👉 PSST- Are you currently parenting teens? Before we get into the podcast, I want to make sure you know that my Peaceful Parenting in the Teen Years group coaching course starts on Tuesday, May 5. Learn more and how to join us HERE. Back to the podcast— You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or check out the fully edited transcript of our interview at the bottom of this post. In this episode of The Peaceful Parenting Podcast, Corey and I discuss peaceful parenting teens and tweens, including mindset shifts, connection strategies, sideways listening, and why the teen years can be joyful instead of scary. Know someone who might appreciate this episode? Share it with them! And if you love the podcast, FREE ways to help us out:1- Rate and review the podcast in your podcast player app2- “Like” this post by tapping the heart icon ♥️3- Share this with a friend. THANK YOU! We talk about: * 00:00 — Introduction: Peaceful parenting teens and tweens * 01:02 — Why the teen years don’t have to be scary * 02:39 — The importance of parents * 04:48 — Don’t take teen behavior personally * 06:32 — Responding to the feeling under the attitude * 08:42 — Remembering how hard the teen years can feel * 12:39 — Connection matters: “at what cost to the relationship?” * 14:12 — Tip: sideways listening * 15:41 — Tip: being a “potted plant” * 17:51 — Tip: connect on their terms and timeline * 21:17 — Why the teen years can be something to look forward to Resources mentioned in this episode: * Peaceful Parenting in the Teen Years Course starting Tuesday, May 5th * Yoto Screen Free Audio Book Player * The Peaceful Parenting Membership * Evelyn & Bobbie bras Connect with Sarah Rosensweet: * Instagram * Facebook Group * YouTube * Website * Join us on Substack * Newsletter * Book a short consult or coaching session call xx Sarah and Corey Your peaceful parenting team- click here for a free short consult or a coaching session Visit our website for free resources, podcast, coaching, membership and more! >> Please support us!!! 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No one listening or watching and they can’t go where you don’t want them to go and they aren’t watching screens. BUT they are being entertained or kept company with audio that you can buy from YOTO or create yourself on one of their blank cards. Check them out HERE Evelyn & Bobbie bras: If underwires make you want to rip your bra off by noon, Evelyn & Bobbie is for you. These bras are wire-free, ultra-soft, and seriously supportive—designed to hold you comfortably all day without pinching, poking, or constant adjusting. Check them out HERE Sarah: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Peaceful Parenting Podcast. I have Corey here with me today, and we are going to be talking about peaceful parenting teens and tweens. Welcome, Corey. Corey: Thanks for having me. Sarah: All right, Corey, we were just reminiscing about how long we’ve known each other, and you have known me for eight years now. So you’ve seen me through all of the teen and tween years. How are you feeling about when your kids are getting closer to those ages? Corey: I actually feel really good about it, and I tell people this all the time. I think from watching you go through it and seeing how much you loved and enjoyed the teen years, I actually don’t feel nervous at all. I feel excited. I’m really enjoying watching my kids get older. Sarah: That’s so great. Yeah. I guess Maxine was 10, Asa was 13, and Lee was 16 when we met each other. So you really have seen me through all of those years. And Maxine, I can’t believe it, she’s going to be 19 soon, so I’m almost done with the teen years. And you know, it’s really interesting because when they were little, Jesse and I went, “Oh my gosh, we’re going to have three teenagers at the same time.” And teenagers get such a bad rap. Everyone’s always talking about, “Oh, just wait. Just wait until they’re teenagers.” And I thought teenagers were amazing. Those were some of our best years when they were teenagers, and really, it’s all because of peaceful parenting. I don’t think my kids are unusual. I mean, I think they’re great, but I think they were pretty typical teenagers, and I just think it’s peaceful parenting. Corey: Yeah. I can’t get over how often I hear that. All the time, everyone’s just being like, “What’s it going to be like when they’re teenagers?” It’s this fear. It’s this cultural thing where everyone’s terrified of them. Sarah: Yeah, yeah. And teenagers can have a hard time. It’s interesting: I was looking at some of this research the other day, and there’s a study—actually, I think my dad sent this to me—about how the most protective factor for a teenager not getting into trouble or having issues when they’re teenagers is a warm relationship with parents. That’s the number one protective factor for how teenagers do. So in peaceful parenting, it’s all about the relationship, right? It’s all about connection. Since we are talking about teens and tweens today, maybe we’ll talk about some of the mindset shifts that we need to make with teenagers and tweens, and then we’ll go over a couple of tips. How does that sound? Corey: That sounds great. Sarah: Great. And before we get too far into this, part of the reason we were talking about this is because I have a course coming up. It’s a small group coaching course. It’s part instruction, part coaching, about peaceful parenting teenagers. Because while the concepts are the same as peaceful parenting younger kids, there are some adjustments that we need to make for teenagers, and there are also special considerations for peaceful parenting teenagers. So if anyone’s interested in that, it starts on Tuesday, on the first Tuesday in May—whatever the date is. And it will be recorded if you can’t make it live. If anyone’s interested in signing up, it’s for six weeks starting on this coming Tuesday. We’ll put a link in the show notes for more information and for signing up. I only offer this once a year, and you really do need to have a teenager. Don’t sign up for this if your kid is 12 or 11. We’re really focusing on kids who are already teenagers. So check that out in the show notes if you’re interested in joining us. Let’s talk about teens and tweens. So, mindset. These are things that are really important to remember whether your kid is 4 or 14, but they’re especially important. I think peaceful parenting teenagers is like peaceful parenting on steroids. Corey: That’s a really good way to describe it. Sarah: Yeah. Everything that you need to do when your kid is younger, you need to do even more when they’re teenagers. One of the things that I always remind clients and people—and reminded myself when my kids were teenagers—is: don’t take it personally. It can be so hard, I think, because they’re bigger and they look like adults in some ways, right? Even parents who find it easy not to take it personally if a four-year-old is like, “You’re the meanest mommy, and you’re not invited to my birthday party”—it’s easier for us not to take it personally when they’re little. But when your 14-year-old says, “I hate you,” or whatever, it can be really hard not to take it personally because they are bigger and more mature, and they seem like adults in so many ways. Corey: And you’ve just invested so much time into that relationship. Sarah: Yeah. And we have to remember, though, that their brain development is more similar to 4 than 14, and that’s something we’re going to get into in the course. But the way that the brain is developing, they’ve got big feelings, and the rational part of their brain is not as strong as it will become one day. So really trying not to take it personally is so important when you’ve got a tween or a teen. And that brain transition that I was just talking about starts in the tween years, and then it continues on. My experience is that by around 15, kids are starting to smooth out a little bit with those big feelings. Related to that, just like you would when your kid is four, try to ignore the attitude. I always say with teenagers, the drama is real, but we really need to try to ignore the attitude and respond to whatever the feeling is underneath. Again, this is all stuff that we talk about in the younger years, but with teenagers it’s even more important. Corey: I’ve said to parents before, you know how you reacted so calmly when they said, “I want the blue cup, not the red cup,” or, “You cut my muffin wrong”? You sort of have to get back into that mentality, right? This is meaningful to them as teenagers. Sarah: Yeah. Totally. If their hair looks bad, or the jeans they wanted to wear are in the wash, or whatever, it can be hard to remind ourselves of that. The other big peaceful parenting idea that we really need to keep in mind, as much as we did when they were younger—and again, this is hard because they
