Joe: Joe is a clinical social worker, AASECT certified sex therapist and AASECT certified supervisor of sex therapy. He received his MSW from Boston University in 1995 and has maintained a supervisory, consultation and private practice since 2006. Joe’s post graduate trainings have focused on structural, strategic, Bowenian, and various constructivist and social justice, models of individual and relational therapy. Joe has trained in EFT, Gottman Method, and The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. He was a member of the training faculty at The South Shore Sexual Health Center from 2014-2025, where he taught AASECT sex therapy candidates how to assess, formulate, and intervene with relational and sexual difficulties. Joe has lectured nationally and internationally on such topics as working with differentiation in sex and couples therapy, working effectively with erotic transference and countertransference, applying BDSM/kink consent and pleasure negotiation models to improving differentiation in sexual functioning and problematic sexual behavior. Connect with Joe: Website: josephwinnlicsw.net Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    45 min
  3. What Queer People NEED to Know About HIV Today | Interview with Araya Baker

    Jun 3

    What Queer People NEED to Know About HIV Today | Interview with Araya Baker

    In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Araya (they/them), therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher about serodiscordant (mixed-status) relationships, HIV stigma, disclosure, intimacy, and the realities of living with HIV in 2026. Together they explore how HIV criminalization laws, discrimination, misinformation, and systemic barriers continue to impact queer relationships despite major medical advances such as U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable). Araya shares insights from their work with clients navigating mixed-status partnerships, discussing disclosure decisions, sexual anxiety, relationship conflict, family planning, financial stress, and the emotional impact of stigma. They also examine the lasting legacy of the AIDS epidemic, the parallels between HIV and COVID-related trauma, and why therapists need better training around sexuality, HIV, and queer mental health. Whether you're a mental health professional, LGBTQ+ community member, or anyone interested in relationship dynamics, this conversation offers a compassionate and evidence-informed look at one of the most misunderstood topics in sexual health. About Araya: Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed., Ed.M. is a therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher. As a therapist, Araya supports individuals and couples navigating concerns around addiction, aging, cancer, disability, family estrangement, grief and trauma, life purpose and self-actualization, neurodivergence, prejudice and racism, relationships, reproductive health and family-building, and sexual health and HIV. For over a decade, Araya has leveraged writing to promote lifelong learning and democratize access to applied critical theory/social philosophy beyond academia. Their social commentary and public scholarship have been featured in The Washington Post, HuffPost, Psychology Today, Teen Vogue, EdPost, Vice, Buzzfeed, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, and myriad indie/regional outlets. Araya earned an Ed.M. in Human Development from Harvard as an Equity Fellow, an M.Phil.Ed. in Counseling from the University of Pennsylvania, where they received the Award for Excellence in Promoting Diversity & Inclusion, and a B.A. in English from Tufts, where they were a Tisch Scholar and engaged African & Caribbean literature, Black Arts Movement poetry, queer Black feminism, gospel music, Southern studies, and Swahili. Connect with Araya: Website: arayabaker.com Instagram: @arayabaker YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    43 min
  4. Why So Many Bi Men Stay Closeted | Interview with Robert Cohen

    May 28

    Why So Many Bi Men Stay Closeted | Interview with Robert Cohen

    In this episode, Tom (he/him) interviews writer, comedian, coach, and Two Bi Guys host Robert Brooks Cohen (he/him) about bisexuality, late-life coming out, bi erasure, monogamy, shame, fluidity, and the hidden realities many bi men face. They discuss why only 15% of bi men are out, why bisexuality can feel threatening to rigid social norms, and how younger generations are redefining sexuality and gender. Robert also shares insights from coaching married bi men, navigating open relationships, supporting a partner through gender transition, and the idea of “queer second adolescence” later in life. The conversation also explores bisexual mental health, invisibility within LGBTQ+ spaces, queer hookup culture, Sniffies, and why it’s never too late to come out and live authentically. Whether you’re bi, questioning, queer, partnered, closeted, or simply curious about sexuality and identity, this episode offers an honest, funny, and deeply validating conversation about fluidity, authenticity, and connection. About Robert: Robert Cohen (he/him) is a life coach, content creator, podcast host -- "Two Bi Guys (By One Bi Guy)" -- author ("Bisexual Married Men: Stories of Relationships, Acceptance and Authenticity"), former TV writer, and stand-up comedian living in Los Angeles. Connect with Robert: Website: www.TwoBiGuys.com Life Coaching: www.robertbrookscohen.com Instagram: @robertbrookscohen TikTok: @robertbrookscohen YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@twobiguys Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    43 min
  5. Kink, Shame & The Truth About “Sides” | Interview with Dr. Joe Kort

