That's Where I'm At

Laura Richards
  • 4.9 (71)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Biweekly

Welcome to "That's Where I'm At" with your host, Laura Richards! Join Laura Richards, a survivor of narcissistic abuse with 33 years experience, as she guides you through the journey of identifying, healing from, and thriving after emotional and psychological abuse. With a mission to raise awareness, foster emotional recovery, and empower you to love yourself, Laura brings honesty, compassion, and a touch of humor to every episode. Dive into deep, meaningful conversations, tackle tough topics, and uncover moments of hope and healing. Our supportive community is here for you, offering insights, support, and a shared path to recovery and empowerment. Subscribe now and be part of a transformative journey that's messy, real, and truly inspiring!

  1. Aug 12

    EP 94: From Self-Abandonment to Self-Leadership: A Raw and Real Conversation About Healing with Amy Watkins

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Amy Watkins, a therapist turned truth teller, speaker, and author of Performing Normal: A Woman's Story from Self-Abandonment to Self-Leadership. Amy shares her powerful journey of growing up under religious conditioning and neglect, surviving sexual abuse, and enduring two abusive marriages shaped by trauma bonding and gaslighting. She reflects on how these experiences influenced her identity and kept her disconnected from her own needs and voice. Amy opens up about her spiritual awakening and the difficult process of choosing herself after years of self-abandonment. She shares how small acts of self-care became part of her healing and encourages others to recognize subtle patterns of abuse, break toxic cycles, and reclaim their lives. Through her story and work, Amy reminds listeners that healing is not about becoming someone new—it's about discovering yourself, finding your voice, and learning to lead your own life.   Key Topics & Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:35) Host Laura introduces the podcast's mission: for women to share their stories and heal together from abuse and secrets. Guest Introduction: Amy Watkins (00:01:33) Amy Watkins, a therapist and author, is introduced. Her book focuses on healing from childhood trauma and self-abandonment. Why Amy Started Speaking Out (00:02:54) Amy shares that after being silenced for years, she started speaking out following a spiritual awakening and leaving her marriage. Recognizing a "Nice" Abuser (00:04:34) Amy discusses her abusive marriage, where her husband was so "nice" and smothering that she couldn't recognize the abuse. The Pettiness That Sparked Healing (00:07:01) Both Amy and Laura admit they initially started sharing their stories out of pettiness, which surprisingly resonated with many people. Dealing with Negative Feedback (00:07:52) Amy talks about receiving negative comments and blame from others after she started sharing her story online and healing from it. Religious Conditioning and Red Flags (00:09:15) Amy discusses her strict religious upbringing, which taught her to be a "good girl" and led to marrying quickly. The Illusion of a "Right Life" (00:11:41) The speakers discuss how high-control religion teaches that doing the "right things" will earn heavenly rewards, justifying current suffering. The Slow Decline in a Relationship (00:15:00) Amy explains how abusers "manage down expectations" over time, making victims grateful for small gestures, like a single text message. The Reverse Hoover and Trauma Bonds (00:16:23) Amy describes the "reverse hoover," where her ex would vanish, activating her abandonment wounds and keeping her in a trauma bond. The "I'm Trying" Tactic (00:19:28) Amy explains how abusers use generic phrases like "I'm trying" without any real effort or understanding of what needs to change. The Dangers of Non-Trauma-Informed Therapy (00:21:22) Amy shares a negative experience with a therapist who wasn't trauma-informed, highlighting the importance of finding the right professional help. Weaponizing Vulnerability (00:24:25) The host discusses how abusers weaponize shared vulnerabilities and past traumas, using them to deflect and maintain control in arguments. The Brain's Healing Process (00:26:27) They discuss how, during healing, the brain starts recalling suppressed memories and lies, bringing clarity to past abusive situations. Pathological Hope (00:28:00) Amy explains "pathological hope," where victims cling to the belief that their abuser will change, a pattern often learned in childhood. From Self-Abandonment to Self-Leadership (00:30:52) The conversation shifts to the concept of self-abandonment, which is at the core of staying in toxic relationships. How to Stop Abandoning Yourself (00:35:15) Amy offers a simple, practical tip to start noticing self-abandonment: consciously deciding to go pee when you need to. Making the Unconscious Conscious (00:38:29) Amy quotes Carl Jung, explaining that until we understand our unconscious childhood patterns, they will run our lives and be mistaken for fate. The Healing Journey is Not Quick (00:42:21) Amy emphasizes that healing from deep-seated trauma is a long, ongoing process with no definitive end, but it does get better. Losing People During Healing (00:44:28) They discuss the painful but necessary process of losing friends and family who cannot accept the new, healed version of you. Why Healing Can Feel Worse Than Trauma (00:49:49) Amy explains that healing is painful because you are consciously feeling the grief your brain previously dissociated from to protect you. Writing the Book (00:52:13) Amy shares her experience of writing her book, which involved an intense period of memories and emotions pouring out. The Decision to Leave (00:54:43) Amy recounts how she left her first marriage by having an affair, an unconscious act to escape a suffocating situation. Finding Amy Online (00:58:40) The host asks Amy where listeners can find her online, and she shares her Instagram handle and book title.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Amy, "When you are raised in chaos and abuse, red flags don't look red. They just look like your average Tuesday." Amy, "It was for me to learn how to come back to myself and say, "I can't be here anymore. I don't know how to be mistreated anymore."" Amy, "Healing was harder than the trauma." Amy, "This is me becoming my authentic self, because for 47 years, I had no idea who I was." Amy, "I was abandoning myself. I was talking to my clients about it, and I didn't even fully understand what that meant."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 FOLLOW AMY: WEBSITE: Amywatkinsstudio.com INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/gods.favorite.problem/ BOOK LINK: https://www.amywatkinsstudio.com/book   "When you stop abandoning yourself, you begin to reclaim your voice, your identity, and your life."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  2. Aug 5

