Understanding Disordered Eating: For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should

Rachelle Heinemann

Your relationship with food is telling you something. This show helps you figure out what. Understanding Disordered Eating is hosted by Rachelle Heinemann, licensed therapist and eating disorder specialist in New Jersey and New York. Each episode explores why we do what we do around food — not to judge it, but to understand it. Because when you understand what your relationship with food is actually doing, everything starts to make sense. For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should. And for the clinicians who sit with them every week. New episodes every Tuesday.

  1. 5d ago

    The Trauma Behind the Eating Disorder Symptoms with Heather Ferguson, LCSW

    In this episode, Heather Ferguson is back, and we're taking that conversation a whole lot deeper. We're talking about what happens when we slow down enough to pay attention to what's happening in the body, how trauma can show up when someone doesn't have the words to explain what they're experiencing, and why recognizing the connection between trauma and an eating disorder doesn't automatically tell us how to support someone through healing.  Heather Ferguson, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst, faculty member, and supervisor at the Institute for the Psychoanalytic Study of Subjectivity and the National Institute for the Psychotherapies. As a certified hypnotherapist and EMDR practitioner, she incorporates embodied techniques into her psychoanalytic work. She writes about eating disorder treatment, the role of intergenerational trauma transmission, and how embodied techniques can deepen psychotherapeutic engagement. Heather is co-editing a forthcoming book with Susan Klebanoff entitled Revisiting Ferenczi's Unwelcome Child in Turbulent Times. She maintains a private practice in New York City. There's a lot packed into this conversation, and honestly, I could have kept asking questions for another hour. So grab your headphones and listen to the full episode. Quotes "So many of our patients are in that hypoarousal, more dissociated, collapsed state with disordered eating, particularly those that are really disordered and are maybe underfed, that their sort of neocortex is not online, that their thinking brain is not fed enough, and they are kind of shut down." - Heather Ferguson "I think helping patients learn the sequence of what happens; An emotion, a feeling state, a sensation and maybe their own protective defenses that may be the shutdown neurobiologists talk about the dorsal response, the collapse." - Heather Ferguson  "And I should say that I also use my body as information." - Heather Ferguson "We have mirror neurons, right? We map empathically, and we often imagine and feel with our patients." - Heather Ferguson "EMDR is not magical; it's just intense." - Heather Ferguson "And I think to sort of indicate how it's ingenious, how there's so much shame, and you know this." - Heather Ferguson "Let's not forget. We don't have to always fix it." - Heather Ferguson "Everyone doesn't walk around with equal freedom and safety in their bodies." - Heather Ferguson "There's two versions of the stuckness. There's the person who stays in this almost intellectual place of, 'This is the body that I want. This is the body that I don't have.' And there's no amount of work or talking about it that's going to change that. Then there's a different version of stuck. They've identified their associations with poor body image. They understand how their history connects here, and then they're like, 'Okay, we've talked about it.' And they're still stuck." - Rachelle Heinemann Frequently Asked Questions 1. Can trauma cause an eating disorder? Trauma can be a significant risk factor for developing an eating disorder, although there isn't always a simple cause-and-effect relationship. Trauma can influence emotions, body image, self-esteem, and coping, and eating disorder behaviors may become a way of managing experiences that feel overwhelming.   2. What is the connection between trauma and eating disorders? Trauma and eating disorders can become closely intertwined. Eating disorder behaviors may temporarily help someone numb, avoid, control, or cope with difficult thoughts and feelings. Over time, those behaviors can become part of the cycle that keeps both the distress and the eating disorder going.   3. Can an eating disorder be a coping mechanism? Yes. Eating disorder behaviors can serve a purpose for someone, even when those behaviors are harmful. Restriction, bingeing, purging, or other behaviors may provide temporary relief from anxiety, difficult emotions, shame, or a sense of being out of control. Understanding what a behavior is doing for someone can be an important part of treatment.   4. How does trauma affect body image? Trauma can affect the way someone experiences and relates to their body. For some people, body dissatisfaction, shame, or attempts to change or control their body can become connected to difficult experiences. Body image can also be influenced by lots of other factors like social expectations and other lived experiences.   5. What is trauma-informed eating disorder treatment? Trauma-informed treatment considers a person's history and the ways trauma may influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and relationship with their body. It means creating space for that history without assuming every eating disorder has the same origin or that every client needs the exact same treatment approach.   6. Can you treat trauma and an eating disorder at the same time? Yes, trauma and eating disorders can be addressed through an integrated treatment approach. The timing and approach matter, especially when someone is actively struggling with eating disorder behaviors or is medically compromised. Treatment needs to be mindful not to do trauma work before they're ready.   7. Why is body awareness important in eating disorder recovery? Learning to notice sensations, emotions, and physical responses can help someone better understand what is happening internally and how that connects with their behaviors. For some people, this creates a bridge between intellectually knowing something and actually experiencing it in their body, which can be an important part of the therapeutic process. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  2. Sep 8

