UNDERSTANDABLE

Robert Siegers
  • 4.8 (4)
  • MENTAL HEALTH
  • UPDATED WEEKLY

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

  1. E318 - Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships (And Don't See It)

    6D AGO

    E318 - Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships (And Don't See It)

    ► Free Relationship Masterclass: https://understandable.net/masterclass (Ad) ► Access My Premium Course: https://understandable.net/course/ (Ad) Why do you keep ruining great relationships? Every. Single. Time. The problem is not that you can’t find good people. It’s that every time a relationship starts to feel good… something goes wrong. You want a stable, long-term relationship. But instead you find yourself in heartbreak, frustration and anger about yourself. And the most confusing part is this: it’s not the toxic relationships that fall apart. It’s the ones that actually had potential, where you felt: this time, it’s different! ► Links and Resources: Conflict Resolution Video: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8?si=g69xLC_ZXLgVRo4r Avoidant Attachment Style Video: https://youtu.be/V5Nn_XOHFX8 Relationship Anxiety Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=gNSR9w1DpkVv7QTg How I Overcame My Commitment Issues Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUECZtfGkEM Trauma Bond Video: https://youtu.be/J70RwIER2BQ?si=-Qxp_lwNVYMD9sgo ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:19 Why You Keep Ruining Great Relationships 03:11 1. You’re Not Ready for a Real Relationship Yet 11:05 2. Closeness Feels Like a Trap (Avoidant Attachment) 16:19 3. Your Anxiety Runs the Relationship (Anxious Attachment) 20:51 4. Pain Was Your First Language of Connection ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    26 min
  2. E317 - Why This Attraction Feels Right — But Will Hurt You

    FEB 1

    E317 - Why This Attraction Feels Right — But Will Hurt You

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Attraction is a beautiful thing. We all desire it. We all want to feel pulled toward someone. Attraction is often what brings people together in the first place. It gives relationships energy. Yet, there are moments, where attraction suddenly becomes… dangerous. Maybe you’re already in a relationship. Maybe you’ve built a life with someone toxic. And yet there is this pull toward a person you'd be better off not being attracted to. ► Links and Resources: Limerence Video: https://youtu.be/cZ344b-d7DA?si=zE93uPeP9YjIRcSW Anxious Attachment Video: https://youtu.be/rXscvYntSpY?si=vTxyvwzQS-xfYEXZ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠ https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Sirens and Sailors 02:20 Why We’re Hearing The Call 05:00 Solution: How To Not Fall For The Temptation 06:10 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    7 min
  3. E316 - Why Small Fights Feel Like Big Breakups

    JAN 25

    E316 - Why Small Fights Feel Like Big Breakups

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Sometimes, there’s a wild dragon in our mind. It makes our head turn small problems into something that feels threatening. Creating a big disaster and making our thoughts catastrophizing. The dragon can awaken at any time. When we get triggered — by our partner, our boss, or even by ourselves — our calm state gets hijacked. And suddenly, it feels like a fire-breathing dragon takes over our thoughts. It twists how we see things. It exaggerates danger. And if we’re not careful, we don’t just have the dragon in our mind — we become it. We say things we don’t mean. We assume the worst. We hurt other people — and ourselves — often without even realizing it. ► Links and Resources: Negativity Bias Article: https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠ https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 The Inner Dragon 04:25 Why The Dragon Exists 07:50 How To Tame The Dragon 10:46 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    12 min
  4. E314 - To Anyone Who's Exhausted By Relationships / Why Your Relationships Feel So Exhausting

    JAN 18

    E314 - To Anyone Who's Exhausted By Relationships / Why Your Relationships Feel So Exhausting

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠https://understandable.net/⁠ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠ (Ad) Why do intimate relationships always feel so emotionally overwhelming? I’ve been wondering about that question ever since I started dating. Somehow, relationships always felt more difficult for me than they seemed to be for other people. Not for everyone, but there is definitely a group of people who doesn't understand my specific challenges with it. ► Links and Resources: Regulation in Isolation Episode: https://youtu.be/PP9dvNWZ8p4?si=dCqQr20jMrTEE2RK You Can’t Change Them Episode: https://youtu.be/JUu4MkLvrK4?si=AfBjjLIw7nAj8CDb Sense of Self Article: https://www.healthline.com/health/sense-of-self The Four Points of Balance: https://jamesmchristensen.com/blog/david-schnarchs-four-points-of-balance ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠ ⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming 03:39 Why Your Relationships Feel Emotionally Overwhelming 10:05 How To Feel Less Emotionally Overwhelmed In Relationships 11:19 The Four Points Of Balance ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    17 min
  5. E313 - To Anyone Who Feels Emotionally Overwhelmed

    JAN 15

    E313 - To Anyone Who Feels Emotionally Overwhelmed

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠(Ad) Emotions are just states that constantly change. No emotional state stays forever. Also emotions are survivable. This is what my therapist always said. You are not the emotions, which are the clouds, you are the sky that’s always there, no matter which emotion arises. ► Links and Resources: Polyvagal Theory Video: https://youtu.be/2iT8Msp8Vx0 ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - Inside the Emotional Storm 01:43 Why Is The Emotional Storm So Powerful? 03:59 Calming The Storm ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    7 min
  6. E312 - Why Avoidants Shut Down (It’s Not You)

    JAN 11

    E312 - Why Avoidants Shut Down (It’s Not You)

