Navigating Toxic Relationships | Christian Relationship Counseling, Loneliness, Divorce, Narcissistic Abuse, Self-Esteem

Dr. Wendy Burchett, PsyD., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Biblical Relationship Strategist and Addiction Specialist
  • 5.0 (25)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Biweekly

***TOP 5% GLOBALLY RANKED PODCAST*** Are you unhappy in a toxic Christian relationship or marriage and stuck because you are constantly waiting for him to change? Are you confused trying to discern God’s will for your relationship? Do you feel like you have lost the ability to feel emotionally safe in your marriage? Have you lost yourself because you are so focused on how to make your relationship work?  I am so excited you are here! This podcast will help you create emotional safety, discover God’s will for your relationship, find yourself again, and choose faith over fear!  Hello Sisters, I am Dr. Wendy Burchett, doctor of psychology and licensed marriage and family therapist. I am also a Christ follower who spent 20 years trying to figure out how to find my way out of toxic relationships and rediscover my identity to create a life I loved.  I was stuck and confused about God’s will for me, waiting for others to change, hoping I was enough. I was afraid of staying and scared to death to leave. I finally realized if I wanted change I had to find safety for myself, quit waiting on others to change, and focus on building identity to move forward.  I created a method to get unstuck in relationships and begin to build an identity in Christ that worked for me, while giving me freedom from anxiety, fear and toxicity. I can’t wait to share it with you!  If you are ready to…  Understand God’s will for your relationship Take action without fear Discover your identity  Find emotional safety And create an awesome plan for your future..  Then this podcast is for YOU!  Grab some courage and your coffee! Let’s dive in! 

  1. 3d ago

    EP 27| Is Financial Fear Keeping You Stuck? 5 Small Steps to Help You Move Forward

    Have you ever stayed somewhere unhealthy simply because you couldn't picture how the math would work if you left? What if your financial fear isn't a personal failing — but the deliberate result of a pattern designed to keep you exactly where you are? Can you trust God with your finances without pretending practical planning doesn't matter? CONNECT: www.drwendyburchett.com Click this link to sign up for my newsletter for updates, and be among the first to know when my new website launches! Financial fear rarely gets the attention it deserves in conversations about relationships — but for many women, it's the single biggest practical barrier standing between them and a decision they already know they need to make. This episode names that fear honestly and offers real, concrete next steps, instead of empty reassurance. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling, this episode covers: Why financial fear runs so deep, and why it deserves to be taken seriously rather than treated as a lesser or less spiritual concern The important difference between genuine financial uncertainty and deliberate financial control — a key tactic within narcissistic abuse and coercive control — and why the solutions differ depending on which one you're facing Practical, small starting steps: knowing your actual numbers, building independent footing safely, and connecting with financial advocacy resources How to tell the difference between panic and planning when your mind keeps circling the same financial worries What it actually means to trust God as provider — without pretending that trust removes the need for practical action This episode speaks directly to you whether you're rebuilding self-esteem after years of financial dependency eroding your confidence, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this fear mostly alone, or weighing divorce while genuinely unsure how you'd survive financially on your own. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education and encouragement, not individualized financial or legal advice. If financial control is part of your relationship, please also consider connecting with a domestic violence organization's financial advocacy program for guidance specific to your situation.   If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

  2. 5d ago

    EP 26| How Is My Relationship Impacting My Children: The Research!

    Have you ever stayed in a hard marriage specifically because you believed it was the more protective choice for your kids? What if the real question was never "divorce or stay," but something the research points to instead? Is it possible that the environment your children grow up inside matters more than which legal category their family falls into? "Staying together for the kids" is one of the most common, most understandable reasons women give for remaining in a hard marriage. This episode looks honestly at what the actual developmental research says — not to tell you what to decide, but to make sure the decision you do make is based on what's true, not just what feels intuitively protective. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and real developmental psychology research, this episode covers: Where the "stay together for the kids" belief actually came from, and why the research behind it is more contested than most people realize What well-documented studies actually show about children in high-conflict intact families compared to children of divorce Why conflict exposure — not marital status itself — appears to be the real variable shaping children's wellbeing The honest, nuanced part of this picture: why divorce isn't automatically protective either, especially when conflict continues afterward What stays true for your children's hearts regardless of which path you're on This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating a relationship marked by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding your own self-esteem while trying to make the best decision for your family, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this decision largely alone, or standing right at the edge of a divorce decision, weighing what it will actually mean for your children. A note before you listen: This episode presents research findings and general education — it does not offer individualized guidance for your specific family. Please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor or family therapist for support specific to your situation. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

  3. Oct 1

    25| What If I Make the Wrong Decision? Divorce, Fear, and Trusting God With the Outcome

