Restoring Resilience with Chelsey Brooke Cole

Chelsey Brooke Cole
  • 5.0 (27)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

You've been told you aren't enough. You've been blamed, gaslit, and left feeling like you are "broken beyond repair." But the truth is, you aren't broken—you've simply been surviving in a broken environment. Join psychotherapist and bestselling author Chelsey Brooke Cole for a compassionate look at reclaiming your life after narcissistic abuse. This isn't about "surviving and thriving" clichés; it's about the clinical insights, somatic strategies, and profound mindset shifts required to become truly unshakeable. Each episode is designed to help you gain much-needed clarity, providing the tools to make sense of the crazy-making and move past the heavy burden of guilt. We'll explore how to set boundaries that feel authentic to who you are and—most importantly—how to change what your past means about you. Your worth is inherent. Your purpose is bigger than your trauma. It's time to stop letting your experiences define you and start letting your healing lead you. Welcome to Restoring Resilience.

  1. 4d ago

    Why Narcissists Feel Like a Drug: The Social Cocaine Effect with Dr. Daniel Jones

    Why does leaving a narcissist feel like withdrawal? Dark triad researcher Dr. Daniel Jones explains his "social cocaine" theory: how a narcissist's artificial charm and grandiosity create a rush that can leave you craving the highs, even after the abuse begins. It's a drug you never consented to, and it can happen to anyone. In this episode of the Restoring Resilience Podcast, Chelsey and Dr. Jones unpack the differences between narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, how manipulation escalates in stages, and why Machiavellian partners can go undetected for years. They also explore emophilia (the tendency to fall in love fast and often), why early butterflies can be a misleading signal, and practical steps for detoxing from a toxic relationship, including Dr. Jones's CBR method: Cool, Bottom line, Rational. Most of all, this conversation is a reminder: it's not your fault, and you are stronger than you were before. ABOUT DR. DANIEL Daniel N. Jones is a Professor of Management at the University of Nevada Reno (UNR).  He has published more than 100 peer-reviewed journal articles and chapters and earned the Early Career Award from the Western Psychological Association. His research focuses on the differentiation of the Dark Triad (Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism) and Dark Tetrad (Dark Triad + sadism) of personality (visit: www.darktriad.co). His recent book, "Falling Fast: The Perils and Possibilities of Emophilia," discusses the propensity to fall in love easily and is readily available at Oxford University Press and Amazon. CONNECT WITH DR. DANIEL Research Website: darktriad.co Consulting Website: danielnjones.org Book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Falling-Fast-Perils-Possibilities-Emophilia/dp/0190612584 TEDx Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4TVV6_2K2M ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist helping you learn to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse. She is the bestselling author of If Only I'd Known! and host of the Restoring Resilience podcast. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. For those looking for deeper support, Chelsey works with survivors through 1:1 therapy and Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. The program offers a structured healing process with direct access to Chelsey, weekly support groups, and ongoing community support. Visit www.chelseybrookecole.com to learn more about working with Chelsey, Rewired for Resilience, and her other resources. Chelsey's Resources  If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website  👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Chapters (0:00) Intro & The Dark Triad Explained (8:50) Identifying Narcissists in the Real World (12:25) Sequential Manipulation & Patterns (15:51) Machiavellian Disguise & Rationalizations (20:48) "Social Cocaine" & Brain Chemistry (23:28) Emophilia & Predispositions (37:37) Red Flags vs. Butterflies — Detox Advice (39:08) Restoring Resilience & Closing