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠(Ad) Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about why avoidant partners stonewall, what you can do if you feel you don’t feel heard and seen for the thousand’s time because they always go cold And on the flipside, what avoidants can do if they find themselves constantly stonewalling during vulnerable conversions. ► Links and Resources: Avoidant Attachment Style Video: https://youtu.be/4vs3gDlmS18 Emotional Dysregulation Video: https://youtu.be/Q0iGqa7y6BA How to Resolve Relationship Conflict Like a Secure Person: https://youtu.be/PxiDnxXC2p8 Stonewalling Examples Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/coolguides/comments/1hw6a4a/a_cool_guide_on_stonewalling_and_how_to_deal_with/ The 4 Horsemen by Dr. John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ Stonewalling, Grey Rocking & Narcissism: https://sherrygaba.com/navigating-relationships-with-narcissists-stonewalling-vs-gray-rocking/ Adult survivors of Childhood Trauma Paper: https://www1.racgp.org.au/getattachment/79710ca4-e98e-46aa-8f8f-d5f763ea8ef4/Adult-survivors-of-childhood-trauma.aspx ⁠⁠ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 00:47 What Is Stonewalling? 03:21 Why Stonewalling Hurts Our Relationship 05:06 Stonewalling Vs. Grey Rocking 07:48 Stonewalling And Avoidant Attachment 09:28 The Stonewalling Cycle 13:55 Stonewalling And The Nervous System 16:30 The Hidden Psychology Behind Stonewalling 18:48 How To Deal With Stonewalling Like A Secure Person ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    25 min
  7. E311 - 7 “Misunderstood” Red Flags That Secretly Save Relationships

    JAN 9

    E311 - 7 “Misunderstood” Red Flags That Secretly Save Relationships

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: https://understandable.net/ (Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: https://understandable.net/book/ (Ad) Some of the things you call red flags might actually be the healthiest signs you’ve ever seen. If you grew up in a difficult environment where these following greenflags were not familiar or even dangerous, that’s not surprising. Because when chaos was normal, when you got hurt, safety can feel wrong. Calm feels boring. Consistency suspicious. And closeness can feel dangerous. ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠ Spotify: ⁠ https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6 Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905 Amazon Music: ⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 7 Dating Red Flags, That Are Actually Green 00:33 1. They Don’t Always Respond Right Away 02:40 2. They’re Not Very Active on Social Media 04:12 3. They Have Close Friends of the Opposite Sex 05:59 4. They Value Their Own Space and Independence 07:50 5. They Say What They Think Directly 09:48 6. They’re Genuine, Not Constantly Charismatic 11:38 7. They Don’t Always Make You Feel Comfortable 13:37 From Red To Green 16:00 Final Thoughts ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    17 min
  8. E310 - 7 “Toxic” Green Flags That Can Secretly Ruin Your Relationship

    JAN 4

    E310 - 7 “Toxic” Green Flags That Can Secretly Ruin Your Relationship

    ► Start Our Premium Course Trial: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠(Ad) ► Download the Free Workbook full of Re-Regulation Resources & Writing techniques: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://understandable.net/book/⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠(Ad) Ladies & Gentlemen, welcome to today’s episode, where we talk about 7 Trauma-Driven Green Flags, That Are Actually Red You might think you’ve found the one — they’re kind, attentive, emotionally open… But what if those ‘green flags’ are actually coming from unresolved trauma? Therefore today, I’ll walk you through 7 behaviors that look like emotional maturity or even love but are secretly warning signs rooted in anxious attachment, fawning, codependency, or toxic shame. If you’re someone healing from CPTSD, this might just change how you see "healthy" relationships forever. ► Links and Resources: The Secret To STOP Fighting in Your Relationships: https://youtu.be/dF2QYyxqJjM Spiritual Bypassing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiritual_bypass ⁠ ► Subscribe On Your Favorite Platform! YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGiJdF0yeTyRJanW_uSICDw?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://open.spotify.com/show/2gaheQLxBwByM9txVzlpI6⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/understandable/id1399616905⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ Amazon Music: ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://music.amazon.de/podcasts/ee3580cb-61c5-4aa1-9ad4-1204014078e7/understandable⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ► Episode Timestamps: 00:00 Intro 01:11 Flag 1: They Always Want To Be With You 05:46 Flag 2: They Never Get Mad At You 12:10 Flag 3: They Open Up About Everything On The First Date 16:42 Flag 4: They Always Put You First 19:00 Flag 5: They See You As Their Entire World 21:39 Flag 6: They Communicate So Well During Conflict, But Nothing Ever Changes 25:22 Flag 7: They’re Obsessed With “Healing” ► Reach Out To Me :) E-Mail: info@understandable.net ► Hi, my name is Robert! I create videos about childhood trauma & attachment theory. My content aims to help you transform trauma-driven reactions that block you, so you can embrace a life full of happiness, safe & loving relationships, and self-confidence. :) ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions and are neither intended as professional health advice nor as education. I am not a health professional myself. My content is based on research and my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for three years.

    34 min
See All (333)

Ratings & Reviews

4.8
out of 5
4 Ratings

About

► Hi, my name is Robert! For a long time, I wondered why relationships felt so much harder for me than for others. Over the past years, I had the privilege of spending thousands of dollars and countless hours working with four different therapists, exploring what actually creates emotional safety ► Disclaimer: None of the contents are therapeutic or medical recommendations. The contents are not to be understood as therapeutic-medical instructions. I am not a health professional. My content is based on research & my personal experiences working with various therapists as a client for 3 years.

Information

  • Creator
    Robert Siegers
  • Years Active
    2018 - 2026
  • Episodes
    333
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Robert Siegers
  • Show Website
    UNDERSTANDABLE

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