Insights from the Couch - Real Talk for Women at Midlife

Colette Fehr, Laura Bowman
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Insights from the Couch is your go-to podcast for smart, self-aware women in midlife navigating perimenopause, burnout, marriage shifts, identity changes, and the emotional chaos of “What now?” Hosted by best friends and seasoned therapists Colette Fehr and Laura Bowman, this is where therapy meets real life — bold conversations, hard truths, and powerful tools to help you get unstuck and come alive.Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling with empty nest, battling people-pleasing or perfectionism, or just feeling flat and disconnected from yourself — this show is for you.Colette and Laura bring decades of clinical experience (and lived midlife wisdom) to every episode. Expect real talk on the things no one prepares you for: midlife reinvention, perimenopause and hormone shifts, marriage and divorce, boundaries, friendships, confidence, identity loss, and what it actually takes to build a life you want at this stage — not just one you tolerate.This is where smart women get unstuck and come alive.🎧 New episodes every week🌟 Join the Midlife Masterclass: insightsfromthecouch.org/group-coaching-program🩷 Grab your free guide: The Midlife Roadmap — 7 Skills to Get Unstuck and Come Alive👉 Follow us on Instagram: @insightsfromthecouch

  1. 2D AGO

    Ep.90: Breaking Free From Love Addiction with Dr. Janie Lacy

    In this episode, we sit down with trauma psychotherapist Dr. Janie Lacy to talk about a topic many women quietly struggle with—toxic relationships and love addiction. As therapists and women who’ve navigated our own relationship journeys, this conversation hits close to home as we unpack what truly defines a toxic relationship and why these dynamics can be so hard to recognize or leave. We also explore the roots of love addiction, trauma bonds, and attachment wounds—and why even strong, successful women can get stuck in painful relationship cycles. Dr. Lacy shares insights into the healing process and how women can rebuild self-worth, break unhealthy patterns, and move toward healthier relationships. Episode Highlights [0:00] – We welcome Dr. Janie Lacy and introduce today’s conversation on toxic relationships, love addiction, and healing. [2:28] – Dr. Lacy explains what defines a toxic relationship—and why unhealthy behaviors often become normalized. [8:30] – We explore where the line is between normal relationship struggles and toxic patterns. [11:50] – A discussion on power imbalance and how attachment styles shape relationship dynamics. [15:04] – We discuss financial dependence, traditional roles, and whether economic imbalance creates unhealthy relationships. [21:21] – What love addiction is, why it’s not in the DSM, and how obsessive thinking and fear of abandonment appear in relationships. [26:59] – Why we mistake intensity for intimacy—and how it keeps people stuck in painful cycles. [31:22] – The impact of gaslighting and how it makes people question their reality. [36:40] – Trauma bonds and why toxic relationships can feel chemically addictive. [37:22] – Dr. Lacy explains the difference between self-worth and self-esteem. [39:20] – Inside the Women Redeemed program and how group work and deep healing support recovery. Links & Resources Dr. Janie Lacy Website Dr. Janie Lacy Instagram If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!       Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    48 min

  2. MAR 4

    Ep. 89: Joy Costs Pain: How to Keep Going When Growth Feels Like Suffering

    In this episode, we dive into a conversation that feels deeply personal—especially if you’re in a season of striving, questioning, or quietly wondering, Is this it? Inspired by Colette’s recent reading of A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, we reflect on success, purpose, and why even the seasons that look “good” from the outside can feel surprisingly disorienting and exhausting. We lean into the uncomfortable middle—the stretch where you’ve worked hard for something but still feel unsure of what’s next. We talk about the younger parts of ourselves that flare up when plans don’t unfold as expected, the urge to pull back when it all feels like too much, and the realization that joy may not come from avoiding struggle—but from staying in it long enough to be changed.  Episode Highlights:  [0:03] – We’re back on the mic and jumping straight into existential midlife questions. [1:01] – Colette shares how reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years sparked a deeper reflection on what makes a life “well lived.” [5:13] – The power of story: Are we meant to attain something—or be transformed by the search? [8:59] – Familiarity as the greatest seducer: Why we stay stuck even in “comfortable” unhappiness. [10:56] – Laura opens up about meeting a young, entitled part of herself when life doesn’t go according to plan. [15:02] – Coaching yourself through emotional overwhelm: movement, naming feelings, and creating space. [18:30] – The fear of making the wrong choice—and why meaning matters more than accolades. [24:40] – Forcing yourself into growth: committing before you feel ready (TEDx talks, book deals, Machu Picchu). [27:13] – The marathon as metaphor: Laura’s renewed commitment to the New York City Marathon and doing hard things differently. [31:35] – Why suffering may actually be the pathway to joy. [33:49] – When you want to quit everything: the difference between discernment and hiding. [35:30] – Our closing thesis: Happiness isn’t eliminating obstacles—it’s being willing to stay in the game. If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more! Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    38 min