    EP 93: When Faith Becomes a Cage: Jubilee's Journey Out of Cult Control and Domestic Violence

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Jubilee, a content creator and host of the podcasts Healed-ish and The Overshare Hour, where she openly discusses religious trauma, purity culture, deconstruction, and healing from abuse. Jubilee shares her powerful story of joining Bethel, a high-control religious organization, and marrying an abusive man after a public prophecy declared they were destined to be together. She recounts the manipulation, isolation, and physical abuse she endured before finally leaving the marriage and filing for divorce over what became known as the "Disney burger" incident. Today, Jubilee uses her voice and platform to help others navigate religious trauma, reclaim their identity, and find freedom through honest conversations about healing and deconstruction.   Key Topics & Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:36) The host, Laura, introduces the podcast's mission to share women's stories of healing from trauma and abuse. Guest Introduction (00:01:34 Laura introduces her guest, Jubilee, a content creator who shares her story of leaving a cult and an abusive marriage. The Isolation of Deconstruction (00:03:13) Jubilee discusses the loneliness and loss of community that comes with questioning and leaving high-control religious systems. Why Jubilee Started Sharing Her Story (00:05:55) Jubilee explains how she began sharing her story online to raise awareness about the cult, Bethel, and her experiences. Joining the Cult, Bethel (00:07:11) Jubilee recounts being drawn to Bethel after a powerful experience at a conference where she believed she was healed. The Bethel Experience (00:12:33) Jubilee describes the pressure to conform to specific behaviors, like manifesting, to fit into the Bethel culture. Interning at a Smaller Ministry (00:15:04) Jubilee moves to a smaller, more eccentric ministry in Pennsylvania for an internship, where she meets her future husband. Meeting Her Abusive Ex-Husband (00:18:02) Jubilee describes how her ex-husband appeared kind and generous, love-bombing her and grooming her for a relationship. The Marriage Prophecy (00:21:35) A well-known prophet publicly declares that God intends for Jubilee and her then-boyfriend to marry, solidifying her decision. Ignoring Red Flags (00:28:05) Jubilee shares the bizarre and delusional beliefs her ex-husband held, which she overlooked due to the prophecy. The Harm of False Prophecies (00:34:16) The host and Jubilee discuss how prophetic words can trap people in abusive situations by making them feel divinely sanctioned. The Disney Burger Incident (00:36:36) Jubilee details the fight that started when she gave her cousin a bite of her burger at Disney World. The Final Assault (00:46:47) The argument over the burger escalates, leading to her husband strangling her for the second time in their marriage. Calling the Domestic Violence Hotline (00:48:41) After the assault, Jubilee calls a hotline, which helps her recognize the pattern of abuse in her marriage. Leaving and Filing for Divorce (00:53:49) Jubilee strategically leaves her husband, returns home, and files for divorce, which is finalized quickly due to the pandemic. Jubilee's Current Projects (00:57:12) Jubilee talks about her two podcasts, "Heal Dish" and "The Overshare Hour," and her plans to write a memoir.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Jubilee, "I called the domestic violence hotline because I really didn't feel like I could talk to anybody in my life about it." Jubilee, "I was so primed to believe that that is how love works. It's what I wanted for myself. I wanted to feel chosen and seen." Jubilee, "I would not have married him if it was not for this prophetic word." Jubilee, "So often in this marriage, I had apologized. I had gotten so used to, 'I know how to fix this. I know how to make it go away,' and the way to make it go away is to say that everything was my fault." Jubilee, "She said, 'I believe that God says that you're allowed to get divorced.' And that was exactly what I needed to hear."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 FOLLOW JUBILEE: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/jubileedawns/ TIK TOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@jubileedawns YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@jubileedawns   "Freedom begins the moment you trust your voice over fear."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  3. Jul 29

