The Gay Relationship Podcast

Tom Bruett
  • 5.0 (4)
  • Self-Improvement

Hosted by gay sex and relationship therapist and published author Tom Bruett, this show dives deep into what it really means to be in relationship with yourself and others as a gay, queer, or trans person today. Each episode features candid conversations with leading experts in psychology, sex therapy, wellness, culture, and LGBTQIA2S+ lived experience. Together, we explore the complexities of queer love, intimacy, identity, and connection - without shame, without scripts, and without pretending we have it all figured out. If you’re craving smarter, braver, more honest conversations about what it means to build and sustain authentic queer relationships, you’re in the right place.

  1. 6d ago

    Why So Many Gay Men Struggle with Intimacy, Shame & Spirituality | Interview with Darren Main

    What if the biggest obstacle to love isn't finding the right partner -- but the story you've been told about yourself? In this conversation, Tom Bruett (he/him) sits down with Darren Main (he/him), to explore how queer men can heal shame, cultivate authentic relationships, and reconnect with purpose. Drawing from more than 35 years of working with LGBTQ+ communities, Darren shares how his experiences with addiction, recovery, spirituality, HIV, fatherhood, and self-acceptance shaped his approach to healing. Together, they discuss why so many gay men struggle with intimacy long after coming out, how internalized shame influences relationships, and why healing involves more than changing our thoughts. Darren explains the role of embodiment through practices like yoga and meditation, reflects on lessons from the 12-Step tradition, and shares how mindfulness and community can help people reconnect with themselves. They also explore loneliness in queer communities, the importance of creating friendships outside of dating and hookup culture, and why spaces like the Gay Men's Sangha offer a powerful model for meaningful connection. The conversation also touches on grief, queer spirituality, parenting, and the importance of becoming the elder you once needed. Whether you're navigating relationships, healing from shame, or searching for deeper community, this episode offers compassionate insights and a hopeful reminder that lasting connection begins with the relationship you have with yourself. About Darren: Darren Main is a yoga teacher, writer, and massage therapist who has spent more than three decades helping gay, bi, and queer men cultivate deeper wellness, stronger relationships, and a more embodied sense of self. Through his Q-MindBody podcast, he brings together mindfulness, somatic awareness, and queer spirituality in conversations that challenge old narratives and inspire real transformation. His work creates a grounded, affirming space for men seeking clarity, healing, and meaningful connection. Connect with Darren: Website:darrenmain.com Instagram: @darrenjmain Podcast: https://darrenmain.net/qmindbodypodcast Book: https://amzn.to/4b607Uo Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    Why So Many Gay Men Struggle with Intimacy, Shame & Spirituality | Interview with Darren Main

  2. Jul 23

    Non-Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relationships Explained | Interview with Andrew Reidenbach

    What does it actually take to build a healthy non-monogamous relationship? In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Andrew Reidenbach (he/him), psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Midtown Mind Psychotherapy, for an honest conversation about open relationships, polyamory, attachment, and the communication skills that help relationships thrive. Andrew shares how he came to specialize in working with LGBTQ+ clients in non-monogamous relationships and explores why more people are questioning traditional relationship structures. Together, Tom and Andrew discuss the many forms of ethical non-monogamy, why communication and clear agreements are essential, how jealousy and attachment wounds show up, and why trust (not exclusivity) is often the foundation of successful relationships. They also unpack common misconceptions about polyamory and open relationships, explore the role of shame and societal expectations, discuss navigating boundaries, sexual health, and time management, and offer guidance for couples who are considering opening their relationship for the first time. Whether you're curious about ethical non-monogamy, exploring a new relationship structure, or simply interested in rethinking what healthy relationships can look like, this conversation offers a thoughtful, compassionate perspective on love, intimacy, and connection. About Andrew: Andrew Reidenbach is the founder of Midtown Mind Psychotherapy, a group practice based in New York City. His work focuses primarily on LGBTQ+ clients and trauma, integrating advanced relational psychodynamic training with attachment-focused EMDR. Andrew also brings clinical expertise in nonmonogamy, supporting individuals and couples in navigating complex relationship dynamics with depth and nuance. Connect with Andrew: Website: https://www.midtownmindpsychotherapy.com Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    Non-Monogamy, Polyamory & Open Relationships Explained | Interview with Andrew Reidenbach

