Okay, real question. Have you ever wanted someone to grab breakfast with, or take a class with, and then realized… you honestly don’t know who you’d ask? Yeah. Why is making friends as an adult so damn awkward—and where are you supposed to meet people? It gets even weirder when you quit drinking. You might still love your friends, but you don’t want to spend every Saturday night watching them get drunk. You want people you can laugh with, and conversations you’ll actually remember the next morning. You just have no clue where those people are hiding. And if you’re an introvert like me, someone telling you to “just put yourself out there” probably makes you want to throw your coffee at them. I get it. I love being home. I need a lot of alone time. I will never be the girl who walks into a room with her hand out, ready to chat everybody up. But I’ve also learned that when I’ve gone days without talking to a real human, I need connection too. And I had to learn how to do that without alcohol. In this episode, I take you back to my early days in AA, when my anxiety was so bad I’d grab the corner seat and slip out early so nobody could talk to me. I wanted so badly to stay sober and be comfortable, but I was doing everything I could to be invisible. So I made a deal with myself to start changing my patterns, and my first step was a lot smaller than starting a conversation. I also had to admit something kind of embarrassing: people weren’t approaching me in life because I wasn’t approachable. Head down, sunglasses on, earbuds in, nose in my phone. Apparently that doesn’t say “come say hi.” Who knew? 😂 I’ll tell you how I made two friends, one from my gym and one from a tarot class (yes, really). We’ll also talk about where to meet people, what to actually say, how you go from “hey, good to see you” to “want to grab breakfast?”, and what to do when someone says no. You don’t have to turn into an extrovert. You just have to let people get to know you. And then you can go home and put your sweatpants on. 💛 Links mentioned in this episode: Sober Society Membership: addictionunlimited.com/membership Book A Call Here: addictionunlimited.com/call Related Episode: Guaranteed Results When Your Social Life Is Stalled Follow me on Instagram: @addictionunlimited Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictionunlimited Prefer to read instead of listen? Here’s the full transcript of this episode. Hello, my friend. Welcome back to another episode of the Addiction Unlimited podcast. I’m your coach, Angela Pugh. Today we’re talking about something that can feel surprisingly difficult when you quit drinking: making friends. Because where the hell are adults supposed to meet people? You’re a grown-up. You have responsibilities and routines in a life that’s already pretty full. You’re not sitting next to somebody in school every day or Living down the hall from a hundred other people who are also looking for something to do on Friday night. And when you take alcohol out of the picture, you may realize you don’t know what your social life looks like anymore. Maybe you still love your friends, but you don’t want to spend every weekend doing the things you used to do together. Maybe you want someone to have breakfast with or go for a walk, take a class, or have a conversation you’ll actually remember the next day. You want connection. You just don’t know where to start. Angela (01:23.47) And if you’re an introvert or you’ve relied on alcohol to feel comfortable around people, the advice to just put yourself out there probably makes you want to throw something. So today we’re going to get more specific than that. Where do you go? How do you get past the anxiety? What do you say? And how do you build friendships without the liquid courage of alcohol, turning you into an outgoing person who wants to talk to everybody? And I promise you, this is all possible because I am an extreme introvert. And if I can figure this out, you definitely can. Alone time is a requirement for me. And I require a little more of it than most people do. I also have anxiety. It’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but it’ll never be completely gone. So I will never be the person. Angela (02:24.792) So I will never be the person who walks into a room with my hand out, like ready to shake hands and introduce myself and make small talk. I would literally rather die. Now, if somebody starts a conversation with me and we connect, I can talk all day long. I think sometimes people confuse introversion with being shy or insecure, uncomfortable with yourself. Those aren’t interchangeable things. I’m very confident. I just don’t enjoy large groups and small talk. Angela (03:10.304) If I’m surrounded by conversations that don’t interest me, I’m probably gonna be quiet because I’m bored to tears. And eventually I’ll fake a headache and get the hell out of there. But when I feel safe with somebody, when I can open up and laugh and have a meaningful conversation, I’m happy to let that person in my bubble. And I know a lot of you understand that because a lot of my clients are introverts too. Angela (03:42.124) You enjoy being home, you like your space, you don’t want plans every night of the week, and a canceled invitation sometimes feels like a little gift from the universe. You can enjoy all of that and still need friends. For me, I can usually tell when I need connection because I start getting irritable, right? I’m working too much, I’m getting overtired, I’m spending too much time in my own little world. And it doesn’t always announce itself like Angela, you’re lonely. Sometimes it shows up as me needing to get away from my work and connect and laugh with somebody who knows me. Angela (04:34.062) Mm mm. Angela (04:42.552) For me, I can usually tell when I need connection because I start getting irritable, right? I’m working too much, I’m overtired, and I’m just spending way too much time in my own little world. And it doesn’t announce itself. It’s not like all of a sudden my head goes, Angela, you’re lonely. No, it’s usually that. Angela (05:07.318) No, it’s usually that I find myself being bitchy, like every little thing is irritating the shit out of me. And then I have to go through my checklist, right? Halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired. That’s always where I start. And I’ll realize, like, holy shit, you know, it’s been three days and I haven’t had human contact. So Angela (05:32.992) I need soul food. Connection is soul food. Time with friends I can open up with and be myself. I also know my limits. There’s only so much being out of the house and being around people I can comfortably do in a week. I will hit my limit of being in public and I need to go home and recharge in peace and sweatpants. But that’s the kind of social life I want you thinking about building, one that gives you connection and fits who you actually are. Angela (06:07.924) And there’s a part of this conversation where we have to get honest about our own behavior, right? Because when someone tells me like, I don’t have any sober friends, my first response is, well, you have to go where the sober people are and say hi, right? A bus full of sober people isn’t gonna show up at your house and ask to be your friend. They’re not coming down your street with a breakfast reservation and a seat saved for you. You have to participate. And I say that with love because we can’t stay home all the time. Bitch about how much we hate people and then whine when we don’t have friends and fun things to do. Pick a f*****g lane. It’s one or the other. You either hate the people or you want things to do and have friends. You are perfectly allowed to be a homebody. You can prefer quiet evenings in a small circle. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’re unhappy with how disconnected you feel, you have to look at your decisions and figure out if you’re really trying to make connections at all. If you decline every invitation, never go anywhere new, and leave every activity before anyone has a chance to talk to you, those choices affect your opportunities to make friends. Own that. Mm. Angela (07:39.914) You don’t control whether a particular person becomes your friend. You do have control over whether you make room to meet people and get to know them. And this matters when we talk about social activities and drinking and anxiety. A lot of people tell me that feeling anxious around others was one of the main reasons they drank. Social situations. Everybody thinks they’re unique that they have social anxiety. You’re not unique. Almost all of us have it, right? It’s one of the ways alcohol traps us. Alcohol was how you walked into the party, started the conversation, or stopped worrying about what everyone else thinks of you. It allows you to feel like you belong and you’re connected. When you quit drinking, those situations feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I understand why you’d want to avoid them. But if you keep waiting until you feel completely comfortable before you do anything, you could be waiting a very long time. Angela (08:44.684) You really need a manageable place to start. And I mean manageable for you. When I first started going to AA, my anxiety was so bad, I could barely function. I mean, obviously I was brand new sober. I just quit drinking. I’m still in withdrawal and post-acute withdrawal. But I couldn’t not go just because my anxiety was an a*****e. I needed to be there. And I knew it would never get easier if I didn’t challenge myself. Right, because if you left it up to me and my introverted anxious self, I would find the most corner y corner seat in the room, preferably where somebody could not sit next to me. Angela (09:29