    The Referral I Won't Give My Clients

    There are some questions that sound simple until you actually sit with them. This is one of those questions: "Can I work with a dietitian who specializes in eating disorders and also helps me lose weight?"  At first glance, it feels like a yes-or-no question. But underneath it is a much bigger conversation about recovery, autonomy, body image, health, medical advice, and the beliefs we've been taught about weight. In this episode, we're unpacking why this question is so complicated for both clients and providers, and why giving a quick answer often skips over the part that matters most. The real conversation usually isn't just about a referral. A question like this can come from many different places. Whether you're in recovery, supporting someone who is, or you're a clinician navigating these conversations, this episode will challenge the way you think about weight loss and eating disorder treatment. Quotes "Respecting the request and knowing what to do and what you end up choosing to do turns out to be two different things." "Questions always have something living underneath them." "The whole premise of eating disorder treatment is neutralizing your relationship with food." "When something feels intolerable... it says, 'I can't tolerate this feeling, so I need to manage it through food.'" "Neutralizing the relationship with food is almost impossible because there's always an outside agenda running every food choice." "There's a difference between someone whose health is genuinely at stake and somebody in real body image distress who just wants relief." "It isn't about getting it right or wrong. It's about opening up a conversation, opening up the exploration, and seeing what's there." "The referral is secondary. The conversation and the exploration is the primary." Frequently Asked Questions Can you lose weight during eating disorder recovery? There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. The more important question is why weight loss feels necessary. In eating disorder treatment, providers often explore what's driving the desire to lose weight before discussing referrals or treatment options. The conversation behind the request is often more important than the request itself.   Should someone with an eating disorder work with a weight loss dietitian? It depends on the individual's situation, but the episode explains why this isn't a simple yes-or-no decision. Before making a referral, it's important to understand whether the request is rooted in medical concerns, body image distress, or something else entirely.   Why is weight loss complicated during eating disorder treatment? Eating disorder treatment focuses on building a more neutral relationship with food rather than making food choices based on weight goals. When weight loss becomes the primary focus, it can make it difficult to separate food choices from external rules and emotional distress.   Can you pursue health and eating disorder recovery at the same time? The episode discusses how health concerns deserve thoughtful exploration rather than blanket assumptions. Some people have legitimate medical questions, while others are primarily seeking relief from body image distress. Understanding which situation applies is an essential part of treatment.   Why do people want to lose weight during eating disorder recovery? For some, the desire comes from concerns about physical health. For others, it's an attempt to escape the emotional pain of body image distress. Although the request may sound the same, the reasons behind it can be very different and deserve careful exploration.   What is the goal of eating disorder treatment? The goal is to develop a healthier, more neutral relationship with food by reducing reliance on rigid food rules and learning to make decisions based on internal needs rather than external pressures. This creates space for healing instead of continuing the cycle of using food to manage emotional distress.   What should therapists do when a client asks for weight loss during recovery? Instead of immediately saying yes or no, therapists can use the request as an opportunity to explore what's underneath it. The episode emphasizes that maintaining the structure of treatment while creating space for honest conversation often leads to more meaningful progress than providing a quick answer. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter!  Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  3. Sep 1

