UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers
  • 4.8 (6)
  • Mental Health
  • Weekly

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

  1. 2d ago

    When an Avoidant Offers You Friendship, Say THIS First (Take Your Power Back)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain what to say first when an avoidant offers you friendship after rejecting you or pulling away. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship lets them keep the good sides of the connection and regulate with you from a safe distance, without facing the closeness that triggers them. The real question is whether you want to be friends with someone you have feelings for, who does not love you fully. The answer is to set one clear boundary: you want them fully, or you go separate ways. It feels like a loss, but staying strong is what puts you back in the power position. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Offer Friendship Video: https://youtu.be/hEXO-Fnkn2o ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:12 Why Avoidants Offer Friendship 06:18 The One Question to Ask Yourself First 12:28 Say THIS First, When They Offer Friendship ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  2. 4d ago

    Why an Avoidant Will Offer You Friendship (The Hidden Message)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why avoidants offer friendship after a breakup, what the hidden message behind it is, and why you should almost never accept it. As a recovered avoidant, I share that friendship gives them connection and emotional regulation from a safe distance, without having to face their anxieties or do the work. I tell my own story of offering friendship to my ex, and why it is usually a bad deal for the partner, who loves more deeply and gets left in a position of hope. The answer is to set a clear boundary, because you deserve someone who wants you fully, not halfway. ► Links and Resources: My Rock Bottom Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkVmvMkZUI4&t=79s Standards, the Ick and Avoidant Needs Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHOxRnU4pEU&t=3s ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:00 Why Avoidants Fear Closeness 05:43 Why The Offer Friendship 07:15 The Hidden Message Behind Friendship 08:20 My Own Story 12:38 Why Friendship Is a Bad Deal for You 17:21 Why You Should Never Accept Friendship ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  3. 6d ago

    How to Become So Unbothered They Start Chasing You

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I unfold the psychology of why some people stay so unbothered in dating while others, like me a few years ago, end up overly sensitive, needy and obsessing over someone they barely know. As a recovered avoidant, I share the story of a girl I chased in university, and why you attract and cling to detached people, often from a childhood wound and the hope that keeps you self-abandoning. Then I show how to swap that psychology, not by playing games, but by breaking out of your box, building other life areas and a purpose bigger than the relationship, and finally learning to set boundaries. You become genuinely unbothered, not cold. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:36 The Girl Who Was Unbothered 04:14 Why You Chase the Detached Ones 06:21 Swap the Psychology 10:11 1: Allow Yourself to Break the Box 12:03 2: Build Other Life Areas 14:29 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than the Relationship 15:20 4: Learn to Set Boundaries ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  4. Oct 20

    When an Avoidant Realizes You'll Leave, The Game Flips

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video I share with you honestly who an avoidant does, when they're terrified of losing you. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:53 The Core Wound 04:02 The Chase Before the Relationship 05:09 The Commitment Shift 07:06 Pulling Away and Conflict 10:07 When They Are Afraid of Losing You 11:46 Two Reactions When They Return 14:38 What You Can Do ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  5. Oct 18

    Recovered Avoidant Explains What Helps Avoidants Heal

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I answer what actually helps avoidants heal, from my own perspective as a recovered avoidant who worked with four therapists. I explain why it is so hard, because avoidants rarely see their behavior as the problem and society even rewards their independence. Then I build it up in levels: first reframing what a relationship means and finding a purpose bigger than yourself, then the practical work of setting realistic relational standards, finding a supportive partner, and training the missing skills like naming needs and boundaries. The real core key is a decision: committing 110 percent to the relationship, especially on the hard days. ► Links and Resources: Why Avoidants Lose Feelings Video: https://youtu.be/dHOxRnU4pEU?si=VP8fI3hwhVNAeFu9 Why Avoidants Cannot Feel Their Needs Video: https://youtu.be/YoerBrHSdUI?si=UCjq5BS6Wkfldo97 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:12 Why It Is So Hard for Avoidants to Heal 11:05 Level 1: Reframing Relationships 15:58 Finding a Higher Purpose 19:25 Empathy and Healthy Guilt 21:11 Level 2: Setting Realistic Relational Standards 26:25 Finding the Right Partner 32:21 Training the Missing Relationship Skills 36:50 Level 3: The Key to Heal ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  6. Oct 16

    Become the One They’re Terrified to Lose (Do THIS)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I show you how to become the one an avoidant or unavailable partner is terrified to lose, not through games or mystery, but by actually becoming more secure. As a recovered avoidant, I explain why they pull away the more you chase, and why your own pattern keeps you hoping and self-abandoning, often rooted in childhood. Then I share the real approach: set a clear standard, build a life you do not need them for, find a purpose bigger than the relationship, and stay compassionate while setting firm boundaries. They stay or they do not, but either way you win, because you become more yourself. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:01 Why They Pull Away From You 04:46 Your Pattern: Why You Chase Them 08:35 Swap the Psychology 10:08 1: Set the Standard 14:10 2: Build a Life You Do Not Need Them For 16:15 3: Find a Purpose Bigger Than You 17:48 4: Be an Empathetic Listener 19:38 5: Set Boundaries ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  7. Oct 13

    How to Get Over a Breakup with an Avoidant (Even if You Still Love Them)

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explain why breakups with an avoidant are so much harder to get over, and how to heal from one fast. As a recovered avoidant who later dated avoidants himself, I show why the connection feels so magnetic and soulmate-like: it is really two unhealed nervous systems pulling at each other. I share my own dating story, why you did nothing wrong, and the avoidant filter that keeps you from ending up there again. The core mechanism is hope: the hope that they will change has to die, because what they did says nothing about your worth. From there you rebuild a stronger sense of self. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 01:07 Why the Connection Feels So Intense 04:08 Two Unhealed Nervous Systems 06:27 My Own Dating Story 09:35 It's Not Your Fault 12:44 The Thing That Keeps You Attached 15:53 How To Get Over a Breakup ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

  8. Oct 11

    When an Avoidant Partner Withdraws Sexually, React Like THIS

    ► Build secure relationships without losing yourself: https://understandable.net (ad) Welcome to today's episode! In this video, I explore a topic that rarely gets talked about openly: what happens when an avoidant partner starts to lose sexual desire and pulls away from intimacy. Drawing on my own experience as a recovered avoidant, I walk through why closeness feels like danger to an avoidant nervous system, and how that plays out in the bedroom across four stages, from the intense dating phase to the mechanical phase and finally the drought where sex disappears completely. Most importantly, I want you to understand that this is not about you or your attractiveness. It comes from an old childhood wound where intimacy was tied to pressure and responsibility. In the end I share what you can actually do to restore that connection: reducing the pressure so they stop feeling chased, learning to regulate your own nervous system, refocusing on your own life, and setting clear boundaries around what you are willing to tolerate. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:08 Why Avoidants Fear Intimacy 06:12 Stage 0: The Dating Phase 08:13 Stage 1: The Rollercoaster 09:45 Stage 2: The Mechanical Phase 11:07 Stage 3: The Drought 13:20 What You Can Do 15:58 Reduce the Pressure 17:44 Shift the Focus Back to Yourself 19:41 Setting a Boundary ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I make videos about how to build stable, secure relationships without losing yourself or waiting forever for the “perfect” partner. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

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Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
6 Ratings

About

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

Information

  • Creator
    Robert Siegers
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    434
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Robert Siegers
  • Show Website
    UNDERSTANDABLE

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