Restoring Resilience with Chelsey Brooke Cole

Chelsey Brooke Cole
  • 5.0 (21)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

You've been told you aren't enough. You've been blamed, gaslit, and left feeling like you are "broken beyond repair." But the truth is, you aren't broken—you've simply been surviving in a broken environment. Join psychotherapist and bestselling author Chelsey Brooke Cole for a compassionate look at reclaiming your life after narcissistic abuse. This isn't about "surviving and thriving" clichés; it's about the clinical insights, somatic strategies, and profound mindset shifts required to become truly unshakeable. Each episode is designed to help you gain much-needed clarity, providing the tools to make sense of the crazy-making and move past the heavy burden of guilt. We'll explore how to set boundaries that feel authentic to who you are and—most importantly—how to change what your past means about you. Your worth is inherent. Your purpose is bigger than your trauma. It's time to stop letting your experiences define you and start letting your healing lead you. Welcome to Restoring Resilience.

  1. 4d ago

    How to Stop Feeling Powerless (Even After Years of Abuse)

    Have you ever felt so beaten down that you stopped trying to change things — stopped fighting for your boundaries, stopped taking care of yourself — because it felt like nothing you did actually mattered? That's not a character flaw. That's what narcissistic abuse does. And in this episode, I'm talking about the one psychological concept that has to be rebuilt before anything else in your healing can work: your agency. Agency is the belief that you are the author of your own life — that your choices matter, that you can influence what happens to you. And narcissistic abuse is specifically designed to dismantle it. Through gaslighting, control, and unpredictability, you're conditioned to stop trusting yourself, stop advocating for yourself, and stop believing you matter. But here's what the narcissist doesn't want you to know: you can take it back. And it starts smaller than you think. —— WHAT IS AGENCY AND WHY DOES IT MATTER? Agency is the psychological sense that you are capable of making choices that impact your life. It's the foundation that everything else in healing sits on top of — boundaries, self-worth, even leaving. None of it works without this piece first. Narcissistic abuse erodes agency in layers: • Gaslighting teaches you not to trust your own perceptions • Control teaches you that your preferences don't matter • Unpredictability teaches you that nothing you do changes the outcome anyway The result? You feel frozen. Stuck. Anxious about even the smallest decisions. And somewhere deep down, you start to believe that YOU don't matter. This episode is my refusal to let that be the end of your story. —— 5 PRACTICAL STEPS TO REBUILD YOUR AGENCY TODAY 1️⃣ Stop over-explaining your decisions 2️⃣ Follow through on promises you make to yourself 3️⃣ Notice when you're asking for permission you don't need 4️⃣ Reconnect with your own preferences 5️⃣ Make decisions without polling everyone first —— KEY TAKEAWAYS • Agency — the belief that your choices matter — is the foundation of all healing • Narcissistic abuse dismantles agency slowly and deliberately, often without you realizing it • You rebuild agency through action, not just insight — one small decision at a time • Over-explaining, permission-seeking, and consensus-polling are all survival responses worth noticing • You don't have to feel ready to heal. You just have to start small. —— ABOUT ME I'm Chelsey Brooke Cole — a licensed psychotherapist specializing in complex trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery, author of If Only I'd Known, and host of Restoring Resilience. I combine over a decade of clinical experience with my own survivor story to help people heal and trust themselves again. —— Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    29 min

  2. May 27

    5 Signs You've Experienced Abuse (Even If You Don't Realize It)

    Do you second-guess yourself constantly — wondering if what happened to you even "counts" as abuse? In this episode, I'm sharing five statements I hear from survivors over and over again — phrases that immediately tell me someone has experienced relational trauma, even when they've never labeled it that way. These feel like random doubts, but they're not. They're patterns. And once you can see them clearly, everything starts to make sense. —— THE 5 STATEMENTS 1️⃣ "What did I do to deserve this?" This question exists because you're with someone who will never take accountability. In a healthy relationship, you wouldn't be asking it — because issues would actually get resolved. 2️⃣ "Is this even abuse?" That confusion isn't weakness — it's a symptom. Narcissistic abuse is designed to be hard to name. The doubt you're feeling is one of the first signs something is seriously wrong. 3️⃣ "But I wasn't perfect either." This isn't self-awareness. It's the result of DARVO — a manipulation tactic that flips the narrative so completely, you end up apologizing for their behavior and believing their abuse is your fault. 4️⃣ "Maybe if I'd just tried harder." The good moments in an abusive relationship aren't proof things are fine — they're part of the cycle. Abusers use kindness strategically to pull you back in just when you're starting to see clearly. 5️⃣ "No one will believe me." This feeling is proof of just how real what you've been through actually is. When a narcissist tells you "no one will believe you," they're admitting they know exactly what they're doing. —— IF THIS EPISODE HELPED YOU Please leave a review — it helps other survivors find this podcast when they need it most. And share this episode with someone who's been questioning their own reality. ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in complex trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is the author of If Only I'd Known and host of Restoring Resilience podcast. She combines over a decade of clinical experience with her own survivor story to help people heal and trust themselves again. Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    21 min