    From the Vault: Exercise and Eating Disorder Recovery

    This week is the last of our summer throwback series. Next week, we will be back with an all-new episode. Until then, check out this vault episode. Originally aired as Episode 166, this vault episode takes an honest look at our relationship with exercise and movement, and why it can become far more complicated than it appears on the surface. For many people, movement stops being something that supports well-being and starts feeling like an obligation, a way to earn food, manage anxiety, maintain control, or even punish themselves. In this episode, we explore the warning signs of compulsive exercise, how movement can become intertwined with eating disorders and perfectionism, and what it means when skipping a workout feels emotionally unbearable. We also talk about the physical and emotional costs of staying stuck in that cycle and the first steps toward building a healthier, more flexible relationship with movement. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  4. Aug 18

    From the Vault: Real Recovery and How to Get There with Carolyn Costin, M.A, M.ED, MFT

    While we take a little summer break, we'll be rereleasing some of our most powerful and thought-provoking conversations, and this one tops the list. Originally aired as Episode 175, this conversation remains one of our most impactful discussions on what it truly means to recover from an eating disorder. In this vault episode, I sit down with renowned eating disorder therapist and author Carolyn Costin to explore one of the field's most debated questions: Is full recovery really possible? Together, we unpack what recovery actually looks like, how to strengthen the healthy self, and why hope exists even for those who have struggled for years. Carolyn also shares insights from decades of clinical experience, including her perspective on recovered clinicians, the evolution of eating disorder treatment, and the tools that have helped countless people move toward lasting recovery. Whether you're on your own recovery journey, supporting someone you love, or working in the eating disorder field, this conversation offers an encouraging and timeless perspective on healing. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  5. Aug 11

    The Eating Disorder Nobody Takes Seriously

    In this episode, I'm talking about why orthorexia is one of the most misunderstood eating disorders, how wellness culture can quietly reinforce it, and why the biggest warning sign has very little to do with what's actually on your plate. Because when grabbing pizza with friends feels mentally exhausting, that's worth paying attention to. Quotes "The biggest problem isn't what you're eating. It's what happens when you can't follow the rule." "A life controlled by food rules is still a life controlled by rules." "Perfection can become a shield that keeps you trapped." "Movement can absolutely be good for you. The problem starts when you can't stop. When you can't take a rest day, skip a workout, or change your plans without feeling like everything is falling apart." "You don't have to be physically falling apart for your eating disorder to matter. The amount of mental energy spent calculating, avoiding, planning, and worrying is reason enough to take it seriously." "When everyone around you calls your eating disorder discipline, you're fighting more than the disorder itself. You're also fighting a culture that keeps telling you you're doing everything right." "The question isn't whether movement or certain foods are healthy. The question is whether your relationship with them leaves room for flexibility, rest, and actually living your life." "Perfectionism can feel protective. If you do everything exactly right, maybe no one can criticize you. Maybe no one can decide you're not enough. The problem is that eventually those rules start controlling you." "Sometimes the goal isn't eating a different food. Sometimes the goal is proving to yourself that you can break a rule and still be okay." "If going out for pizza takes more emotional energy than almost anything else in your week, that's worth paying attention to. The problem isn't the pizza. It's what the pizza represents." Frequently Asked Questions What is orthorexia? Orthorexia is an eating disorder that's centered around an unhealthy obsession with eating "healthy" or "clean." The food itself isn't the biggest issue. The problem is when your life becomes controlled by rigid food rules, anxiety around eating, and the fear of doing something "wrong." While orthorexia isn't currently a standalone diagnosis in the DSM-5, it is widely recognized by eating disorder professionals as a very real and serious condition.   How do I know if healthy eating has become an eating disorder? A healthy habit becomes concerning when it no longer feels like a choice. If skipping a workout fills you with guilt, eating at a restaurant causes intense anxiety, or your food rules make it difficult to enjoy everyday life, it may be more than simply wanting to eat well. The biggest sign isn't what you're eating. It's how much control the rules have over you.   What is the difference between orthorexia and anorexia? Both are restrictive eating disorders, but they often focus on different goals. Anorexia is typically driven by weight, body size, or fear of weight gain. Orthorexia focuses on the quality or purity of food and following strict health rules. That said, the two can overlap, and both deserve treatment and support.   Can exercise addiction be part of an eating disorder? Yes. Exercise becomes a concern when it feels impossible to take a day off or change your routine without overwhelming guilt or anxiety. It's less about how often you work out and more about your relationship with movement. If exercise starts controlling your schedule, mood, or decisions, it's worth paying attention to.   Why is orthorexia so difficult to recognize? Orthorexia often looks like healthy living from the outside. People may compliment someone's discipline, dedication, or healthy lifestyle without realizing those behaviors are driven by fear and rigid rules. Because the behaviors are frequently praised, many people struggle for years before recognizing there's a problem.   Can you recover from orthorexia? Yes. Recovery is possible. Treatment often includes creating more structure around eating, gradually challenging rigid food rules, and exploring the deeper patterns that keep those rules in place. The goal isn't to stop caring about your health. It's to build a relationship with food and movement that includes flexibility instead of fear.   Do you have to be underweight to have an eating disorder? No. People of every body size can have an eating disorder. You don't have to look sick for your struggle to be real. If food, exercise, or body image are taking over your thoughts, relationships, or daily life, you deserve support regardless of your weight. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  6. Aug 4