  2. Sep 23

    The Childhood Wound Narcissists Can Exploit with Jessica Anne Pressler

    Why do so many survivors know something is wrong and still abandon their own needs, intuition, and boundaries? Jessica Anne Pressler is a therapist, a hospice social worker, and the creator of the Traitor Within Framework. She calls that part of you "the traitor within." It's the part that learned in childhood that keeping the peace, avoiding rejection, and earning love was the safest way to live. In this conversation, Jessica explains: how those childhood coping patterns follow us into adult relationships how narcissists study them and use them against us why this part of us deserves compassion instead of shame She talks openly about her own relationships, how she eventually saw her pattern, and the small, practical steps that help rewire it. Those include setting small boundaries, building a life outside the relationship, and seeing each attempt to leave as practice rather than failure. ABOUT JESSICA Jessica Anne Pressler, LCSW, is a Columbia University-trained psychotherapist and author with four decades of experience helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, trauma, and grief. She is the creator of the Traitor Within framework and author of two books: Traitor Within, a debut novel that weaves healing tools into one woman's journey of overcoming trauma, and Your Traitor Within Journal, a year-long guide of journaling prompts designed to help readers unpack their own inner critic and patterns of self-sabotage, day by day. She is also the host of the Your Traitor Within podcast, featuring weekly candid conversations with guests who share their own stories of the inner voice that holds them back. CONNECT WITH JESSICA 👉 https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/traitor-within-jessica-anne-pressler/1150743194?ean=9781665797030 👉 https://www.amazon.com/Traitor-Within-Abandonment-Abandon-Herself/dp/1665797053/ref=sr_1_15?crid=1FU20MSDO0Z99&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.OdpSsSO7lKeZEIHpXYKc6JVGrrsv9dfDBh3j_ALqygYb5ddS6jNkUFrkcUM5Emy-p81jVGwKrOSEJfrhXf_-PEHybGm9dHzA38dsXlWURM7x50egXnhMbIMgXm8-AKYdCWQxxk_ZgWrZ-YGYyE3y2TnI0h41zBmTSHymD2gBmFt8SygH57Rj1QusjXWrQhc-dKAM_n99RMr5igvvyxxAFv5l4EW5LAVtFBANFW4hDJQ.CzlbbgZKOFsF6Y6sCC0-erPGW7zLhlzG4--vXgyD_pM&dib_tag=se&keywords=Traitor+Within&qid=1783973111&sprefix=%2Caps%2C4666&sr=8-15 👉 https://www.instagram.com/jessicaannepressler 👉 https://www.facebook.com/jessica.anne.pressler.2025/ 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@jessicaannepressler0 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@yourtraitorwithin ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist helping you learn to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse. She is the bestselling author of If Only I'd Known! and host of the Restoring Resilience podcast. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. For those looking for deeper support, Chelsey works with survivors through 1:1 therapy and Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. The program offers a structured healing process with direct access to Chelsey, weekly support groups, and ongoing community support. Visit www.chelseybrookecole.com to learn more about working with Chelsey, Rewired for Resilience, and her other resources. Chelsey's Resources  If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now  👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Chapters (0:00) Introduction (1:23) What is the Traitor Within? (2:26) Childhood Origins (8:23) Jessica's Personal Story (14:10) Narcissists and the Traitor Within (17:54) Healing and Compassion (19:12) Practical Steps for Change (21:37) Healthy Relationships Are Possible (28:56) Jessica's Novel (30:54) Closing

  3. Sep 16

    Why 95% of Abuse Survivors Wonder If They're the Problem with Grace Stuart

    People in abusive relationships rarely say, "I'm being abused." They say it's a rough patch, a hard season, or a compatibility problem, and that language can keep them stuck for years. Domestic violence advocate, coach, and Why She Stayed podcast host Grace Stuart joins Chelsey to share how it took years to recognize her own relationship as abuse. Grace explains why whoever controls the language controls reality. She describes how coercive control makes isolation feel like your own choice and how faked accountability pulls survivors back into the cycle. She also covers why so many people come to her convinced they're the problem. You'll also hear why leaving and returning isn't failure, why it helps to look at who you've had to become instead of analyzing every incident, and how to start "repairing your reality" by documenting the pattern. ABOUT GRACE Grace Stuart is a domestic violence advocate, coach, and host of the Why She Stayed podcast — a raw, honest look at the subtleties of abuse and coercive control. After spending years in a relationship she never would have called abusive, Grace now helps survivors recognize the patterns, reclaim their reality, and understand why leaving is never as simple as it sounds. You can find her on Instagram at @WhySheStayedPodcast and book a one-on-one session through her link in bio at @Gracee_Elizabethh. CONNECT WITH GRACE https://open.spotify.com/show/50X15TNxNbYeyZfLV4x0Bi https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/why-she-stayed/id1742281264?l=vi https://www.instagram.com/gracee__elizabethh/?hl=en ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist helping you learn to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse. She is the bestselling author of If Only I'd Known! and host of the Restoring Resilience podcast. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. For those looking for deeper support, Chelsey works with survivors through 1:1 therapy and Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. The program offers a structured healing process with direct access to Chelsey, weekly support groups, and ongoing community support. Visit www.chelseybrookecole.com to learn more about working with Chelsey, Rewired for Resilience, and her other resources. Chelsey's Resources  If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Chapters (0:00) - Introduction (0:53) - The Conversation Begins (1:50) - Controlling the Language (6:18) - Boundary Pushing & Subtle Tactics (7:55) - Coercive Control & Isolation (12:33) - Why She Stayed (15:44) - Faking Accountability (17:14) - Shame & Leaving (27:45) - Examining Your Adaptations (31:05) - Repairing Your Reality (33:31) - Closing & Where to Find Grace

