Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D.
  • 4.6 (301)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline.Join retired psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life.If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

  1. 1d ago

    Why Narcissists Refuse to Say Sorry: Real Survivors Reveal the Pattern

    You expected them to apologize. You expected the moment to matter. What you didn't expect was to spend the rest of your birthday managing their feelings. In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry shares submitted accounts of birthdays that ended in tears, anniversaries engineered to fail, and being asked to comfort the person who hurt you. Toxic and character-disordered individuals refuse repair the damage they've done because receiving your forgiveness would put them one-down. If you've ever found yourself crying in the bathroom, then walking back out to smile through the candles — your confusion was data, not weakness. Key Moments 00:00 — "He needed to be the one who had a bad day" (cold open) 01:20 — The paper doll: candles blown out with eyes sore from crying 02:17 — When the effort is the setup: "people forgot him" 03:16 — The rising bar — engineered to fail 04:22 — Why your help threatens them: the sun and the Earth 06:21 — Nursing the wound (Gollum's ring), and why confusion is data Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  2. 4d ago

    Why Narcissists Destroy Your Best Days — It's Not Forgetfulness, It's Sadism

    The ruined birthday. The wrecked anniversary. The gift left in a drawer. It wasn't thoughtlessness. Dr. Kerry sits down with psychodynamic psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee to break down one of the most painful — and least-named — patterns in narcissistic relationships: the deliberate destruction of special occasions. Lynn identifies the core drive as pleasure at being the cause — a compulsion rooted in early development that, in character-disordered adults, becomes a form of covert manipulation. Your emotional pain isn't collateral damage. For a narcissist, it's the reward. Reference: Shawna the Mom: https://www.youtube.com/@ShawnatheMom In this episode: Why narcissists specifically target birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries The "pleasure at being the cause" drive — and how it escalates on your best days Dry begging: the manipulation tactic hiding in plain sight How devaluation becomes a source of narcissistic supply Why you kept making excuses — and what this pattern reveals about NPD Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment If the sabotage only makes sense in hindsight — can you learn to see it in real time? Kerry and Lynn unpack the quieter signal most survivors train themselves to override: the "something feels a little off" whisper — and how to turn its volume up without becoming paranoid. Plus: the chat-history article that's been haunting Kerry about an ordinary couple, and what one partner had actually been thinking all along. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here: https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/ Key Moments 00:00 — "That was the point" 00:29 — The birthday he set out to ruin 02:24 — Cozumel, the cheesecake, and every plan sabotaged 03:11 — "A retreat to decide if he still wanted to be married" 03:48 — The pleasure of being the cause 07:03 — Double whammy: the act and the emotion it creates 09:15 — The gratitude trap: why they can't let it go well 14:56 — What gifts reveal (and the lotion re-gift) 17:38 — "Dry begging" and the gifts he never used 20:33 — The bracelet he came home wearing 21:07 — Naming the sadism: "go to the feeling it gave you" 23:00 — The mania of secret knowing: "you don't know, I do" 25:26 — Recognizing it in the moment, not in hindsight Dr. Kerry's Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #ToxicRelationships #NPD #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  3. Jul 9

    How Covert Narcissists Hide Their Cheating So Well That Your Suspicions Feel Paranoid

    In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks the psychological damage done by narcissistic abuse, especially when you’re living with a partner who’s keeping a secret life. Learn how cheaters use gaslighting, lies, and calculated reality distortion to conceal their betrayals. They want to make you question your own mind so completely that you stop listening to your instincts, destroying your self-trust. If you've ever felt like you were going crazy, re-reading old texts to prove to yourself what was real, then you’ve experienced this kind of manipulation. And healing from narcissistic abuse begins when you discover your instincts were right all along. This is the Thursday companion to Monday's interview with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, "Sexual Addiction Looks Nothing Like What You Think" Key Moments 00:00 — Married to a master of reality distortion 01:24 — "I can no longer trust myself" 03:32 — Superhuman dissociation and the secret sexual basement 04:56 — Becoming the detective: hunting for the second phone 06:42 — Minwalla's three-pronged model: 17 women in 21 days 08:14 — Three truths to anchor your nervous system To go deeper into rebuilding self-trust after betrayal, the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Join Substack & watch it immediately when you become a paid subscriber here. Have a story of your own? Share by emailing Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com or use this link. Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #covertnarcissist #cheating #doublelife #gaslighting #betrayaltrauma Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  4. Jul 6