    The 2 Fears Running Your Eating Disorder (And Why They Contradict Each Other)

    In this episode, we're digging into the tension between wanting to be exceptional and wanting to be ordinary. We talk about why "normal" doesn't always mean what you think it does, how your eating disorder may be protecting you from desires that feel too risky to admit, and why feeling stuck often has nothing to do with food itself. Quotes "When average means stability, you want it. Of course, who wouldn't? When average means invisible, then we're terrified of it." "I'm exceptional because of my relationship to my body, my food, what I do with my food and my body." "Restriction tends to create the chaos that you're trying to avoid." "The eating disorder isn't just expressing the desires. It's actually protecting you from the risk of wanting them directly, admitting them directly." "The eating disorder keeps both desires alive, but completely frozen. Being frozen is not the same thing as being safe." "People can be exceptional and connected. People can be seen and feel safe. People can be ambitious and stable, and the either/or isn't in the wanting, it's what you learned at some point, the wanting could cost you."  Frequently Asked Questions Why do I want to be successful and invisible at the same time? It sounds contradictory, but it's actually incredibly common. Part of you wants to be seen, recognized, and appreciated for what you're capable of. Another part of you wants life to feel quiet, predictable, and safe. Those aren't opposite desires. They just become confusing when your brain starts believing that being noticed will cost you your sense of belonging or security. Recovery often means learning that you don't have to choose one or the other.   Why does my eating disorder make me feel special? For many people, an eating disorder becomes a place to measure worth. It creates an internal story that says, "I'm better because..." Maybe it's because you're more disciplined, more controlled, healthier, stronger, or more committed than everyone else. The specific behavior looks different for everyone, but underneath it often serves the same purpose. It gives you a way to feel valuable without having to ask directly for recognition or validation.   Why do I want to be normal but also stand out? The word "normal" doesn't always mean the same thing. Sometimes normal means peaceful, stable, and free from constant anxiety. Other times it feels like disappearing into the background and not mattering. That's why you can crave an ordinary life one minute and desperately want to be exceptional the next. You're responding to two completely different meanings of the same word.   Why does controlling food make me feel safer? Food often becomes something that feels manageable when everything else feels uncertain. It can create the illusion of stability during stressful or chaotic seasons of life. The problem is that while food rules may offer temporary relief, they rarely create the lasting sense of safety you're actually looking for. They often end up creating even more chaos over time.   Can the same eating disorder behaviors mean different things for different people? Absolutely. Two people can engage in the exact same behavior for completely different reasons. One person may be trying to become more visible, hoping they'll finally be noticed or praised. Someone else may be trying to disappear, feel less exposed, or protect themselves from unwanted attention. The behavior might look the same on the outside, but the purpose underneath can be completely different.   Why does recovery make me feel stuck between two different versions of myself? Recovery often asks you to let go of something that has been solving a problem, even if it wasn't solving it well. You may find yourself wanting a calmer, more grounded life while also worrying that you'll lose the parts of yourself that felt exceptional. Feeling pulled in both directions doesn't mean you're doing recovery wrong. It usually means you're starting to see the deeper beliefs your eating disorder has been carrying.   Can I be ambitious without letting my eating disorder define me? Yes. Wanting to achieve something meaningful isn't the problem. The question is whether your worth depends on achieving it. You can be ambitious, driven, creative, and successful without using your relationship with food or your body as proof that you deserve to be seen. Recovery isn't about becoming less motivated. It's about separating your value from the way you've learned to measure it. Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