  4. Sep 9

    Narcissistic Abuse Makes You Lose Yourself—Here's How to Find Your Way Back

    Narcissistic abuse is an invisible war. You're hypervigilant, exhausted, and constantly bracing for the next blow, but nobody around you can see the battlefield. So how do you walk off a war you can't even see? Chelsey is joined by Anne Jolles, author, TEDx speaker, and founder of Grace Trail. When her son was deployed to Afghanistan, Anne turned to walking in nature to cope, and out of that came five simple questions that became Grace Trail, now a network of self-guided walking trails across the country. Those five questions—What am I grateful for? What do I need to release? What can I accept? What is my next challenge? What can I embrace as possible?—are a practical way for narcissistic abuse survivors to reconnect with the inner voice that abuse silences. Whether you're still in it, freshly out, or years down the road, this episode gives you a tool you can use anywhere, starting today. You'll learn: Why the GRACE questions work in a cascading order, each answer shaping the next How gratitude and "glimmers" help without minimizing what you've been through How to separate what's in your control from what isn't Why acceptance can't be forced, and where to start instead How the "challenge" step gives you a plan, and a plan gives you hope Why small, intentional steps are what actually get people out ABOUT ANNE JOLLES Anne Jolles, founder of Grace Trail, author, TEDx speaker and the mother of a veteran who was deployed in Afghanistan, which became the catalyst for creating a movement that is now helping communities across the country build resilience through nature. When Anne's son was deployed to Afghanistan, the uncertainty and fear became overwhelming. Looking for a way to cope, she turned to walking in nature and developed a simple reflective practice centered around five questions: Gratitude, Release, Accept, Challenge and Embrace. What began as a personal way to navigate one of the most difficult seasons of her life ultimately became Grace Trail, a growing network around the US of more than 40 self-guided walking trails designed to help people process life's challenges, reduce stress, and reconnect with hope.  Website: https://www.gracetrail.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gracetrailofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Grace_Trail ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist helping you learn to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse. She is the bestselling author of If Only I'd Known! and host of the Restoring Resilience podcast. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. For those looking for deeper support, Chelsey works with survivors through 1:1 therapy and Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. The program offers a structured healing process with direct access to Chelsey, weekly support groups, and ongoing community support. Visit www.chelseybrookecole.com to learn more about working with Chelsey, Rewired for Resilience, and her other resources. Chelsey's Resources If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now  👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Chapters (00:00) Walking Off an Invisible War (01:17) Meet Anne Jolles, Grace Trail Founder (02:06) The Kitchen Moment (03:00) The Five GRACE Questions (04:34) Where Do You Walk Off Your War? (07:34) Not Therapy, but Your Own Answers (09:14) The Cascading Effect (11:06) How Abuse Silences Your Inner Voice (12:00) Gratitude Without Minimizing (16:12) Glimmers vs. Triggers (18:11) Chris's Story (23:04) One Breath at a Time (24:05) Release: What's in Your Control (26:33) Acceptance Is a Spectrum (27:36) Where Hope Begins (30:04) Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent (32:01) How Grace Trail Has Grown (35:47) The Grace Trail Kit (37:00) One Thing to Start Today (39:38) Where to Find Grace Trail

  5. Sep 2

    Stop Waiting for the Narcissist to Say Sorry (Do This Instead)

    If you've been told that forgiving a narcissist means letting them back in, dropping your anger, or acting like what they did wasn't that bad — that isn't forgiveness, and believing it is what keeps most survivors stuck. In part two of this series on forgiveness and narcissistic abuse, Chelsey answers the question underneath all of it: what does forgiveness actually mean, and is it even necessary for healing? The reframe: the narcissist genuinely does owe you. The lying, the manipulation, the years spent convincing you that you were the problem — that created a real debt, and you have every right to be repaid. But you can't force repayment from someone who refuses to acknowledge the debt exists. Forgiveness isn't pretending it was never owed. It's releasing yourself from the job of being the debt collector. This episode covers what forgiveness is not, why waiting for the apology keeps you tied to them long after the relationship ended, the ancient meaning of the word Jesus used for forgiveness and why it lands whether or not you're religious, and the quiet signs that you may already be forgiving without ever calling it that. You don't have to choose between letting them back in and carrying this forever. ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist helping you learn to trust yourself again after narcissistic abuse. She is the bestselling author of If Only I'd Known! and host of the Restoring Resilience podcast. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. For those looking for deeper support, Chelsey works with survivors through 1:1 therapy and Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. The program offers a structured healing process with direct access to Chelsey, weekly support groups, and ongoing community support. Visit www.chelseybrookecole.com to learn more about working with Chelsey, Rewired for Resilience, and her other resources. Chelsey's Resources If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ Chapters (0:00) Introduction  (1:47) What forgiveness is NOT (2:53) What researchers actually measure (4:30) The narcissist does owe you a debt (5:14) What to do with a debt that's never repaid (6:19) Apheimi: to release, to cancel a debt (6:51) Releasing isn't denying it happened (8:06) Signs you may already be forgiving (9:56) What do you want to carry forward? (11:15) Rewrite for Resilience