  3. FEB 25

    Ep.88: The Selfish Year: How Listening to Yourself Changes Everything With Valerie Jones

    This week on Insights from the Couch, we sit down with the fierce and unapologetic Valerie Jones to talk about her powerful book, The Selfish Year. And yes—we mean selfish in the most revolutionary way possible. Together, we unpack what it really means to stop abandoning yourself, to take radical responsibility for your life, and to choose your freedom—even when it disappoints other people. We dive into divorce, people-pleasing, inner child work, emotional abuse, and what Valerie calls “First Girl” and “Hurt Girl.” This conversation is about midlife awakening, reclaiming your voice, and learning how to sit in the fire of discomfort without losing yourself. If you’ve ever felt stuck, resentful, lost, or like you’re living someone else’s version of your life… this episode will hit home. Press play. This is the work.   Episode Highlights: [00:00] – Welcome back! We introduce Valerie and why The Selfish Year moved us so deeply. [02:45] – Redefining “selfish”: why selflessness has been conditioning women to self-abandon—and what it means to be “full of self.” [05:22] – Laura shares her own rescuer pattern and what it took to hit the wall. [08:42] – Valerie opens up about childhood sexual abuse, people-pleasing, and her first marriage marked by bipolar disorder and addiction. [13:12] – Divorce as transformation—not failure—and why we should be applauding women who walk through it. [16:11] – “First Girl” and “Hurt Girl”: how we exile our authentic self to survive—and how to bring her back. [21:05] – Sitting still with yourself: why there is no shortcut to healing and why everything is data. [25:56] – The “villain era”: disappointing others, standing in the fire of disapproval, and building resilience. [33:35] – Playing the game of your life instead of sitting on the sidelines. [38:42] – Radical responsibility: moving from victimhood to sovereignty and reclaiming your power of choice. [44:00] – The woman dancing in the surf: the moment that symbolizes the freedom we’re all craving. [48:17] – How to connect with Valerie and get your copy of The Selfish Year.     If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!   Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    50 min

  4. FEB 18

    Ep.87: Lead Like a Woman: The Hidden Strength of Soft Skills With Fran Hauser

    In this episode, we sit down with the brilliant Fran Houser for a conversation that feels especially relevant if you’re trying to be successful at work without losing yourself along the way. We talk about ambition, empathy, boundaries, and the exhausting double bind women still face in the workplace—where you’re expected to be both warm and bulletproof. Fran brings such grounded wisdom from her decades in corporate leadership, startup investing, and now her portfolio career, and we found ourselves nodding along the entire time. Together, we explore what it really means to lead with kindness and strength, why empathy is not a weakness but a strategic advantage, and how women can rethink networking, ambition, and career pivots in a way that actually fits real life—especially at midlife. This conversation is honest, practical, and deeply validating. You’ll walk away feeling both seen and energized to rethink how you show up at work and beyond.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Welcome to Insights from the Couch and why this conversation matters at midlife [2:10] – Fran’s upbringing, immigrant parents, and early lessons about work and responsibility [6:45] – The origin of The Myth of the Nice Girl and redefining leadership for women [10:40] – How empathy creates trust, influence, and better outcomes at work [15:30] – The fine line between kindness, people-pleasing, and setting boundaries [19:50] – A real workplace story that shows how “being nice” can backfire—and how to repair it [26:30] – Ambition, likability, and the double bind women still face [31:00] – Why women still hesitate to speak up and how perfectionism gets in the way [34:00] – Networking at midlife: why it matters and how to do it in a way that fits you [39:00] – Portfolio careers, career pivots, and designing work that supports your life [47:30] – Fran’s upcoming book on time, perfectionism, and doing less better   Links and Resources: Fran’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/franhauser/  Fran’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fran_hauser/    If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more! Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    50 min