  7. Jul 28

    Why You Can't Think Your Way Out of Negative Body Image

    In this episode, I'm talking about why that happens. We're looking at why body image can be so persistent, why all the things we often recommend are still worth doing, and why they sometimes only take us so far. More importantly, we're exploring what poor body image may actually be pointing toward. This conversation isn't about finding another body image tip or another affirmation to write on your mirror. It's about understanding why body image often becomes the place where deeper emotional experiences show up and what you can begin paying attention to instead. Quotes "It's all about your body, but it's not about your body at all."  "The body is where something else sort of has gone to live." "There is a difference between just sitting in the, 'I feel terrible' and organizing the inner experience." "It's not just I feel angry and I'm not allowed to, it's I feel guilty for taking up space, and I'm also not allowed to feel guilty about that because that itself is taking up space." "The body here isn't a separate problem, it's just the most concrete version of the problem that you're already having somewhere else." "Ultimately, the goal here is not necessarily to feel amazing all the time, it's to feel more organized, to understand it a little bit more, to have more context." Frequently Asked Questions Why do I still struggle with body image after doing all the "right" things? Because body image isn't always the actual problem. You can practice affirmations, wear clothes that feel good, and change the way you talk to yourself, and those things absolutely matter. They can make life feel a little easier. Sometimes, though, poor body image is carrying emotions that haven't had anywhere else to go. Until those emotions have a place to be understood, body image can continue to feel like the loudest part of the experience.   Can poor body image exist even if nothing triggers it? Yes. For some people, body image spikes after a comment, a photo, or a stressful interaction. For others, it doesn't need a trigger at all. It can feel like it's simply there when you wake up. That constant background feeling often points to something deeper than a single bad body image day.   Why don't affirmations fix my body image? Affirmations can be incredibly helpful, and they're worth using if they make things feel more manageable. They just aren't designed to resolve everything. If poor body image is connected to grief, shame, anger, or other emotions that haven't been processed, repeating positive statements won't automatically make those feelings disappear.   How are emotions connected to body image? Emotions don't stop existing because we ignore them. When they're difficult to identify or express, they often collect into one overwhelming feeling. For many people, the body becomes the place where all of that distress shows up. It's visible, familiar, and easy to focus on, even when the real struggle started somewhere else.   Why do I always feel overwhelmed by my emotions? Feeling emotionally overwhelmed doesn't always mean you're experiencing one giant, all-consuming emotion. More often, it's several emotions happening at the same time that haven't yet been identified. Anger, guilt, sadness, disappointment, and shame can blend together until everything simply feels terrible. Taking the time to name and separate those emotions doesn't make them disappear, but it helps your brain organize what you're experiencing, making it feel more manageable and easier to understand.   How can I improve my body image in a lasting way? Instead of asking only, "How do I feel about my body?" it can be helpful to ask, "What am I actually feeling right now?" Becoming more aware of your emotional experience, where those emotions came from, and what they're trying to communicate creates a very different starting point than trying to change your appearance or force yourself to think positively.   What's the goal if I never feel good about my body all the time? The goal isn't to feel amazing every day. It's to understand yourself a little better each time difficult feelings show up. As you become more familiar with your emotions, they become less confusing and less consuming. Over time, that can change the way you experience your body because you're no longer carrying everything in one overwhelming feeling.   Resources Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter! Brave on Purpose! - Grab my new book here! Grab my Journal Prompts Here! Looking for a speaker for an upcoming event? Let's chat! Now accepting new clients! Find out if we're a good fit!    LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who may need this podcast by sharing this episode. Be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter here! You can connect with me on Instagram @rachelleheinemann, through my website www.rachelleheinemann.com, or email me directly at rachelle@rachelleheinemann.com

4.8
out of 5
73 Ratings

About

Your relationship with food is telling you something. This show helps you figure out what. Understanding Disordered Eating is hosted by Rachelle Heinemann, licensed therapist and eating disorder specialist in New Jersey and New York. Each episode explores why we do what we do around food — not to judge it, but to understand it. Because when you understand what your relationship with food is actually doing, everything starts to make sense. For anyone whose relationship with food feels harder than it should. And for the clinicians who sit with them every week. New episodes every Tuesday.

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