  6. Aug 26

    The Narcissist's Favorite Weapon: "You Need to Forgive Me"

    "You need to forgive me. I said I was sorry. What more do you want?" If you've heard some version of that — from a narcissist, a family member, or someone who has no idea what you actually lived through — this episode is for you. In part one of a two-part series, Chelsey Brooke Cole unpacks what's really happening when a narcissist demands your forgiveness. Spoiler: they aren't asking for forgiveness. They're asking for access back into your life, erasure of the consequences, and your silence. And when they wrap that demand in spiritual language, it stops being about the betrayal and starts being about how well you're handling the betrayal. Chelsey shares her own story — a grandiose first husband, an affair he brought home proof of, and the college professor whose first response to the divorce was "You couldn't make it work?" — before dismantling what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. It's not condoning what happened, minimizing the damage, or feeling warm toward someone who hurt you. It's not letting them back into your home or your heart. And it isn't something you can manufacture on demand because someone told you that you should — in abuse recovery, rushed forgiveness can re-traumatize you by cutting off the grief and anger that genuine healing requires. If forgiveness has felt impossible, it may be because what you were asked to do was never forgiveness. It was compliance. Those are two very different things. Part two covers what forgiveness actually is — the research, how psychologists define and study it, and what the Bible actually says versus what you may have been taught it requires. Follow the show so you don't miss it. No matter where you are in your healing, resilience can be restored. ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and certified partner trauma therapist helping people trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. She's the author of the best-selling book If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She hosts the Restoring Resilience podcast and guides survivors to healing through her signature program, Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. You can learn more about working with Chelsey or her resources at www.chelseybrookecole.com  Chelsey's Resources If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now  👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ (00:00) "If you were a good Christian, you'd let this go" (00:53) Welcome — what this two-part series covers (01:26) Do I have to forgive the narcissist to heal? (02:08) Chelsey's story: the affair and the divorce (03:06) "You couldn't make it work?" (04:47) What a genuine request for forgiveness looks like (05:42) Demand #1: Access back in — the hoover (06:04) Demand #2: Erasure of consequences (06:28) Demand #3: Your silence (07:13) It's not forgiveness they want — it's compliance (07:37) Why religious conditioning makes this work (08:00) Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation (08:54) Not condoning. Not minimizing. Not feeling warm. (09:38) Why rushed forgiveness re-traumatizes you (10:35) The one takeaway from part one (12:12) What to sit with before part two (13:52) Coming next week

  7. Aug 19

    Why Covert Narcissists Are So Much Harder to See with Dr. Les Carter

    Covert narcissists don't announce themselves. They're pleasant, humble, sometimes the wounded one in the room — and that's exactly why you don't see the abuse coming. Dr. Les Carter — psychotherapist, bestselling author, and creator of the Surviving Narcissism YouTube channel — joins me to break down the covert presentation of narcissism and the mind games that come with it. They cover why covert narcissists are so convincing to everyone outside the relationship and so different inside it, why their niceness is selective rather than genuine, and how a transactional mindset turns your empathy, conscientiousness, and willingness to self-reflect into tools they use against you. Dr. Carter unpacks the quieter forms of abuse survivors tend to minimize — silent treatment, withholding, coldness, passive aggression — along with the victim reframe ("you're hurting me" rather than "I'm struggling"), imperative thinking that creates the eggshell walk, manipulative compliments, and triangulation. The second half turns toward recovery: pairing empathy with objectivity, defining the characteristics you actually want to live by, practicing calm confidence instead of pleading your case, and building the self-trust that lets you stop defending, explaining, and personalizing. ABOUT DR. CARTER Dr. Les Carter is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in narcissism and personality dynamics, with a B.A. from Baylor University and a Ph.D. from the University of North Texas. He is the author of 20 books and has led numerous seminars and workshops on recognizing and recovering from narcissistic relationships. He is the creator of the YouTube channel Surviving Narcissism, with over 145 million views, and connects with audiences on Instagram, Facebook, and www.survivingnarcissism.tv. Connect with Dr. Carter www.survivingnarcissism.tv ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and certified partner trauma therapist helping people trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. She's the author of the best-selling book If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She hosts the Restoring Resilience podcast and guides survivors to healing through her signature program, Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. You can learn more about working with Chelsey or her resources at www.chelseybrookecole.com  Chelsey's Resources If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ CHAPTERS (00:00) What You See Isn't What You Get (00:27) Meet Dr. Les Carter (06:15) What "Covert" Really Means (09:45) Nice to Them, Cold to You (10:10) Transactional, Not Relational (15:42) Your Best Traits, Weaponized (18:44) Neglect Is Abuse (19:45) Emptying You of You (20:30) "You're Hurting Me" (21:32) Trauma Bonding (25:47) The Manipulative Compliment (26:56) The Eggshell Walk (29:02) Mind Over Emotion (36:21) Self-Trust (39:16) Where to Find Dr. Carter