    Sexual Addiction Looks Nothing Like What You Think

    Most people imagine they'd recognize a sex addict. But here’s the reality most survivors never realize: you were never meant to see it. Sexual addictive behavior doesn’t look like deception or betrayal; it looks like distance, irritability, or a relationship going cold. You don’t realize you’re with someone who’s living a double life. In this interview, Dr. Kerry sits down with therapist Cheryl Camarillo, who specializes in sexual addiction and toxic relationships. Together they break down the deception architecture a sex addict builds, how narcissistic traits fuel the compartmentalization, and why partners so often blame themselves before they ever suspect the truth. If you've ever felt something was deeply wrong in your relationship but couldn't name it, this episode will give you language for what you experienced. Podcast Extra Exclusive Segment Want to go deeper? In the members-only Podcast Extra, learn the specific behavioral signs you’ll notice first. If you're wondering whether what you experienced was real, this is where you'll find your answer. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. CHERYL CAMARILLO, a trauma-informed social worker demystifies the complexities of deep-seated trauma and offers a compassionate, real-world roadmap for individuals and families navigating life's heaviest struggles. As a social worker, consultant, and adoptive mother, Cheryl has spent decades on the front lines of human resilience. She brings her vast expertise to two critical, modern battlegrounds: sex therapy and sex addiction/partner betrayal trauma. Website: https://cherylcamarillo.com Key Moments 0:00 The Perfect Marriage With a Basement Full of Secrets 1:00 How Cheryl Married Into This World 3:09 Discovering the Truth and Finding Her Calling 5:17 Spotting the Pattern and Its Three Root Causes 7:34 Kerry's Own Story of 17 Women in Three Weeks 9:01 Is Sex Addiction a Form of Narcissism? 9:30 The Hidden Trauma You Can't See or Prove 11:33 What Real Intimacy Is Supposed to Feel Like 12:48 Why the Betrayed Partner Gets Left Behind 14:54 What Really Shapes a Sex Addict 17:32 Entitlement, Compulsion, and the Need for a Hit 22:04 Why Narcissists Never Feel Real Shame 23:48 Who Actually Recovers and Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number.   #doublelife #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery #betrayaltrauma Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  5. Jul 2

    When the Car Becomes a Weapon: Real Stories of Narcissistic Road Rage

    Abuse is something we imagine happens behind closed doors. For a lot of survivors, some of the most frightening moments happened not just in the home but in the passenger seat of a moving car. In this Viewers' Stories episode, Dr. Kerry pulls directly from your comments and unpacks what each one reveals about how narcissists weaponize the car. It was never about losing the narcissist losing their temper. It was about control. And if you've ever braced yourself just getting into the car with someone, you weren't imagining it. This is the Thursday companion to Monday's episode with co-host Lynn Strathdee, "Road Rage & Other Terrifying Ways Narcissists Use Cars to Intimidate You." To go deeper into what to actually do when you can't leave yet, be sure to check out the members-only Podcast Extra covers exactly that. Here's the link. Have a story of your own? Share by contacting Dr. Kerry at clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com. Key Moments 0:00 The Terrifying Reality of a Weaponized Car 0:33 A Captivity That Moves 70 Miles Per Hour 1:13 She Went Deaf From His Road Rage 2:39 Escaping the Car at Every Red Light 3:18 When My Husband's Driving Became a Weapon 4:23 Why So Many of Us Stay for Years 5:11 How Anything Becomes an Excuse to Erupt 6:06 He Chased a Stranger While I Couldn't Breathe 6:53 They're Not Losing Control, They're Taking It 7:31 Why Your Body Still Braces Behind the Wheel 7:54 Reclaiming Your Autonomy on the Road 8:24 Share Your Own Survival Story 8:57 Real Help in Real Time With Reclaim You Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #roadrage #narcissisticrage #narcissisticabuse #npd #abuse #toxicrelationships #traumarecovery Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  6. Jul 1

    Trapped: How Narcissists Use Vehicles to Intimidate and Threaten

    If you've ridden in a car with a narcissist, then you've likely experienced them using their driving to intimidate, threaten, or scare you. People with narcissistic traits often use vehicles like a weapon, turning you into more of a hostage instead of a passenger. This week, Dr. Kerry and co-host Lynn break down why road rage and narcissism frequently co-occur and how the car gets used for far more than just driving, i If you've survived narcissistic abuse, want to watch the part we couldn't fit into the main episode? Become a paid Substack subscriber and learn: What to actually do if you're experiencing narcissistic abuse but you can't leave yet Why "how do I make them stop?" is the wrong first question, Why grey rock can backfire behind the wheel And the dangerous assumption nearly every survivor makes about their own safety. Become a paid subscriber here and unlock your access today! Tune in this upcoming Thursday for Viewers' Stories where we'll share your road-rage stories. LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and the unconscious patterns that keep survivors stuck in repeating relationship cycles. A former educator turned therapist, Lynn brings both clinical training and lived experience to her private practice, where she works with clients online and in person. Her approach goes beyond surface-level psychoeducation to the deeper identity work that creates lasting change. Website Key Moments 00:00 — Cars as devices for control nobody suspects 05:00 — The car as a metaphor for the self 08:06 — What their car says to the world 11:39 — The mattress on the floor: the car as a mask 14:23 — When something this ordinary makes you doubt yourself 17:49 — The parking-garage asthma attack 21:48 — His reality wins, no matter the danger 26:18 — Gender, cars, and the "little lady" hierarchy 29:12 — What to do if this is happening to you (→ Podcast Extra) Dr. Kerry's Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. #narcissisticabuse #toxicrelationships #roadrage #narcissists Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  7. Jun 25