    EP 92: Holy Disobedience: Sex, Sin, and Secrets, and Healing From Abuse with Melissa Duge Spiers

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Melissa Duge Spiers, an award-winning essayist, screenwriter, and advocate for survivors of religious and narcissistic abuse. Through her writing, memoir Holy Disobedience: Sex, Sin, and Secrets in the Biggest Church No One Knows, and her online platforms, The Glory Whole, Melissa shares her personal journey of healing while helping others recognize and recover from religious trauma. Her work has been featured in The Huffington Post, and she is also a contributor to Take the Fruit: An Anthology of Religious Trauma. Melissa opens up about growing up in the cult-like Seventh-day Adventist Church, where teachings centered on submission and self-abandonment left her vulnerable to abusive relationships. She reflects on how religious programming shaped her decade-long narcissistic marriage and a subsequent toxic relationship before discussing the healing she found through therapy, supportive online communities, and writing her memoir. Together, Laura and Melissa emphasize that leaving abuse is only the beginning, and that lasting healing comes through ongoing self-discovery, reclaiming your voice, and learning to trust yourself again.   Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction (00:01:28) Laura introduces the guest, Melissa, an award-winning writer and advocate for survivors of religious and narcissistic abuse. The Biggest Church No One Knows (00:02:53) Melissa discusses the Seventh-day Adventist Church, a fundamentalist Christian organization she describes as cult-like and surprisingly large. Leaving the Church vs. Healing (00:05:36) Melissa explains that leaving the church at 18 was not the same as healing from its programming. Repeating Religious Patterns (00:07:01) Melissa describes how the church's teachings on submission and obedience led her into abusive relationships in her secular life. Suppressing Emotions (00:09:57) Melissa and Laura discuss how their high-control religious upbringings taught them to suppress "bad" feelings like anger. The "Fake" Persona (00:13:35) Melissa recalls being called "fake" because she was out of touch with her feelings, a result of childhood self-abandonment. Learning About Boundaries (00:15:56) The conversation covers the difficulty of learning and practicing boundaries after decades of people-pleasing and being called "difficult." Documenting Survivor Stories (00:17:20) Melissa explains how she began documenting survivor stories of abuse within the church, which eventually aided a lawsuit. The Healing Power of Sharing (00:19:05) Melissa and Laura discuss the validating and healing experience of holding space for other survivors and sharing their stories. Discovering Her Father's Abuse (00:22:23) Melissa shares the story of learning her pastor father was an abuser and how she connected with one of his victims. A Dangerous Partnership (00:25:49) Melissa recounts her decade-long, controlling marriage to a man with Cluster B personality disorders, which felt familiar after her upbringing. Discovering Narcissistic Abuse (00:28:18) Melissa explains how she learned about narcissistic abuse online during Covid, finally putting a name to her partner's behavior. Coercive Control Tactics (00:34:10) The discussion turns to specific manipulative tactics like feigning panic attacks and using sleep deprivation to maintain control. The Sleep Talking Manipulation (00:36:10) Melissa describes how her ex-partner would say cruel things in his sleep and then deny responsibility when confronted. Deprogramming and Escaping (00:43:09) Melissa details how therapy and online communities helped her deconstruct her trauma and finally leave her abusive partner. Life After Abuse (00:48:16) Melissa and Laura talk about the glorious process of getting to know themselves and finding freedom after leaving abusive relationships. About the Book: "Holy Disobedience" (00:50:31) Melissa describes her memoir, which covers leaving her religion, realizing its programming led to abuse, and her healing journey. Leaving Doesn't Equal Healing (00:53:28) Melissa emphasizes that leaving an abusive situation is just the first step; conscious, ongoing work is required for true healing.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Melissa, "I had left at 18. As soon as I was an adult, I was out of there, and I just thought naively that leaving equaled healing." Melissa, "High-control religions teach you to not trust your gut. Your doubts are from the devil." Melissa, "It is just a jaw-dropping, stomach-dropping moment when you realize, 'Oh my God, there's a name for this.'" Melissa, "My therapist was like, 'This is your chance. You have been given a gift by being kicked out. Do not take him with you.' And I was just like, 'Oh, I can do that.'" Melissa, "Leaving does not equal healing. That's leaving a religion, a relationship, or a toxic family. It doesn't matter."   RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura YOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HERE MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 FOLLOW MELISSA: SUBSTACK: https://substack.com/@melissadugespiers BOOK: https://www.lakedrivebooks.com/books/holy-disobedience/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/the.glory.whole/ TIK TOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@theglorywhole YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@theglorywhole3831   "Leaving is the first step. Healing begins when you learn to trust yourself again."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  4. Jul 22

    EP 91: What Does True Healing from Betrayal Really Look Like? with Dr. Debi Silber