  8. Aug 12

    Is Narcissism Genetic? A Psychologist Reveals the Shocking Truth

    Do narcissists know what they're doing? Are they born that way — and if so, can we still hold them accountable? Dr. Peter Salerno, licensed psychotherapist and expert in personality disorders and pathological relationship dynamics, joins the show to explain what the research actually says. Heritability estimates for narcissistic traits now range from 40% to over 70%, drawn from fifty years of twin, adoption, and family studies — meaning the caregiving environment contributes far less to narcissism than most of us were taught. Dr. Salerno also introduces a distinction that reframes everything: the difference between defense mechanisms, which are unconscious and reactive, and offense mechanisms — proactive, intentional strategies deployed to gain advantage. Under that lens, narcissism isn't a fragile false self protecting hidden shame. It's an investment in a preferred image, built deliberately, because that image wins favor and protection when the person misbehaves. We cover why trauma-focused treatment doesn't resolve personality pathology, why couples therapy so often fails, why blame-shifting is intentional rather than unconscious, and why a genetic predisposition is never a permission slip for how someone treats you. For the parents blaming themselves and the partners still hoping patience will be enough — this one clears the fog. ABOUT DR. PETER Dr. Peter Salerno, PsyD, is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and internationally recognized expert in personality science and pathological relationship dynamics. He specializes in the assessment of personality pathology and recovery from manipulative and coercive relationship abuse. He is the author of Cruelty by Nature, Traumatic Cognitive Dissonance, The Social Predator's Secret Playbook, and The Nature and Nurture of Narcissism, and was featured as an expert in the Hulu series Ted Bundy: Dialogue with the Devil. His work integrates cutting-edge personality science with practical, trauma-informed education for survivors and clinicians. Connect with Dr. Peter drpetersalerno.com https://www.amazon.com/s?k=peter+salerno&crid=1KRGE0E5W3YPO&sprefix=peter+salerno%2Caps%2C220&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and certified partner trauma therapist helping people trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. She's the author of the best-selling book If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She hosts the Restoring Resilience podcast and guides survivors to healing through her signature program, Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. You can learn more about working with Chelsey or her resources at www.chelseybrookecole.com  Chelsey's Resources If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/  Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ (00:00) Do narcissists know what they're doing? (01:28) Meet Dr. Peter Salerno (03:40) Why trauma treatment doesn't fix personality pathology (13:15) The heritability research: 40% to 70% (19:39) A predisposition is not a permission slip (22:59) Defense mechanisms vs. offense mechanisms (31:36) Blame-shifting as intentional externalization (35:09) Why couples therapy fails with a narcissist (39:51) Restoring resilience: the list exercise

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You've been told you aren't enough. You've been blamed, gaslit, and left feeling like you are "broken beyond repair." But the truth is, you aren't broken—you've simply been surviving in a broken environment. Join psychotherapist and bestselling author Chelsey Brooke Cole for a compassionate look at reclaiming your life after narcissistic abuse. This isn't about "surviving and thriving" clichés; it's about the clinical insights, somatic strategies, and profound mindset shifts required to become truly unshakeable. Each episode is designed to help you gain much-needed clarity, providing the tools to make sense of the crazy-making and move past the heavy burden of guilt. We'll explore how to set boundaries that feel authentic to who you are and—most importantly—how to change what your past means about you. Your worth is inherent. Your purpose is bigger than your trauma. It's time to stop letting your experiences define you and start letting your healing lead you. Welcome to Restoring Resilience.

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