    May 21

    Kink, Shame & The Truth About “Sides” | Interview with Dr. Joe Kort

    In this episode, psychotherapist and sexologist Dr. Joe Kort (he/him) joins Tom Bruett (he/him) for a candid conversation about queer sexuality, kink, shame, relationships, and identity. Dr. Joe Kort shares how his own experiences shaped his groundbreaking work with gay men, kinky clients, and sexually fluid people — including why he walked away from the “sex addiction” model and became one of the field’s most provocative voices. They explore the meaning behind the term “side,” the growing conversation around outercourse, how kink develops, why queer communities can sometimes police each other’s identities, and what therapists often get wrong about sexuality. Dr. Kort also opens up about his 33-year relationship, navigating neurodiversity in partnership, surviving the AIDS crisis, and the importance of creating more expansive definitions of sex, intimacy, and desire. This episode is an honest, funny, and deeply insightful conversation about authenticity, erotic identity, queer relationships, and breaking free from sexual shame. About Joe: Psychotherapist Joe Kort (he/him), PhD, LMSW, is the clinical director and founder of The Center for Relationship and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. He is a board-certified clinical sexologist, author of four books, lecturer and facilitator of therapeutic workshops. Throughout his 40 years of private practice, he successfully has utilized varying therapy modalities to help hundreds of individuals and couples improve their lives and strengthen their relationships. Dr. Kort specializes in marital problems and conflicts; mixed orientation marriages; male sexuality and sexual health concerns; “sex addiction,” out-of-control sexual behaviors; sexual identity issues; childhood sexual abuse; LGBTQIA Affirmative Therapy; and Imago Relationship Therapy. He is trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), a safe and effective treatment that can help patients who have suffered for years from anxiety, distressing memories, nightmares, insomnia, abuse or other traumatic events. Dr. Kort obtained his undergraduate degree from Michigan State University in East Lansing, Michigan, with a dual major in psychology and social work. He earned master’s degrees in social work and psychology from Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan, and a doctorate (PhD) in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. Connect with Joe: Website: https://joekort.com/ Group Practice: https://crsh.com/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/joekort Podcast: Smart Sex, Smart Love with Dr Joe Kort Instagram: @drjoekort TikTok: @drjoekort Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    33 min
  6. Why Intimacy Can Feel Impossible for Queer Men | Interview with Andrew Katsinas

    May 14

    Why Intimacy Can Feel Impossible for Queer Men | Interview with Andrew Katsinas

    In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Andrew Katsinas (he/him), a queer sex and trauma therapist, for a wide-ranging conversation about queer male sexuality, emotional intimacy, shame, spirituality, and the hidden ways many LGBTQ+ people learn to disconnect from themselves during sex and relationships. Together, they explore topics like religious messaging, bisexual erasure, hookup culture, performance anxiety, consent, and the “second adolescence” many queer people experience after coming out. The conversation also examines why so many people feel pressure to perform during sex, how sexual scripts shape queer relationships, and the difference between spirituality and organized religion. Through an honest and nuanced discussion, Tom and Andrew unpack what authentic connection, pleasure, and self-understanding can look like for queer people navigating dating, identity, intimacy, and healing. Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards About Andrew: Andrew Katsinas (he/him) LMFT, CST, is a queer sex and trauma therapist in West Los Angeles passionate about reclaiming pleasure, healing trauma, and expanding sex education. He is also a massive cinephile, globe trotter, and most importantly, a daddy to his corgi/babygirl Riley. Connect with Andrew: Website: www.andrewkatsinas.com Instagram: @akatsinasmft Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5