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Dr. Debi Silber, the world's leading expert on betrayal recovery, founder and CEO of the Post Betrayal Transformation (PBT) Institute, and a PhD researcher whose work has transformed how we understand the impact of broken trust. Drawing on research involving more than 100,000 people across 50+ countries, Dr. Debi has identified groundbreaking discoveries about betrayal recovery that have helped individuals, coaches, leaders, and organizations move from pain to transformation. A two-time TEDx speaker, bestselling author, award-winning speaker, and host of the From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast, she has dedicated her career to helping people rebuild their lives after betrayal. Together, Laura and Dr. Debi explore the profound emotional, physical, and psychological effects of betrayal, discussing how broken trust can shatter identity, relationships, and overall well-being. Dr. Debi shares her own deeply personal journey, which inspired her PhD research and the creation of the PBT Institute, and explains the five stages of betrayal recovery. Throughout the conversation, she offers practical insights, hope, and encouragement, reminding listeners that while betrayal can change you, healing is possible through willingness, intentional rebuilding, and transformation.   Key Topics & Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:34) Host Laura introduces the podcast, its purpose for women healing from narcissistic relationships, and the importance of sharing stories. Introducing Doctor Debi Silber (00:01:23) Laura introduces guest Doctor Debi Silber, detailing her extensive credentials and expertise in betrayal recovery and post-betrayal transformation. How Doctor Debi Started Her Work (00:03:46) Doctor Debi shares her personal story of betrayal by family and her husband, which led her to pursue a PhD. The Decision to Share Her Story (00:06:22) Doctor Debi discusses the terror and vulnerability of sharing her personal betrayal story publicly, starting with her TEDx talks. Defining Betrayal (00:09:44) Betrayal is defined as breaking a spoken or unspoken rule and is unique from other traumas because it requires rebuilding yourself. Why We Don't See Betrayal Coming (00:14:30) Doctor Debi explains that betrayal is deceptive by design and discusses how people intentionally or unintentionally turn down their intuition. Resilience vs. Transformation (00:18:54) Using a house analogy, Doctor Debi explains the difference between resilience (restoring) and transformation (rebuilding something entirely new) after trauma. Rebuilding Yourself with Intention (00:21:18) The opportunity after betrayal is to intentionally rebuild a new version of yourself, even changing small, self-critical habits. The Window of Willingness (00:22:58) A four-level framework to determine if it's possible to rebuild a relationship with the person who betrayed you. Rebuilding Trust in Yourself (00:28:46) Betrayal shatters our ability to trust our own judgment, so rebuilding self-trust is a crucial part of the healing process.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Dr Debi, "I have no idea if I can heal from this, but if I can, I'm taking everybody with me." Laura, "I'm speaking for that woman who was me, who was dying. If she didn't hear that there was hope on the other side, she was going to die because I literally wanted to die." Dr Debi "You don't even want to get back to who you were, because that version of you may have been tolerating what you no longer are willing to tolerate." Dr Debi, "I was so critical. I would never say to anybody else what I would say to myself." Dr Debi, "Even though it happened to you, it's not about you. Stop blaming and shaming yourself."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 FOLLOW DR DEBI: WEBSITE: https://thepbtinstitute.com INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/debisilber/ YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/debisilber   "Betrayal may break your trust, but it doesn't have to define your future."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  5. Jul 15

    EP 90: Healing Trauma and OCD with Bravery: Lucia Severtson on the Brave Women's Community Center