  3. May 20

    You Escaped One Narcissist… And Walked Straight Into Another

    If you've ever escaped a narcissistic relationship only to find yourself in another one, this episode is for you. Not the "here are the red flags to watch for" version you've heard before — the real conversation. The one that goes all the way back to the emotional needs that didn't get met when you were young, and explains how those needs have been quietly choosing your partners ever since. I'm joined by Bree Bonchay, psychotherapist and founder of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day, to get into why awareness alone doesn't break the cycle, what narcissistic individuals are actually picking up on from the very beginning, and what it actually takes to stop attracting the same relationship in a different person. If you're tired of starting over and ready to understand the pattern at the root, this episode is for you. ABOUT BREE Bree Bonchay is a licensed psychotherapist, coach, and leading voice in narcissistic abuse and toxic relationship patterns. She helps self-aware individuals who "know better" finally understand why they still choose the wrong partners, and how to break that cycle at the root. Bree is the founder of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day and author of the upcoming book It's Not You, It's the Advice. ABOUT CHELSEY Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, bestselling author, and narcissistic abuse survivor turned specialist. She's the host of the Restoring Resilience podcast and creator of the Rewired for Resilience healing program, helping survivors all over the world reclaim their self-worth and learn to trust themselves after narcissistic abuse. Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    38 min

  4. May 13

    Green Flags After Narcissistic Abuse: How to Know a Relationship Is Actually Healthy

    After narcissistic abuse, most of us are so focused on what we don't want that we never learned what a healthy relationship actually looks like. In this episode — Part 2 of my series on creating healthy relationships after narcissistic abuse — I'm giving you the practical roadmap. I'm walking you through 4 green flags that will tell you more about a person's character than any red flag checklist ever could. And if conflict has always felt like a warning sign to you, this episode is going to change the way you see it forever. In this episode, I cover: Why the absence of bad behavior doesn't automatically mean someone is healthy — and why this is how so many survivors end up in more than one narcissistic relationship How to tell whether conflict is revealing a communication issue in yourself — or a deeper character problem in them What accountability actually looks like in a healthy relationship (and the two extremes survivors tend to go to that make this hard to see clearly) How to know whether a difference in processing styles is normal and workable — or a one-sided dynamic that's just the narc relationship in a new disguise The single most important skill for identifying a healthy relationship: learning to tell the difference between your intuition and your anxiety I also share the distinction that changed everything for me: anxiety is about uncertainty — intuition is about incongruence. If you've ever wondered "Is this my gut or is this my trauma?" this episode will give you a clear, practical way to tell the difference. 🔗 Missed Part 1? Watch here: https://youtu.be/QokaeNuYrRg?si=K5ZEU6aGGdi_-OTd Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    27 min

  5. May 6

    Why Looking for Red Flags Is Keeping You Stuck (And What to Do Instead)

    After surviving narcissistic abuse, most of us do one of two things: obsess over red flags — or give up on love entirely. In this episode, I'm breaking down why neither of those approaches will lead you to a healthy relationship, and what you actually need to do instead. If you've survived narcissistic abuse, betrayal trauma, or gaslighting and you're wondering whether you can ever trust yourself — or another person — again, this episode is your starting point. I'm sharing my own story of marrying two narcissists (one grandiose, one covert) and the rock bottom moment that finally changed everything for me. I open up about self-blame, the shame I carried around divorce, and the real reason so many survivors end up repeating patterns — even when they're desperately trying not to. In this episode, you'll learn: Why red flag obsession keeps you stuck in hypervigilance (and doesn't actually protect you) How I missed a covert narcissist because I was only watching for grandiose narcissist traits The role of betrayal blindness in why you saw the signs but stayed anyway Why you have to believe healthy relationships exist — or you'll sabotage them when they show up The most important mindset shift for attracting and keeping a healthy relationship after narcissistic abuse How to stop abandoning yourself as the foundation for everything else This is Part 1 of a 2-part series on green flags in relationships. In the next episode, I'll cover the practical how-to: what to actually look for in a healthy relationship, and how to tell the difference between intuition and anxiety while dating again. Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉  https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    11 min

  6. Apr 29

    Are You REALLY Codependent — Or Is It Something Deeper?