  5. FEB 11

    Ep. 86: The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure Lasting Love

    In this episode, we sit down to talk about Colette's new book, The Cost of Quiet, and the patterns we see over and over again in couples therapy. We’ve watched brilliant, capable women slowly lose their voices in relationships, convincing themselves that staying quiet will keep the peace, all while resentment quietly builds. We unpack what really happens when conflict gets avoided, needs go unnamed, and emotional intimacy starts to erode. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “It’s not worth bringing up,” this conversation will challenge you to reconsider what that silence is actually costing you. Episode Highlights [00:48] Why writing The Cost of Quiet became a three-year mission [02:41] The common pattern we see in high-achieving women who stop speaking up [04:44] How conflict avoidance turns into self-abandonment [05:18] Introducing self-connected communication and what it actually means [08:22] The hidden cost of indirect communication in marriage [11:53] A real-life example of addressing a small hurt before it hardens [14:25] The 10 avoidant behaviors that quietly undermine connection [16:17] What “quiet quitting” a relationship really looks like [18:42] Emotional layaway and why avoidance never truly works [22:54] How attachment patterns shape the way we handle conflict [27:44] What to do when your partner responds with defensiveness or distance [28:19] The “3 D’s and an F” communication report card explained [35:18] When self-compassion becomes essential in hard conversations [37:49] How assertiveness can create a virtuous cycle in relationships [38:56] The difference between a surface marriage and emotional intimacy [41:00] Resources, tools, and what’s next as the book launches Links & Resources The Cost of Quiet, available now: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    43 min

  6. FEB 4

    Ep. 85: The Cost of Quiet LIVE from the Stage: A VIP Book Launch Experience

    Colette Fehr takes the stage during the live launch of her book, The Cost of Quiet, stepping into the role of author in front of a room filled with people who know her work and her story. The setting carries real weight, a public moment tied to years of private reflection, clinical insight, and lived experience around silence, conflict, and connection. This conversation matters because it captures what happens when ideas meant for the page are spoken out loud, in community, with real emotional stakes. Episode Highlights [00:00] Colette opens the evening, sharing why this book exists and what led her to write it[02:13] Reflections on the unexpected challenges and personal growth that came with becoming an author[05:34] Introducing Insights from the Couch and the work Laura Bowman sees with women at midlife[06:17] A conversation about quiet quitting relationships and emotional burnout in long-term partnerships[09:29] How emotional engagement, vulnerability, and unmet needs show up across genders[11:33] The role of self-connected communication in changing relationship patterns[17:22] Men, silence, and the pressure to stay strong without emotional language[20:55] What happens when vulnerability replaces suppression or emotional blowups[25:19] The loneliness crisis and why one relationship can’t meet every emotional need[29:11] Effort, intentionality, and making connection a priority[33:01] Social media, overparenting, and the pressure teens carry everywhere they go[34:45] How silence between parents and teens can lead to serious consequences[36:24] Practical guidance for communicating with teenagers and lowering resistance[39:24] Colette’s closing reflections on risk, honesty, and changing relational cyclesIf today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more! Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    43 min