    Have you ever been afraid that both staying and leaving could turn out to be the wrong choice? What if "right decision" was never actually the right way to measure a choice this hard? Is it possible to trust God with an outcome you can't guarantee, without pretending the fear isn't real? This episode sits with one of the heaviest fears so many women carry in silence: the fear of making an irreversible mistake about their marriage. Whether you're leaning toward divorce or leaning toward staying, this fear shows up on both sides — and this episode doesn't try to resolve it with a quick answer. Instead, it offers a steadier way to think about decisions that carry real weight and no guarantees. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling, this episode walks through: Naming the specific fears bundled inside "what if I'm wrong" — regret, judgment, impact on children, and doubting your own capacity to decide something this large Why the "right decision versus wrong decision" frame may not be the most honest or helpful way to think about this choice What's actually within your control in a decision like this — and what genuinely isn't How to live with a decision that can't be fully undone, without requiring it to have been perfect What it actually means to trust God with an outcome, including a careful, honest look at Romans 8:28 — without the oversimplified promise that everything will simply feel good This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of doubting your own judgment, sitting with the loneliness of carrying this decision mostly alone, or standing right at the edge of deciding and terrified of getting it wrong in either direction. A note before you listen: This episode does not offer legal, pastoral, or individualized theological advice, and it does not tell you whether to stay or leave. Please seek your own pastor or Christian counselor for guidance specific to your situation.   If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

  4. Sep 28

    24| How Do I Know I'm Making the Right Decision About Divorce? Learning to Trust Yourself Again

    Are you trying to make a decision about divorce or about whether to leave your relationship but feel stuck with indecision?  Have you ever doubted your own gut simply because the person lying to you was kind about it? What if the "right decision" you've been searching for was never actually available to anyone? Have you ever realized, looking back, that you betrayed yourself by refusing to trust what you already knew? This is a personal, honest episode about learning to trust yourself again after years of self-doubt — doubt that grew not from cruelty, but from confusion, because kindness and honesty are not the same thing, and civility can exist right alongside deception. This episode walks through what it actually takes to rebuild decision confidence, without waiting for a certainty that was never coming. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and real lived experience, this episode covers: Why kindness and honesty are two separate questions — and why confusing them can keep you doubting your own instincts for years The myth of the "right decision," and why wise choices are made with incomplete information, not guaranteed outcomes Practical ways to rebuild real decision confidence, including learning to notice your body's signals as real information, not overreaction The difference between a fear-driven decision and a values-driven one Where God fits into decisions made without full certainty — and why your own intuition may be one of the ways He's already speaking to you This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of doubting your own perception, sitting with the loneliness of being the only one who sees the pattern clearly, or standing at the edge of a divorce decision without any guarantee of how it will turn out. A note before you listen: This episode offers personal reflection and general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. If you're facing a significant decision, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

  5. Sep 24

    23| It's Not Just Gaslighting: Understanding Coercive Control in Relationships

    Have you ever felt like your whole world quietly got smaller, without being able to point to the one moment it happened? What if gaslighting is just one piece of a much bigger system you haven't fully named yet? Can you disagree with your partner without facing punishment, escalation, or fear — and what does it mean if you can't? Gaslighting gets a lot of attention, but it's only one tool inside a much larger, well-documented pattern: coercive control. In this episode, we widen the lens beyond a single tactic to the full system — isolation, monitoring, financial restriction, degradation, intimidation, and reality distortion — working together to restrict a woman's freedom and sense of self, often so gradually she doesn't see the full shape of it until years in. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and established psychological research, this episode covers: What coercive control actually is, and why researchers and lawmakers in some countries now recognize it as its own form of abuse, separate from physical violence The specific tactics that make up this pattern, named clearly so they're recognizable rather than abstract Why coercive control is so hard to see from inside it, and why each small restriction can look reasonable in isolation What healthy interdependence in marriage actually looks like, by contrast A careful, fuller look at what Scripture actually says about marriage and mutual submission — and why coercive control was never the picture the Bible paints This episode speaks directly to you whether you're recognizing a deeper pattern behind what you first identified as narcissistic abuse, rebuilding self-esteem after years of a shrinking world, sitting with the loneliness of isolation you didn't choose, or wrestling with divorce while still trying to understand whether what you're living in has a name. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education, not a diagnosis, legal advice, or individualized safety planning. If what you hear today resonates, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

  6. Sep 22

    22| Why Can't I Make the Pain Stop? Understanding Trauma Bonding

    Have you ever been able to list every reason a relationship is hurting you, and still not been able to walk away? What if the pull you feel back toward him isn't weakness, but biology doing exactly what it was trained to do? Why does the "good" version of him always seem to show up right when you're finally ready to leave? If you've ever wondered what's wrong with you for staying somewhere your own mind clearly recognizes as harmful, this episode is for you. We're naming something real: the trauma bond — a documented psychological pattern that explains why clarity about a relationship doesn't automatically translate into being able to leave it. Drawing on both Christian relationship counseling and established behavioral psychology, this episode covers: What a trauma bond actually is, and why cycles of tension and relief create stronger attachment than steady, consistent safety Why this isn't a willpower problem — the real neurochemistry behind why seeing a pattern clearly doesn't automatically break its hold The four-phase cycle that keeps a trauma bond alive, and why the "reconciliation" phase is often mistaken for real, lasting change Practical, gradual ways to begin loosening a trauma bond's grip, and why the pull often gets stronger right when you try to create distance Where real peace — steady, not a rollercoaster — actually comes from This episode speaks directly to you whether you're untangling a relationship shaped by narcissistic abuse, recognizing patterns you first heard named in our gaslighting episode, rebuilding self-esteem after years of blaming yourself for not "just leaving," sitting with the loneliness of a cycle only you seem to fully see, or quietly weighing divorce while still feeling pulled back every time things get good again. A note before you listen: This episode offers general education, not a diagnosis or individualized therapy. If you recognize this pattern in your own relationship, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor or a trauma-informed therapist.