    In this powerful episode, Chelsey sits down with renowned psychotherapist and bestselling author Ross Rosenberg to completely reframe what we think we know about codependency — and why the label itself may be doing more harm than good for narcissistic abuse survivors. Ross introduces his groundbreaking concept of Self Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD) — the deeper truth beneath codependency — and explains why calling yourself "codependent" could actually keep you stuck in toxic relationships longer. Key Takeaways: Why the traditional definition of codependency is outdated and harmful to abuse survivors What Self Love Deficit Disorder really is — and how to know if you have it The 3 codependent personality types: passive, active, and anorexic codependency The "broken picker" — why you unconsciously keep attracting narcissists "Am I the narcissist?" — how to tell the difference between SLDD and NPD Why traditional therapy often fails codependents and what actually works   Whether you're recovering from a narcissistic relationship, questioning your own patterns, or stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, this episode is for you. ABOUT ROSS Ross Rosenberg is a psychotherapist, clinician, and bestselling author with over three decades of experience, beginning his career in 1988. He is the creator of the groundbreaking concept of Self Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD) — a reframing of codependency that places self-love, core shame, and pathological loneliness at the center of understanding toxic relationship patterns. Ross is the author of The Codependency Revolution and the founder of Self Love Recovery, where he helps individuals break free from narcissistic relationships and build lasting self-worth. He can be found at selfloverecovery.com Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ Website https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    45 min

  7. Apr 22

    Why Narcissists Always Blame You (and the AI tool helping you fight back)

    In this episode of the Restoring Resilience Podcast, I sit down with Anne Wintemute, the co-founder and CEO of AimeeSays, to discuss a groundbreaking tool designed specifically for survivors of domestic and narcissistic abuse. Unlike standard AI models, AimeeSays is a trauma-informed system that understands the complexities of coercive control, gaslighting, and the systemic hurdles survivors face. In This Episode, We Discuss: 1 in 3 women experience domestic violence—far more common than most people realize. Why systems meant to help can misread trauma and re-traumatize survivors. How non–trauma-informed tools can give harmful advice in abusive dynamics. How trauma-informed AI can help survivors process, document, and be heard—without shutting down emotionally. Why "just leave" isn't that simple—and how survivors' attempts to reach out often go unseen   About the Guest: Anne Wintemute is the Co-Founder and CEO of Aimee Says, the AI assistant for victims and survivors of relationship abuse. She is a fierce champion for the rights of survivors and children, and systems that hold perpetrators accountable. Prior to working with survivors, Anne founded and directed an elementary school that became a model for micro schools across the United States. In her spare time, she enjoys urban homesteading with her family in Denver, Colorado. Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ 🌐 Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    44 min

  8. Apr 15

    Why You Saw the Red Flags… and Stayed Anyway (Betrayal Blindness Explained)

    You saw the red flags. You felt like something was off. And part of you knew… but you stayed anyway. So many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves asking: "Why didn't I leave sooner?" "Why didn't I trust my gut?" In this episode, we're breaking down the psychology behind that question so you can finally understand why this happens—and start releasing the self-blame that comes with it. You'll learn about betrayal trauma, betrayal blindness, and the concept of betrayal violence—and how your brain may have been trying to protect you, not sabotage you. This is the episode that helps you shift from "What's wrong with me?" to "What was my brain trying to protect me from?"     Key Takeaways Why betrayal trauma is different from other types of trauma How your brain protects attachment—even at the cost of clarity What betrayal blindness is and why you didn't fully "see" what was happening The "psychological shelf" and why everything can hit all at once later What betrayal violence is—and how lack of information impacts your ability to fully consent Why confusion, minimization, and self-doubt are actually trauma responses How understanding this can help you rebuild self-trust     Resources & Next Steps If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper: ✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ ✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ 📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ ✔️ Are They a Narcissist Checklist Review over 30 traits of narcissism and see how many they display plus what this means for you 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/che... 🌿 Get FREE Insights and Healing Tips 2x a Month (Newsletter) 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/new... 🌐 Website 👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

    17 min
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5
out of 5
21 Ratings

About

You've been told you aren't enough. You've been blamed, gaslit, and left feeling like you are "broken beyond repair." But the truth is, you aren't broken—you've simply been surviving in a broken environment. Join psychotherapist and bestselling author Chelsey Brooke Cole for a compassionate look at reclaiming your life after narcissistic abuse. This isn't about "surviving and thriving" clichés; it's about the clinical insights, somatic strategies, and profound mindset shifts required to become truly unshakeable. Each episode is designed to help you gain much-needed clarity, providing the tools to make sense of the crazy-making and move past the heavy burden of guilt. We'll explore how to set boundaries that feel authentic to who you are and—most importantly—how to change what your past means about you. Your worth is inherent. Your purpose is bigger than your trauma. It's time to stop letting your experiences define you and start letting your healing lead you. Welcome to Restoring Resilience.

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