  3. Jul 16

    Why You're Losing Erections (and how to FIX it) | Interview with Shay Doran

    What happens when everything looks successful on the outside, but you're quietly struggling with performance anxiety, erection challenges, and shame? In this episode, Tom (he/him) sits down with coach Shay Doran (he/him) to explore one of the most misunderstood and least talked-about issues affecting men's sexual wellbeing. Drawing from his own journey from years of silently battling porn use, anxiety, and relationship struggles to helping thousands of men overcome performance anxiety, Shay shares why these challenges are about so much more than erections. Together, they unpack the powerful role of shame, masculinity, porn, and early life experiences in shaping our relationship with sex. They also explore how performance anxiety can show up differently for gay and straight men, why medications like Viagra aren't always the complete answer, and how the nervous system (not a lack of desire or masculinity) is often at the center of the problem. This compassionate conversation offers hope for anyone who's ever wondered, "What's wrong with me?" and reminds us that healing begins when we stop treating sex like a performance and start understanding the deeper patterns underneath. Whether you're experiencing performance anxiety yourself, supporting a partner, or you're a therapist working with men's sexual health, this episode offers practical insights and a fresh perspective on one of the most common but least discussed sexual concerns. About Shay: Shay Doran specializes in helping men fix sexual performance anxiety & erection problems. After experiencing these challenges himself, Shay has now helped men around the world to get erection problems fixed and feel normal again. Connect with Shay: Website: https://shay-doran.com/ Free Quiz: https://shay-doran.com/free-quiz/ YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@shay-doran Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    Why You're Losing Erections (and how to FIX it) | Interview with Shay Doran

  4. Jul 9

    The Truth About Prostate Health, ED & Masculinity | Interview with Dr. Arthur Burnett

    How do you protect your prostate, recognize the early signs of erectile dysfunction, and separate medical facts from internet myths? In this episode, Tom (he/him) sits down with Dr. Arthur Burnett (he/him), renowned Johns Hopkins urologist, researcher, and one of the pioneers behind the science that led to Viagra, to discuss what everyone with a prostate should know about sexual health and aging. We explore common misconceptions about prostate health, whether frequent orgasms actually reduce prostate cancer risk, and why erectile dysfunction can sometimes be an early warning sign of heart disease. Dr. Burnett also explains why buying ED medications online without a medical evaluation can cause people to miss serious underlying health conditions. The conversation also focuses on LGBTQ+ health, including prostate care for gay and bisexual men, trans women who still have a prostate, and why every patient deserves affirming, judgment-free medical care. We discuss harm reduction, the risks of mixing poppers with erectile medications, recovery after prostate cancer treatment, and the growing trend of penile enhancement procedures. Finally, Dr. Burnett shares his concerns about modern masculinity, the pressures created by porn and social media, and why being a healthy man has far more to do with authenticity, relationships, and overall wellbeing than penis size or outdated stereotypes. Whether you're trying to stay healthy, improve your sexual functioning, or simply understand your body better, this conversation offers practical, evidence-based guidance grounded in decades of clinical experience. About Arthur: Arthur L. “Bud” Burnett II, MD, MBA, FACS, is a globally recognized Johns Hopkins urologist, researcher, and lead investigator in the scientific development of Viagra, whose pioneering work in men’s health and erectile function has transformed care worldwide. Connect with Arthur: Website: https://drarthurburnett.com/ Instagram: @dr.arthurburnett YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrArthurBurnett Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    The Truth About Prostate Health, ED & Masculinity | Interview with Dr. Arthur Burnett

  5. Jun 25

    When Sex Feels Out of Control, What’s Really Happening? | Interview with Michael A. Vigorito