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with licensed psychotherapist, creative arts therapist, and Brave Hearts Speak podcast host Lucia Severtson, founder of The Brave Women's Community Center, a trauma-informed, arts-based nonprofit dedicated to helping women and girls heal from abuse, reconnect with their inner voice, and reclaim their power. Drawing on her background in psychotherapy, theatre, dance/movement therapy, and the creative arts, Lucia shares her deeply personal journey through OCD, a traumatic health scare linked to birth control, and the lasting impact of narcissistic abuse. She opens up about how severe insomnia and suicidal thoughts led her to seek specialized OCD therapy, ultimately transforming her life. Inspired by her own healing journey, Lucia created The Brave Women's Community Center to provide therapeutic improv, storytelling circles, empowerment workshops, and other trauma-informed programs that help women move beyond survival and rediscover joy, creativity, and purpose. Throughout the conversation, she and Laura explore the power of community, creative expression, and self-compassion in the healing process, reminding listeners that bravery isn't about being fearless—it's about showing up, reclaiming your voice, and embracing a life filled with hope and authenticity.   Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction (00:01:30) Laura introduces Lucia Sivertsen, a psychotherapist and founder of the Brave Women's Community Center, specializing in arts-based therapy. Lucia's Journey into Therapy (00:02:35) Lucia explains her work is rooted in her personal history, including her family of origin and a 2019 OCD episode. Health Scare and OCD Onset (00:03:12) Lucia details a severe health scare from birth control, leading to weight loss, insomnia, and an intense OCD episode. Suicidal Thoughts and Seeking Help (00:05:41) Lucia describes how severe sleep deprivation led to suicidal thoughts and the realization that her mind, not her body, was sick. Finding the Right Therapist (00:07:25) Lucia shares the relief of finding a therapist specializing in OCD and the sadness of accepting her brain disorder diagnosis. Women's Healthcare and Medical Abuse (00:08:56) The conversation shifts to the poor treatment of women in healthcare, particularly regarding perimenopause, framing it as a form of abuse. A Painful Doctor's Visit (00:14:21) Lucia recounts a shaming, invalidating experience with a nurse practitioner who dismissed her suffering and called her crazy. Healing Through Exposure Therapy (00:16:55) Lucia explains how Exposure and Response Prevention therapy saved her life and taught her the true meaning of being brave. Narcissistic Abuse and Self-Worth (00:18:18) Lucia realized her family history of narcissistic abuse caused deep-seated negative beliefs about herself, feeling like she was "nothing." Creating the Brave Women's Community Center (00:22:48) Lucia was inspired to create a safe, non-competitive space for women to heal and find their own embodiment of bravery. The Power of Creative Arts in Healing (00:25:10) Laura and Lucia discuss how trying new creative activities helps rebuild neural pathways and heal the brain after trauma. Building a Safe Community (00:30:06 Lucia describes creating a safe, non-judgmental environment where women can overcome fear and reclaim their creativity without pressure to perform. Storytelling Circles and Therapeutic Improv (00:35:12) Lucia explains her podcast's origin and her therapeutic improv workshops, which use play and writing to facilitate storytelling and healing. The Courage to Heal (00:39:13) The discussion covers how abuse erodes courage and how small, brave acts, like decorating a home, are vital steps forward. Finding Lucia and Her Work (00:43:56) Lucia shares where listeners can find her online, including her website, social media channels, and upcoming creative writing courses. A Year-Long Theater Program for Survivors (00:45:32) Lucia announces a grant-funded, year-long theater program in Denver for women survivors to create and perform their own show.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Lucia, "I think something clicked for me where I started to realize, 'I don't think my body is sick. I think my mind is sick.'" Lucia, "What I was looking for all my life that I didn't realize I wanted was to be brave." Lucia, "I don't have to make my drive in life being safe." Lucia, "I just wanted to be a fuller human being, and I wanted to help other women do that because I knew I wasn't the only one." Lucia, "I wanted to find them, and I wanted to be able to provide them with an actual way to embody bravery."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517   FOLLOW LUCIA: WEBSITE: www.bravewomenscommunity.com INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/bravewomenscommunity/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/bravewomenscommunity LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucia-divieste-severtson-5055351b6/ LISTEN TO BRAVE HEARTS SPEAK PODCAST: https://open.spotify.com/show/27zFc8gBQICTTK33wn3NUh?si=e626fbc4fa86438a   "True bravery isn't fearlessness; it's showing up for yourself, one step at a time."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  6. Jul 8

    EP 89: Two Women, One Narcissist: Deana & Lizzie's Harrowing Journey Through Abuse, Lies, and Healing