  7. Sep 17

    21| The Rescuer's Wound: Healing From the Need to Save Everyone but Yourself

    Have you ever believed that if people around you were happy, that meant you were finally loved? Why are you drawn to people who need you, instead of people who simply want you? What happens when you finally ask yourself: what is my part in this pattern? This is a personal, honest episode about healing from the rescuer identity — the belief that being needed, being the helper, being everyone's safe place, was the way to earn love and belonging. It's a pattern that often starts as a genuine gift for compassion and listening, and quietly turns into a life spent disappearing so that everyone else can be comfortable. Drawing on Christian relationship counseling and real lived experience, this episode covers: How the rescuer or "superhero" identity forms, often starting in childhood, long before any romantic relationship begins The quiet equation that can end up running your whole life: if they're happy, I'm loved; if they're unhappy, I've failed The difference between naming your part in a repeating pattern and blaming yourself for harm that was done to you Three honest questions that start real healing: what makes you worthy, what do you actually like, and what do you actually want and need in a relationship Why you were created for presence with God, not performance for everyone around you This episode speaks directly to you whether you're recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse in relationships you were drawn to, rebuilding self-esteem after years of measuring your worth by how needed you were, sitting with the lonelinessof being everyone's confidant but no one's priority, or wondering whether divorce is even on the table when you still believe you could fix things if you just loved harder. A note before you listen: This episode offers personal reflection and general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy. If this pattern resonates deeply, please also consider connecting with a licensed Christian relationship counselor.

  8. Sep 15

    20| Living With Addiction in Your Relationship: The Loneliness of the Rescuer Role

    Have you ever mistaken one good week for proof that everything was finally going to change? Is it possible to have compassion for someone's pain and still not be responsible for fixing it? What happens when the hope you're holding onto has no actual evidence behind it anymore? This episode is a personal, honest story about loving someone through addiction — the charisma that draws you in, the trauma underneath the drinking, the small lies that grow into a pattern you can no longer ignore, and the years of hope that kept saying "maybe this time" without any real evidence behind it. It's a raw look at what it actually costs to love an addict, and what finally has to shift in order to heal. Drawing on both lived experience and the wisdom Al-Anon has offered families of addicts for decades, this episode walks through: The difference between hope rooted in real, sustained change and hope rooted in how badly you want something to be true How the rescuer role (from our last episode) shows up specifically inside addiction — compassion for someone's trauma turning into responsibility for their recovery Al-Anon's Three C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it — and why that truth is a relief, not a rejection Where God was present even in the hopelessness, and why His nearness to the brokenhearted doesn't depend on the addicted person changing first This episode speaks directly to you whether you're navigating a relationship affected by addiction, recognizing patterns of narcissistic abuse wrapped around someone else's substance use, rebuilding self-esteem after years of measuring your worth by his sobriety, sitting with the loneliness of loving someone who is physically present but emotionally gone, or wrestling with whether divorce is even something you're allowed to consider after everything you've already tried. A note before you listen: This episode discusses addiction, infidelity, and depression, including a personal reference to suicidal thoughts. If anything in this episode feels heavy for you personally, please know that support is available: the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is there anytime, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233. This episode offers general encouragement, not a substitute for individual therapy — please also consider Al-Anon or a licensed Christian counselor who understands addiction's impact on families.

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***TOP 5% GLOBALLY RANKED PODCAST*** Are you unhappy in a toxic Christian relationship or marriage and stuck because you are constantly waiting for him to change? Are you confused trying to discern God’s will for your relationship? Do you feel like you have lost the ability to feel emotionally safe in your marriage? Have you lost yourself because you are so focused on how to make your relationship work?  I am so excited you are here! This podcast will help you create emotional safety, discover God’s will for your relationship, find yourself again, and choose faith over fear!  Hello Sisters, I am Dr. Wendy Burchett, doctor of psychology and licensed marriage and family therapist. I am also a Christ follower who spent 20 years trying to figure out how to find my way out of toxic relationships and rediscover my identity to create a life I loved.  I was stuck and confused about God’s will for me, waiting for others to change, hoping I was enough. I was afraid of staying and scared to death to leave. I finally realized if I wanted change I had to find safety for myself, quit waiting on others to change, and focus on building identity to move forward.  I created a method to get unstuck in relationships and begin to build an identity in Christ that worked for me, while giving me freedom from anxiety, fear and toxicity. I can’t wait to share it with you!  If you are ready to…  Understand God’s will for your relationship Take action without fear Discover your identity  Find emotional safety And create an awesome plan for your future..  Then this podcast is for YOU!  Grab some courage and your coffee! Let’s dive in! 

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