    What happens when we stop viewing sexuality through a lens of shame and start approaching it with curiosity, compassion, and context? In this episode, Tom Bruett (he/him) welcomes Michael A. Vigorito (he/him), LMFT, CGP, CST-S, sex therapist, author, supervisor, and co-author of Treating Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior, for a conversation about sexuality, shame, and sexual health. Michael shares his work challenging the traditional “sex addiction” framework and explores why sexual behaviors can become complicated, how shame and stigma shape our relationship with desire, and why understanding the context behind our choices matters more than labeling them. Together, Tom and Michael discuss sexual health, pleasure and safety, queer experiences with sexuality and stigma, how secrecy and shame can impact intimacy, and what it looks like to build a healthier relationship with sex and yourself. Whether you’ve struggled with feeling “too much,” questioned your relationship with sex, or simply want a more compassionate understanding of sexuality, this conversation offers a different way to think about desire, connection, and healing. About Michael: Michael Vigorito is a certified sex therapist, author, trainer, and clinical supervisor specializing in sexual and behavioral health. He co-developed a sexual health assessment and treatment protocol published in Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior - Rethinking Sex Addiction (SSTAR 2018 Health Professional Book Award). He has led multiple SAMHSA- and CDC-funded training initiatives integrating sexual health and LGBTQ+ affirming care into behavioral health systems, including the Sexual and Gender Diversity Learning Community at the University of Maryland Prevention Research Center. Mr. Vigorito is a Certified Group Psychotherapist (AGPA), a Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor (AASECT), and currently serves as President of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR). Connect with Michael: Website: www.MichaelVigorito.com Book: Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction https://a.co/d/0frXNESf Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    When Sex Feels Out of Control, What’s Really Happening? | Interview with Michael A. Vigorito

  6. Jun 18

    Anxious Attachment: Why We Chase Love That Hurts & How to Heal | Interview with Chris Rackliffe

    In this episode, Tom (he/him) welcomes Chris Rackliffe (he/him), anxious attachment style coach, author, and host of Needy No More podcast, for a deep conversation about attachment, relationships, and healing. Chris shares his own experience with anxious attachment and explores why so many people develop a fear of abandonment, become hypervigilant in relationships, or find themselves chasing connection while losing connection with themselves. Together, Tom and Chris discuss anxious and avoidant attachment dynamics, why queer people may carry unique experiences of rejection and invalidation, how self-abandonment can impact relationships, and what it actually takes to build more secure ways of connecting. Whether you identify as anxiously attached, avoidant, or simply someone who wants healthier relationships, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and practical tools for understanding yourself and your patterns. About Chris: Chris Rackliffe, or @crackliffe as he is fondly known, is an anxious attachment style coach, host of the Needy No More podcast, and author of two self-help books: It’s Good to See Me Again: How to Find Your Way When You Feel Lost and Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment. Chris has worked with thousands of clients across six continents to help them heal their anxious attachment style and grow more secure, sharing everything he’s learned on his own healing journey—from how to integrate trauma and regulate the nervous system, to how to effectively communicate and set boundaries. You can find him on TikTok and Instagram @crackliffe. Connect with Chris: Instagram: @crackliffe TikTok: @crackliffe Website: https://www.crackliffe.com/ Coaching program: https://www.crackliffe.com/coaching Book: https://amzn.to/49Q4mEg Connect with Tom: Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    Anxious Attachment: Why We Chase Love That Hurts & How to Heal | Interview with Chris Rackliffe