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Deana, Lizzie, and Jane—three women whose story sounds like a Lifetime movie, but every word of it is true. Deana and Lizzie were both married to the same narcissistic man, "Rex," who led a double life while leaving a trail of emotional, financial, and sexual abuse behind him. After discovering the truth and connecting with one another, they tracked down his secret girlfriend to warn her, choosing solidarity over silence. Together, they share how Rex's charm masked years of manipulation, discuss the red flags they wish they had recognized sooner, and explain how they broke free from self-blame to transform their pain into purpose. The conversation concludes with practical advice for anyone questioning whether they're experiencing narcissistic abuse, along with an introduction to their podcast, Surviving Toxic Relationships with the Matadors, where they continue helping others recognize abuse and find hope through shared experiences. Laura's co-host for this episode is Jane. Jane is the ex fiancé of my ex husband. They spent two years together, and we all hung out together in college. She's here to give her perspective of being with the same narcissist I was, and also her experience with narcissistic abuse in other relationships in her life.   Key Topics & Timestamps The Likelihood of a Second Toxic Relationship (00:00:00) Women who have been with a narcissist are more likely to end up with another one, who may appear different. Podcast Introduction (00:00:33) Host Laura introduces the "That's Where I'm At" podcast, a space for women to share their stories and heal. Trigger Warning (00:01:22) A brief announcement warns listeners that the episode's content may be triggering and advises them to take care. Introducing the Guests and Their Story (00:01:30) Laura introduces guests Deana and Lizzie, who were married to the same narcissist, and co-host Jane, an ex-fiancée. Deana's Story: Meeting "Rex" (00:03:00) Deana shares how she met her ex-husband, "Rex," at 17 and married him quickly despite early red flags. Deana's 27-Year Marriage (00:04:24) Deana describes her 27-year marriage, marked by her ex's sexual addiction, financial abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation. Ignoring Red Flags (00:06:37) The group discusses seeing red flags early on but being too naive or in survival mode to act on them. The Trauma Bond (00:10:08) Laura explains how intermittent reinforcement and abuse create a trauma bond, making it difficult for victims to leave. Lizzie's Story: How She Was Wooed (00:11:21) Lizzie explains how Rex charmed her by helping with her four sons, a different approach than he used with Deana. Lizzie's Marriage and the Turning Point (00:14:28) Lizzie describes her six-year marriage and how things got weird after a great summer, leading to her leaving him. Financial Abuse and Reaching Out (00:15:21) Lizzie discovered her credit was ruined and reached out to Deana's son to let him know she was leaving. Should You Warn the Next Person? (00:17:55) The women debate the difficult decision of whether to warn a narcissist's new partner, who may see them as crazy. Jane's Perspective (00:20:21) Jane, the ex-fiancée of Laura's ex-husband, shares her experience and the red flags she now recognizes from their relationship. The Narcissist's Need for Attention (00:22:37)  The group discusses the narcissist's constant need for female attention, possibly stemming from a "mother wound" or self-centeredness. Connecting Deana and Lizzie (00:25:08) Deana recounts how her son encouraged her to contact Lizzie, leading to a conversation that connected the dots for both. The Healing Power of Validation (00:27:01) Laura and Jane discuss the profound healing that came from speaking with someone who experienced the exact same narcissist. Discovering Wife Number Three (00:29:50) Deana and Lizzie found out Rex was dating another woman while married to Lizzie and felt compelled to find her. Finding and Warning "Jane Doe" (00:31:20) Deana describes the months-long search for the other woman and the phone call where she revealed Rex's double life. The Aftermath for Wife Number Three (00:35:12) The third wife, Jane, connected with Lizzie, realized the extent of the deception, and had Rex served with annulment papers. What Attracted Them to the Narcissist (00:38:43) The women reflect on their own vulnerabilities, like low self-esteem and a need for love, that made them susceptible. Healing Journeys: Gratitude and Journaling (00:49:07) Lizzie shares how journaling and focusing on daily blessings helped her heal and change her mindset during her grief. Healing Within the Relationship (00:51:06) Deana explains her healing began before the divorce by focusing on her own growth instead of trying to fix him. Changing the Narrative (00:54:28) Jane discusses how she had to change the internal narrative that everything was her fault to begin her healing process. Why They Started a Podcast (00:55:58) Deana and Lizzie decided to share their story publicly to help other women after discovering Rex's extensive deception. How Narcissists Keep Track of Lies (00:57:20) The group discusses how narcissists manage multiple relationships, often by using generic pet names like "sweetie" for everyone. The Importance of Taking Your Time (00:58:32) Deana notes that her children learned to be discerning in their own relationships after witnessing their father's deceptive behavior. A Word of Caution for Survivors (01:02:35) Deana advises survivors that trauma can skew their perception, causing them to see red flags even in healthy relationships. Where to Find the Guests (01:03:49) Deana shares where listeners can find their podcast and social media channels, "Surviving Toxic Relationships with The Matadors."   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Lizzie: "It's hard to keep turning your head on someone that is speaking a language in a season of your life that speaks to you in all the right places." Deana: "Once it happens to someone else who you know is a wonderful person, you're like, 'Okay, it's not just me. I was right.'" Deana: "I finally got the epiphany that I could not change him to make myself okay, because that's what I was working on." Jane: "The main thing was I had to change the narrative that I would always run through my head because I would always make it my fault." Jane: "Knowing I am not the crazy one, it's not just me overreacting. This is actually happening."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517   FOLLOW Deana & Lizzie:  Website: survivingtoxicrelationships.org Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/survivingtoxicrelationships/# Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61556560386678 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@survivingtoxicrelationships12 Surviving Toxic Relationships Podcast with The Matadoras: https://open.spotify.com/show/66AjWdW7dMB7qBHcqje8GW   "Healing begins when the truth replaces the lies and survivors choose each other over silence."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  7. Jul 1

    EP 88: Recognizing and Escaping a Narcissistic Abuser in a Christian Marriage with Liberty Steele