  7. JAN 28

    Ep.84: How to Finally Get the Life You Want with Katherine Woodward Thomas

    In this episode, we sit down with the incredible Katherine Woodward Thomas, and honestly—you’re going to feel this one in your bones. We dive into why so many of us do all the insight-oriented healing work, understand our trauma inside and out… and still feel stuck repeating the same patterns. Katherine helps us name the missing piece: learning how to orient toward a future self that’s bigger than our past. Together, we explore how identity, trauma, and self-beliefs quietly shape our choices, our relationships, and our sense of what’s possible. This conversation is rich, hopeful, and deeply practical—especially if you’ve ever thought, “I know why I’m like this… so why isn’t anything changing?” Press play if you’re ready to imagine (and move toward) a different future without bypassing the real work it takes to get there.   Episode Highlights:  [0:00] – We set the stage: midlife, therapy, and why insight alone isn’t always enough  [2:00] – Katherine shares her personal healing journey and what therapy couldn’t fully change  [5:45] – The power of “positive possible selves” and why the future shapes us as much as the past  [9:40] – Naming self-limiting beliefs and how trauma freezes identity  [13:10] – Source Fracture Stories: the core narratives that quietly run our lives  [17:00] – Becoming the wise, compassionate adult you didn’t have growing up  [21:30] – Shifting from victimhood to choice and personal agency  [26:00] – Opposite action, growth mindset, and doing what feels terrifying—but transformative  [31:00] – Why this work changes lives faster than insight alone  [35:00] – Conscious Uncoupling, legacy, and turning pain into contribution   Resources: Katherine’s website: https://katherinewoodwardthomas.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/katherinewoodwardthomas/  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katherinewoodwardthomas/    If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!   Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

    39 min

  8. JAN 21

    Ep.83: Healing from Heartbreak: Rebuilding a Life You Love with Cole Zesiger

    In this episode, we sit down with dating and heartbreak recovery coach Cole Zesiger for a deeply honest conversation about what really happens after a breakup—and why healing is so much harder than people want to admit. We talk about why heartbreak can feel all-consuming, how our brains are wired for attachment, and why “just move on” is some of the least helpful advice out there. Together, we explore what it actually takes to recover after loss, rebuild a meaningful life, and create healthier relationship patterns moving forward. Whether you’re newly single, stuck in an on-again/off-again cycle, or simply wanting to understand yourself better in relationships, this conversation is packed with insight, compassion, and practical guidance that meets you where you are—without shortcuts or shame.   Episode Highlights: [0:00] – Welcome to Insights from the Couch and why heartbreak deserves real conversation [2:10] – Meeting Cole Zesiger and how his own divorce shaped his work [6:45] – Why rebounds “work”… until they don’t [9:30] – The evolutionary psychology of heartbreak and why it feels unbearable [14:50] – No contact explained: why space is necessary for healing [18:25] – Social media, blocking vs. muting, and why tiny “hits” keep you stuck [23:45] – Why people stay frozen in grief for years [26:55] – Colette shares her own hard-earned lesson about no contact [31:10] – How people actually get back together in a healthy way [36:00] – Rebuilding your life after heartbreak: the six key areas that matter [41:50] – Attachment styles and why we repeat the same relationship patterns [48:00] – Forgiveness, letting go, and reclaiming your energy [55:10] – Why healthy relationships are worth the risk, according to long-term research   Links & Resources ·         Cole Zesiger on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachcolezesiger  ·         X’s and Knows: The Breakup Advice You Don’t Want to Hear: https://www.amazon.com/Exs-Nos-Breakup-Advice-Dont/dp/1394324138 ·         Cole’s Website: https://coachcolezesiger.com   If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book 🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

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About

Insights from the Couch is your go-to podcast for smart, self-aware women in midlife navigating perimenopause, burnout, marriage shifts, identity changes, and the emotional chaos of “What now?” Hosted by best friends and seasoned therapists Colette Fehr and Laura Bowman, this is where therapy meets real life — bold conversations, hard truths, and powerful tools to help you get unstuck and come alive.Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling with empty nest, battling people-pleasing or perfectionism, or just feeling flat and disconnected from yourself — this show is for you.Colette and Laura bring decades of clinical experience (and lived midlife wisdom) to every episode. Expect real talk on the things no one prepares you for: midlife reinvention, perimenopause and hormone shifts, marriage and divorce, boundaries, friendships, confidence, identity loss, and what it actually takes to build a life you want at this stage — not just one you tolerate.This is where smart women get unstuck and come alive.🎧 New episodes every week🌟 Join the Midlife Masterclass: insightsfromthecouch.org/group-coaching-program🩷 Grab your free guide: The Midlife Roadmap — 7 Skills to Get Unstuck and Come Alive👉 Follow us on Instagram: @insightsfromthecouch

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