  7. Jun 11

    LGBTQ+ Aging, Sex & Desire: What Nobody Talks About | Interview with Joseph Winn

    In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Joe Winn (he/him) LICSW, CST-S, about one of the most overlooked topics in LGBTQ+ mental health: aging, sexuality, and intimacy. Together, they explore how the HIV/AIDS crisis continues to shape the lives of older queer adults, the grief and resilience carried by LGBTQ+ elders, and the ways ageism affects desire, relationships, and self-worth. Joseph challenges conventional ideas about sex, arguing that pleasure is much bigger than performance, penetration, or youth. Throughout the conversation, Tom and Joseph discuss the lasting impact of the AIDS epidemic, the loss of LGBTQ+ elders and intergenerational connection, aging and body image, changing sexual experiences, internalized shame, religious trauma, loneliness, community, and the importance of pleasure and intimacy at every stage of life. They also examine the limitations of traditional sex education and therapy training, and why expanding our understanding of sexuality can help people build richer, more connected lives. If you've ever wondered how desire evolves across the lifespan, or how to create a more expansive and fulfilling understanding of intimacy, this conversation is for you. About Joe: Joe is a clinical social worker, AASECT certified sex therapist and AASECT certified supervisor of sex therapy. He received his MSW from Boston University in 1995 and has maintained a supervisory, consultation and private practice since 2006. Joe’s post graduate trainings have focused on structural, strategic, Bowenian, and various constructivist and social justice, models of individual and relational therapy. Joe has trained in EFT, Gottman Method, and The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. He was a member of the training faculty at The South Shore Sexual Health Center from 2014-2025, where he taught AASECT sex therapy candidates how to assess, formulate, and intervene with relational and sexual difficulties. Joe has lectured nationally and internationally on such topics as working with differentiation in sex and couples therapy, working effectively with erotic transference and countertransference, applying BDSM/kink consent and pleasure negotiation models to improving differentiation in sexual functioning and problematic sexual behavior. Connect with Joe: Website: josephwinnlicsw.net Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    LGBTQ+ Aging, Sex & Desire: What Nobody Talks About | Interview with Joseph Winn

  8. Jun 3

    What Queer People NEED to Know About HIV Today | Interview with Araya Baker

    In this interview, Tom (he/him) interviews Araya (they/them), therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher about serodiscordant (mixed-status) relationships, HIV stigma, disclosure, intimacy, and the realities of living with HIV in 2026. Together they explore how HIV criminalization laws, discrimination, misinformation, and systemic barriers continue to impact queer relationships despite major medical advances such as U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable). Araya shares insights from their work with clients navigating mixed-status partnerships, discussing disclosure decisions, sexual anxiety, relationship conflict, family planning, financial stress, and the emotional impact of stigma. They also examine the lasting legacy of the AIDS epidemic, the parallels between HIV and COVID-related trauma, and why therapists need better training around sexuality, HIV, and queer mental health. Whether you're a mental health professional, LGBTQ+ community member, or anyone interested in relationship dynamics, this conversation offers a compassionate and evidence-informed look at one of the most misunderstood topics in sexual health. About Araya: Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed., Ed.M. is a therapist, columnist, and social policy researcher. As a therapist, Araya supports individuals and couples navigating concerns around addiction, aging, cancer, disability, family estrangement, grief and trauma, life purpose and self-actualization, neurodivergence, prejudice and racism, relationships, reproductive health and family-building, and sexual health and HIV. For over a decade, Araya has leveraged writing to promote lifelong learning and democratize access to applied critical theory/social philosophy beyond academia. Their social commentary and public scholarship have been featured in The Washington Post, HuffPost, Psychology Today, Teen Vogue, EdPost, Vice, Buzzfeed, The New York Times, Essence Magazine, and myriad indie/regional outlets. Araya earned an Ed.M. in Human Development from Harvard as an Equity Fellow, an M.Phil.Ed. in Counseling from the University of Pennsylvania, where they received the Award for Excellence in Promoting Diversity & Inclusion, and a B.A. in English from Tufts, where they were a Tisch Scholar and engaged African & Caribbean literature, Black Arts Movement poetry, queer Black feminism, gospel music, Southern studies, and Swahili. Connect with Araya: Website: arayabaker.com Instagram: @arayabaker YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@araya_baker Connect with Tom: website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5 Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards

    What Queer People NEED to Know About HIV Today | Interview with Araya Baker
See All (37)

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

Hosted by gay sex and relationship therapist and published author Tom Bruett, this show dives deep into what it really means to be in relationship with yourself and others as a gay, queer, or trans person today. Each episode features candid conversations with leading experts in psychology, sex therapy, wellness, culture, and LGBTQIA2S+ lived experience. Together, we explore the complexities of queer love, intimacy, identity, and connection - without shame, without scripts, and without pretending we have it all figured out. If you’re craving smarter, braver, more honest conversations about what it means to build and sustain authentic queer relationships, you’re in the right place.

Information

You Might Also Like