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura welcomes Liberty Steele, author of Redeemed Years: From Narcissistic Darkness to Light. Believing she was entering a Christ-centered marriage, Liberty instead spent six years trapped in a relationship marked by narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation, subtle physical abuse, and isolation. She shares how love bombing, inadequate support from church counselors, and the misuse of religious teachings kept her trapped, while her abuse was repeatedly dismissed as postpartum depression. After finding freedom, healing, and experiencing the joy of a healthy marriage, Liberty now shares her story through her book and her platform, Shine From Your Shadows, to help others recognize abuse, know they are not alone, and find hope for a brighter future.   Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction: Liberty Steele (00:01:29) Laura welcomes Liberty Steele, who shares her story of surviving a narcissistic marriage and finding freedom, healing, and hope. The Isolation of Abuse in a Church Community (00:02:23) Liberty explains why she shares her story, highlighting the isolating experience of abuse within a church community. Inadequate Church Counseling (00:04:23) Liberty describes receiving unhelpful advice from church counselors who prioritized reconciliation over her safety, even when she was locked out. Subtle Physical Abuse (00:05:27) Liberty details the subtle physical abuse she endured, like random biting and spanking, which intentionally crossed her established boundaries. Misinterpreting Scripture on Divorce (00:06:23) The discussion covers how scripture, particularly "God hates divorce," is often misconstrued to keep women in abusive relationships. The Dangers of Uninformed Counselors (00:09:08) Laura shares a story about a pastor whose uninformed counseling led to a woman being murdered by her abusive husband. Meeting on a Christian Dating Site (00:12:00) Liberty recounts meeting her ex-husband on Christian Mingle, where he mirrored her desires and engaged in love bombing. Early Red Flags and Ignoring Intuition (00:15:14) Liberty describes feeling uncomfortable with the rushed physical intimacy on their first meeting but dismissing her gut feelings. Moving and Mom's Premonition (00:20:05) Liberty moved across the country for him within five months, despite her mother's strong sense that something was wrong. Extended Premarital Counseling (00:22:06) Counseling lasted nearly a year due to significant issues, including his escalating temper, which was wrongly attributed to PTSD. The Bait and Switch Proposal (00:25:01) He proposed, then used the counselors' advice to "check in" with his ex-wife as an opportunity to cheat. The Honeymoon Incident (00:29:25) The honeymoon began with him raging at her on the plane, leaving her sobbing in the hotel bathtub. The Cycle of Abuse Begins (00:34:00) Liberty describes how the cycle of abuse, forgiveness, and forgetting started on the honeymoon, setting the marriage's tone. The First Year of Marriage (00:36:04) The first year was filled with emotional abuse, including withholding affection and giving the silent treatment for weeks. A Story of Betrayal and Isolation (00:38:06) Liberty shares a story of being harassed by a neighbor while her husband refused to defend her, blaming her instead. Compromising to Reconcile (00:42:23) Liberty recounts being forced into a degrading sexual act to end the silent treatment, with little support from counselors. The Problem with Couples Counseling in Abuse (00:44:18) The host explains why couples counseling is dangerous in abusive relationships, as abusers manipulate therapists and continue the abuse. The Impact of Having a Baby (00:50:05) The abuse escalated after their baby was born, disguised as postpartum depression, and included severe sleep deprivation. Writing "Redeem Years" and Finding Hope (00:53:59) Liberty discusses writing her book, which offers a practical toolkit and a story of hope after finding a healthy marriage.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Liberty, "It was such an isolating experience for me. You don't feel quite safe sharing it in your church community, and you're not sure who is going to accept you or support you." Liberty, "I wasn't listening to my gut, my Holy Spirit discretion." Liberty, "I was asking God what was going on. How could this person who just promised to love me my whole life treat me like he hated me?" Liberty, "It even sounds crazy when you try to think of how to describe this kind of torture to other people. You don't know how to describe it in a way that they would think it was actually believable." Liberty, "The grief has taught me how much of a gift real love and real partnership is, and that people shouldn't give up on hoping for it."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 RESOURCES: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/resources   FOLLOW LIBERTY:  WEBSITE: Shinefromyourshadows.com INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/shine_from_yourshadows BOOK: https://a.co/d/0fNcZnPX   "Real faith never asks you to sacrifice your safety for someone else's control."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

  8. Jun 24

    EP 87: Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola on Coercive Control and How Protective Parents Can Heal the Damage