    38 min
  7. How Religious Trauma Shapes Queer Dating & Mental Health | Interview with Kit Morgan

    May 7

    How Religious Trauma Shapes Queer Dating & Mental Health | Interview with Kit Morgan

    In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Kit Morgan (he/they), a queer and trans religious trauma-informed educator, licensed clinical social worker, and therapist. Together, they explore how religious trauma continues to shape queer and trans lives long after leaving faith communities. From purity culture and internalized shame to the ways stigma around mental health keeps people stuck, Kit unpacks how belief systems can quietly influence identity, relationships, and self-worth in ways many people don’t even realize. They dive into the difference between conflict and abuse in religious families, how “Midwest nice” can mask deeper harm, and why so many people struggle to name their experiences as trauma. The conversation also examines how these early messages show up in dating, attraction, and desire, along with what therapists and allies often get wrong when supporting queer and trans clients. If you’ve ever felt like you left religion but it didn’t fully leave you, this episode offers language, insight, and a path toward understanding what’s still lingering beneath the surface. Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards About Kit: Kit Morgan is a queer and trans religious trauma informed educator, licensed clinical social worker, and therapist, working with clients in New York, Virginia, and Indiana. Kit’s work began with advocacy and research for people at high risk of incarceration. From Kit’s background of growing up in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist and Southern Baptist denominations during his girlhood years, Kit noticed how institutionalization, including the institution of religion, impacts the way people relate to their gender and sexuality. This inspired Kit to study Christian Counseling, the science of psychology, and social work in their time at university. Kit focuses their work on liberation from shame induced by institutionalization impacting people’s relationship to their queerness. Connect with Kit: Website: www.theliberatedporch.com TikTok: @theliberatedporch Instagram: @theliberatedporch Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5

    40 min
  8. What Nobody Tells You About Gay Dating with a Disability | Interview with Andrew Gurza

    Apr 30

    What Nobody Tells You About Gay Dating with a Disability | Interview with Andrew Gurza

    In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) interviews Andrew Gurza (they/he), an award-winning disability awareness consultant, author, and podcast host of Disability After Dark. What happens when desire, disability, and queer identity intersect? In this conversation, Andrew shares an unfiltered look at dating, intimacy, and ableism in the gay community. Together, they explore why so many queer men struggle with connection, how bias shapes attraction, and what it really takes to build intimacy beyond surface-level desire. This episode is an invitation to examine our assumptions, expand our understanding of sexuality, and rethink what it means to feel wanted, seen, and connected. Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards About Andrew: Andrew Gurza is an award winning Disability Awareness Consultant and author of the book, Notes From a Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and be hot while doing it!) Andrew uses they/he pronouns and identifies proudly as severely disabled. He was the subject of an award winning National Film Board of Canada Documentary “Picture This”. Andrew has guested on a number of podcasts including Dan Savage’s Savage Love. They have spoken all over the world on sex, disability and what it means to be a Queer Cripple. They were also a Production Consultant and Actor on the Queer As Folk reboot in 2022. He is also the host of Disability After Dark: The Podcast Shining a Bright Light on Disability Stories which won a Canadian Podcast Award in 2021, was a Queerty Award nominee, and was chosen as an Honoree at the 2020 Webby Awards. The show is available on all platforms. Andrew is also the creator of the viral hashtag #DisabledPeopleAreHot. You can find out more about Andrew and hire them by going to andrewgurza.ca Connect with Andrew: Website: www.andrewgurza.ca Book: Notes From A Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It!)Podcast: Disability After DarkInstagram: @andrewgurzaConnect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5

    49 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

Hosted by gay sex and relationship therapist and published author Tom Bruett, this show dives deep into what it really means to be in relationship with yourself and others as a gay, queer, or trans person today. Each episode features candid conversations with leading experts in psychology, sex therapy, wellness, culture, and LGBTQIA2S+ lived experience. Together, we explore the complexities of queer love, intimacy, identity, and connection - without shame, without scripts, and without pretending we have it all figured out. If you’re craving smarter, braver, more honest conversations about what it means to build and sustain authentic queer relationships, you’re in the right place.

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