    Narcissists Leave Physical Damage That Doctors Can't Explain

    Narcissistic abuse doesn't just affect your mind — it gets stored in the mind-body connection. Do you have the kind of chronic pain no doctor can explain? Does it get worse the harder you try to fix it? Are you bracing, clenching, and shutting down without knowing what's wrong? In this episode, Dr. Kerry unpacks how narcissistic abuse gets stored in the body, not just the mind. Want to learn more about healing from narcissistic abuse, check out Monday’s episode with Liz Tenuto, The Workout Witch. Watch it here: https://youtu.be/gM9h4GjITpc?si=BxsgI-eUXsrZzTuA Have a story or realization you'd like Dr. Kerry to take on air? Send it to clients@kerrymcavoyphd.com. When you become a paid Substack subscriber, you also join the Toxic-Free Relationship Club — our exclusive community for serious survivors. As a paid subscriber you also get: Weekly premium newsletter Bonus podcast segments not available anywhere else Exclusive members-only videos Join here: http://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse Key Moments 00:00 — "I knew before I knew" 00:53 — The words you use for toxic love ("I bent over backwards") 01:39 — Why your body keeps the receipts (Monday's Liz Tenuto) 02:05 — "I emptied myself out" — loving an emotional black hole 03:05 — Not codependency: the alarm that fires before logic 03:41 — "He told me exactly what he expected from me" 04:17 — My story: love-bombed and quietly terrified 04:46 — The PI, the missing records, and the wedding bombshell 05:26 — Why we silence the body's warning 06:21 — Three truths to take with you 07:59 — Your body is on your side 08:23 — Share your story + Reclaim You Dr. Kerry's Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

  8. Jun 22

    Is Trauma Destroying Your Body? What Narcissistic Abuse Does to Your Health

    What if the chronic pain, the exhaustion, and the sleepless nights aren’t because of stress, or you’re getting older, but because your body keeping the score of narcissistic abuse? In this episode, Dr. Kerry sits down with somatic healing expert Liz Tenuto, as known The Workout Witch, to explored one of the most overlooked truths: abuse doesn't just impact your mind; it affects your body. Learn why survivors get trapped in a constant state of fight-or-flight and the surprising reason that talk therapy and EMDR alone often aren't enough to finally heal. PODCAST EXTRA EXCLUSIVE SEGMENT Ready to go deeper? Think the abuse never touched you physically? Find out the truth. In this members-only bonus, Liz walks Dr. Kerry through a simple body self-assessment to learn if you’re storing trauma. Learn the early warning signs before they turn chronic. Find the exclusive second segment and weekly newsletter here. LIZ TENUTO (known to her millions of followers as The Workout Witch) demystifies somatic healing and offers a compassionate, science-backed roadmap for anyone struggling with the physical aftermath of stress and trauma. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and an abusive marriage, Liz spent years battling chronic pain, anxiety, and insomnia. She cycled through countless healing trends before discovering the life- changing power of somatics. Today, Liz is a trauma informed practitioner with a degree in psychology, 15 years of teaching experience, and advanced training in somatic movement through Pilates, Reiki, and 6 years of Feldenkrais mentorship with Augusta Moore. Website Book: When the Body Speaks: How Somatic Healing Sets You Free Key Moments 00:00 Like a paper doll, flat and dead 01:00 Meet Liz Tenuto, the Workout Witch 02:40 When foot pain feels like walking on glass 04:23 Why your body never leaves fight or flight 05:59 How chronic stress dominoes into disease 08:47 The angry father and the trauma beneath the pain 10:22 Unexplained pain your doctor can't explain 11:49 Stress weight and the shame no one talks about 13:56 What somatics actually is 14:36 The massage that unlocked a buried trauma 16:29 Why talk therapy alone isn't enough 19:21 What somatics felt like the first time 21:46 The small, perfect self you built to survive 24:07 Why chasing your step count backfires 26:30 Fight, flight, freeze, and the Goldilocks state 28:44 Five minutes a day to rewire your nervous system 31:01 Are you armored up without knowing it? (→ Podcast Extra) Dr. Kerry's Resources ReclaimYou: Dr. Kerry's AI-powered coaching app The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support Follow Dr. Kerry! Youtube Instagram TikTok Facebook Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D, a retired psychologist & author, is an expert on cultivating healthy relationships and deconstructing narcissism. As an Amazon affiliate, commission is earned from qualifying purchases. This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis, please call 911 or your local emergency number. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Confused by your relationship? Do you catch yourself second-guessing, walking on eggshells, or feeling emotionally drained? Whether you’re still in the chaos or trying to rebuild after leaving, this podcast is your lifeline.Join retired psychologist Dr. Kerry McAvoy as she exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships. You’ll learn how destructive personalities operate, the manipulative tactics they use, and the stages of abuse—plus the practical steps to heal and reclaim your life.If you’re ready to break free, rebuild your self-worth, and find lasting emotional freedom, hit play and start your recovery journey today.

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