    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, a therapeutic parenting and divorce custody coach, social justice advocate, and survivor of coercive control. Drawing from both her professional expertise and lived experience, Dr. Christine developed The Protective Parenting Program, an evidence-based, attachment-focused model that helps parents support children harmed by abusive partners. She is an internationally recognized educator on coercive control, presenting to professionals, advocates, and protective parents on the dynamics of abuse and effective intervention strategies. She is also the author of Every Moment of Every Day, co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, and her TEDx talk, It Is ALL Coercive Control, has been viewed more than 1.4 million times. During the conversation, Dr. Christine shares her personal journey through nearly 30 years of psychological abuse and explains how coercive control extends beyond intimate relationships to manipulate children, families, and even court systems. She discusses tactics such as triangulation, reactive abuse, and the challenges protective parents face while navigating custody disputes. Together, Laura and Dr. Christine explore the critical role of the protective parent, emphasizing that unconditional love, secure attachment, and emotional safety are some of the most powerful tools for helping children heal from abuse. They also discuss grief, rebuilding trust, and restoring family bonds after leaving an abusive relationship, offering hope and practical guidance for survivors seeking to break the cycle of coercive control.   Key Topics & Timestamps Introducing Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola (00:01:34) The host introduces guest Dr. Cocchiola, detailing her expertise in coercive control, protective parenting, and her professional work. Dr. Cocchiola Personal Story (00:03:30) Dr. Cocchiola shares how she became an advocate at 19 and later realized she was in a coercively controlling relationship. The Abuser's Playbook (00:05:04) The speakers discuss how abusers follow a predictable pattern of behavior, which can help victims anticipate their next moves. Repairing Relationships with Children (00:06:38) Laura discusses repairing her relationship with her adult children after leaving her marriage and apologizing for her reactive behavior. Reframing "Reactive Abuse" (00:07:45) Dr. Cocchiola reframes "reactive abuse" as self-defense, explaining that victims' reactions are out of character and caused by trauma. How People End Up in Abusive Relationships (00:10:06) The speakers discuss how upbringing, whether good or bad, doesn't always predict who will end up in an abusive relationship. Supporting Children After They Visit the Abuser (00:12:41) Dr. Cocchiola explains how protective parents can co-regulate with their children and understand their behavior is a mouthpiece for the abuser. Defining Coercive Control (00:16:25) Dr. Cocchiola defines coercive control, explaining it includes psychological tactics, financial abuse, legal abuse, and weaponizing children. The Smear Campaign (02:11:04) Laura shares her experience of discovering her ex-partner's long-term smear campaign against her after their divorce. Identifying Power Dynamics in Therapy (00:24:36) Dr. Cocchiola demonstrates how a therapist can identify a power imbalance by asking specific questions about the relationship dynamics. The Dangers of Couples Counseling (00:27:06) Laura shares her negative experience with a marriage counselor who dismissed her concerns and sided with her ex-husband. Securing Attachment with Your Child (00:31:32) Dr. Cocchiola emphasizes creating a secure attachment by allowing children to be their authentic selves and providing unconditional love. Abusers Fracturing Family Relationships (00:35:34) The discussion covers how abusers triangulate and pit siblings against each other to maintain control and isolate family members. The Grief of Protective Parents (00:38:54) Dr. Cocchiola talks about the immense and disenfranchised grief protective parents experience when their relationship with their children is harmed. Hope for Protective Parents (00:46:04) Dr. Cocchiola offers a message of hope, reminding protective parents that they are their child's greatest healer and superpower. How to Connect with Dr. Cocchiola (00:48:18) Dr. Cocchiola shares where listeners can find her work, including her website, podcast, and TEDx talk.   Powerful Quotes from the Episode Christine, "I would get rid of the word reactive abuse because when you are trapped in the den with the wolf, at some point you're going to fight back." Christine, "I'm here to say there's no judgment if you stay. People stay for a variety of reasons, and sometimes they have to." Christine, "The mothering that we all plan to be, the mothering we thought we'd all get to do—it's robbed from you."  Christine, "I want you to realize that you are your child's greatest healer, that you actually have a skill set that no one else on the planet has." Christine, "I think we forget how powerful the love we have for our children is, and we're so harmed by the abusive person we don't realize that's our superpower."   RESOURCES: FOLLOW THE PODCAST: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thatswhereimatpodcast/ COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE JOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517   FOLLOW DR. CHRISTINE:  Website: www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.cocchiola_coercivecontrol/ It's All Coercive Control TedX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4 Every Moment of Every Day: https://a.co/d/07qnzCqm FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld: https://a.co/d/04A40bT2 Perfect Prey: A Coercive Control Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/perfect-prey-a-coercive-control-podcast/id1704962170   "A protective parent's greatest strength is the unconditional love they never stop giving."   Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.

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4.9
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71 Ratings

About

Welcome to "That's Where I'm At" with your host, Laura Richards! Join Laura Richards, a survivor of narcissistic abuse with 33 years experience, as she guides you through the journey of identifying, healing from, and thriving after emotional and psychological abuse. With a mission to raise awareness, foster emotional recovery, and empower you to love yourself, Laura brings honesty, compassion, and a touch of humor to every episode. Dive into deep, meaningful conversations, tackle tough topics, and uncover moments of hope and healing. Our supportive community is here for you, offering insights, support, and a shared path to recovery and empowerment. Subscribe now and be part of a transformative journey that's messy, real, and truly inspiring!

Information

  • Creator
    Laura Richards
  • Years Active
    2023 - 2026
  • Episodes
    103
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2023
  • Show Website
    That's Where I'm At

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